In January of last year, the results of the Mueller Investigation were still unknown
and on one snowy evening, Donald Trump found himself swamped by fears of what might be revealed. He slipped on his topcoat and, trailed by two secret service personnel, stepped outside the White House and wondered if checking on the condition of his favorite rose bush in the White House Rose Garden might calm his nerves.
He shuffled along the cleared sidewalk and soon saw that the bush was still shrouded in snow. As he reached it, his eyes opened wide and his mouth dropped open, for there, in the glow of the security lighting, he could easily read "Fuck Tiny Hands!" apparently written in urine, scrawled across his favorite bush! After screaming his anger at his security, he ordered photos of the vulgarity taken and ordered the heads of the FBI, CIA and NSA to assemble in the Oval office IMMEDIATELY.
When the groggy security and intelligence chiefs arrived, Trump showed them the photos and thundered "I DEMAND to know who is responsible for this within 24 hours! Report back here tomorrow morning!"
The next morning, all three men were in the Oval Office bright and early. Trump stomped in, plopped into his chair and bellowed "WELL?"
"Good morning, Mr. President," began the CIA director, "We have some good news and some bad news."
"What's the good news?" Trump growled.
"We have analyzed the urine and can conclusively state that it is Steve Bannon's."
"AH-HAH!" shouted the leader of the free world, leaping up from his chair. "I KNEW HE WAS A BACK-STABBING SONOFABITCH! THAT'S WHY I FIRED HIM! BUT NOW, I'LL PUT HIM IN GITMO; I'LL HAVE HIM WATERBOARDED; I'LL------- .Wait a minute---what's the bad news?"
The three officials exchanged glances and fidgeted nervously before the CIA director replied. "The handwriting", he softly intoned, "is Melania's."
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