Raiders of the Lost Potatoes

[PurgedVoter]

The Washington Post had an opinion post titled "I am a simple potato guardian who needs my Second Amendment rights"

After reading this diary, I was inspired to give my side of the story.

Ross pounded on the wall of the cab. "It's twilight, Cabe and we have a long night of potato raiding ahead of us."
I got out, still in long johns and looked up at the first visible stars. In silence, Fern and I climbed onto the first trailer to fold the solar panels up and secure them for travel. From the ground, Ross signaled that he had disconnected the power and was unlatching the supports.
After securing panels, we gathered at Slim's truck.
James opened the door and looked down at us. "Slim's nervous about tonight, it looks like the potato guardian is in Maryland now, but it might be a ruse. The bastard's clever. He got both my boots."
Fern pointed to James' bare feet. "This raid will buy you more than just a new pair of boots. This is the big one, James."
Slim opened the door on the other side of the cab and climbed down. "James, just watch the passive IR. We don't want anyone sneaking up on us."
James said, "We should have taken my uncle's offer of the M134 GAU-17 Gatling Guns and mounted them on the solar dune buggies."
I stared him down. "Dammit, James. We're slimy thieving cowardly liberals. It takes a brave man to face hot brass shells being flung into the air beside you. Do you see anyone like that here?"
James said, "That's why the guardians win, dammit."
I nodded slowly. "Yes, and that is why we wear masks and try to protect the elderly. We are weak, show compassion, and can't face the death of thousands upon thousands of innocent people. Instead of showing courage and threatening everyone with our guns, we have to slink around and steal potatoes."

[Brother Buzz]

1. Dearest Martha...

We are low on Hot Pockets and Slim Jims, and not a Taco Bell in sight...

[PurgedVoter]

2. Cue Violins!

LOL

[EndlessWire]

3. Enjoyed this.

Waiting for another installment.

[PurgedVoter]

4. Since you asked, I present a second installment.

Slim slid up the roll up door to the back of his trailer, and we stepped into the dark open bay. It got darker as the door was lowered. With the door closed, Slim turned on the lights and pulled back the packing blankets to reveal the large monitors behind them.

"Here are the escape routes in case trouble arrives. Cabe will run fast with his tractor at full speed. Ross, since you'll be closer to the farmhouse, your area's smaller, and you'll have to run silent. Fortunately, the wind's blowing towards the fields, so we picked a good night for this operation."
Fern said, "We got this. Any changes and we'll just radio in."
Slim shook his head slowly. "We're going radio silent tonight. They had a potato guardian. Same one as took James' boots. This time, we're going to have to use hand signals and keep alert. The rest of the runs this year were just practice, so don't get cocky. This is the real thing. Everyone remember, these folk have guns and they're protecting the one thing we liberals despise, freedom. Be careful, these are real men we're facing. They're not scared to spread disease, and they're looking forward to an excuse to run you over or shoot someone not brave enough to have a weapon to shoot back. If you had property, they would use eminent domain to take your land and build a wall in a heartbeat because nothing says freedom like an impenetrable wall that no one can possibly go under, around, or over."