White House Staff Seething with Envy After Fauci Reveals He Has Not Spoken to Trump in Two Weeks

[Rhiannon12866]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—White House staffers are seething with envy after Dr. Anthony Fauci revealed that he has not spoken to Donald J. Trump in two weeks, envious staffers have confirmed.

News of the break in communication between the two men sent shockwaves through the White House, with scores of staffers demanding to know whether Fauci had a secret trick that they could employ to similar effect.

“Two freaking weeks?” Jared Kushner was overheard muttering. “I’d settle for one hour.”

Fauci said that there was no secret to getting Trump to stop talking to him, but suggested, “Generally speaking, if you pepper your sentences with facts, that’s usually enough to do it.”

Recognizing that members of the White House staff may be unaccustomed to uttering factual statements, Fauci said, “Another thing you can try is saying to him, ‘Mr. President, I’m really looking forward to reading John Bolton’s book.’ That should get you two weeks, minimum.”


Short article, no more at link: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/white-house-staff-seething-with-envy-after-fauci-reveals-he-has-not-spoken-to-trump-in-two-weeks

[Cirque du So-What]

1. This is priceless

[Maeve]

2. I knew it was satire and one of the best laughs of the morning!

[empedocles]

3. .

[Tech]

4. I literally laughed out loud just reading the headline. Sitting here, by myself laughing. Thank you.

[KY_EnviroGuy]

5. No wonder Dr. Fauci is smiling.

Heck, I'm looking forward to the day I don't see tRump's mug splattered all over my international news sites, if only for one hour. One metric indicating when we're heading toward a healthier America will be when there's no mention of tRump's name on DU's home page for one full day!

I really wish some brilliant code-head would invent a tRump name and photo blocker for my Firefox browser. I would pay a premium for it.

Thanks for the light moment, Rhiannon..........

[renate]

9. There are quite a few!

Just Google “Firefox Trump blocker.”

I had a Chrome extension that replaced the word “Trump” with one of his nicknames like “Deranged Yam” or “Angry Cheeto.”

[KY_EnviroGuy]

10. Thanks, I'll give it a try.

It's ridiculous to have to see one person's name and photos all over so damn many news sources every day.

It's even more ridiculous that most of the content is just more tRump lies and bullshit.....

[Wounded Bear]

6. Ok, that got a chuckle...

[UTUSN]

7. Didn't *get* me - la la la la la la LAH!1

[NNadir]

8. Borowitz is a silver lining on this heavy cloud the country is bearing.