Losing a Family Member to Right Wing Media

[citizen blues]

Last edited Sun Jun 21, 2020, 06:05 PM - Edit history (1)

Well, I guess it was inevitable. I lost someone who's a family member and a friend to right wing media. Just to give context, here's what she sent me in FB Messenger back at the end of May.

They extended the wearing of masks in grocery stores and stuff here in ******. 🙄 Now I really am going to sit back and wait for all the medical lawsuits related to employers forcing employees to wear a mask 40 hours a week. That is too much of having to breath back in even some of your own CO2.

People are already complaining about wearing the masks making them sick. You will see. The longer mandatory mask wearing goes on the more employees are going to get sick from it and eventually sue as a group.

Starting in April, I didn't speak to her for a couple months for being ridiculed for sheltering-in-place and wearing a mask when I'm in a high risk category with being over 50 and obese, having asthma and hypertension. We spoke last week and I found out she's all of a sudden following politics for the first time and feels so much more informed from watching FOX. It didn't go well. Then last night she called me, and when I was getting frustrated and it was obvious we weren't going to get anywhere, I asked that we agree to disagree and move on. I even changed topics. She kept bringing it back to politics. I even at one time flat out said, "We're not having this conversation," only to have her keep at it. Yes, my blood began to boil.

Anyway, here's what she sent me this in FB Messenger this morning:

I am getting the impression that you don’t like me as much as you used too. It seems to be since I decided to take, what has turned out to be, opposing viewpoints on recent event topics. Are there other reasons as well?

You are throwing the same arguments in my face, pretty hard, such as “you don’t know that. show me facts.” Over our last 3 conversations. I will tell you that does not feel nice at all.

It seems like if I don’t agree with you that you get triggered and try to yell at me your point of view until I submit (whether I really do or not). Again this does not feel good.

I have less want to talk to you now. The main time you were not triggered during our conversation last night was when we were talking about historical artifacts and cats. I don’t claim to understand people anymore, but I do know how I wish to be treated these days.

If you don’t like me anymore fine. Just let me know that.

Here's my response:

I still like you. I guess for me, this goes back to March/April when I chose to shelter-at-home and wear a mask. Every time we talked you questioned my choices even after I explained them to you. I even got, "So when are you going to stop hiding out and start living your life again," which really felt like it was being said with contempt.

Now, it really feels like we're in the same boat only with politics. Yes, I'm frustrated, and I'm sorry for that. I really don't understand where you get your facts. I'm sorry if being asked for your sources doesn't feel nice.

For example, after pointing out to me that the man who got knocked down in Buffalo was an actor and the whole thing was faked, I asked you for your source which only seemed to make you mad. So last night, I researched it to double check my information. Snopes and Politifact have both come out with statements that the incident was not faked. The man actually did go the hospital with a cracked skull.

I am still willing to have conversations with you. Like I requested last night, I think there are things we need to agree to disagree on and move on from those topics. My door remains open.

I don't know. I know I'm not perfect, and I can get passionate about what I believe. And this isn't the first time I've tried to "agree to disagree" with a right winger only to have them continue trying to score points, continue to attack. What the hell is wrong with these people? More importantly, how did my cousin's wife go from being my friend for almost a decade to this almost overnight? I don't get it. I'm sad, and I'm hurt, and I'm angry, and I'm grieving.

[Binkie The Clown]

1. How to get through to them

This Is How To Change Someone’s Mind: 6 Secrets From Research

[ProfessorGAC]

4. The Article's Flaw Is #5

It requires an, at least, a reasonably intellectually honest person. It's how the article frames it.
Given this movement is dangerously close to cult status, there is no reasonable, no intellectual honesty.
The author then refers to the "Nothing will change my mind..." respondents as zealots.
That is an accurate descriptor of those like the person in the OP.
I don't believe that article provides benefit as it regards the far right.
Maybe a way to get a swing voter to change their minds.
But, there's an asshole obvious limit to this approach.
The author, in a funny way, admits as much in his own piece.

[procon]

2. Don't apologize for your POV or your opinions.

Don't fall into the guilt trap that someone else tries to lay on you to cover up their own errors.

If she wants to engage you in a real debate then facts matter because they are not merely her volatile opinions, which are usually tarnished with passionate emotions. If she can't separate her facts from her feelings then she's just on a self centered rant that has nothing to do with reality.

[Skittles]

3. if she ridiculed you for taking preventative measures

she does not respect you

let her go

[Wounded Bear]

5. Huge problem with RWers is their evangelical nature...

they simpley need people to agree with them. They don't recognize the co-dempendent nature of being that way.

It's why I avoid obvious evangelical "christians." Just STFU and get away. Don't need it, don't want to hear it. Won't ever agree with you.

[Timewas]

6. The minute

That she made fun of your trying to protect yourself from a serious illness and possible death she was in the wrong and does not deserve any explanation you have no need in today's situation to explain nor justify your actions.

[lunasun]

7. I don't have relatives or friends like that & probably never will but I would simply respond

“Yes I don’t like liars or people who listen to and promote lies . If you think it’s not nice to be asked to provide some facts from someone close to you , imagine having to listen to outrageous lies from someone you know,and yes you are correct it does piss me off when anyone I know acts like obvious lies are truth because that is dangerous “

[Initech]

8. If you don't like the mask, you're really not going to like the ventilator.

I hate this shit as much as anybody, but I would prefer to be alive through the end of this thing, and the sooner this pandemic ends, the sooner we can all get on with our lives.

[marybourg]

9. I would have added something to the effect of: "There is little hope for us to have

placid relations in the future as long as you continue getting your news from Fox. They lie about everything that affects our country, in an effort to protect Trump and promote the right wing agenda. If one of us bases our opinion on fact and the other on lies and propaganda, there is little chance of agreeing on anything. We can get along if we have different opinions, but not if we have different facts.”

[JonLP24]

10. Ugh she used the word triggered

I hate these modern right wing buzzwords.

[Vinca]

11. You're much more cordial than I would have been. Not an expletive in your post!

And I would have ended it with "never darken my doorstep again." LOL.

[Niagara]

12. K&R

I'm kicking this because I'm in the same situation. I recently broke with two separate close friends because of their condescending memes that they posted on FB. I did not break with either of them lightly, I thought about it for some time and it hurts. I know that I can find better friends and thankfully I now understand that sometimes other people aren’t meant to stay in my life forever.



If your relative is condescending you about your health and well-being, you just need to move on and find caring friends/family. Family isn't and doesn't always mean blood related. I don't know how anyone can be so cavalier about another persons health and what's more mind blowing is how they crap all over the relationship. It's beyond me. Take the time that you need to grieve because I will be doing the same.

[Bernardo de La Paz]

13. They tell us global-warming CO2 is not a pollutant but now they tell us it is? They are this weak?

[Maru Kitteh]

14. Response: I didn't realize asking for facts TRIGGERED UR FEELINGS

so badly . . . . Throw that shit right back at her. Its the only way to deal with these Karens.