My anger interferes with my ability to be anti-racist.

[theaocp]

I have anger management issues. When I am angry, I tend to take things personally. As a counter to this, I have become more of a life-lurker, trying to carefully revise my thoughts before I put them before people. I'm trying to dim my emotions, but it's difficult. I left FB a couple of times in order to avoid the ugly feelings I felt when I argued there.

The protests have made me think more about being anti-racist and how I can carefully express what's necessary without losing myself to my anger. Just expressing this now ... I allow myself to feel a visceral physical reaction to racist memes and taunts and know I could let loose with a barrage of hate, taunts, and belligerence at whomever and that gives me enough pause to stop replying altogether because I don't like that part of me.

I guess I just want to be not racist, but that's not enough anymore. I can't hide behind my privilege and live with myself. It's daunting to feel I have to balance my anger versus my need to take care of myself, but coping with my issues leaves others vulnerable and that's not acceptable. I don't know. It's the end of the school year and I haven't seen my students since mid-March. At least in person. I can't bear thinking about them not safe and it makes me angry. Thanks for listening to my rambles.

[guillaumeb]

1. Very well expressed.

It is a stressful situation. Have you tried exercise as a way of channeling the anger?

[theaocp]

2. My doggos enjoy our walks.

I do other things as well, but when I face the ugliness in the world, I feel tight. Meditation helps.

[guillaumeb]

3. True.

I meditate, garden, and exercise. It is just as important in retirement as it was when I was employed.


Good luck repurposing the anger.

[alwaysinasnit]

4. ...

[lunatica]

5. Stifling or denying your anger only keeps it just under the surface.

There are some creative ways to deal with anger without attacking others. A tried and true way is to write about it in a journal. You will then vent as much as you need to and as often as you want to without hurting or offending a single other person.

But what also happens, which is very good is that it helps you actually work through it and past it. It’s therapy and it really works.

When I got divorced I had a lifetime of anger and pain and I made a choice that I didn’t want to carry that burden anymore so I decided to write about it. I gave myself 6 months, thinking that should be enough time. It took me 2 very intense years to finally put my pen down. The days I wrote for literally hours on end were innumerable!

My methodology was to fill those cheap lined spiral notebooks. It was like writing about poison and I had no desire to read it again or save it. I burned the notebooks as I finished each one. The rotted garbage I wrote about was not something to keep and I sure as hell didn’t want anyone to read it, especially not if what I wrote involved them. It was crap I needed to get rid of, forever.

It worked. If you decide to do something like this just promise yourself you will be honest with yourself.