Please I am falling into an abyss .

[abakan]

I have stayed in this house since late March because I take this seriously and I'm terrified.
Last night my 89 year old dad called to tell me he is going into hospice because his lung cancer
is going faster than they thought it would. I know I need to go to him in AZ but thinking about getting on
an airplane causes anxiety levels where I can hardly breath. I know I have to go, it is what I want to do,
I just don't know if I can.

[Bettie]

1. I've got no advice, but

I do have sympathy for you.

[janterry]

2. is a plane your only choice?

can you drive?

[abakan]

3. No driving is not possible

Thanks

[Blue_true]

43. Are trains or buses running? nt

[LanternWaste]

65. Two Amtrak routes travel through AZ.

I used to scoff at trains, but after taking my first train trip in 2014, it's my preference over flying any day, and even preferable to car trips longer than three hours.

Clean, comfy, roomy, absurdly reasonable prices, and easy-on/easy-off.

[niyad]

16. Is you driving the not possible? Could you hire a driver?

[luvallpeeps]

4. I feel for you! n/t

[RandySF]

5. Get up and walk around

1. Tell yourlsef that you are safe.
2. Repeat your name to yourself if necessary.
3. If all else fails, splash cold water onto your face.

It won't solve the greater problem but it'll help you get a holf of yourself.

[alwaysinasnit]

6. Concentrate on breathing, slowly. This will help the panic subside, hopefully to a manageable

level. Hold onto something that reminds you of your dad, to at least feel a little closer to him. Is there any family/friends you can contact to help you stabilize enough to catch your breath?

[marybourg]

7. Do you have a place to stay in AZ. If your father is going to receive

hospice care in his home, there will be hospice workers coming in and out all day long, on many days. They will have been in other homes and even large facilities before your father’s.

[abakan]

11. so far there are no plans

I will be staying in a hotel my dad's house is quite small.
I don't know any of the particulars of his care but I do think hospice
would be coming to his house.

[Tipperary]

38. Someone has to make the plans for hospice.

Who is doing that? Another family member? Get with them and work it out.

[Mopar151]

8. How about the trains? Nt

[csziggy]

31. This might be a good idea

Get a roomette and you can be alone in a compartment the entire way.

Of course, it depends on the OP's location and his father's location. For instance, where I am, no train runs closer than at least 100 miles away.

[lambchopp59]

52. Rent-a-wreck.

Used to be a more affordable option for extended vehicle rental. I suppose they've moved right up there with the airport rentals now.

[csziggy]

69. Reply #3 says driving is not possible

No reason stated.

[nolabear]

41. I was going to suggest that if it's possible. Amtrak is on it and it can be very pleasant.

They've instituted in room meals now and claim to be scrupulous about cleaning rooms. I've done a cross country in a roomette and it's cramped but not at all bad.

They'll likely have to share a bathroom but I think the risks are low.

[marble falls]

44. Our eperiances with Amtrack (trips from Austin, Tx to Marana, Az) have been nothing but pleasant.

[mnhtnbb]

51. I just checked the Sunset Limited from Los Angeles on Amtrak

stops several places in Arizona. Roomettes are available.

I've traveled in a roomette on the east coast and it was very pleasant. Keeps you away from a lot of other people.

I hope you can find a way to make the trip.

[badseedboy]

9. Would your Dad understand

the very logical, current concerns about travel due to the pandemic? I am a father, and I want, most of all, for my children and grandchildren to be safe and healthy.
Are you able to significantly increase time with Dad on the phone? Is a video meeting, or series of meetings, possible?
I really wish you and your family the best. God bless.

[dhill926]

10. yep...breathing exercises will help...

it sounds very important to you that you visit your father. People are flying and there haven't been any outbreaks that I've heard of. They are being EXTREMELY careful. You can do this...

[malaise]

12. You can and you will

Take precautions and go - you will not regret it

[Solomon]

29. I agree. Go with all precautions.

[EllieBC]

54. What malaise said!

You can do this.

[ancianita]

57. It's hard, but you can be smart, safe, and do this.

You'll feel better for it.

[Demonaut]

13. guess you are in your sixties, take the flight but mask and glove up, do this now and you'll find

a routine, a process to protect yourself and allay some of the fear, you will gain confidence with a little practice.

[The_REAL_Ecumenist]

68. ...AND no matter how silly you might THINK you look, protect your eyes by wearing goggles..

I don't care & NEITHER should you care about what type you wear, Chemical, SteamPunk...hell, welding , if you can see through them because most people DO NOT THINK ABOUT protecting their EYES, the most vulnerable mucous membranes people don't understand are the the MAJOR Trojan horse to this for CV19.

If the only thing you can find are safety glasses that form at least some kind of SEAL around your eyes, in addition to your mask AND gloves. PLEASE STAY SAFE...

[maxsolomon]

14. Go. Take every precaution you can.

I take this seriously, too, but this is the time to take a risk.

Do some research on the infection rates in AZ to make your self more conversant in the level of risk you'll face. In general, they have dropped in the West:

https://www.azfamily.com/news/interactives/search-coronavirus-cases-in-arizona-by-zip-code/article_d9291aca-7cf0-11ea-85e7-c71a704affdc.html

[JudyM]

15. So sorry to hear this, awful news. If you fly

I read that it’s best to sit near the front (not recalling the reason) and point your air flow toward your face, because it’s not recirculated air. Whatever kind of mask/face covering you have, get a pair of queen size pantyhose and cut a strip of about 8” that you can pull over your mask to keep it snug to the sides of your face.

Stuff doctors don’t tell us but my best advice from what I’ve been reading... Get some saline nasal spray (if you can get one with carrageenan or grapefruit seed added, they’re supposedly anti-viral, but the spray itself may make your nose less hospitable to the virus) and use it before you put on your mask, and as soon as you take your mask off, gently blow your nose, wash the insides of your nostrils with soap/water, then spray with the saline again. Wash out your mouth well, too. The virus gets in through your nose primarily (also could be through mouth and around eyes) and set up shop there, so you want to keep spraying in your nose for several days.

Take vitamins C and D, and zinc. If you can get some immune boosting supplements (Asian mushroom capsules or tincture and elderberry especially) start taking those as soon as you can. Start getting as much sleep as you can, and drink plenty of water and exercise vigorously, as much as possible. All this is going to be more challenging during this very sad time, but whatever you can do will help.

Breathe... and be well. My best wishes for both of you

[flibbitygiblets]

61. Good advice. Also, be last to board regardless of your class, to avoid being stuck on the jetway

Here are some more tips:

Try to get a window seat, far as possible from the bathroom. Spring for a economy plus sear closer to the front if you can. Bring disinfectant wipes and wipe down the tray, armrests and belt buckle. Wear gloves and a mask, eye protection if you have it. Avoid using the bathroom. Check a bag and avoid using the overhead bins for carryon (use the space under the seat in front of you). Decline in-flight service.

https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/2020/01/how-coronavirus-spreads-on-a-plane/

I've heard in several forums that it's not the recirculated air that is where the risk of infection comes from (due to surgical-grade filters and possibly superheating air when it goes through the engines or something). “That supplied air is guaranteed to be 99.97 per cent — or better — free of viruses and other particles. So the risk, if there is one, does not come from the supplied air. It comes from other people.”

https://www.news.com.au/travel/travel-updates/health-safety/how-to-stay-safe-on-a-plane-amid-the-global-coronavirus-outbreak/news-story/a0301cdd91575024b80961d78bfcb1c7

[essme]

17. I am so sorry- what area

of the country are you in?

[abakan]

33. I'm in So Calif

AZ doesn't seem so far and in other times I would drive, but my car just won't make the trip.

[nolabear]

42. Oh DO try the train! Research it. Amtrak is really trying to make things low risk.

[Tess49]

55. Can you rent a car, and ask someone to drive with you? nt

[spinbaby]

18. It's okay not to go

Call, FaceTime, whatever you have to do to connect long distance. I understand you wanting to see your father one last time, but I’m sure he’ll be understanding if you don’t travel to be there.

Two years ago, I hightailed it across the country when my mother took a turn for the worse. I arrived ten minutes after she died.

[MH1]

35. A young person I know was not given a choice.

His mother was in a nursing home with cancer and when she got COVID, we knew she would go soon. He was not allowed to visit but was allowed to call, and was able to talk to her every day, including shortly before she passed. The nurse said she seemed to be aware and comforted by his voice.

I am mentioning this to agree with you. The OP may have the choice but many do not, and in the end, if you can be there by phone, it is something and it matters. In this case I think the young man benefited by not having the choice, because what if he had been allowed to go in person, had done that and then gotten other elderly relatives sick? We are certain that his mother understood and that it was best for everyone to handle it the way they did.

[Shrike47]

19. Drive? If you are in Ojai you could probably do it in one day.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

20. Some info and good advice from an airline pilot about airplane cabin air:

(And it's not as bad as you might think)

My personal strategy:

-Take a window seat to take advantage of the way cabin air circulates.
-Use the gasper vent to blow sterile air just in front of your face, or to create an air curtain between you and a close neighbor.
-Avoid standing in the aisles during boarding and deplaning.
-Wear a mask as much as possible.

Lots more here: https://www.democraticunderground.com/100213432253

I know this pilot IRL. He knows whereof he speaks.

I hope you can make the trip in some way.

[CaptainTruth]

53. +1 This post has great info, I've bookmarked it.

[Croney]

21. Take the trip in your mind as a preparatory exercise.

You have arrived at the airport. You have boarded the plane. You are making the trip with no problems. You have landed and arrived at where you will be staying. Now you just need to proceed to where your father is.

At this point, you've done what you wanted to do. I wish you well for the duration and your return. You can do this.

[panader0]

22. A guy was on MSNBC earlier who studied airplane air

and he said the air filters and circulation are comparable to hospitals.
The fair is filtered to remove 99.97% of airborne stuff. So the air is probably OK.
The other passengers must be separated, no center seats, etc. No in-flight snacks
or drinks. If you mask and have some wipes you should be fine.
The airport is the worst part I think. Distance, mask, wipes. You should be OK.
Where in Arizona?

[judeling]

23. The actual plane ride is only moderately risky

Depending.
The actual biggest risk is in boarding and getting into the plane. In the plane air circulation and filtering is at the standards of hospitals. The air has to be run through Hepa filters 9 times per hour of the N99 quality level.
Take as direct a flight as possible and maintain the rules. The flight itself is probably the least risky part.

All I can say is I would do it. The risk is more then manageable and not much more then shopping.

[applegrove]

37. Call the hospice care people and ask if you can in fact visit. You may have to shelter

in your hotel for 14 days after you fly. Call telehealth. Find out if you can even do it. Good luck. Our thoughts are with you.

[Maraya1969]

24. I am sorry you have to go through this hard time. I don't have any advise so I'll just give you a

virtual hug.

[hunter]

25. I'd go.

I'd take my chances with the virus even though there's a risk it would fuck me up or kill me if I caught it on the airplane. And I HATE flying more than most ordinary things people do.

I would mostly worry about taking the virus elsewhere. I'd wear a mask and socially distance myself from others to protect them, not so much to protect me.

My wife is a front-line health care professional who has to touch people every day at work, people who may be infected. She worries about bringing the virus home to me.

My crazy eighty something mom has an entirely different perspective. She thinks "Died in the 2020 Pandemic" would be a fantastically wonderful thing to have on her tombstone. Sort of a pun on 20/20 hindsight, which we are really good at in my family. My mom's not going to go out of her way to achieve that, but she'd never slam the door on me, even if I showed up on her doorstep coughing my lungs out.

But she might ask me to sleep out on the porch if there was someone worse off in the guest room.

[LAS14]

26. If you go, get an N95 mask and wear goggles. You can get the virus...

... through the membranes in your eyes. Wash your hands, hand sanitize your seat and everything around you. Bring your own food and drink.

Or, don't go. Many, many people would not be allowed to be with their dying parents. You would not be alone in that way.

[coti]

27. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. You'll get through this. nt

[lindysalsagal]

28. My opinion, for a situation like this, is don't get on a plane

He wouldn't want you to. Speak with him through zoom.

[pnwest]

30. It's scary when we've worked so hard to

avoid all the scenarios where contracting Covid is more likely. I’m going to have to fly to my mom very very soon as well, and I know exactly how scared you are. But - I’m psyching myself up by telling myself the odds are low, I’m going to keep my mask on during the whole flight, keep my hand sanitizer in my pocket and use it liberally, no food or drink on the plane so I’ll only have to use the airport bathroom once before boarding and once after deplaning.....and I just plainly do not have a choice. I have to fly so I’m going to be as vigilant as I can be, and the rest is in God’s hands - and swimming in anxiety isn’t going to change my odds of catching it, so I might as well put it aside. You can do this, it’s scary as hell, but you’ll regret not going. Prepare as much as you can and that will help with the anxiety.

[brooklynite]

32. There have actually been few reports of airplane infection in the past two months...

Coronavirus: Is flying more likely to get you sick? Maybe not, professor says

In the era of the COVID-19 pandemic, it would seem like a lot of things could go wrong, but a Harvard professor says in an op-ed piece in The Washington Post that traveling by air may not be as dangerous – virus wise – as you may think.

Joseph Allen, assistant professor of exposure assessment science, argues that despite what you may think, “you don’t get sick on airplanes more than anywhere else.”

Allen says airlines have, for many years, worked to keep passengers safe from disease while they travel.

“The ventilation system requirements for airplanes meet the levels recommended by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention for use with COVID-19 patients in airborne infection isolation rooms,” Allen said.

https://www.actionnewsjax.com/news/trending/coronavirus-is-flying-more-likely-get-you-sick-maybe-not-professor-says/WGFZ4J7L5JFKNCDZ4UCGDKZAVA/

[A HERETIC I AM]

34. I flew from west Texas to Jacksonville on Monday...

And the planes weren’t that crowded, you should very likely be able to be the only one on your side of the aisle.

Just wear a mask and be alert.

You’ll be fine.



I’m sorry your father is having difficulty.

[samnsara]

36. my niece went into early labor at 5 mos..her hubby is deployed and she has a..

...2 yr old son. Shes 2500 miles away. Her mom is over 60 and a cancer survivor made the choice NOT to fly to her..it would have been a death sentence. Maybe the airlines will start distancing the way they are supposed to. mask up..glove up (((hugs)))

[blitzen]

39. Some good info here that might reassure you re: flying

https://www.erinbromage.com/post/flying-in-the-age-of-covid-19

[Squinch]

40. I'm so sorry. Is there any way you can drive?

[StarlightGold]

45. I feel for you, I know

what that anxiety is. It’s bad enough under normal circumstances, but now the pressure is piled on.
We’re here to chat with, vent with and indulge in virtual hugs. Loads of them. Let us know what you decide...

[MerryBlooms]

46. I'm so sorry. Once your dad is in care, you need to call

the facility and ask them if they're allowing visitors... My guess would be, not yet. Your doctor can give you something to help with your anxiety or tweak meds if you're already on something.

Big hug from Oregon.

[Manastash]

47. Airplane air

Did you read a post recently that discussed how the air is purified on a plane and to use the air from above to make an air curtain between you and your seat partner? It will be safe.

[Manastash]

50. Let's talk about airliner cabin air.

Here is the link about the air on an airplane. It is very informative.

https://www.democraticunderground.org/100213432253

[Mr.Bill]

48. If the car itself is the problem,

maybe consider renting a car. Car rental companies have been hit hard lately and I bet there are some good deals there.

[Roy Rolling]

49. Prescription

Ask for an anti anxiety med like Valium or Xanax. I had the exact same problem and got on the plane with no issue.

A month before, I had them stop the plane, bring me back to the gate and let me off.

[Tink41]

63. The sane answer to an insane situation.

I agree only way to do it. I'd feel no shame in asking my Dr. It's your father, gotta do what you gotta do!

[FailureToCommunicate]

56. If I were you, I'd take the risk, with all the precautions you can muster. Your love for

your dad, and need to see him, will protect you from what you fear.

My advice? Wear a real mask (n-95) wash your hands, don't touch you face... and hug your dad.

[Cozmo]

58. What would your Dad do for you in this instance?

I agree with Malaise you don't want to have any regrets. I cared for both my parents in their final years and it was the best and most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life.

[abakan]

59. My dad would crawl on on broken glass to get there.

I held my mother as she died and I know I have to go to my dad. I will go
and probably get a prescription to calm the anxiety. There have been many good suggestion
from the people who have replied to this post. Their support has made me calmer and not as panicked
as when I posted this plea. I appreciate all of you. Thanks

[malaise]

62. A simple childhood story has strengthened me for my entire life

The Little Engine that Could - I think I can I think I can and them Obama said - Yes we Can. You can and you will. Lie back, breathe and remember the wonderful times you had with your folks - it will help you relax. Just take the necessary precautions. Go and enjoy your dad.

[sprinkleeninow]

64. What's already been said. First things first. Ascertain what contact would be allowed with your dad.

Get with the hospice professionals where he would be or already is. Then go from there.

Renting a car seems a good first option.

Second option--going on a train if doable proximity wise.

If you do get to rent a car, you'll have transportation when you get to AZ.

You will get the leading in your true spirit if and how you will make the journey.

The Lord lead you in His Wisdom and protect you and make your effort successful and safe! 🙏

[AlexSFCA]

60. Check w/airline how full the plane will be

If it’s a short flight, you have sufficient space from other passengers and everyone is required to wear masks. The risk is lower than going to a grocery store.

[roamer65]

66. Take a red eye flight if available.

There should be a lot less people on it.

[Moostache]

67. If you can use breathing exercises to help focus on that instead of an escalating panic attack...

I have an aunt who suffered from massive anxiety attacks and would have to lock herself in closets to calm down, until she was introduced to controlled breathing and using inhaling and exhaling to focus on and calm herself...everyone is different, but it is effective for some with the benefit of being non-drug and free to try...

Strong thoughts for you, your safe travel and your father. May this time of trial pass swiftly for you all.

[Warpy]

70. The air in the plane is safer than the air on the ground

so mask up, take some sanitizer soaked wipes in a carry on, and go.

And if that isn't where your anxiety is coming from, contact your doctor for a little chemical help.