Where have I been recently? Well, I can tell you where I definitely *haven't* been recently!

[Tommy_Carcetti]

I most definitely haven't been camped out in front of Tucker Carlson's mailbox, waiting anxiously to pilfer all his Bed Bath and Beyond Coupons and/or manila envelopes labeled "Hunter Biden's Super Secret and Totally Incriminating Hard Drive and Various Other Papers--DO NOT DARE OPEN UNLESS YOUR NAME IS TUCKER SWANSON MCNEAR CARLSON!!!!"

No siree! Not at all! Don't look at me, because for sure I haven't been doing that at all! And if you are the mail carrier on Tucker Carlson's route, and you happen to see a man sitting in a lawn chair next to Tucker's mailbox, know that I have a very familiar face and I have been known to routinely been confused for many other people, including several reputed mailbox scavengers. But for sure, it was not I!

Now, with that being said, I seem to have come into a quick surplus of Mediterranean Breeze scented candles along with several sets of seafoam green assorted bathroom towels and washcloths. Frankly, it's more than I can handle and I would be happy if some of you were to take a few of them off my hands.

[CaptYossarian]

1. Did Mother Tucker name him after all the potential fathers?

[Tommy_Carcetti]

2. If you're wondering if he is related to the namesake of Swanson TV Dinners...

...congratulations, you are totally right. For real.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tucker_Carlson#Personal_life

In 1979, Carlson's father married divorcée Patricia Caroline Swanson, an heiress to Swanson Enterprises. Swanson is the daughter of Gilbert Carl Swanson and the niece of Senator J. William Fulbright.[16][23]

[lagomorph777]

3. Makes sense because Tucker's a turkey.

With mashed potatoes for brains.

[CaptYossarian]

5. It seems that wealthy people can't pick their relatives anymore than we can.

The affluenza is what makes the former bow tie wearer such a smug little twerp. The servants probably had to finish his fights just like someone else we know.

Then how did Ronan Farrow and Anderson Cooper turn out so well?

[Hugin]

4. Now, the value-pak coupons...

That's a whole different matter.

Bad economy and so forth... blah blah blah.

[brush]

6. Two things could've happened to Carlson's mail.

One, there was no mail at all. Everyone, even the repugs know the Ghouliani/Bannon connection benind the alleged Hunter Biden laptop never sent any mail pouch but FOX had to come up with a "my dog ate my homework" excuse for them not being able to delivered the goods on the laptop story.

Or two, they got the pouch and the contents were so beyond the pale and sketchy even FOX could not air such unbelievable crap.

Take your choice.