Well, I'm in the hospital

[underpants]

Well, I'm in the hospital. 😩 This has not been a good day. After spending the last 3 months quarantined inside the house, limited contact with my family or friends since end of March ......enough is enough. So I decided to go for a horseback ride with a good friend. 😘 Something I haven't done for a long time. It turned out to be a horrible mistake! I got on the horse and I started out slowly, but then it got crazy windy. I went faster and faster and before I knew it, I was going as fast as that horse could go. I couldn't take the pace and fell off, but caught my pants on the stirrup. I was being dragged and was bouncing all over the place. The horse just would not stop!
Thankfully the manager at Dollar General came running out and unplugged the machine. Then he actually had the nerve to take the rest of my quarters and my bottle of Tequila, so I wouldn't try to ride the damn fire truck or clown car. 🙄
I have a few scrapes and bruises but nothing's broken. I will wear a helmet next time.





How many of you actually read what I wrote? If you did, copy and paste for someone else to get a laugh! We certainly need a little humor these days!!!

[spooky3]

1. I read it, and I'm glad you were just funnin' with us. nt

[Ohiogal]

2. ROTFLMAO!

You really had me going there, underpants!!

[underpants]

14. Saw it on the Facebook

See! It is worth something....every once in a while.

[Srkdqltr]

3. Made me laugh out loud. Thanks.😂😂😂😂

[MineralMan]

4. LOL! You were riding a "Quarter" Horse!

Dangerous stuff.

[lillypaddle]

61. Good one

[Harker]

63. When I was a kid her name was Penny. n/t

[demmiblue]

5. !

[backtoblue]

6. HA!

[soothsayer]

7. Ha

[blueinredohio]

8. You had me for a minute.

[tavernier]

9. That used to be an old Blonde joke.

I’m glad you recycled it and featured the pandemic instead of us Blondies, lol!

[lark]

10. Yep, read it all, and you got me.

One of my best friends owns horses and had an accident like you described at first, only for real, when she hadn't had her new horse for long and the horse spooked. She had a concussion & broken ribs and it took many months before she was back up to speed, so I was concerned.

Glad it wasn't real.

[Brother Buzz]

11. An oldie, but goodie

I first heard it when someone explained why G W Bush had such a fear of horses.

[UpInArms]

12. Thanks ....

Read to the end ... but was getting anxious...

So glad you are, not just okay, but funny, too

[Stuart G]

13. I read the first paragraph, and was very worried..The headline "I 'm in the hospital..."

is what got me very worried. Some people would read that, and not read the whole story, and think
that this is a true story, and that it really happened...

..That is how many people read the internet..We read the first few lines, and then go somewhere else....
Since I got to the part about the Dollar General ..and unplugged the machine, then I began to realize
this was not real news.............

Finally I read the last line questioning ........".whether I read what I wrote?" Then I realized this was just for humor, but for me, it did not work...This did the exact opposite.

...This creates fear and worry in some people, especially if they do not get to the end of the story. And reading the first few sentences is exactly what many of us do...This is not funny at all in my opinion.

[LeftInTX]

15. You lost me at unplug the machine..LOL

Haven't seen one of those in about 40 years!
No way would one be in front of Dollar General!

[Midnight Writer]

29. I saw one the other day. I have never seen a child as joyful as the one riding the "quarter" horse.

[niyad]

55. We have one in my supermarket.

[lunatica]

16. My relief that it was just a joke by no means

saves your butt from a good ass kicking!

[GemDigger]

17. Apparently the fishing is good today.

You caught me, bait, hook and sinker.

[hlthe2b]

18. Man, I was just winding up to castigate you for the unforgiveable sin of "irresponsibility on horse"

You damn near got me!

[justhanginon]

19. Had me goin' right to the end. Good one, always up for a good laugh.

[malaise]

20. Hilarious

but I was worried about you in the beginning

[PCIntern]

21. Very funny! Thanks!

[Bev54]

22. Thank you for the laugh

always needed! I was seriously caught up in your story!

[ProfessorGAC]

23. You Had Me Going!

It was a good bit!

[Karadeniz]

24. You had me going! Thanks for the entertainment!❤

[hibbing]

25. Thanks, needed this n/t

[Illumination]

26. That will teach you to go out of the house!!!

[diverdownjt]

87. Yeah no shit...

What where you thinking. Stay home...let the world go by.
Those dime store horses are assholes...what where you thinking.

[judesedit]

27. That's funny. Thanks. I needed that.

[mountain grammy]

28. Very funny, thanks.

but you had me going there.

[trof]

30. Ya got me!

[Alliepoo]

31. OMGosh!! You got me!!

Lololol!! That was a good one!!!

[demigoddess]

32. good one! do you write books???

[underpants]

35. No

I saw it on the Facebook

[vercetti2021]

33. Haha

That is great

[NurseJackie]

34. I didn't laugh.

I actually felt bad to read that you were in the hospital.

Fool me once... and all that.

[h2ebits]

36. Thanks for the laugh

We all need at least one each day to keep us going.

Yes, I've copied and pasted to Facebook.

[peggysue2]

37. LOL!!

You sucked me in. Thanks for the laugh because you're right--we need the humor in grim times.

[Lars39]

38. Oh the poor horsey!

Are they going to have to put it down and replace it with a rocket ship? lol

[underpants]

44. 🚀

[Lars39]

46. I can just hear you now...I got singed during launch!

[klook]

39. GoFundMe page for our dear Underpants.

Best of luck, man! We're pulling for you!
https://bit.ly/3fDTM3I

[nolabear]

66. After all these years I fall...

[klook]

74. LOL - at least it's an alternate version! (nt)

[smirkymonkey]

40. You had me going, right up to the point where the manager at Dollar General came to

your rescue. And I asked myself "Why would he be riding a horse in a mall parking lot?" I'm a little slow.

[Magoo48]

41. Good stuff!

[panader0]

42. I did the horse/tequila thing on a real horse once, bareback.

I fell off twice and then quit.
You had me going too, right up the part when the manager of the Dollar Store came out.....

[Martin Eden]

43. You and the horse you rode in on

... hit a little too close to home for me.

I was figuratively on my horse (running full speed) chasing a fly ball slicing towards the right field foul line at a senior softball tournament in Virginia on Sunday. When I started putting on the brakes to avoid running into the fence my left foot planted but the rest of my leg continued forward a bit, resulting in a badly dislocated ankle.

My left heel was pushed back a couple inches, and the rest of my foot was off at a crazy angle. I had to be stretchered off the field and taken by ambulance to the Ashburn Healthplex, where I received very good treatment. They set my foot straight, took before & after x-rays, and wrapped it up good for the 11 hour drive home in the back seat of a teammate's car with my legs across the back seat and the injured ankle elevated on a bag of clothes.

My wife was able to get an appointment with my orthopedist Tuesday morning, and he was able to schedule surgery Wednesday morning. Surgery went well with a titanium plate & 7 screws to repair the spiral fracture in my fibula at the ankle. This was not how my wife and I wanted to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary, which was the same day as the surgery.

I'll be on crutches about 6 weeks before I can drive my car and return to the office. Fortunately I can work from home, as I did for 3 months when Illinois shut down in mid-March.

My team won that game and two more to become the SSUSA Eastern National Champions in the 60 Major division. Sadly, my season is over. I fell off my horse too damn hard.

[underpants]

45. Sorry to hear that.

Nice hustle though. 👍

[Martin Eden]

50. I couldn't quite get to the ball

It landed foul in a game my team easily won.

The previous batter had a line drive base hit down the right field line. I hustled after it and fielded the ball in foul territory, then made a strong throw to the cutoff man to hold the batter to a single.

I was still a bit winded on the fatefull foul ball. Not sure if that contributed to the injury as much as the downward slope of the field which changed the angle of my foot plant.

[IronLionZion]

47. You had me up until Dollar General

[Stinky The Clown]

48. THAT . . . . hit the spot. Thank you!!!

[Ferrets are Cool]

49. 🤣🤣🤣 You deserve every bruise

[hunter]

51. I've landed in the ER for worse.

Locked up in the psych ward as well, but not for alcohol.

My most serious tequila adventure was drinking in Mexico and waking up in San Diego on the floor of some apartment next to a big black motorcycle with people I didn't know. This was in the early 'eighties.

Fortunately they were nice people.

The second and last time I drank too much tequila was at the wedding reception of one of my brothers. The morning after other brothers bought me a big hair-of-the-dog Bloody Mary with a celery stick at LAX, because they know I hate flying, and pushed me onto an airplane to Minnesota. I missed the connection flight by no fault of my own, and was sober enough when the taxi dropped me off at home.

My wife, who couldn't attend the wedding because she had to work, made no comment when I stumbled through the door.

[llmart]

52. OMG!

I can't believe I was starting to feel sorry for you until I got to the end.

Now I'm laughing my ass off.

[world wide wally]

53. I hope you wiped that horse down with Lysol and wore a rubber.

Or whatever.















o

[niyad]

54. I am so glad that I had put down my drink! Are you banned from Dollar General?

Thank you for the llaughs You must be more careful. You could have dropped the tequila"

[Roland99]

56. Darn you!!

lol!!

[Gidney N Cloyd]

57. Yo Semite Sam often had that same problem

[underpants]

62. This sums it up for me usually. Open the bridge! I say open the bridge!

Close it. Close the bridge!

[bluboid]

58. OMG, I didn't realize how much I need to smile & laugh today...

until I saw your post - THANKS!

[NotASurfer]

59. My wife won't let me near tequila without adult supervision

Thank you, Friday is much better now!

[lillypaddle]

60. Click bait!!

[Ilsa]

64. I needed that today, so "Thank you!" nt

[nolabear]

65. You monster.

[SergeStorms]

67. That's NOT funny!

Awwww heck, yeah, it is. I must admit, at the beginning you had me. When I kept reading I started asking myself, "how can you still be conscious and able to write?" Before I got to the "Dollar General" part I knew you were pulling my crank.

Thanks for the smile though. I really needed that today. The stench of Trump is getting so strong and constant my sense of humor has been suffering.

Now get back on that horse, you quitter!

[Silver1]

68. I laughed so hard!

I though it really happened and completely understood your wanting to ride with complete abandon after everything and wouldn't have blamed you if you really had done such a crazy thing.

Anyway, you had me there!

[Skittles]

69. OK this did actually make me LOL

[underpants]

70. Yes!

[Totally Tunsie]

71. I felt so badly for you. How could you do that to all of us?

Now, who can I forward that to???



P.S. Glad to hear you're fine!

[Catherine Vincent]

72. Lmao!

[mzmolly]

73. Hey!

Glad you are well!

[marble falls]

75. Prayers and thoughts, yadda, yadda, yadda.

[LuckyCharms]

76. I got a little anxiety and a lot of worry when I started reading this.

Now, I'm feeling vengeful.

You shall pay for this misdeed.

[stopbush]

77. Someone else posted this same joke on DU a couple of weeks ago.

[underpants]

79. Maybe that's how the Dollar General store guy knew what to do

Okay. I’d missed this here before.

[dgauss]

78. The mistake was the Tequila. Always stick with Jack Daniels when riding a quarter horse.

[N_E_1 for Tennis]

80. KnR

[cilla4progress]

81. Awesome!

first you had me, then my spouse!

[BumRushDaShow]

82. ...

[DaBronx]

83. Brilliant

I just burst out laughing in such a joyful way it reminded me of my mom and how she would react to a legitimately funny joke. The kind of laughter that makes you really snort and make goofy noises. Thanks, I really needed that and will pass it on for sure. That was absolutely hysterical!!!!!

[BootinUp]

84. Bastid...rofl

[CatWoman]

85. you fucking nut

I was scared to death!!!!

[moondust]

86. Hi Ho Sliver!

Away!!!!!!

[ornotna]

88. I thought Reagan closed all those hospitals

[Laha]

89. Haha!

I think I nearly soiled myself laughing there. Thanks! I'll remember to give the horsey ride a try next time I see one. I'll definitely bring the tequila.

[Nay]

90. You scared the hell out of me, underpants!!! Then I laughed. nt

[MoonRiver]

91. Hahaha!

I was sure you were talking about a covid infection!

[JohnnyRingo]

92. Get well soon!

Obviously, it hasn't affected your sense of humor.