Welcome from the Department of Same-Old Same-Old Department!
Today we are providing bright new shiny same-old with even louder noisiness even more loudly than earlier today
Our services include:
Pick-pocket Protection Program! When you find our hand in your trousers and start to wonder if we're picking your pocket, you just won't need to worry your little head about it! The perfect Pick-pocket Protection Program will automatically begin to broadcast 140 decibel warnings that Somebody Else might have been seen picking your pocket. And abracadabra! all your favorite media pundits will suddenly be discussing whether Somebody Else is a pick-pocket!
Incompetent Imbeciles Initiative! Did you see us trying to fix your flat tire with a nail-gun? The incredible Incompetent Imbecile Initiative can help you forget what you thought you saw and help you focus your rage elsewhere. You'll hear immediately from our skilled agents Kellyanne and Jared, who will remind you that Somebody Else gave you that idea and that it's not your tire anyway. And if you sign up now, you'll even get a free text from The Man himself, explaining that many many people say nail-guns are the miraculous new way to fix flats and that he uses a nail-gun every day to avoid flats
Debt-Disease-Doom! Stay tuned for updates on this program we'll unveil soon! Designed to make the rich richer and the powerful more powerful, while stomping on the poor and powerless, our bright new shiny same-old should make you vote for us, whether you like it or not --- and if you don't, we'll complain to our gun-toting thugs
= new reply since forum marked as read
You nailed it! 
