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Tue Nov 17, 2020, 11:52 PM

Help! Political Comments from a "Friend"

I could use some DU help!

My husband and I are friends with another couple ... the wife, "Jane" I'll call her, is a die-hard conservative. She was leery about Trump before his election but has since gone whole hog. My husband is very good friends with her husband; they share an interest in biking, hiking, etc. We two couples have gone on a couple of vacations. I don't particularly want to blow up the relationship between us.

Now, I text and share like crazy with my like-minded Dem friends, but I made up my mind in 2015 to NOT engage in political discussions with staunch right wingers. Just don't have the energy or interest in "getting into it" with someone who is not going to change. So I never ever initiate anything political with anyone. Oh, other than that we don't have family gatherings anymore ever since one of my in-laws said that Middle Eastern people were "sand" and then the N word. Disgusting. Honey, you're not going to eat another morsel of my food, ever.

You know what's coming ....

In the weeks before the election, unsolicited, Jane sent me three videos over Facebook, one video alleging Biden was senile, one video alleging Senator Harris used the CA DOJ to mistreat an anti-abortion activist (hoo boy on that one), and then a video sticking up for Trump re election fraud.

Why send them to me? I have NEVER initiated a political talk with her -- no side comments, no snark, nothing. So I didn't acknowledge or reply.

Today she called out of the blue to wish me happy birthday. During a pleasant discussion, we talked about COVID -- she does acknowledge COVID and the need for masking since her daughter is a doctor -- Jane told me, "Yeah, California -- a liberal state -- is experiencing a spike too!"

I ignored it and we just continued talking.

BUT these little political bomb-lets she throws into discussions irritate the living hell out of me.

I'm the type of person who thinks of great rejoinders 3 hours after a discussion ends. And I would really rather NOT engage on this stuff, period. So my first thought is just to ignore whatever she says. Not engage. Because if I ask her not to talk politics, it would be her opportunity to say, "Who, me?" It would just hand her power. She would claim the high ground, so to speak.

And I have been holding back for so long I'm afraid if I start engaging, I'm going to end up in a screaming fight ... which won't solve anything or change minds.

As you can see, this is driving me just a bit crazy. As if I weren't crazy enough what with following breaking news 24/7 each day!

Does anyone have a good way of handling this type of situation? Thanks very much.

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Response to Desert_Leslie (Original post)

Tue Nov 17, 2020, 11:56 PM

1. You have to realize that these people now reside in a cult that has been

totally hijacked by hours of propaganda from Fox or Rush. Simply don't engage - she and you live in two completely different realities. You will NOT change her mind - just as she will not change yours (because of course you have the truth on your side).

Just my view. I don't engage with any republicans/conservatives - I can't - it becomes a matter of values. Anyone who is a republican has corrupted values (or, as I said above, has been brainwashed).

good luck!

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Response to Desert_Leslie (Original post)

Tue Nov 17, 2020, 11:59 PM

2. Good luck, and IGNORE, as difficult as it may be.

IF she tries to dig deeper, you may decide to either explicitly say you don't want to engage with her on politics, OR 'discuss' the issue she raised.

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Response to Desert_Leslie (Original post)

Wed Nov 18, 2020, 12:00 AM

3. All I can think of is what I have done.

A cousin of whom I was very fond and a dear friend that I loved hanging out with were nice enough to let me know they had "changed their minds" and become *tRump supporters. I have not exchanged a single word or message with either of them since, and never expect to again.
As far as I'm concerned, they no longer exist.

As for close family, we mostly agree on political matters, but if there's the slightest doubt, it's never mentioned. As a result, our family get along famously. I hope this helps, though I realize it's not an ideal solution for everyone.

Good luck!

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Response to Desert_Leslie (Original post)

Wed Nov 18, 2020, 12:02 AM

4. These are microaggressions

She likes trying to trigger you, because you're a "lib". She is no friend. Pull the plug.

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Response to Desert_Leslie (Original post)

Wed Nov 18, 2020, 12:02 AM

5. They are lost. Let them go.

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Response to Desert_Leslie (Original post)

Wed Nov 18, 2020, 12:08 AM

6. I merely say I have no interest in politics and change the subject.

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Response to Desert_Leslie (Original post)

Wed Nov 18, 2020, 12:12 AM

7. Is your social life more important than your political life?

Figure that out and your future reality will be answered.

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Response to Desert_Leslie (Original post)

Wed Nov 18, 2020, 12:13 AM

8. Tell her to stop being a fucking cultist and to yank her head out of Trump's festering ass

Either she'll wake up and abandon her insane, destructive mania, or she's beyond hope and should be ignored.

Both ways, you win.

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Response to Orrex (Reply #8)

Wed Nov 18, 2020, 12:15 AM

9. Definitely my favorite answer so far :) nt

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Response to mr_lebowski (Reply #9)

Wed Nov 18, 2020, 12:20 AM

12. It's all about diplomacy.

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Response to Orrex (Reply #12)

Wed Nov 18, 2020, 12:24 AM

13. For sure ... a little tact goes a long way (nt)

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Response to Orrex (Reply #8)

Wed Nov 18, 2020, 12:42 AM

17. That is good one.

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Response to Desert_Leslie (Original post)

Wed Nov 18, 2020, 12:18 AM

10. My guess is she sent them to all her friends.

Message her on FB and ask her not to send you political items.

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Response to Desert_Leslie (Original post)

Wed Nov 18, 2020, 12:19 AM

11. Ask her clearly to not text political information or make comments about politics

And then walk away if she does or send text back with same message. Years ago, my father and I would get in screaming matches about politics. A counselor worked with me on setting clear boundaries and to never engage. I loved my father and after that we had a good, loving relationship until he died. I would get up from table and go into other room if politics were brought up. Mostly no one argued about them during all those years.

Do not engage or explain why. Once you start trying to explain why you set the boundary, you are ceding the power.

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Response to Desert_Leslie (Original post)

Wed Nov 18, 2020, 12:36 AM

15. Other than her, I hope you had a very good birthday. May this coming year be a damned

Sight better than this one!

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Response to Desert_Leslie (Original post)

Wed Nov 18, 2020, 12:41 AM

16. Watch a few zombie movies. After a while you'll realize, "That's not her anymore."

.

If you like funny scary shows, Ash vs. the Evil Dead TV series has a lot of people getting possessed and turning into Deadites.

.

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