Column: The truth about antifa's secret senior soldiers. Trump is on to us, so I'm spilling the bean

[catbyte]

By Rex Huppke
Chicago Tribune |
Jun 10, 2020

The truth about antifa is coming out. (If you’re unsure what antifa is, or if you’re not afraid of antifa, please go watch Fox News for a few hours and then return to this column with your trousers appropriately soiled.)

President Donald Trump has accused a 75-year-old Roman Catholic peace activist critically injured by police during a recent protest in Buffalo, New York, of being an “ANTIFA provocateur.” The man was seen in a viral video approaching police like he wanted to talk and then getting pushed backward, falling and bashing his head on the sidewalk.

The man wound up in intensive care and two officers involved in the shoving were charged with assault. At first, we here at Antifa Headquarters (I won’t tell you where it is, it’s a secret) thought we were in the clear. We thought our most valuable asset — a septuagenarian super-soldier — would not be found out.

snip

The plan was simple: Dispatch septuagenarian and octogenarian antifa warriors to protests across the country; have them slowly and politely approach police officers in a manner conspiracy theorists would interpret as a high-tech act of “blacking out equipment”; have them get pushed by police, fall down and suffer serious injuries; while the world’s attention is on the hundreds of videos of older people being assaulted by the police, all other antifa members would be bused to rural America to burn crops and generally destroy the American way of life.

snip

https://www.chicagotribune.com/columns/rex-huppke/ct-antifa-trump-buffalo-protester-provocateur-oann-police-huppke-20200610-xrwkbhb4kncrvnvgjxbffps2k4-story.html

[enid602]

1. brigade

Ah yes, Anitfa's elite 'Walker Brigade.'

[niyad]

2. Rex, you were not supposed to tell! Shame on you!

This is the second piece that I have seen by this writer. Not bad at all. Maybe he should work for The Onion?

[Pacifist Patriot]

3. And over on FauxNews, this would be a citation not satire.

[Submariner]

4. I particularly thought of the excellent low-blast blood squib explosion

that made it appear his skull was bleeding out through his right ear, which was coincidently the ear in clear view of the antifa video cam, after the fake head bounce off the concrete.

Academy award level protest art. That was a one-off for the actor though, because if he tried that stunt again he'd probably be recognized as a faker, or he would die.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

5. Clearly the doctors at the hospital are all Antifa too!

Why else would they still be keeping Mr. Gugino for treatment given that his "injuries" were nothing but a provocative performance?

[flibbitygiblets]

15. That's why the doctors are selling PPE for a profit: to fund Antifa. Genius!

And we would have gotten away with it if it weren't for that nosy pResident watching the teevee. Blast him and his "executive time"!!!

[sarge43]

8. Cutting edge CGI. Antifa's got it.

The Mouse House is so envious.

[bucolic_frolic]

6. yeah, everyone who disagrees with Trump is a false flag provocateur

we are down the rabbit hole with so many rabbits we can't see the light of day

[SCantiGOP]

7. Can't wait till I'm old enough to join up

Going to go ahead and buy my Medicare scooter and a pair of pants that will fit up under my armpits.

In less than a year I’ll be 70, and then I’ll pull out my old Che shirt I wore at college in the 70s and storm the ramparts.

[sarge43]

9. Don't forget your white socks and sandals.

SOP for Antifa guerrillas.

[Dream Girl]

13. I'm 61 am looking into the Jr. Senior Antifa brigade. I'm kind of nervous about it, but excited to.

I’m not looking forward to the concussion and bl deeding when the cops shove me down, but the time in the I CU should be restful.

[KS Toronado]

10. I want to enlist in the Antifa Army and do my part, but where do I sign up?

They aren't listed in phone book nor could I find an enlistment center on the inter-web
I'd like an extra paycheck from George Soros, plus he's got excellent medical & dental I heard.

[KY_EnviroGuy]

11. But Trump got surveillance photos for proof....

Antifa-international attack planning staff meeting....



Courtesy of: http://www.breakingburgh.com/millions-of-antifa-provocateurs-discovered-in-training-camps-all-over-america/?fbclid=IwAR1xW4B4rFpZJhPN8xWw35vzB_Dn9pSgezZYmDrvQUhThgdJKJ6wn6JvxSA

Millions Of ANTIFA Provocateurs Discovered In Training Camps All Over America

(snip)

President Trump today successfully unmasked one of the supposed victims of police violence in Buffalo as a vicious ANTIFA provocateur, determined to undermine law enforcement by deliberately bleeding from his head onto the pavement. However the President’s discovery appears to be the tip of a very large and dangerous iceberg, after further investigation reveals that many millions more such agent provocateurs are peacefully biding their time until the call comes to overthrow all that makes America great.

“All across the country they are assembled in training camps where they plot their nefarious deeds under the guise of playing bingo or just sitting together in large rooms pretending to be asleep.” Even more worrying is that fact that many of their number are motorized, suggesting that when the time comes to fight in the streets, the police and the military will be vastly outmatched.

“Be prepared for a blitzkrieg of motorized anarchists roaming the streets at speeds of up to 10 mph.” But perhaps of greatest concern is their potential to increase their tactical mobility on the battlefield using low-tech methods.

“You wouldn’t believe what these agents of chaos are capable of with a few hollow tubes of metal and some old tennis balls.”

Trump to staff: Are they armed?

Staff: Yes sir, they have arms, little wheels and big wheels.


KY.........

[Nevilledog]

16. *snort*

[rickyhall]

12. "I watched, he fell harder than was pushed", trump can't even understand gravity.

And all those big words he used. Somebody must helped with "provocateur" and French, no less.

[world wide wally]

14. The ball traveled faster than he threw it.

[crickets]

17. Hilarious. K&R for the post and the discussion.