Mitch McConnell Gently Tells Trump Why He Can't Fire Neil Gorsuch

[Rhiannon12866]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an Oval Office meeting described as “tense,” the Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, explained to Donald J. Trump why he cannot fire Supreme Court Justice Neil Gorsuch.

According to sources, McConnell rushed to the White House after being informed of Trump’s plan to terminate Gorsuch and replace him with the Fox News host Jeanine Pirro.

In the Oval Office, Trump adamantly told McConnell, “When I hire someone, I have the right to fire him if he turns out to be a jerk.”

McConnell slowly and carefully explained that Supreme Court Justices are appointed for life, but Trump refused to accept this position.

“I can fire this Neil Gorsuch joker just like I fired Jeff Sessions and Gary Busey,” Trump said, adding that he planned to add a ramp outside the Supreme Court to speed Gorsuch’s departure.


Short article, no more at link: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/mitch-mcconnell-gently-tells-trump-why-he-cant-fire-neil-gorsuch




Photograph by Andrew Harrer / Bloomberg / Getty

[Jamastiene]

1. You realize just how stupid the current president really is when

you have to read to the end and find out if it is the truth, The Onion, or Borowitz, or other satire.

[Rhiannon12866]

2. I know exactly what you mean!

I've read threads here over more than once that I was positive had to be satire - and I've been wrong more times than I can count...

[riversedge]

12. #1 plus plus etc

[Xolodno]

3. The sad part about this...

One, we can't initially assume this is satire. Two, it could probably or did happen. Three, his supporters think he can or should have the right to fire a Supreme Court Justice.

May you live in interesting times.

[Rhiannon12866]

4. You're right on all three

And it's bad enough that his supporters are that clueless, but the fact that we've gone from a constitutional scholar to being led by someone who took an oath to support and defend the Constitution who has likely never read it - and isn't even willing to make an effort to step up for the American people - which is his job.

[calimary]

5. I half expect that this winds up being straight reporting, not satire.

It wouldn't surprise me. He still thinks he's running a super-sized trump organization. I bet he actually has asked somebody if he could fire Gorsuch. Seriously.

[rusty quoin]

6. Firing Gary Busey is something I can never forget. I like normal people like Trump,

and head injured Busey. That’s how to work out things.

I actually never watched that stupid show, but found out that Busey was never the same.

It’s just not him. It’s now a Republican thing. You need to be in this cult to be a Republican.

[Person of Interest]

7. Please tell me this is an Onion story!!!

[Rhiannon12866]

9. It's Andy Borowitz

He writes satire for The New Yorker.

[Person of Interest]

22. I didn't even bother to notice the author of the article! LoL!! 😆

[PandoraAwakened]

8. Bwah! Bwah!

Last edited Wed Jun 17, 2020, 03:44 AM - Edit history (1)

The very fact that the manchild squatter in the Oval Office is portrayed as thinking a lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court is exactly the same as a TV show gig on the loser Celebrity Apprentice show tells you everything you need to know about just how far down the yellow-brick DEMENTIA HIGHWAY this mentally deranged dipshit has gone.

Satire generally speaks truth to power. You know that even if the Orange Turd didn't speak or think these exact thoughts, the point the author is making is that he regularly harbors equally batshit-crazy ideas.

[oswaldactedalone]

10. Until I saw the name Gary Busey

I thought this was real. It seemed so plausible. We live in interesting... and very scary times when a comedy article can seem so real.

[PandoraAwakened]

21. Indeed, right?

Because most people understand just how probable it could be that such a thought might flit across the demented mindscape of this particularly not-well person.

[riversedge]

11. I read until about the 3rd sentence down, then checked who wrote it. I can see

Trump saying this because he is so stupid.

[GoCubsGo]

13. The one thing Andy forgets is that Trump didn't choose Gorsuch on his own.

His party made the choice for him. Trump just rubber-stamped him. He probably had never even heard of him before that. Fat Bastard must really be fuming ad a lot of other people, too. Not just Gorsuch.

[Hugin]

15. Yeah, I'm thinking Jeanine Pirro was the Pumpkin Spice Pol Pot's first choice anyway.

In reality. Somehow, they talked him down three years ago.

So, this may not be as much satire as Andy would wish it to be.

[Ilsa]

18. Probably Federalist Society creeps. nt

[Gidney N Cloyd]

14. I skimmed past the dateline and they had me going till I saw "Pirro."

How the hell did we get to this point?

[UTUSN]

16. O.K., this one got me!1

[Rhiannon12866]

17. You can hardly be blamed, nothing these days is too insane for Trump!

A few years ago, if anyone predicted we'd have an uninformed game show host acting as president, none of us would have taken the joke seriously!

[Hortensis]

19. Lol, you just know it does have to be explained to him, MANY times

over, and will have to be whenever he's upset in future.

Borowitz managed to create satire from reality by having Moscow Mitch explain it.

To do that, he had to depart from the reality that this normally falls to Trump's various attorney generals, chiefs of staff, advisers at Fox, golf caddies, "friends" he calls every night, and various criminal co-conspirators not already covered.

[marie999]

20. I thought it was real,

until I saw who wrote the article. Then again, knowing trump, it could be real.