The list of grievous offenses from Donald the Rump and his gang of thieves is innumerable already. The mishandling and ignoring of COVID-19 was already impacting my entire life, but now it is moving into the end of life care and visitation opportunities for my mother.
My mom is my hero. She has survived the same disease that took her mother at the age of 46 in 6 months from diagnosis to death. Mom has fought off this cancer for 19 years. Been through 6 rounds of remission and recurrence - surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation and everything else in the book - and on the experimental medications seeking approvals lists this year. She was back in the fight again this year for a 7th round and had finally started to see some good news on the oncology front only to be waylaid by something else.
She turned 75 years old at the end of August, but she is physically addicted to opioids, having been receiving Vicodin for pain management for the last 8 years. But then things started going all wrong - a compression fracture of the spine, chronic pain that was causing numbness and worsening neuropathy in her arms and legs, a kidney port for cancer treatment that became infected and needed to be replaced, and finally a fall and a compound fracture of the ankle and major damage to her shoulder.
Mom is now heading to a rehab center following successful surgery to repair the ankle, but she is not looking good for this round of the fight and she is on her own for it. The family cannot enter the facility due to COVID restrictions. She is allowed 1 visitor a day for 20 minutes behind a plastic sheet only. NO physical contact - no hugs, no kiss, no holding her hand, NOTHING. My father is 78 and was in generally good health before this latest, but it is sapping the life from him and I can hear it in his voice. My sister was up to visit them this past week (while mom was still in the hospital - where she was allowed 1 visitor a day but no more, so when she went to visit mom, dad was not allowed back until the next day) and she could barely tell me what was going on without breaking down. She does not believe mom has any will left to make it over this series of set-backs on her own.
This is COVID. This is what it fucking does to families. We are not alone - millions of others in this country are going through this now too. Loved ones in critical need of human contact, of support, of their husband or wife, sons or daughters, brothers or sisters - all denied and ALL BECAUSE OF THAT MOTHERFUCKER IN THE OVAL OFFICE AND HIS FUCKING HENCHMEN IN THE SENATE.
I blame them all for this. To be clear - DONALD TRUMP'S EGO IS KILLING MY MOTHER. Let that sink in and try to feel a millionth of the rage and hate that is coursing through my veins as I type this...his lunatic fringe advisors and his fragile man-baby ego and inability to EVER admit he was wrong is killing my mother and sapping the life from my father RIGHT NOW. TODAY...and TOMORROW.. and every goddamn day that piece of shit takes in oxygen.
I will NEVER forget it, I will NEVER forgive them. ANY of them.
McConnell had better NEVER find himself within the reach of my bare hands, because if he were, I cannot guarantee that I would not try to rip his throat out with those hands. Trump too...and the rest of them. This did NOT have to be this way...scientists TOLD THAT FUCKER what to do back in January. He KNEW. And still he lied as part of a fucking plan to keep himself out of jail. He KNEW he was wrong in March and April, and then that racist fuckbunny found out the COVID mortalities were more pronounced among the poor and minorities and he has relentlessly downplayed the seriousness of the pandemic ever since.
I can't take any more.
My mother lays in a hospital bed today, suffering from chronic pain, acute pain, opioid withdrawal, cancer and is actively dying and I cannot go to her, I cannot hold her hand, I cannot rub her forehead or caress her cheek as she did for me through so many things in life. My earliest memory of death was when I was 9 years old and my best friend was killed in a sledding accident where he slid into the street just as a car rounded the corner and ran him over. I could not understand the news. He could not be gone. That was a lie! And mom held me that night, just sat on the bed with me and held me. That physical contact, the embrace of my mother while my world was overturned and nothing made sense - THAT is what I remember and it is killing me that I cannot reciprocate. I cannot even go to her room and sit with her and encourage her or tell her these things in person. It is so hideously unfair, so evil in its cause.
The thing I have always been blessed to know was immutable in this world, that would NEVER shake or tremble or give was the love of my parents - my mom and dad, whom I have been blessed to have for much longer than many others...and yet, THIS is how it is going to end? THIS fucked up quasi-quarantine that prevents even my father from being with his wife of 54 years???
I see these other motherfuckers yelling at protesters to "get out of MY country" and I want to beat them with a bat. I want revenge. I want to release this anger and this building hate that is poisoning my soul and ruining my life right now. I want to scream and break things and howl and cry and so much more. I want my mommy back...I'm 9 years old again and nothing makes sense. This is NOT how it ends goddamn it...this woman fought too long and too hard and beat cancer too many times for THIS to be the way it all ends...
This rage, this irrationality will pass. It is mainly my unleashed temper writing this in a single setting - unchained and running amok...I won't actually harm myself (although I WOULD NOT prevent harm from any GOP figure if I had to lift so much as a finger to prevent them from dying) or anyone else really....but I won't EVER forget. I won't ever FORGIVE this.
This is not a two-party system of government any longer. This is a system that has failed and needs to be torn down to the studs and rebuilt right this time. There are amendments and changes that justice DEMANDS. Once my blood pressure levels down and I can see without the tears and bloodshot eyes and shaking fists, I won't EVER let them forget this period of time. And neither will my children, grand-children or any of my descendants to the 5th or 6th generation.
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