Florida Governor Orders All Children to Work at Walmart and Home Depot This Fall
TALLAHASSEE (The Borowitz Report)—Calling his decision a “game changer,” Florida’s governor announced on Tuesday that he was ordering all of the state’s children to work at Walmart and Home Depot in the fall.
“If we can do Walmart and we can do Home Depot, we can definitely do your children working at Walmart and Home Depot,” Governor Ron DeSantis declared.
Explaining the rationale behind his order, DeSantis said that sending children to work at the two big-box stores would have the “exact same result” as sending them to school—namely “getting them out of the house.”
“To the parents of Florida, let me say, ‘You’re welcome,’ ” he said.
Touting other benefits of his plan, DeSantis claimed, “I think this is going to be a great educational experience for our kids.”
“I think it should be a goal of this state to teach every first grader how to do inventory,” he said. “Inventory is just a fancy word for math.”
Additionally, he said that hauling large planks of lumber at Home Depot would be “an excellent substitute for phys. ed.”
“I wish I had thought of this sooner,” DeSantis said. “These kids are going to be so good with hammers, nails, and wood that they could have built the stage at the Republican National Convention.”
The governor was dismissive of a reporter who asked whether forcing children to work at Walmart and Home Depot would be a violation of child-labor laws. “As our great President has shown time and time again, this is not a time for laws,” DeSantis said.
Short article, no more at link: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/florida-governor-orders-all-children-to-work-at-walmart-and-home-depot-this-fall
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educational experience, gets them out of the house but they get to work for FREE! 
The stupid....it runs deep in Florida.
