Welp... It finally happened to me today

[Brother Buzz]

I knew it would eventually, but I was ready. I came out of Walmart with my mask on and keeping six feet distance to everyone, pushed my cart to my car, all the while wearing my mask. A woman was getting out of her car next to me with no mask. As I'm putting my bags into my car she says, "Why are you wearing a mask?. Cause that mask ain't gonna do anything for you except make you look stupid ." In anticipation of this happening, because I figured it might someday, I already had a response ready. I said "Look, I woke up with a temperature of 102 this morning (I didn't) plus I work around hundreds of people in close quarters (I don’t) so this is for your protection, not mine. How about I take it off and we hug like old friends?" I stepped toward her and acted as if I was taking off my mask. She stepped back away from me and went across to the next row of cars. I followed her, she kept walking away, I chased her, she ran... She fell down. I grabbed her foot. I pulled on her leg, just as I’m pulling yours.

[PCIntern]

1. Good one!!

Well played !!

[Beakybird]

2. Lol! I heard a different iteration of this, but yours is better.

[Turbineguy]

3. Well,

that escalated quickly...

[LizBeth]

4. Ok, that end made me laugh. I do have a real one though. Man came in back in March and all bluster

about us disinfecting pens and taking precautions. As I was checking in I did a couple smokers cough, turning head away from him. I look at him and he is appalled jerking himself back and the look on his face priceless. Still makes me laugh.

[certainot]

29. just before the state went to masks i saw few maskless idiots in stores and figured the next time

i would jerk my thumb back toward they were going and say "there was a guy coughing back there just now" but luckily i haven't run into any more.

[LizBeth]

32. +1

[jimfields33]

5. Awesome and so funny!

[cilla4progress]

6. Wow,

wish I had your decorum!

Thanks for this great idea!!!

[Dave in VA]

7. And were ten people

standing around with their mobile phones out?

[stillcool]

8. that was fun...

wish I could write like that.

[StarryNite]

9. Thank you!

That was fun!

[malaise]

10. ROFL

Last edited Mon Jul 20, 2020, 04:06 PM - Edit history (1)

Hilarious
My standard answer to strangers who attempt to tell me what to do is
"Änd who the fuck are you again?"

[lpbk2713]

12. I'll have to remember that one.

Thanks.

[malaise]

13. Works every time

[TeamPooka]

24. that's nicer than my "Shut the fuck up and die already."

[malaise]

28. I say it better than Miss Manners

[33taw]

26. My Dad had a similar saying and he rarely swore, so I laughed hysterically when he said it.

“Go blow it out your ass”

[malaise]

27. Hehehehehehe

I can hear him

[irisblue]

37. Ok, I startled the cat laughing at that cause my Poppa said that.

[33taw]

39. Comes in handy.

[N_E_1 for Tennis]

11. We went shopping today...

In West Branch Michigan did not see one person unmasked indoors...outside was about 50/50.

While checking out at one store (Aldi’s) the cashier had on a mask but it was under her nose.
I asked her if her breath was so bad that even she couldn’t stand it while pointing to my nose.
She quickly put her hand up and checked...laughed and thanked me. She just got off break and forgot to pull it up.
She did say she’ll use that when she sees people unmasked. So different from other stories.

[Brother Buzz]

16. That's exactly what my Podunk town in California's Sacramento Valley is like

Truth be told, I stopped shopping at our Walmart store after my 'Bob Boudelang' incident with the management.

I wasn't involved in that pig-fucking indecent and I paid for those glasses out of my own SS check and not socialist Obamacare so stop saying that....

[magicarpet]

14. You should have strangled her with her own leg,... then beat her head with her shoe.

Then run back and got your empty shopping cart and run over her again and again.

Make sure you wear a large hat like a sombrero with a very wide brim,... look away from the video cameras and be discreet.

Kung fu & jujitsu shopping with Fascists.....

[Sloumeau]

15. That was fun.

In real life, if anyone ever bugs me about a mask, I might just cough a few serious coughs and then turn to them and say, "You want me to take my mask off?"

[Iggo]

21. In my 58 years, I've kearned to be pretty quick with a "Fuck off."

[TeamPooka]

25. I'm going to be 57 and I say the same thing.

[cate94]

17. Hahaha!

[kimbutgar]

18. I've seen that a lot on Facebook

We all should do this if a non masker makes a nasty comment.


Funny where I live we social distance so much from each other it’s like we have cooties!

[Iggo]

19. Then you killed her and ate her.

Man, ain’t we all been there.

[RhodeIslandOne]

20. I hear this music

[Brother Buzz]

22. Not many people appreciate that song was straight out of Nashville - Boots Randolph, Baby!

[RhodeIslandOne]

23. Yup, and ended up on a British comedy show to become infamous.

[BootinUp]

30. Lol. Nt

[leanforward]

31. Thank you

I needed that laugh.

[niyad]

33. Thank you for the laugh. Sorely needed. Fortunately, no mask less person has challenged me yEt?

Prepared for a response, though. The only problem is, I cannot decide between "fuck yourself and die", or, "does it hurt to be that stupid?" (asked with grave concern).

[marble falls]

34. I know you. It coulda happened without the mask.

[Brother Buzz]

41. It coulda happened without the mask at any other store

But after that unsavory incident at the Walmart, I have to wear a mask because they taped my photo to the wall inside in the security kiosk.

[marble falls]

43. If you want to make it work, tape your eyebrows up in a high arch. You'll look really suprised.

[Fla Dem]

35. "Chuckle Award" winner!!!! Well done!!

First post I've actually laughed out loud at in a while!! Thanks!!

[Hortensis]

36. :) Good one. One kind of fun might close down, but we can always

pay everyone in masks are the compliment of assuming they're Democrats.

Btw, Walmart requires masks as of today. Which means there are a lot of unhappy idiots out there.
Sam's Club also as of today. We came to pickup an online order. Everyone we saw heading in was wearing a mask, so the word got around fast there also, and a big difference from the last time we were there.

Frankly, all those masks on everyone the first day make me wonder just how many, or few, reactionaries are really unhappy at being "forced" into masks. Having the excuse of stores requiring them may be a relief.

[nolabear]

38. That was worth the read! 🤣

[qwlauren35]

40. DAMN

You had me.

[Tribetime]

42. Excellent Ill have to use that 👍

[Guy Whitey Corngood]

44. Ah, you son of a..........

.

[BannonsLiver]

45. My response, why don't you mind your own fucking business before I give you something real to whine

about.