Pierce: The Republican National Convention's Move to Jacksonville Has Strong Clusterf*ck Elements

[muriel_volestrangler]

In 2005, I went to Jacksonville to cover Super Bowl XXXIX between the New England Patriots and the Carolina Panthers. The people were very nice; I actually got to talk to Leonard Skinner, the former gym teacher—at Robert E. Lee H.S., no less—after whom some of his former students named their band. The city, alas, was completely overwhelmed by the event. Cabs were as rare as whooping cranes, and this was before ride-sharing took off. I think there are still several lost-soul sportswriters waiting on street corners for taxis that never came. And there were not nearly enough hotel rooms, so the organizers put people on yachts and cruise ships docked along the waterfront.

And doesn’t that sound like just the ticket during a pandemic: stuffing people at a mass gathering onto the seagoing Petri dishes that are America’s cruise lines. The Republican Party seems to think so. From the New York Times:

Republicans expect to move their national convention from Charlotte, N.C., to Jacksonville, Fla., a shift planned after President Trump told officials in North Carolina that he did not want to use social distancing measures aimed at halting the spread of the coronavirus, according to three senior Republicans. The decision could change, the Republicans cautioned, but as of now, officials are on track to announce the new location as early as Thursday.

Typically for this administration*, the move has a strong cluster of fck at its center. The real business of the convention—the actual news like, say, selling out the party platform on Ukraine—will still take place in Charlotte, but the balloons and bloviating will be staged in Jacksonville. This has the added benefit of making the convention harder for those pesky reporters to cover.

Officials have said some party business will still be conducted in North Carolina, even with the move, but that the president’s nomination will be celebrated at the new site. Whether any additional business is conducted there remains to be seen.

After three years of this, the term “additional business” fills me with the same existential dread experienced by anyone in Jacksonville who’s trying to get a cab back to their stateroom on the HazMat Deck of the SS Granulocyte. I can’t wait.

https://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/a32823813/republican-convention-jacksonville/

Still the best writer in America.

[Fozzledick]

1. Why not just move it to Moscow? That's where they pick the candidate anyway.

[Hermit-The-Prog]

5. Putin doesn't want to risk GOPer brain rot spreading in Moscow.

[relayerbob]

21. THIS

[GopherGal]

46. Or COVID-19

from all the mask-abstainers.

[voteearlyvoteoften]

2. In 2012 a hurricane caused big problems for republicans convention in Tampa...

August and September are height of hurricane season. Hate to see them get washed out again ...

[muriel_volestrangler]

4. No problem. Trump will just get his sharpie out and divert the hurricane

to Key Lime.

[Marie Marie]

17. Good one...

[Hortensis]

23. Lol, perfect!

Though choosing to have it revolve around him would be even more characteristic, and maybe inevitable.

[Initech]

34. The NOAA is predicting a "worse than average" hurricane and tropical storm season this year.

https://www.noaa.gov/media-release/busy-atlantic-hurricane-season-predicted-for-2020

Of course Trump and his band of idiots will call it "fake news" and accuse the NOAA of being part of the deep state.

[jaxexpat]

36. Nice little convention ya got here, be a shame to see it hit by some little storm. If something.....

Were to happen, shrug. Weather goons, noaa protection racket. autta be a law.....

Psst, having a little convention? Ya gotta have one of these.........we call em umbrellas.

[Lochloosa]

3. I'll have a house to rent for a week if anyone is interested in coming to Florida.

But, let me warn you, it's HOT and HUMID as hell in August. Expect either 100 deg. heat and humidity and no rain...or temps in the 90's with afternoon thunderstorms with lots of lightning and torrential rain for an hour or two....then the heat and humidity come back. It will cool off around 4-5 am to the low 80's.

Come on down.

[NightWatcher]

7. It's going to be amazingly horrendous for them. Can't wait

And there's no way I'd let a trumper get anywhere near my house.

[mwooldri]

28. It's June and it's already hot as hell and humid in the Carolinas.

It's only marginally better temperaturewise in Charlotte versus Jacksonville during the summer. Otherwise hot and humid or flash thunderstorm followed by cooler but humid temperatures.

[NightWatcher]

6. Ask the other Jacksonville-ians, it will be a huge cluster.

There is no centralized tourist or business district with nice hotels, restaurants, and clubs or attractions.

Last year they demolished the area known as The Landing where aside from a shooting at a bar during a video game competition, was the only truly touristy bar area.

Downtown is laid out horribly. The rooms aren't near the restaurants or shopping centers. There are no attractions aside from the zoo which is a drive from the central business district. The arena is garbage. I hope they have it at the outdoor football stadium in mid August around 4-9pm when we will be having our daily violent deluges of thunderstorms.

No one will have any fun.

[dameatball]

10. Throw in the street flooding during rainy season...:)

[NightWatcher]

11. Then the skeeters 🦟

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

26. Interesting. I have never been to Jacksonville

so I know nothing about it. Is there some kind of actual convention center that could be used?

I'm wondering if the genius who thinks the convention should be held in that city knows even less than I do about it, other than it's somewhere in Florida.

[Hekate]

43. Location: Atlantic Coast, northern Florida

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

44. LOL! Thanks for that info!

I actually did a quick Google Maps peak, because I couldn't quite remember where it is.

[Hekate]

45. I have an old college friend who lives in Jacksonville Beach, a pretty little beach town ...

...that's not in the city. It was quite a treat for me to stay in her air-conditioned condo directly overlooking the beach, and sit on the balcony at night watching lightning "walk" along the horizon of the ocean. Then go back to California's Central Coast where I belong.

What the actual city is like I really don't know -- others are speaking to that.

[mwooldri]

30. I believe Carnival cruise ships depart from Jacksonville.

Moor one or two up there. That fixes the hotel problem.

When they're all aboard, including the guy who's a wankstain on the American presidency, cut them adrift.

[Fla Dem]

37. It took them 5 years to get Jacksonville ready for the 2005 Super Bowl.

Even then it wasn't the greatest. Have done nothing in the intervening years to make Jax a destination city. I really dislike going up there.

[SergeStorms]

38. "No one will have any fun."

Republicans don't have fun like other, normal people do. Their definition of "fun" is disenfranchising the minority vote, putting Central Americans in cages, making the poor even poorer, making the rich even richer, clubbing Black people into submission, and lying to Americans (and the rest of the world) with impunity, to name just a few. As such, republicans can have their idea of "fun" anywhere. The more miserable the better, because it just gets them more pissed off and mean.

[keithbvadu2]

41. No fun? Their conventions ratchet up the prostitution business.

No fun? Their conventions ratchet up the prostitution business.

[SergeStorms]

47. I'd like to have the Viagra concession then.

I think once you become a republican your Johnson goes limp and useless. I'm sure there's very few - if any - of these racist mutts who can achieve wood status (without pharmaceutical support) anymore.

[dameatball]

8. Well crap. Enjoy Charlie but now I have to go look up "Granulocyte." That being said, I'm about an

hour from Jax but rarely go there unless on the way to somewhere else.

[Mme. Defarge]

14. Ha!

See my post below (#13) which I made before reading yours.

[Faux pas]

9. I love

Charlie!

[Mersky]

12. The headline has me tearing up...

With laughter. Gets me every time I read it. Breathing in and out. I’m good, I’m good...

[Mme. Defarge]

13. Why do I always fall for guys

who force me to learn new vocabulary,

[dameatball]

15. Yup, on the same wavelength on that one! Charlie's a hoot while being razor sharp at the same time.

[Aviation Pro]

16. Well, on a positive note

All hail the mighty Waffle Houses of the Jax and Orange Park realm.

[Native]

18. I have to pat myself on the back - I called this a couple of weeks ago.

I knew it would wind up in Florida. And with Mayor Demings in Orlando, JAX was the only alternative. Our mini me governor will suck up to each and every demand, I can guarantee that. And It's gonna be INSANE! I'm in the Tampa Bay area, so I'm super thankful Demings kept it out of Orlando. That would be too close for comfort for me.

[mcar]

19. I knew they'd move it to Florida

Just what we need, more germ-riddled Republicans.

[Native]

22. I don't know about you, but I'm really looking forward to watching this unfold.

[mcar]

31. Yes, from our relatively safe perches on the other side of the state!

[Native]

40. With our luck there will be a hurricane in our area and we'll have to evacuate to Jacksonville

[SeattleVet]

20. Using idle cruise ships sounds like a great idea!

There are a lot of them sitting unused at the time. Let them have their YUGE event in Jacksonville. Stipulate that all attendees must use the ships as floating hotels, and then as soon as the CON-vention ends just go ahead float them all out for a mandatory 2-week 'quarantine cruise'.

After all, he did want to give financial relief to the cruise lines...so they have the opportunity to turn this into a win/win all around!

[Mopar151]

25. Perfect! A "free" Victory Cruise

Your average Republican "delegate" being marble-sharp and rope-smart, The chance for a "bargain" cruise, hopefully sponsored by ALEC, the Koch bros, whoever's standing drinks.... Will resonate like CRAZY with these fools. I feel horrible for the ship's crew(s), Maybe they could staff up with Young Republicans..

[Laura PourMeADrink]

29. CONvention - love that.. remember the cruise ships

That had CV victims? They found virus in air-conditioning vents

[EarnestPutz]

24. Had to look up "granulocyte" - it's a type of white blood cell and part of...

...our immune system. Pierce really is a good and creative writer.

[Laura PourMeADrink]

27. Operative words that make -45 guilty of negligent homicide

President Trump told officials in North Carolina that he did not want to use social distancing measures aimed at halting the spread of the coronavirus,

[turbinetree]

32. Charlie Pierce and the Rude Pundit.........are quintessential on not mincing words...............

when it comes to republicans and there .............. ......................

[Wounded Bear]

33. Trump is a walking, talking, living, breathing clusterfuck...

[CaptainTruth]

35. Once we get cruise ships full of right wing nutcases, can we push them out to sea?

[JPK]

39. Now THAT is a great idea! n/t

[keithbvadu2]

42. Surely stable genius has already taken these minor 'problems' into account.

No sweat!