BROKEN: Kamala Harris Smuggled Fly into Debate
by
Foxy Newsbabe
Trained in secret, using a manikin of Vice President Pence, a fly released by Kamala Harris flew directly to Mike Pence's carefully coiffed, silver hair and perched there for over two minutes at last night's debate. It was a deliberate move designed to distract the audience's attention, according to a noted animal trainer who insisted on anonymity.
"That fly was well-trained by an expert," the animal trainer said. "Probably, they used a manikin that resembled Pence and spread fecal matter on its hair during the training. Then, when Harris released the fly at the debate, it flew directly to Pence and was confused by the lack of the odor it was used to and by the bright lights. So it froze and didn't move."
"It was absolute genius," our expert continued. "I have a deep respect for the skills of the fly trainer."
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But sadly, we now have reports that Debate Fly has been transported to Walter Reed for a possible Covid infection. Prognosis is grim.
His wife tried to warn him about wearing a mask but Debate Fly focused entirely on his mission: a mind meld with Mike Pence, an attempt to unravel the mysteries of the man's mind.
After two long minutes, Debate Fly knew what we know. There is no mystery, only a tangle of ideological memes and religious iconography, a deep-seated fear of women and an unrelenting ambition to reside in the White House.
We salute Debate Fly's sacrifice, refer to what we've been told by Mr. Pence's colleagues:
There are more important things in life than living.
But know this, Debate Fly will not be forgotten. His revolutionary spirit will be forever known as:
The Buzz heard 'round the world.
