Trump Puts Nation on Alert for Terrorists Posing as Peaceful Seventy-Five-Year-Olds

[Rhiannon12866]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Announcing that he was putting the nation on a “double-red threat level,” Donald J. Trump warned the American people on Tuesday to be on the lookout for terrorists posing as peaceful seventy-five-year-olds.

“One of these terrorists was already identified by the police in Buffalo,” Trump said. “They may be coming to your town next.”

Trump listed some “telltale signs of Antifa,” in order to help Americans identify septuagenarian terrorists in their midst.

“If the person appears to be seventy-five or older, with white hair and a peaceful demeanor, call the authorities immediately,” Trump said.

He warned that Antifa terrorists are infiltrating American society “everywhere,” even on Zoom.

“If you are on Zoom with your family and an elderly person suddenly appears with a friendly smile, a string of pearls, and the nickname ‘Grandma,’ you have been attacked by Antifa,” he said.


Short article, no more at link: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-puts-nation-on-alert-for-terrorists-posing-as-peaceful-seventy-five-year-olds



Photograph by Brendan Smialowski / AFP / Getty

[Cha]

1. No Shit.. the wanker is.. thinking it will help him

dig himself out of the hole he dug for himself.:

[Rhiannon12866]

2. Pssst!

This is Andy Borowitz and he means it to be satire. But you're absolutely right - this is getting way too close to the truth to be amusing anymore...

[Cha]

5. I know it's Borowitz but that's what BLOTUS

is doing. He's trying to make people believe that the protestor who was pushed by the Buffalo cop and fell down(which must have been a hard push) is a terrorist. It's heinous for anyone but this is the idiot fake potus.

At first I read it as "five year old".. and wrote.. he would if he thought it would help with his hole.. but I had to change it real quick when I read it was "75 year".

[Rhiannon12866]

6. Oh, I know!

It really is insane! And I saw the original footage of what happened - which I don't think they're showing anymore (graphic reasons). At first I just saw the man lying perfectly still with the police just walking by - and then I saw the blood. And I was horrified. That man sustaining that kind of injury at that age may not ever fully recover. Trump is a deluded dangerous monster, no doubt about it, and those who fail to see that at this point are as deluded and monstrous as he is!

[Cha]

7. Can you imagine.. being hurt that badly that

you had to go to the hospital & having BLOTUS tweeting that you may be a terrorist.. just bc the idiot rumormonger says so?!

Poor guy.. little did he know his protesting for Justice for George Floyd would get him in BLOTUS' crosshairs so to speak.

[Rhiannon12866]

8. But didn't he handle it beautifully?

He didn't sound off or give Trump anything to work with - which put Trump in his place better than any insult could have!

[Cha]

9. Definitely!

[Jamastiene]

3. Any right wingers you know around that age, when you see them next,

act scared of them and ask them if they are one of those terrorists trying to steal government secrets and overthrow the country and leave it a smoldering ruin. Swear up and down they are guilty of being terrorists. Let them know what that crap feels like.

Yes, I am fucking evil. I told you I wasn't one of the nice gays. I want to win.

[Rhiannon12866]

4. When my grandmother was young, the Republicans were the more "progressive" party

They really were "the party of Lincoln" and she stuck with it for way too long. But then she started listening to her more "liberal" friends (and me, I hope) and saw the light at 92 - and voted for Bill Clinton, twice!

[raging moderate]

10. Yes. My mother was like this.

Last edited Wed Jun 10, 2020, 01:54 PM - Edit history (1)

My mother had Republican Methodist abolitionist ancestors. Her grandmother was held up to shake Abe Lincoln's hand at one of those whistle stops on his way to Washington, and this grandmother's older brother was a drummer boy (George Barnes)in the Union Army. Sixteen-year-old George Barnes was almost immediately captured by the Rebs, who spent the next three years slowly torturing him to death in one of their prison camps. This grandmother later in life was the wife of a small town Methodist minister, and they supported civil rights for Black people and sometimes had Black people as houseguests in their little home. They also collected signatures on petitions to close those infamous "Indian Schools" that were kidnapping and tormenting Native American children. My mother was proud to continue voting for their Party of Lincoln. I will never forget her bewilderment, during the era of the great switch between the parties, when she finally announced, "I guess I'm voting for Democrats this year."

[Gothmog]

11. I love good satire