Walter Shaub - A Tale of Terror in the WH. :)

[Roland99]

Link to tweet

https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1313601164802502657.html

Terrified White House staffers are popping Vitamin C like Pez and watching coworkers fill burn bags with documents, as they delete delete delete and try to remember what the IT guy said about the system backing up files automatically at the security training they attended buzzed.

Somebody coughs and they all freeze. Then, the intern vying for Chris Wray’s job runs out of the room wailing, a deputy assistant to the president shoves his head in one of the burn bags to start chewing documents, and a man nobody knows kicks the desk where Jared likes to hide.

Stephen Miller’s checking out Argentine travel sites and wondering if he can take his bride’s temperature without her knowing before he decides how many tickets to buy, and Matt Schlapp‘s probably wondering how much a client would pay him to take a sauna with Trump this week.

Hope may be dying for Trump, but they’ll be damned if they don’t get the silverware past the Secret Service. “It’s all so unfair” Ivanka sighs, gripping the prop Bible purse woven by the hands of hungry children. A desperate “Be Best” rings in the hall, but no one really cares.

LMAO

[Nevilledog]

1. Love Walter!

[Hekate]

2. Oh that's great stuff

[NBachers]

3. If Hunter Thompson was still with us, this is what he'd be writing.

[Leghorn21]

4. Walt Shaub, a true American Hero who survived on the front lines of this sewage-encrusted

“administration” as long as he possibly could - poor, dear man!! I just KNOW Joe Biden will bring Walter back to his old digs and have him once again stand guard over a long-forgotten notion in government: ETHICS, motherfuckers!! Fair play!! Honesty! Doing RIGHT!!

A National Treasure, this gentle man!!!

[BigmanPigman]

7. Hear, hear!

[Grasswire2]

5. Walt and Charlie Pierce are what keep my spirits up.

What a pair.

".....kicks the desk where Jared likes to hide..."

Hahahah!

Walt told us today that much of his dialogue comes from old B-grade gangster movies.

[Roland99]

10. Reminded me of Costanza's desk bed on Seinfeld!

[burrowowl]

6. Too true!

[not fooled]

8. It's every rat for itself

as they flee the sinking ship!

[Dem2theMax]

9. Oh, I need sleep.

I was trying to make sense out of this when I first started reading it.

My brain didn't kick in till the third paragraph to tell me that this wasn't real.

Where's my bed? It's time to crawl in.