Bride-to-be just had to have a bridal shower. One person showed up not wearing a mask.

[eppur_se_muova]

That one person has since tested positive, and all the attendees are now waiting for test results.

Apparently, the prospective groom had already tested positive, but I guess that just didn't make the point somehow.

[Beakybird]

1. Hopefully, the one without mask didn't have an infectious smile and a contagious laugh.

[TheDemsshouldhireme]

20. Very clever.....

well done.

[Ms. Toad]

2. My niece is having a bridal shower next weekend.

My spouse wants me to go - and insisted no one would be admitted without a mask.

1. Been there, done that with her family in an outdoor setting: Same guarantee, 50+ people showed up, only 4 showed up with masks, and only one (me) was wearing one by the end of the party.

2. The plan here is (a) indoors (b) eating a meal (meaning everyone will be unmasked a substantial amount of the time) (c) at a table with 6 others not in our household. The tables will be 6' apart, but people at the tables won't be. And the hostess just flew across the country twice.

Wedding is in a month and a half. I might go to the wedding, as long as the mandatory mask order is in place and the church is willing to enforce it. Doubt I'll go to the reception.

[Laelth]

3. No way! I would politely decline to attend that event. n/t

-Laelth

[Ms. Toad]

6. The problem is that my spouse is going to attend.

She has declared that I am "paranoid." That came after we had made it clear between us that all visitors were to remain outside - then she had the second visitor in for more than an hour. I was told not to worry becuase the visitor was "as paranoid as you were," and that she wore her mask the entire time she was here - including outside. Somehow she just doesn't get it that it isn't their behavior while on our property that is at issue - it is their behavior in the entire 14 days preceding the visit - AND - the behavior of everyone they came into contact with during that time.

And, no, it is not paranoid. It is common sense safety precautions.

(She has diagnosed executive function deficiency - so I get it, but it means I am at more risk than I would otherwise be because I can't control her behavior when she's in my presence (let alone when she is outside of it). I'm as sure as I can be that she will take her mask off to eat and then just not put it back on.)

[Laelth]

9. That's rough. I don't envy you this decision.

Whatever you do, I hope you remain safe and healthy.

-Laelth

[Ms. Toad]

10. I'm not going.

I just have to figure out how to handle the possibility my spouse brings something home to me. I am extremely diligent about hygeine outside the home. Less so inside - I will just have to figure out how to remind myself to throw in extra handwashings, and not touch my face.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

5. Don't even think about going. Send her a nice gift along with your regrets.

You'd be mingling with people from all over; even if everybody does wear masks they'll have to take them off in order to eat. You couldn't pay me to go to something like that.

[Ms. Toad]

8. Not going.

Unfortunately, my spouse does not have as much sense - so she will be going - and bringing home whatver they have there to me.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

11. Yikes, I hope you can talk her out of it.

I'd be pretty pissed off, and I'd be tempted to threaten to move out for a couple of weeks while she self-quarantines in case she does bring something home. She shouldn't be risking your health just for a party even if she doesn't care about her own.

[StevieM]

14. You are not paranoid, you are being thoughtful. Your spouse is not using good judgment here IMO.

I don't think it is safe to attend the bridal shower.

That said, would it be safer for you if you attended and tried to influence her behavior at the event, like making sure that you don't go near people who aren't wearing masks? Or making certain that when you eat you that you are huddled in a corner somewhere?

I hope you are not living in a hotspot, at least, although obviously you can catch Covid 19 anywhere.

[Ms. Toad]

19. Yes, we are in a hot spot.

We are at Level 3 out of 4 on our state's public health emergency ranking. I'm frankly surprised that they are allowing an indoor shower.

Meals will be served at the tables of 8 - so there is no eating in a corner. Generally the rules for indoor eating establishments is no wandering around with food or drinks.

She's not using good judgment because she doesn't have the executive function to make good decisions (she has a medically diagnosed deficiency). Long story short - based on past experience, it would not be helpful to try to influence her behavior at the event because of her inability to understand she is not using good sense.

[Maraya1969]

18. You can find out after the event but if she ends up taking her mask off and others do the same

I would stay away from her for a week or so. It seems as if so many of these cases come from situations just like this.

It's hard to stay away from a spouse but, especially if you are in a high risk group.....I'd do it.

[Ms. Toad]

21. Everyone in our family is in a high risk group . . .

They will all be taking off their masks, since a meal is being served.

We mostly "live" in separate rooms - so less risk of contamination than in many families. My work is based in the living room; hers in the family room. It won't be ideal, but I'll have to figure out something.

[calimary]

33. Sheesh - I guess some sort of inn nearby isn't an option?

And it would have to be for - what? Fourteen days?

Yikes.

I'm glad you're not going, though. Sounds like the wiser move. Any chance your spouse could just drop by the reception but not stay?

[Ms. Toad]

38. Nope.

She's found an excuse to be out and about nearly every day during the stay-at-home period. She both has executive function deficiency (which make her incapable of understanding the seriousness/what is necessary to prevent infection) AND she is an extrovert - so not being out and about is torture for her.

Fortunately, most of the time she has been out and about very few others were, so it wasn't as disastrous as it might otherwise have been.

[Mars and Minerva]

32. A chain is only as strong as it weakest link.

I'm so glad I live alone! Sorry about your situation.

[Cracklin Charlie]

12. I passed on a niece's wedding shower last Sunday.

I watched on a video feed while 4 generations of attendees ( about 30 persons) passed a two month old baby around, while NO ONE was wearing a mask. After(!) attending two wedding showers with many guests, the brides mother let everyone know on Facebook that the grooms grandpa has been in ICU with Covid-19 for two weeks! And his wife, grooms grandma, passed away a few days ago. No reason given. Just asking for thoughts and prayers.

I am now trying to reckon how I can skip the whole wedding without upsetting the family balance.

[Ms. Toad]

23. We'll face the wedding question in about a month and a half. n/t

[3catwoman3]

31. Tell them you will not go to the weeding so they do not...

...have to decide whether or not to attend your funeral.

[Blue_true]

15. Ever heard of walking out.

If I go to an event where full mask wearing was promised and I see only four people show up with them, I would see no more, I would be the hell out of there.

[Ms. Toad]

22. It doesn't solve the basic problem,

that my spouse won't walk out. We were ~40 miles from home, with one car.

I was able to stay relatively safe at the party, since it was outdoors. Even though the group I was with were not consistently wearing masks, all 4 of those wearing masks at some point was in my group - and our chairs were 6' apart.

[notinkansas]

25. I have started just declining the invitations and shipping gifts.

Sister-in-law (former nurse) sent out bridal shower invitations after the start of the pandemic. What?

Another sister-in-law (another former nurse) sent out baby shower invitations well into the pandemic. Um, not doing that.

Husband indicated that he felt obligated to attend nephew's wedding in the Fall. Not I.

Another sister-in-law is planning a family party in August. This is a big family. 9 children, a gazillion grandchildren and several great grandchildren. Crowd size is definitely an issue.

I do feel that this family feels they are above all the rules and impervious to trivial things like pandemics. Why do people have to be like that?

[Ms. Toad]

29. We've pretty much decided to cancel our in-person open house for the holidays.

This year would be (would have been) our 40th. Between 30 and 50 people show up every year - hanging out in 4 rooms in our house - the main events are making ornaments for our tree, grazing (food), and sitting in little clusters chatting. So masks aren't practical. Friends and family come from a half-dozen different communities, so most of them don't see each other except at our annual party - which makes it both sad, and more dangerous (since it it is multiple new communities of exposure to each other - sort of the anti-pod theory).

So we're trying to figure out how to do a virtual party - or a series of small visits. Not sure yet. But it's sad.

But my inlaws are the same as yours. Ugh.

[calimary]

34. I guess there's always Zoom.

I find I'm often on several Zoom calls a week. Father's Day with extended family was nuts - screen full of people in their little compartments! It felt almost like a double "Hollywood Squares"!

[Wednesdays]

4. What?

Where? Who?

[eppur_se_muova]

16. (Very) extended family. No names.

We are in a state with one of the fastest-growing COVID-19 caseloads, but we were only recently given state-wide mask directives. And we have a few Trumpians in the family tree.

[LeftInTX]

7. My daughter is getting married in August

Not looking forward to it

[Skittles]

13. I'm just curious but

can't they wait?

[LeftInTX]

17. This is their second try. They postponed their April wedding

[Ms. Toad]

24. A lot of folks are in that situation.

April/May/June are very busy wedding months.

If I needed paper, I'd go to a justice of the peace, then have the big family/friends/faith community wedding for a 1st or 2nd anniversary. I would not ask family and friends to choose between health and attending a wedding.

(Of course, that's speaking as someone with 4 anniversaries, since LGBT folks tend to have a lot: The 1981 date we use to mark the start of our marriage, the 1990 faith community marriage, the 2004-ish legal marriage in Canada, and finally the 2015 Obergefell which granted legal recognition everywhere.)

[LeftInTX]

28. I know. But I can't control my daughter

[eppur_se_muova]

39. That's the way I'd do it, but then I wouldn't want a church wedding in the first place ...

... and I don't see anything wrong with living together unmarried in most cases.

[Cracklin Charlie]

30. This is what I don't understand.

I couldn’t live with even the stress and guilt of possibly infecting my loved ones with a dangerous disease.

Let anyone should anything terrible happen. It’s just too much.

Elope. Make it an adventure that you’ll remember forever. Have a big party later and tell everyone all about it.

[JI7]

35. Yes, I can understand wanting to make it legal but couldn't they just hold off on the celebrations

until later ?

[Skittles]

40. I agree

I cannot imagine being that.....well, for lack of a better word, selfsh

if you just have to get married then, elope as you suggest, or delay, or have an online celebration - don't make people either come to your wedding or feel guilty for not coming to your wedding, that is just plain wrong

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

26. Tell your spouse fine, she can go, but she'll need to self-quarantine

for 14 days after.

[Beartracks]

27. Why do people think breathing/talking vapor doesn't drift past 6 feet?

Or do they just not realize that that's a major way this virus spreads??

========

[Hekate]

36. Gawd. So many of us are in the same situation. I love my husband's brother's family to bits...

...but they started congregating again 2 months ago, and it’s been one family event after another. Big extended family. We are invited, and I keep sending my/our regrets. They have made what they feel is an informed decision — but as I sit here in my splendid isolation, I have to admit I feel increasingly lonely.

[Progressive Jones]

37. The US is littered with selfishness. nt