I probably won't be communicating with you little people much longer....

[Chainfire]

I just got my Publisher's Clearing House, "final drawing" form to fill out. I am reasonably sure I will win. The odds, in small print, on the form say that my odds of winning are 1 in 6,200,000,000. (yep, 6.2 billion)

Basically, they are putting the names of nearly every person in the planet (give or take a billion) and drawing one name. My chances of winning a Powerball is 1 in 95,000,000! (if I bought a ticket)

I am ordering a dozen magazine subscriptions today to improve my chance. They say it doesn't improve your chance, but I know better. They won't give it to someone who doesn't buy......

I'm gonna be rich! $5.000 dollars a week forever!

[SWBTATTReg]

1. squeak squeak!! Good luck!

[Demovictory9]

2. $5000 a week for you and $5000 a week to a person of your choice

please choose me.

[Chainfire]

3. You are the first to ask, so you wish is granted!

Reading one of the paragraphs on the disclosure form, I was a bit confused, so I asked my wife who has a really good education, and is experienced in reading technical documents, exactly what it meant. She was not quite certain, but if I am not mistaken, I think it says we ain't giving anybody any damn $5,000.00 a week forever. It speaks of "if the winning number is not picked," that one in 6.2 billion number, then there will be a secondary drawing that will pay UP TO $5,000.00 a week for life. What is unsaid is DOWN TO what number. That is like the walkie talkies that I bought that had UP TO a six mile range. What I found out, in actual practice, was that they would not work out of normal yelling range, about a hundred yards.....

I really despise this type of dishonesty. Just because it is "legal" doesn't mean it is right.

[lagomorph777]

5. Read your internet service plan. Lots of "up to" language in there.

[ProfessorGAC]

7. You're Not Kidding!

My service is "up to" 300Mb.
On one good day I get 60. I thought it seemed faster so I speed tested.
Most days, downloads are mid to hi 30s.
When run my ISP providers speed test, it actually says "pretty good". I'm getting 9% of what I pay for & it's" pretty good".

[lagomorph777]

9. We live in the internet center of the universe.

We couldn't get broadband until everybody else had had it for 10 years.

This is the home of all the early giants in internet (UUnet, AOL, Network Solutions), as well as, today, the most massive presence of data centers on the planet (dozens and dozens of giant data centers going up).

Today, our fiber actually is delivering near a gigabit - pretty damned impressive. I can surely appreciate it after suc a long drought.

[Chainfire]

13. I am still sending data on an abacus. It is as fast as my fingers can fly.

DSL and the phone company says I should be happy to get it!

[Cirque du So-What]

4. At least you're being nice to us on your way up

You’re sure to see us again on your way back down.

[Chainfire]

14. Don't worry, when I am bringing in 5K a week, I will hire a Democrat to post for me. ;)

[Chainfire]

15. I don't know what that last sentence means, but if you are cussing me, you are another one!

[KG]

8. if they only pick the legal entries, you'll win in a sacred landslide!

[lame54]

10. Sorry to break it to you...

Ed McMahon is dead

[tavernier]

11. We never communicated that much before.

I wasn’t invited to your bar mitzvah, possibly because you aren’t Jewish? But a month on your yacht in the Mediterranean would go a long way in healing our relationship.

[Chainfire]

12. Hey, I am circumcised does that count for anything?

I am not much of a Christian and I love Kosher pickles and corned beef, so could I be an honorary Jew? Everybody needs to belong to something....

Consider the sailing invitation to be open.

[tavernier]

16. Oh, I'm not Jewish either.

I think I’m a Druid. I really have a thing for trees. Thank you for the yachting invitation. We can toast your good fortune over a plate of corned beef and pickles while on the high seas.

[Chainfire]

19. Good, to be honest with you, I was already beginning withdrawal thinking about losing pork chops....

Being a refined host, I would never serve them when I had Jewish guests.

Being from the Bible Belt, and raised in a rural Christian household, I never came in contact with any Jews until I was in the service, and then after that, not again until I moved to Miami after Hurricane Andrew. There simply weren't any around.... In Miami, many of my clients were Jewish and it was a cultural awakening for me. To be clear, as a group, I liked them, great senses of humor and a profound respect for education, I had a lot of respect for all of the Jews I came in contact with. Coming from my limited cultural background, I did find some of their practices to be odd. Discussing food preparation with a Jewish woman I was floored to find out that if a piece of pork hit one of her dishes that it could not be washed off and she would have to toss the pate....I was going, "Say what???"

[MyMission]

42. Speaking of trees and Jews, Today is Tu bishvat, our tree holiday!

The new year of trees.
As a Jew, I wanted to share this with you. I suspect druid's evolved from tree-hugging jews.

Tu BiShvat is a Jewish holiday occurring on the 15th day of the Hebrew month of Shevat. It is also called Rosh HaShanah La'Ilanot, literally 'New Year of the Trees'. In contemporary Israel, the day is celebrated as an ecological awareness day, and trees are planted in celebration. Wikipedia
Significance: The fruits that ripened from Tu BiShvat on were counted for the following year's tithes

Observant Jews, like myself, celebrate and sample the four types of fruit that comes from trees, during a brief seder that starts tonight after sunset. It's a mystical and lovely tradition. Of course our community Seder will be on zoom.

I'd like to put in my request for a contribution to my local synagogue.
And please arrange to plant some trees in Israel, or wherever you see fit!

[malaise]

17. Beware of spending winnings

before you win

[FailureToCommunicate]

20. I'll wave hello to you from MY yacht. (My George Soros check finally came!)

[Mr.Bill]

21. I figure my chance of winning the lottery

are about the same if I buy no tickets at all. So far I'm even.

[Chainfire]

25. That is certainly my philosophy. I am no math whiz, but I understand odds.

I have had friends that played religiously, every week, multiple purchases and not a damn one has ever broke even.....

I will play cards for money, on a small scale, but I get to shuffle, cut, deal, watch the sleeves of the other players, and get to see who walks away with my money. I never wager what I can not afford to lose. Playing poker with three friends, I have a one in four chance of winning and over time, you break close to even...

The problem with the lottery especially, but with PCH as well is that it takes money from those who can not afford to lose it, and transfers it to those who do not need it. I think that the whole concept is deeply dishonest, and I hate dishonesty.

[Mr.Bill]

31. They passed the lottery in California

by saying half the money would go to the schools. Then as soon as they saw how much money that was, they decreased the school system's budget by that much.

[Chainfire]

32. Exactly the same thing that happened in Florida. It was always a scam.

It was supposed to "supplement" education spending, but it just replaced the source. They love to brag about the "bright futures" money, but it all comes from people, who for the most part have no economic futures.

[Hugin]

22. I'll have my people notify your people.

They'll make sure the correct people are in the loop as to the change in our communication status.

[TNNurse]

23. Please remember to donate to liberal and Democratic causes.

You can do it in the name of DU if you want to remain low key about your wealth.

[KY_EnviroGuy]

24. Check the watermark on the paper. It could be a fake.

If page 2 of the enclosed letter does not have a watermark of Ed McMahon's profile (not frontal) then the solicitation is a fake and your hard-earned check will go directly to Mar-a-Lago. Dejoy personally designed the envelope bar codes and he gets a cut.

Don't dare Google this secret theory. That can cause the paper to burst into white hot flames.

At least some Qeople say........


KY.......

[srose58089]

26. So sorry but I already sent in the winning numbers last week.

[world wide wally]

27. Congratulations!

All I got was a rock

[Auggie]

28. In your dreams. My mother is going to win.

[TurboDem]

29. It looks like our meeting was destined to be.

My uncle is a Nigerian prince and the government is trying to seize his fortune. Since you'll already have hired an investment advisor I'll need a place to hide his money, but I'll need you to pay the applicable fees to get the money to you.

[Chainfire]

34. It is really my lucky day.

I am also helping a very nice Nigerian with a project to buy some high end racing horses. When it rains, it pours!

[LakeArenal]

30. Please purchase Greenland. It would piss off trump soo much.

[Chainfire]

35. I wouldn't mind buying Greenland for what it was worth.

I always wanted to own a frozen hell.

[LakeArenal]

50. Better than any trump property.

[randr]

33. For half your winnings I will give you the secret to who you really are

That alone is worth more that the full amount.

[Chainfire]

38. I just checked my driver's license. I am still today who I thought I was yesterday, so I am

skeptical of your motives, suh!

[randr]

40. Believing in who the government thinks you are is a bad move

[Chainfire]

43. I am confident in who I am now. I had my Covid shot, and the chip is positive identification.

I was jealous when my dog got one, now I am as happy as a pig in poop.

[randr]

44. When you get your first check you will have an irresistable urge to take my advice

[Bucky]

36. I don't mind, but the horse I rode in on is gonna miss you

[erronis]

37. Hey, Chainfire. Do I get a prize? "I'm gonna be rich! $5.000 dollars a week forever!"

Am I the only one who noticed that works out to $5/week? Decimal point instead of a comma.

However, in my penurious existence, $5 per week would buy gas for my Meals-On-Wheels deliveries.

[Chainfire]

39. Don't knock it.

That works out to about the same raise I got from Social Security this year! I am trying to put most of the gain in savings.

[homegirl]

41. I know I am the BIG WINNER

because they call me every day to tell me so. In return I vent with primal screaming, cussing and wall banging. They keep calling, so I must be the BIG WINNER!!!

[Chainfire]

45. I am getting calls daily from some nice people who are really worried

about the warranty on my car expiring. They keep saying it is urgent to get in touch with me. So far, we have not connected.

[Cozmo]

47. Oh that's why they stopped calling me and are calling you instead

You are really lucky to have people that care.

[homegirl]

48. We must be on

the same Robo caller, as they call me 3 x a week. Some day I am going to write down the phone # and call them at 3:00 am. to talk about it.

[Chainfire]

46. About the free chip that comes with the Covid shot....

Can you get the things adjusted? I am getting randy every time I drive by a cell tower. I is somewhat disturbing, because I put sex in the rearview mirror years ago; it got to be too much like work.

[Montauk6]

49. Who replaced Ed McMahon (RIP)?