Big Sissies: How and Why Narcissists Get Worse with Age

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Why does it seem that narcissists get worse with age?
By Julie L Hall on September 26, 2017

Aging is hard. Losing our vitality and facing our mortality can be scary and painful. But we discover upsides, like reaping the fruits of our personal and professional labors, recognizing our core values and releasing shallow pursuits, and enjoying long-term connections with family and friends. But for the narcissistic personality, gratitude is difficult and aging tends to heighten feelings of vulnerability, fear, and rage.

Bitterness
Instead of maturing, mellowing, and gaining wisdom, narcissists, unless helped with treatment (which is unusual), remain emotionally stunted children whose deficient empathy and self-centered neediness intensify with aging. They view growing old as a series of ravaging defeats that they struggle against with denial and resentment or submit to with depressed resignation.

Having relied heavily on externalities such as their looks, wealth, fame, connections, or professional achievements to fortify their fragile self-esteem, older narcissists find themselves increasingly stripped of their defenses and diminished in their ability to charm, impress, bully, manipulate, and otherwise control others. Since narcissists nearly always refuse to take responsibility for their actions or circumstances, they grow bitter and feel victimized by life, blaming others for their disappointments.

Going to Extremes
Narcissists tend to age into extreme versions of their worst selves. And when dementia comes into the picture, it often exacerbates matters. As narcissists get worse with age, they become more desperate, deluded, isolated, paranoid, defensive, bitter, angry, rigid, mean, and abusive.

Isolation
Because of narcissists’ lack of compassion and their antagonism, as they age their relationships and friendships often falter or fail, leaving them lonely and isolated:

Spouses may have left or withdrawn to avoid their criticism and combativeness. Adult children may have pulled away or cut contact altogether because of their toxic influence. Their grandchildren may be estranged from them because their adult children have asserted boundaries to protect their families. Friends may have pulled away because of their unmasked arrogance, selfishness, and envy. Neighbors and other community members may have rejected them because of their callous behavior and rude assertions of superiority and entitlement. Extended family may have excluded them because of their divisiveness.

Bigotry
As their personal power fades and their social sphere narrows, narcissists are more likely to look for scapegoats anywhere they can. Their increasingly desperate grandiose delusions often bring out bigotry and assertions of superiority over marginalized people, including other old people. Aging narcissists often express ageism, sexism, racism, and queerphobia to bolster themselves against their feelings of lost power over others.

narcissistfamilyfiles.com/2017/09/26/big-sissies-how-and-why-narcissists-get-worse-with-age/

Nothing new here, but it hits the nail right on its orange head.

[onetexan]

1. Some people dont grow up, they only grow old

[canetoad]

2. My mother had all those traits

I walked as soon as I understood.

Choice between that and becoming a serial killer.

[no_hypocrisy]

3. And they write their Wills . . . . . .

As mentioned earlier, my father disinherited me and my siblings in his final Will. And left $35,000 to the neighbor across the street.

As Dad descended into his extreme narcissism and role as a toxic parent, we found out that he made a new Will every year for a decade, disinheriting us. My sister was originally going to be his Executor, but when she expressed concern about his terrible neglect of a puppy he bought, he deleted her and replaced her with the law firm that drafted the Will.

Matter of fact, most of the $1.5 million estate went to that law firm for drafting and executing the documents, being the Executor of the estate, being the Attorney for the estate, and paying six-plus months of unpaid bills that he refused to acknowledge. (My sister and I offered several times to do it -- for free -- but he refused.

The Old Narcissist essay above fits our father to a T.

None of us cried when he died.

[live love laugh]

7. Sorry for your ordeal. nt

[mwb970]

4. I had a narcissistic friend. I thought he would get better with age.

He didn't. He got worse. I haven't seen him in six years after putting up with him for three decades. I just could not take any more.

[essme]

5. Yep

Seeing this exact same thing in our family-

It's incredibly disheartening.

[sunonmars]

6. Aggressiveness at everything also and shout a lot. The decibels always gets louder.