I need advice. My daughter stole a Trump flag.

[Beakybird]

Yesterday afternoon I woke up from a nap with a message that terrified me. I new that my wife (who I just separated) and my daughter were going to a cabin in Harvard, Illinois. The message was from the McHenry County sheriff to call them back as soon as possible. Were my two loved ones in a car accident?

So with dread, I called the sheriff. It turned out, to my relief, that no one was in the hospital. Two witnesses saw someone driving the Camry with my license plates get out and steal a Trump 2020 flag from someone's lawn, and they wanted the flag back.

I should have told the sheriff that I would call them back, but when I said that my wife was driving the car, she said that it was a young lady. I gave the sheriff my daughter's phone number so that they could arrange my daughter returning the flag which was all that was expected.

In the meantime, my daughter had burned the flag, and she hung up on the sheriff. Now she and my wife are furious with me for ruining their little outing by providing my daughter's phone #. I really screwed up.

I live in a different county in Illinois. What should we expect as far as legal ramifications?

When I called back, the officer wouldn't help me get in contact with the aggrieved Trump supporter so that I could replace the flag.

[Sanity Claws]

1. I can see why the police would not give you the contact info

The police may be concerned about possible harassment. How about offering to pay for the new flag through the officer? In effect you are offering to pay restitution on behalf of your daughter but the officer can still preserve the identity of the homeowner.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

2. For starters, your daughter needs a good talking-to about

stealing and destroying the personal property of others, no matter how annoying or offensive it might be. She could be prosecuted for trespassing and theft if they chose to do that, and she didn't help herself any by hanging up on the sheriff. We are justifiably angry when Trumpers steal our lawn signs, and it works both ways.

[cwydro]

23. This.

Exactly.

[Bev54]

31. Sounds to me the ex-wife needs a talking to

Sounds like she may have been in on the stunt. I know how tempting it would be to do the same.

[crickets]

43. +1

[beaglelover]

47. Agree 100%

The mother needs a good talking to as well for allowing the daughter to steal and burn the Trump flag.

[Takket]

3. YOU really screwed up? No... THEY screwed up

and you absolutely did the right thing by being upfront and honest with the police. It may have taken the police LONGER to find your daughter without your help, but they would have eventually. Stealing is a crime and being that your daughter burned the flag the easy answer of "just give it back to them and we all move on" isn't available anymore.

If your daughter is mad at you she is perfectly welcome to keep hanging up on the sheriff and see how well that works for her in the long run. In the meantime I'd suggest you offer to buy a flag for her so she can return it. Failing that ask the sheriff if you can mail it to their office and they can drop it off. Other than that you really can't do anything else but let your daughter decide if she wants to replace the flag or face charges and a criminal record for theft.

[SheltieLover]

12. This!👆

You did the right thing. THEY did not.

Let them deal with it. Or call police & offer to pay for the flag.

Sounds like a teachable moment.

Do not let them borrow your car again, btw.

[Blue_true]

48. Excellent ideas in your last paragraph. I believe that would resolve the situation unless the

Trumper wants blood, BUT, if the OP makes restitution ASAP, the police are unlikely to charge his daughter with more that petty destruction of property, which should warrant a fine and maybe a few hours of community service. My guess is the police want to get this closed and deal with other stuff.

You are right. Hanging up on the Police NEVER work out well for a person, in fact, it only makes the matter worse.

[woodsprite]

4. It hurts, tremendously, but I would have your daughter buy them another Trump flag

return it to the police department for them to return to the family.

Due to her stealing and destroying someone else's property, she now will need to make a donation to his campaign. Not something any of us wants to do, but a lesson she definitely won't forget.

[stopbush]

5. Tell them you'll look into it, but you hear that a lot of people are burning tRump

flags these days, good people on both sides.

[rzemanfl]

10. A lot of people are saying that. n/t

[lunatica]

26. Some say

But that’s a lot of people.

[marie999]

19. They might not appreciate that.

[Jamastiene]

61. Very fine people and all.

I have no sympathy for Trumpers any more.

[DFW]

6. I suspect you would get the same reaction from the Trump fan that you would get from any Democrat...

...reporting that your ex and daughter had stolen a Biden-Harris flag and burned that.

[LuvLoogie]

7. Well, if your daughter is a minor, you might have more to deal with than replacing a flag.

You and your wife are probably going to have to answer for why you would let a minor do such a thing.

If your daughter is eighteen or older, then you gotta let her deal with it.

Yeah you should have passed on the info to your wife and leave it to them to deal with.

[rzemanfl]

8. It could be worse, she could have stolen it because she wanted it for herself.

Good luck.

[Dial H For Hero]

9. You did not screw up. Your wife and daughter did when they chose to steal someone's property.

[Codeine]

11. You didn't do anything wrong.

Your kid is being a teenager (which is to say oblivious to consequences and heedless of others) and she’s going to regret her decision, as most teenagers do at some point. Your ex is an idiot for enabling her. You’re pretty much the only person acting intelligently, but as your daughter is out of your sphere of influence at the moment all you can do is wash your hands of it and go on about your day.

Either way, the situation is going to resolve, probably to the detriment of your kid, but it won’t be a big deal in the end, and hopefully she learns a valuable lesson about fucking with other people’s shit.

[Buckeyeblue]

13. Interesting. Just had this same talk with my 17 year old daughter yesterday

She told me that she and her friend were going to steal a Trump sign. I asked her if getting caught, possibly by the police, was worth it? My point was that we live in a very red part of Michigan and I didn't know what sort of bullshit charges the local prosecutor may dream up.

Then we talked about how we wouldn't want a Biden sign taken from our yard. And people should be able to be safe with whatever political statement they want to make in their yards, even the confederate flag. I said (paraphrasing Maya Angelou) if people want to tell us how stupid they are, we need to pay attention.

My daughter was like, I thought you would think it was funny. I told her at the end of the day, it's not worth the risk. Nor is it what we stand for...She end ended up agreeing of maybe she just wanted to be done talking about it. I felt like an old fudydud.

[VarryOn]

15. Some people have booby trapped their Trump signs..

Due to so many being stolen and vandalized. So, aside from legal trouble, a person could get hurt trying to take one. There are YouTube videos of Trumpers recording people trying to steal their signs.

[Buckeyeblue]

17. Right. And we have a bunch of crazy gun nuts that would use that as an excuse to shoot someone.

The next two and a half months are going to be tough. And Ugly.

[cwydro]

27. You're not a fuddydud.

You’re a good parent, one with principles and morals.

It’s wrong when they do it, and wrong if we do it.

[lunatica]

28. When she gets older she'll hear what you said.

Right now she may think you’re the dumbest person on the planet, depending on how old she is.

[LizBeth]

14. Foremost it is on your wife, but the choice was the wife and daughter. They hold the responsibility.

It is not on you. A lesson learned for your daughter, what our job is as parents.

[LisaL]

16. Replace the flag and hopefully all will be well.

If officer won't give you the owner's contact info, offer to give the flag to the officer so he can return it to the owner. It doesn't sound like flag owner wants to press charges, at least as of now.

[Thekaspervote]

18. I'd say leave it alone..the cops are busy. If they want to to take it any further you'll be

Hearing from them.

If the police come, be very conciliatory, see that they apologize big time and go from there. She isn’t gonna have an arrest record or go to jail over it.

[Lunabell]

20. It's a misdemeanor.

I dont think they will put out a warrant for her arrest unless the trumpsters press it.

[safeinOhio]

21. Everyone needs to

lawyer up.

[struggle4progress]

22. Here's what I would do

(1) Keep a written record of everything: phone calls from sheriff, your return call, etc
(2) Call both Mom and Daughter. Explain car is in your name and you cannot allow it to be used for illegal activities. Tell Daughter she cannot drive it. Tell Mom she cannot drive it when committing crimes and cannot use it to transport stolen property
(3) Get prompt legal advice from a professional

[yardwork]

34. That's good advice.

My heart goes out to the poster. He's having to deal with a co-parent showing very poor judgment. Parenting is difficult enough without one of the parents pulling stunts like this.

[Beakybird]

24. Thanks so much for replies! I need to sift through these.

[Happy Hoosier]

25. I wouldn't have told the cops anything.

I mean, I don't approve of stealing other peoples' stuff, but I would not have spilled my guts to a cop who in all likelihood is a Trumper himself.

What were you thinking?

I would have said I want to talk to a lawyer and that's that. Let the lawyer deal with it.

The cops are not there to help you.

[panader0]

33. Not everyone has a couple of thousand dollars to "lawyer up" as has been suggested.

I know I don't. I had a court appointed lawyer once. He never met with me or called
and showed up in court 10 minutes before my case.

[Happy Hoosier]

40. I understand....

But There are potentially serious charges in the offing here. And in no case would I tell the cops any damn thing.

[Jamastiene]

62. Exactly.

You are better off saying nothing at all to them.

[yardwork]

35. I feel badly for the poster. He didn't create this situation.

[SiliconValley_Dem]

29. never tell the cops ANYTHING

[ismnotwasm]

30. They committed a crime in YOUR car?

Naw bruh.

I mean burning Trumps flags is fine, mighty fine even, stealing property is not, involving you even in the periphery is not. You should have a say in your own involvement

[Hassin Bin Sober]

32. Leave it alone. Don't talk to the cops again. That goes for your daughter too.

Your daughter did the right thing by hanging up.

They are not going to spend any resources more than phone calls to track anyone down. This is one of those situations where an otherwise law abiding citizen can cause themselves trouble by helping otherwise lazy cops. Sure they will pin it on you if you walk in to their station and admit the crime. Easy peasy for them.

I’ve been the victim of crime and had video. Cops don’t care. We had a car stolen and the cops found “kids” driving the car but couldn’t be bothered to prosecute because they couldn’t prove who actually stole the car - makes total sense


Sure talk to your daughter (don’t forget to remind her everything is on video). But don’t hand the cops a lay-up.

Anytime I or a friend has been the victim of a crime, this is the vibe I get from cops:

Even this video is inaccurate. Because cops don’t call you to tell you they have your car. My neighbor had to wait three weeks to find out her stolen car was in the impound the whole time with its windows open. The thieves took it on a joyride and left it. The car would have been salvageable if it hadn’t been waterlogged.

[Jamastiene]

64. This exactly.

Cops won't help victims of most crimes, sometimes including violent crimes. Just as a sampling of rape victims who the first one to blame THEM for the crime committed against them way. It is the cops.

Don't give them an easy, convenient lie to use, because they will. I used to work with an ex-cop. He bragged about them doing that, and tons of racist crap.

Cops are not your friends. They only only there to pin on you whatever they can. Before long, they'll have you on the rope for doing it. Don't give them anything unless forced by a court of law.

Plus, with cops, you can be sure if it was a Democrat who had their sign stolen, they cops would have told them not to leave it out by the road for someone to take and left them high and dry. Why help cops, who clearly only care about coddling Trump supporters?

[Evergreen Emerald]

73. This is just not true.

Your exaggeration and flat out lies distorts reality and is not helpful.

[RhodeIslandOne]

78. That's not entirely true

The cops called me when they found my stolen car. And it was the Providence police, so it wasn't a "big city got no time for you" situation.

[Patterson]

36. I would talk to a lawyer.

[Beakybird]

37. I guess I do know a lawyer.

I shouldn't have given my daughter's #, but the cop only wanted the flag back. I didn't know that she had burned the flag.
Her position is that the word Trump is worse than the N-word, and she would never replace the flag.

[Budi]

38. Did she save the ashes? Return the flag in an appropriate urn.

That's what I'd do!

"Here's your flag, saved in a decorative urn for eternal worship"




I do like your daughter's spirit, however it turns out.

[Dial H For Hero]

42. Given that she doesn't have the slgihtest remorse for stealing the property of others, be glad you

did give them her phone number. She needs to suffer the consequences of her actions.

[Drahthaardogs]

39. So THEY steal, THEY get caught, YOU do the right thing

And THEY are furious at YOU?

Sounds like your daughter and ex wife both need a nice big bowl of Grow The Fuck Up with milk. You don't steal people's shit. If you do steal people's shit and get caught, you accept the consequences of your actions.

Jesus Christ you married a fucking child.

Count your blessings you are getting a divorce and go order a pizza.

[Beakybird]

41. Thanks for support! When I get my Federal unemployment, I'll order that pizza.

[pnwmom]

44. I don't think giving the police your daughter's phone number was necessary, actually.

The police could do their investigation without your help.

You could, however, have called your daughter and told her they were looking for her, and suggest that she call them.

[Beakybird]

46. Agreed. But the cops just wanted the flag returned.

And I was cooperative partly because I was relieved that I wasn't being called about a tragedy.

[pnwmom]

58. And they had just woken you up -- I can see how they caught you off guard.

But as a general rule, I think it's a wise idea not to trust the police about anything. We know they are allowed to lie when it serves their ends.

[Tarc]

45. This is unacceptable. Daughter needs a good talking to...

...about proper identity obfuscation when carrying out acts of heroism against the symbology of white supremacy.

1. Park some distance away, then make your way on foot to the site of the flag-liberating.
2. Masks, masks, masks.
3. Don't brag to friends, don't record it for tik tok, etc...

[Jamastiene]

67. Good pointers.

I like the way you think.

[Raine]

49. It's wrong to steal someone else's private property and then destroy it no matter what ...

my neighbor's Biden was stolen a couple days ago. I bet your daughter wouldn't be supportive of that but well gee if you don't like the message just go ahead and steal it, geesh! I hope she learns a lesson from this, she needs one!

[Mariana]

50. Your daughter knows where she stole the flag from.

You don't need the police to tell you that.

[Blue_true]

51. Call the police and explain that your daughter "lost" the flag in a rage.

She tried to find it, but can’t. Offer to buy the identical Trump flag and deliver it to the police so they can deliver it to the Trumper. Hopefully that end it, but the Trumper can insist that your daughter get charged with a petty crime.

Your daughter did a crime, and there is always a price to pay for that. But you taking action to replace the Trump flag can go a long way toward softening the blow to her.


She can do a lot more damage to Trump by volunteering with her local Democratic Party group and doing things like phone banking over the next 2+ months. Try to give her a lesson about the right way to bring about Just change.

[MustLoveBeagles]

60. I agree with this

Especially the last paragraph.

[brooklynite]

52. I would suggest she offer to apologize and replace the flag...

She needs to understand that:

1) Freedom of speech means freedom to say things you don’t agree with, because then you have the right to say things they don’t agree with.

2) From a strictly political standpoint, allowing Trump supporters to claim “persecution” makes it that much harder to beat him.

[Beakybird]

53. This is my position as well, and my daughter's screamed at me to no end for maintaining it.

[Mariana]

59. So she doesn't want your help. So be it.

You should probably get your car back, before it's used to commit more crimes.

[Maru Kitteh]

71. She did wrong and she knows it, hence the defensiveness. Trump takes NO RESPONSIBILITY

for his actions. You do your daughter no favor at all if you allow her to continue in the same behavior without calling her out on it.

Adulting is HARD, and your ex-wife is doing a piss-poor job of it apparently, so it's on you to be the grown-up. It's uncomfortable to have your mostly grown kids mad at you but you have an important job here.

Stealing and destruction of private property is wrong. Full stop.

[Dial H For Hero]

76. Your daughter screams at you because she doesn't like one of your political positions?

I can only imagine what would have happened to me if I had treated one of my parents that way as a teenager.

[Demonaut]

54. just buy a flag, hard as it may be but daughters lesson learnt, you spent money re-electing trump

because of her actions, now wait till its dark

[Beakybird]

56. I have no idea where this Trumper lives, and it's well over an hour from my house.

The only lawyer I know does family law and has no idea if this will be prosecuted.
Once my daughter hung up on them, the police no longer just want the flag. They want my daughter to come to the station.
Whether they will prosecute a petty crime three counties over...
I really appreciate the advice and moral support from this great community.

[MustLoveBeagles]

63. I'm very sorry your daughter and wife put you in this position

If I saw a trump sign I'd roll my eyes, say something rude, and flip the bird. I wouldn't steal. For one, I wouldn't want that to happen to me and second, I wouldn't give the trumper the satisfaction of making them a martyr/victim. Don't you dare blame yourself for this. Your daughter did this and your wife enabled it. You didn't do anything wrong. Let us know how things turn out.

[marble falls]

55. This is when you really should talk to lawyer and not us.

[AmyStrange]

57. When did it become against the law to burn the flag?

-

Especially the trumpet's flag.

Maybe you could tell them it's in the mail.

Ha ha ha ha ha
==========

[Jamastiene]

66. They get those things from the campaigns, and they are usually free of charge anyhow.

It's not like they can't just go get another one with no charge. You can bet if it was a Democrat, the cops would tell them tough shit. Been there, had it happen, had the cops say that. I can't believe they are going above and beyond over this.

[Maru Kitteh]

72. Why on Earth did you call the cops then?

Maybe because what was done to you was WRONG?

Guess what, it's still WRONG when the shoe is on the proverbial other foot.

[SharonClark]

74. Why do you assume the flag was free?

That trump idiot probably paid big bucks for that flag.

Campaigns charge for everything these days.

[LisaL]

75. I looked it up.

You can buy Trump Pence 2020 red flag for $30.

[Jamastiene]

65. Stop talking to the cops, first.

You don't have to offer them up a bunch of information, for crying out loud.

If it was a Democrat who had a sign stolen, the cops would tell the people not to put the sign out by the road, and that it is their own fault for doing that because it is just inviting thieves to steal it.

I know from firsthand experience how cops are about these things. In this case, they are clearly coddling the Trump supporters. Cops wouldn't go through that much trouble for a Democrat.

Don't help them do it. It's a stupid political sign. It's not even personal property in the first place. They can get another one from the campaign. You don't owe them anything, especially not your daughter's freedom.

[marlakay]

68. I am more concerned that your daughter felt it was ok

To hang up on a policeman, stealing the flag was wrong but her reaction to being caught is to hang up on a cop, that I would care about even more.

I understand after all the things some cops have done people have lost respect for them but the many risking their lives and doing a hard job don't deserve to be treated badly.

[JI7]

69. Don't steal things from Private Property. Make a sign that says fuck trump

or anything else if you want to show you don't support him and hate him.

[Buckeye_Democrat]

70. You might have to buy a replacement flag yourself...

... and try to make amends.

I know that YOU didn't do it, but I'd probably cut out the "middle-woman" that I'm trying to protect in this situation and do it myself. (I mean, if your daughter seems reluctant at all about making amends.)

Edit: Oh, sorry! Somehow missed your last comment about the sheriff not helping you to do it. Ugh.

[AmyStrange]

77. Your flags in the mail...

-

ha ha ha ha ha ha
========