The Terrible Things I Have Said and Done My Entire Life, and Right Up Until a Few Days Ago, Do Not..

[Nevilledog]

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Jared Holt
@jaredlholt
“The Terrible Things I Have Said and Done My Entire Life, and Right Up Until a Few Days Ago, Do Not Represent Me As a Person”

The Terrible Things I Have Said and Done My Entire Life, and Right Up Until a Few Days Ago, Do Not...
“I never said any of these things since I have been elected for Congress. These were words of the past, and these things do not represent me.” — R...
mcsweeneys.net
7:29 PM · Feb 4, 2021

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/the-terrible-things-i-have-said-and-done-my-entire-life-and-right-up-until-a-few-days-ago-do-not-represent-me-as-a-person

Before you make the mistake of rushing to judgment, I want to make one thing absolutely clear: the terrible, awful things I have said and done and enabled and incited over and over again for most of my life and right up until a few days ago do not represent me as a person in any way.

Sure, you can look at only the part of my life where I said and did incendiary and hurtful things. But that would only be about ninety-seven to ninety-eight percent of my life. What about the other two to three percent, which all occurred after I found out I was hurting my image and career? Shouldn’t that matter just as much, if not more?

And what kind of example does it set, that we must be held accountable to the despicable ideas and lies we used to publicly promote and endorse many hours and minutes ago in the past? Are we as people not allowed to change for the better, in just the last few days, once it’s our very last resort to keep a job we shouldn’t have?

Besides, these things that everyone is claiming I believe are complete distortions of what I actually said! The media constantly takes things I say and then repeats them on their news shows and in their magazines, and they always leave something out, like the thing I haven’t even said yet that lets you know I don’t believe the thing I already said.

If the media wants to be completely accurate, they should write down every word I’ve ever said in my entire life, then wait for me to finish saying everything I’ll ever say, and then publish only the good things that everyone will like. Only then would they be totally unbiased. Until then, they’re just cherry-picking.

*snip*

[Faux pas]

1. Yeah sure ya betcha...

[Sneederbunk]

2. Agreed, you are much worse.

[dchill]

3. Batshit.

[brewens]

4. She could go git herself some JAYUSUS! Unless she already did. Or maybe you can do that

as many times as you want? I never tried it, so I wouldn't know.

[stillcool]

5. that was painful...

but somehow logical. Could it be I need to be de-briefed?

[Kali]

6. nailed it

[Nevilledog]

7. Psst....I think you might be the only one who figured out it's a parody.

I forget that not everyone knows McSweeneys.

[Kali]

13. to be fair

it is awful hard to parody these nutballs

[Corgigal]

8. Either a nut,

or a liar to her voters. Nothing in between works.

[Deuxcents]

9. I made myself watch her

I wanted to see it up front. I wanted to throw up watching her. I watched most on C-SPAN. The Democrat Reps stood our ground. I’m so proud. I’m so worried how the Tea Party could evolve into this n now..what’s next?

[Ferrets are Cool]

10. This is the Onion, right?

[Nevilledog]

11. McSweeneys....it's like the Onion, but for people who wear pants.

[Ferrets are Cool]

12. Thanks

I did not know this.

[Hermit-The-Prog]

14. Close enough to being a transcript that it took me most of the 1st paragraph to unclench my teeth.

Well done!

[Demovictory9]

15. yep

[central scrutinizer]

16. Sadly, this is close to what my fundy sister believes

If you accept Jesus as your savior before you croak, no matter how sinful and vile you were in life, you’re good.