Letters from The Battle of Lake Travis

[Sogo]

Last edited Mon Sep 5, 2022, 10:47 PM - Edit history (2)

Dearest Annabel:

Although we have much to celebrate from our first encounter with the Incumbent Flotilla, they suffering heavy loss at the hands of our noble submarine forces, we see that they are mighty in number. The battle raged for the full day, and our supplies are now dwindling. We are running short of hamberders and covfefe. This war will likely last into the Fall. How I long to return to the bosom of my family.

Your loving husband,
Jebediah

[BSdetect]

1. Love this.

[Jirel]

2. Dearest Josephine,

We took heavy fire from the ANTIFA Navy, but were never able to catch sight of even one of them. My guns, wallet, and anti-mask disability card now lie in the muddy depths of Lake Travis. Send supplies, for when we asked our commander for aid in our hour of need, he said “I only like sailors who don’t sink,” and motored away, swamping a mere 30 foot cruiser in his wake.

Your devoted Kyle.

[asiliveandbreathe]

4. Too funny..so creative...thanks for the levity..we sure can use it these days....

[Sogo]

5. Excellent!

[ALBliberal]

17. Omg can't stop laughing

[dvan]

21. Please stop.

I’m about to pee my pants.

[ancianita]

30. ...

classic badassery

[AllyCat]

39. LOL!! Perfect!

[Vivienne235729]

49. This is fantastic. So clever and funny.

[malaise]

53. Send Mountain Dew, Bourbon and lime

[underpants]

60. Dearest Clarissa,

This is the gold we’ve seemed in the mountains “anti-mask disability card now lie in the muddy depths of Lake Travis”

Give my love to Rose.

Forever yours,
Jedidiah Stevens

[asiliveandbreathe]

3. That is so awesome....ROFLOL...you are genius..you do know there will

some qanon CT who will report submarines in Lake Travis...wait for it..

[muriel_volestrangler]

51. Carmine Sabia, far right scribbler, already said it was terrorists

Link to tweet

He's since deleted the tweet, because too many people were laughing at him I guess, but it's in the Google cache:
webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:5M30uK6DqPAJ:htt ps://twitter.com/CarmineSabia/status/1302336384884264962+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=uk

Instead, he's whining that "Democrats celebrate people's lives in danger."

[Hekate]

6. KnR

[Xolodno]

7. LOL!

Dearest Karen,

Our fleet sailed full of high morale, dear leaders flag prominently showing its colors and singing Onward Xtian Soldiers while drinking Keystone Lite. Little did we know of the trap we were sailing into. Antifa must have developed stealth and silent technology as we never detected their submarines. Out of no where several torpedoes of Campbell's Tomato soup exploded on our bow and stern. It was a frighting sight to see, so many sailors covered in a red bloody mess. Other ships scrambled fast as they could go, but in the panic to avoid the onslaught of the tomato soup torpedo, they inadvertently sank other allied ships. I was rescued by the ship "Suckers and Losers" and have been granted shore leave to return home.

Humbly,

Chad.

P.S. You were right, I should have purchased the boat insurance.

[Sogo]

9. Bravo!

LOL!

[Jirel]

10. Perfection!

Nice P.S. LOL!!!

[dvan]

22. I'm literally crying

Because I can’t stop laughing.

[steve2470]

25. very good ! nt

[spooky3]

36. Hahaha! Nt

[NBachers]

46. The Antifa Navy's proud SS George Soros:

[malaise]

54. P.S. You were right, I should have purchased the boat insurance.

[CottonBear]

63. Ha! LOL!

[dawg day]

8. You guys are so funny--

I can't keep up!

[Nevilledog]

11. Loving this thread.

[Staph]

12. In case you need a soundtrack for your letter . . .

[Sogo]

14. LOVE IT !!

[flying rabbit]

35. This makes it even better!

[SCantiGOP]

13. I could hear a lonely harmonica playing

As I read your letter to your wife.

[MontanaMama]

15. I can't even!

I’m laughing so hard! Thanks!

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

16. Wonderful!

[yankeepants]

18. Letters from The Battle of Lake Travis

Dearest Bob.
I don't know if that is your name but it seemed appropriate for your present state on Lake Travis. If you somehow manage to not take on mortal soup can injury I will invite your call. 867-5309.
best wishes,
Jenny

[Ilsa]

26. "Bob" LOL! "We hope you buoys stay strong." nt

[Tess49]

27. Dearest Bob. lol

[AllyCat]

43. Hah!!

[dem in texas]

19. Thank You All!

Nothing like a good laugh in these dark times.

[czarjak]

20. Thank you for your service, patriot!

[lunatica]

23. I thought it was a massacre, a veritable

baby devouring bloodfest! A horror of horrors!

Boy! They’re not gonna like it when we start getting serious!

[ALBliberal]

24. I so love DU.

[NoRoadUntravelled]

28. An amazing thread.

DU is awesome!

[ProudProgressiveNow]

29. KR NT

[Sogo]

31. Dearest Jebediah,

News of your triumph against the Incumbent Flotilla has reached most grateful hearts, and we are stirred by your bravery in our own efforts against the ever expanding tyranny. We call, we canvas, we donate, and still we wonder if our efforts will be enough. The day must come when we are rid of this scourge upon our land! On this day, the wind catches the leaves in a most gentle way, and I long for your presence once again.
Lovingly,
Annabel

[BainsBane]

33. You have a knack for this

Don't stop.

[BainsBane]

32. .

[duhneece]

34. To everyone: I like boats that don't sink. nt

[malaise]

55. Hehehehe

How's the campaign going?

[keithbvadu2]

37. Release the Kraken!

[captain queeg]

38. The battle today just proves that our fearless leader never lies

Many people are saying it was antifa submarines who sank us. It was antifa alright, but they were using their invisible stealth planes

[EndlessWire]

40. This is a great thread! n/t

[burrowowl]

41. Keep it up!

[Aussie105]

42. Letters from the front:

Dear Martha.

It was a bitter fight, but the British troops, without much resolve, did not repel our attacks.

All the airports were liberated.

Our fight, where the Continental Army took over the airports from the British during this Revolutionary War, will go down in history as a major turning point in our liberation!

Your husband

Signed: General Husband.

Postscript. Cold here. Running out of supplies. Airport canteens raided, nothing left. Send thermos flasks of Covfefe and supplies of Dunkin' donuts!

Historical narrator: The author of this letter featured greatly in the Battle of Bowling Green a short time after.
General Husband did not survive that battle. Martha was upset, but found solace in the arms of the pool boy.

(A full report of this battle available from Kellyanne Conway on application. Email her!)

[malaise]

56. ROFL

[Xolodno]

44. One more....this thread is inspiring.

To my wife,

As you know, I cannot reveal our names, in case of QAnon discovering our actual identities. But today, we won the day. They had no knowledge of our stealth submarines. Our counter intelligence operations against QAnon should be commended and I have written a coded message expressing this. But I can no longer write more about that. As no doubt, QAnon is now searching for double agents, they will not find them, as they will conspire against each other first.

But what I can write is mostly known now. I gave the order for our submarine fleet to fire our Tomato Soup Torpedo's and continue doing so while giving no quarter. I raised the periscope and saw so many sailors who once only had red hats, now covered in a bloody red mess. The sheer panic on their faces was like food for my soul. They panicked and broke ranks and formation, many ships sank due to their own over confidence and ineptness. But we already knew this was their weakness.

I will be home soon. But after a secret meeting of receiving the Star of Antifa commendation.

Your husband in Antifa,

P.S. Up the insurance coverage on our boat, with boat owners like these on the water.....

[Dukkha]

45. What's that Jasper?

[Jirel]

47. Dearest Carrie,

With heavy heart, I write this message in a bottle. The SS Trumptanic is sinking. We have no life jackets aboard, as we have bravely fought for our freedoms to reject oppressive communist safety measures. Nor shall we succumb to the socialist grasp of the Harbor Patrol. It is our greatest honor to Live Free or Die!

It was foulest treachery that brought us low. The libtards onshore will undoubtedly insist it was our 87 flags and bringing Lulubelle, Joe Bob, Joe Bob Jr., Jesse, Ray Anne, Janelle, her two bodacious (in a wholesome, Christian way, my darling!) teenage daughters, my co-worker Tony and his 7 kids, Carl who I met at the gun shop the other day and his date Sandy (I think), my favorite bar crew from the Midland Chili’s, the OAN reporters, Lizzie from the salon (freedom haircuts for all, yo!), and our bowling team onto Jerry’s 15 foot fishing boat. But the truth will be known - add our names to the Clinton death count!

Bury my heart at Bowling Green.

Your loving husband, Trey.

[scipan]

68. Awesome!

[burrowowl]

48. Kick

[Lasher]

50. Aquantifa strikes again

Link to tweet

[malaise]

57. Aquantifa

[canetoad]

52. Brilliant

And too fucking funny.

[lillypaddle]

58. K&R nt

[MerryBlooms]

59. R&K

[underpants]

61. Brilliant

I can see the letter scrolling across the Ken Burns documentary screen with banjo music in the background

[CottonBear]

62. You're brilliant! LOL! The Antifa Navy Admiral has composed a ballad:

Link to tweet

[Sogo]

64. Dearest Annabel:

At first light, we awoke to find the waters calm and absent the Incumbent Flotilla. They had retreated under cover of darkness, and we now witness only the scattered remains of their presence on the water: Corona bottles, massive clumps of fabric which on closer examination are flags representing the incumbent, life vests, and dozens and dozens of surgical masks leading us to believe one of the ships that went down was a floating hospital. We are relieved that we no longer have to face the SS Metaphor or Old Ironysides in a protracted battle, for they are formidable. As I write this, we are breaking down camp and awaiting further orders. Rumors have circulated that some ponies have been taken out of commission for moving the mail, so if this letter takes longer to reach you, it is not because I am not thinking of you at all times and carrying you in my heart.

You loving husband,
Jebediah

[EndlessWire]

65. Letter In A Soup Can

My Dearest Morticia,

I am writing you this last letter in hopes that it shall reach you. Our ship has been sunk by an unknown enemy, and I am now floating in Lake Travis in my dingy.

Hope for rescue is fading, and so I am resolved to tell you how much I shall miss you and the weekends we spent motoring our way through the Antifa crowds in town. It is good that you were not aboard yesterday, or my fate would be your fate.

Yesterday, a strange man found our dingy, and I thought we were rescued. But, after giving us red hats and rolls of paper towels, he sailed away, after calling us "Losers."

Yes, Sweet Morticia, we lost the Battle of Lake Travis. If G-d took pity on us, he would beach us on the shore. But, the raft is riding low, there are cans of soup all around us floating in the water, and I fear for the worst.

Take care, my Beloved. Remember me when you drink the soup in the cupboard. I shall be with you always.

Love,

Your Fiance,

Travis Englebert

[Gothmog]

66. The Battle of Lake Travis

Link to tweet

[chriscan64]

67. Cue Ken Burns Music Soundtrack

My dearest Caroline,

It is with a heavy heart that I report to you that my trusty vessel, Hillary's Crimes, took on water, and as captain it was my duty to go down with same. You must let Beau Junior know that he is now man of the house. I did not even see the Black Lives Matter ship that attacked us because a larger MAGA Navy ship passed within three feet of us and created a huge wake. I would have come home to you, but a life jacket is just another mask that the government seeks to force upon me. I pray that the bottle with this letter finds your shores before too long. As long as there are no delays at the Post Office, you should receive it presently.

Your loving husband,
Captain Beauregard Eustis T. Peckerwood, Sr.
MAGA Navy

[mzmolly]

69. LOL

[Aristus]

70. Dere Lurlene,

You wuz right. The father-daughter Trump boat parade wuz a hit, cept fer a few hitches here 'n' there. We done got out on the water in our trusty Bone Spurs. The roadkill casserole hit the spot, so's thanks fer makin' it. Went down real nice with a coupla Coors. Then I done drawed Lurlene Junior nekkid with just her necklace on, like in that movie.

Long story short, sweetheart: Bone Spurs sank. They're sayin' it wuz antifa submarines, so's we're keepin' a eye out fer more. We kept afloat by breakin' off the door to the commode and layin' down on it. Lurlene Junior fell off inta the water, an' I grapped onto her. She said "I'll never let go, Daddy!" Then I started ta fall off m'self, so I let her go. Sorry. But that water wuz colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra. Sorry. Tell Lurlene Junior Junior fer me that her sis ain't comin' home.

Yer hunka burnin' love,

Mervis

[Laelth]

71. Bookmarked. Just too good.

Added to the Annals of the Antifa Navy.



-Laelth

[Acornsouth]

72. Letters from The Battle Of Lake Travis

My Dearest Wife Karen,

I am writing you to let you know how our battle went....

We set sail at dawn, knowing that we might encounter the enemy, ANTIFA. As we sailed down the huge lake, with our flotilla, every thing was going as planed, when all of a sudden, out of know where, boats began to sink.

Battle Stations Alarms started going off every where, as we were not able to locate the enemy. One by one, they sank!... I saw many of my fellow comrades abandon their ships only to be picked up by fellow flotilla. They had the horrors of war on their faces! Many people survive, but many flags and boats did not.

We could not have foreseen the great attack upon our flotilla, as the ANTIFA subs surrounded us, we could not locate them. One of the crew members on our boat, swore that he seen one right under us, but no sonar contact was seen. These ANTIFA monsters knew what they were doing. With gas floating in the water, we were able to not catch fire. We did have one ship burn to the water line, but that was caused by unexplained gas coming from their captain and someone lite a "joint" which caused the explosion!.... It was horrible!

I know that this sounds grim, but we are still in high spirts, as we honor the dead boats and flags that now sit on the bottom of Lake Travis.... Please pray for our souls as we continue to search for the enemy!

Your Loving Husband,

Chad, Captain of the "Whores Galore's"

[niyad]

73. KNR and bookmarking.