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(2,338 posts)
Sat Jan 30, 2021, 09:03 PM Jan 2021

How can I convince my SIL...

My SIL is a former sheriffs deputy who has fierce loyalty to the police. He is a good man. A wonderful husband and a great father to my 5-yr old granddaughter. However, he insists on hanging a “Blue Lives Matter” flag on his front step. I don’t know how to get him to understand that the meaning of that flag isn’t what he thinks or at the least has changed from what it was originally meant to be. He believes it is supporting law enforcement but I see it differently. When I see that flag, I think of police overreach, radical extremism and white supremacy. I know he doesn’t see it that way, but I am concerned that he is giving his neighbors the idea that he is of that ilk. I think he is just being stubborn.

I’m not sure how to approach him about this. Any suggestions would be very welcome.

How can I convince my SIL... (Original Post) Sophiegirl Jan 2021 OP
You can't. Any more than he could convince you to fly that flag on your front step. 50 Shades Of Blue Jan 2021 #1
+1 Ferrets are Cool Jan 2021 #13
Aren't there pics of either the capitol riot or some Proud Boy protest where idiots with those flags RockRaven Jan 2021 #2
Good thought Sophiegirl Jan 2021 #3
I'd be tempted to say-- dawg day Jan 2021 #4
Thank you Sophiegirl Jan 2021 #7
Is it that ugly desecration of the Flag of the United States of America? Mariana Jan 2021 #5
Yes... Karadeniz Jan 2021 #6
This message was self-deleted by its author Mariana Jan 2021 #14
That's the one. Sophiegirl Jan 2021 #11
Doesn't he respect the flag of our country? Mariana Jan 2021 #15
I would leave him be and be thankful he's not gone completely over the edge lettucebe Jan 2021 #8
Thanks Sophiegirl Jan 2021 #10
I found this article Sophiegirl Jan 2021 #9
Maybe also these JHB Jan 2021 #28
Leave him alone...not worth it. Demsrule86 Jan 2021 #12
Tell Him That Flag... BlueCanine Jan 2021 #16
tell him that other than black people, the ones that need prtection from the bad cops Baltimike Jan 2021 #17
and remind him how silent they've been abt ibe if their own dying Baltimike Jan 2021 #18
There are no blue lives, it is just a uniform that can be taken off and they become Bev54 Jan 2021 #19
This message was self-deleted by its author Jeebo Jan 2021 #20
Thanks to everyone who responded Sophiegirl Jan 2021 #21
What does the S mean in SIL? ananda Jan 2021 #22
Son Sophiegirl Jan 2021 #23
Thanks. ananda Jan 2021 #27
It is disrespectful to modify the flag in that manner. LiberalFighter Jan 2021 #24
I agree with you. /nt Sophiegirl Jan 2021 #26
leave it be Demonaut Jan 2021 #25


(13,996 posts)
2. Aren't there pics of either the capitol riot or some Proud Boy protest where idiots with those flags
Sat Jan 30, 2021, 09:11 PM
Jan 2021

were fighting the cops? I can't remember where/when that happened, but it was since the election.

It's not the best argument, but if you want to play dirty try to find pics or video of people wielding the flag while doing anti-cop things. Show how it's a symbol used by violent thugs who aren't actually pro-cop at all.

dawg day

(7,947 posts)
4. I'd be tempted to say--
Sat Jan 30, 2021, 09:15 PM
Jan 2021

"If blue lives matter to you, you must really be against Trump who incited a mob to go after the Capitol Police."

Actually, I'm tending to back off now, as arguing tends to harden people in their position. You could try going the softer route, asking him as someone with knowledge how he thinks policing could be improved-- what would he do if he were in charge.

I have found that often even those who seem entrenched actually have ideas and thoughts about what could be done better. I have a friend who (though a scientist) is "pretty sure" human activity isn't "that big a cause" of climate change. I used to argue with him, but we got nowhere. Then I thought to say, "Hmm. Even if it's not the only cause, you're saying human activity does have an effect. And human activity is something we can affect, unlike volcanoes. So... do you have any ideas what could be done to cut down on what we can cut down on? Maybe some technological solutions?"

He actually stopped arguing and started talking about potential engineering solutions that he'd been reading about. I was pretty surprised, but I think my acknowledgement of his own knowledge helped. I didn't say, as I did before, "How on earth can a scientist ignore the science!" Instead I tried, "As a scientist, can you help me think through some partial solutions?"

I don't know if that will help, but you might say, "As a law-enforcement veteran, can you help me think through ways to help making police and the community more cooperative?"

who knows... he sounds like a great guy, so if you ask him to "help," maybe that will break through the barrier.


(14,738 posts)
5. Is it that ugly desecration of the Flag of the United States of America?
Sat Jan 30, 2021, 09:17 PM
Jan 2021

The black and white one with the one blue line?

Response to Karadeniz (Reply #6)


(14,738 posts)
15. Doesn't he respect the flag of our country?
Sat Jan 30, 2021, 09:34 PM
Jan 2021

I guess not very much, if he's flying that tacky cheap-looking rip-off of the design.

If he's patriotic at all, you could try to play on that angle, that while you agree with the overall sentiment he's trying to express, that particular flag is offensive because it's a desecration of the United States flag.


(2,313 posts)
8. I would leave him be and be thankful he's not gone completely over the edge
Sat Jan 30, 2021, 09:22 PM
Jan 2021

like my son and DIL. I'm sick to death about it; they even have a life sized cardboard tRump in their house! I'd give anything for them only to be supporting "Blue Lives Matter."

I'd really just let it go. You won't change his mind -- perhaps in time, but not right now.


(37,043 posts)
28. Maybe also these
Sun Jan 31, 2021, 10:50 AM
Jan 2021
The Capitol riot is a reminder of the links between police and white supremacy
Almost 30 police officers attended the Capitol rally. It should come as no surprise.
Jan 16, 2021
And in addition to perpetuating racist violence and mass incarceration while on the job, police have also had a presence in white nationalist groups. In the 1920s, “probably the single largest occupational group in the Klan were police, or other officers of law and order, like sheriff’s deputies,” Gordon told Vox. And while we don’t know the specific affiliations of the officers under investigation for their role last Wednesday, it should be no surprise to see police at a rally alongside white nationalists or to see pro-police “blue lives matter” flags at the same event with Confederate flags and other racist symbols.

“White supremacy has really crept into police forces,” Sabrina Karim, a professor of government at Cornell University who studies global policing, told Vox earlier this week. And to a meaningful extent, it’s been there from the beginning.


What It Means That Trump Has Abandoned The American Flag For The Blue Lives Matter Flag
October 29, 2020
Donald Trump’s racist attacks, dog whistles, and comments haven’t slowed down in the weeks and days leading up to the presidential election. From his digs at Barack Obama to his refusal to condemn white supremacist groups, Trump is feeding the flames of white supremacy more than ever — despite his assertion that he was “the least racist person in this room” during last week’s debate. In his latest "least racist" act, Trump has taken to blatantly featuring Blue Lives Matter flags at his events and rallies.

At gatherings in Wisconsin, including one in Janesville, Trump displayed the flag in a prominent place next to the American flag. But then there was a noticable shift: last weekend, at a rally in Waukesha, WI, the Blue Lives Matter flag replaced the American flag altogether.



(87 posts)
16. Tell Him That Flag...
Sat Jan 30, 2021, 10:07 PM
Jan 2021

..Represents the 'Thin Blue Line' that keeps honest and honorable LEOs from speaking out of offenses that the 'Bad Apples' commit. Let him know that not reporting abuses that those officers commit taint all LEOs and that is why movements like BLM have propagated and will continue to grow.

Lastly ask him if he's seen or know of any of his fellow officers who have lied in court or on official reports. If he says that he isn't aware of any then he must be blind to the reality of human nature to persevere their income and position in society.

It won't work, IMO, but it may make him think.


(4,009 posts)
17. tell him that other than black people, the ones that need prtection from the bad cops
Sat Jan 30, 2021, 10:09 PM
Jan 2021

are the good ones

Response to Sophiegirl (Original post)


(2,338 posts)
21. Thanks to everyone who responded
Sun Jan 31, 2021, 07:25 AM
Jan 2021

All of it is good food for thought. I’ll mull it over and come up with a way to broach the subject with him.


(28,518 posts)
27. Thanks.
Sun Jan 31, 2021, 10:48 AM
Jan 2021

Sorry, I shoulda figured that out.

I kept thinking sister, but you were
talking about a male. Derrppp


(48,628 posts)
24. It is disrespectful to modify the flag in that manner.
Sun Jan 31, 2021, 09:55 AM
Jan 2021

Once something is added to it the flag no longer is the USA flag.

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