Shocking new poll

[My Pet Orangutan]

Americans Adamantly Refuse to Cash Stimulus Checks Unless Republicans Are Onboard

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A broad majority of Americans adamantly refuse to cash a new round of stimulus checks unless congressional Republicans fully support their issuance, a new poll shows.

According to the poll, ninety per cent of Americans would forego food, clothing, and shelter if it means holding out for a relief package that has the support of such G.O.P. lawmakers as Senator Susan Collins, of Maine.

“Sure, I’d love to avoid being evicted at the end of the month,” one poll respondent said. “But if that means accepting a stimulus check that has less than bipartisan support, count me out.”

“We’ve been struggling to pay for groceries ever since my husband and I both got laid off last year,” another respondent said. “But I wouldn’t feel good about buying food for my family if I knew that the money came via the budget-reconciliation process.”

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/americans-adamantly-refuse-to-cash-stimulus-checks-unless-republicans-are-onboard

[theneworiginal]

1. Yup, just like they'll refuse their Socialist Medicare and Social Security.

Ha ha.

[BComplex]

9. The ted cruz arm of the party is the one that did this poll.

This is bogus.

[byronius]

25. It's Borowitz. Satire.

[BComplex]

32. ...

Just noticed. Duh!

[byronius]

33. S'okay, it was just too close to real. Borowitz is hard to spot sometimes.

[BComplex]

34. Good point! What used to be crazy is now a daily piece of news.

[ShazzieB]

52. Very close to real.

I didn't start getting suspicious till the end of the 3rd paragraph. ("Sure, I'd love to avoid being evicted, but...&quot ) Somewhere around the middle of the 4th paragraph, I said, "Okay, hold on," and looked at the source link.

This is REALLY well done, and it makes the point very nicely yhat people will be thrilled to get this help and won't give everyone a rat's behind about the mechanics of getting the bill pased.

[Blue Owl]

2. Bwah!

[arlyellowdog]

3. Haha The hell with damn Republicans

[SunSeeker]

4. Not funny when that's how Congress is acting.

[Irish_Dem]

27. Right, I don't understand why Dems are so tied to bipartisan support.

Americans don't care how they get benefits and assistance.

Dems need to be less of afraid of what the GOP congress thinks of them.

[SunSeeker]

28. Yes, especially when two-thirds of Americans favor the relief bill as is.

https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/thirds-americans-approve-bidens-covid-19-response-poll/story?id=75729815

[Irish_Dem]

29. I know, and people don't care how they get the relief.

QOP never cares about bi partisan support.

[not fooled]

47. Big money contributors

who hate government want susceptible Dems to act like pukes here. That's my guess.

[Irish_Dem]

62. You are probably right, because the vulnerable Dems' constituents want the aid.

So it must be the donors.

[CrispyQ]

60. I had a right winger argue

that people don't truly appreciate help from government, because it's legislated, & therefore they don't spend the money wisely, whereas when people are given charity from individuals & churches, they truly appreciate it & spend it more wisely. If it hadn't been on a friend's timeline I would have told him to fuck the fuck off.

[Irish_Dem]

61. These people do not make any sense.

If we try to argue with crazy people we begin to look crazy too.

[coti]

5. Exactly.

EXACTLY!!

[bluestarone]

6. That's why this is America. Where people have choices.

Please PROCEED and don't cash them!! OK by me!

[USALiberal]

7. Not funny

[My Pet Orangutan]

8. It's satire - and very good satire in this instance.

[demmiblue]

15. Lighten up. n/t

[soldierant]

37. I literally laughed out loud

and when I say "LOL" I generally mean more of a broad smile, maybe a chuckle.

[dchill]

40. Then WHY did I laugh! 😀

[stillcool]

10. the first time in a looong time

I knew immediately it was either Borowitz or the Onion.

[LuvNewcastle]

11. Yes, I wouldn't feel right about getting my roof fixed

without those ten Republican votes added to the Democratic votes. It would feel like I was taking food right off the plates of hungry billionaires.

[Under The Radar]

12. I understand the Satire, but this is dangerously close to starting a new conspiracy theory

[My Pet Orangutan]

13. How so?

[Under The Radar]

19. The number of people that would believe this story would be every Trump supporter

Now I doubt that many would ever tear up their checks if received, but I can see the noise to raise public opinion against the bill to prevent passage and embarrass Pres. Biden.
Opposition to a bill that helps the vast majority of Americans is right out of the Tea Party playbook

[stopdiggin]

23. nobody with an IQ exceeding a turnip

is believing this. And humor -- especially mocking humor -- is a fantastic tool to be employed against the pod people.

[NBachers]

45. Study Jonathan Swift.

[not fooled]

48. But how many

read the New Yorker?

Now, if this hits farcebook, watch out.

[Wounded Bear]

14. I must admit, you had me for a minute or so there...

Thing is, there probably are a few million people stupid enough to say shit like that, though I doubt anybody would carry it through.

[My Pet Orangutan]

16. The MAGAs should gather for a Nazi style check burning bonfire

[mvd]

17. K&R

Funny and very much shows the absurdity of the whole bipartisan thing.

[seta1950]

18. What a bunch of lies😤

[niyad]

36. It's Borowitz. Satire.

[stopdiggin]

20. stunned at the number that

didn't get it. So obviously satiric humor ...

----- --- --- -----

[BlueJac]

21. This is not news...they a lying!

[niyad]

39. Borowitz.

[jb5150]

22. It's satire ....

Seemed pretty easy to spot .....

[My Pet Orangutan]

24. Like "WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)"

Spotted.

[DENVERPOPS]

35. Not always easy

Given the amount of absolute crap the RepubliCONs constantly give out, sometimes it's very hard to tell the difference.

[SmartVoter22]

26. treasury checks have one year expiration

This sounds more like a Qanon blurb.

Refuse to cash checks? OK, how about an expiration date? Check your last stimulus check, it had one.
By law, U.S. Treasury checks are good for one year after the date on the check.

[niyad]

38. Borowitz.

[Augiedog]

30. My wife and I both laughed

[LaMouffette]

31. Excellent satire! I heard again today on Face the Nation that Republicans don't think the

stimulus will help Americans because they will only use it to pay down debt!

First, have any of those Republicans thought of asking any Americans making $75,000 or less if they thought another $1,400 might help them financially?

Second, how do Republicans have the gall to express concern over how average Americans spend their own taxpayer money when in 2017, they were not at all concerned that corporations were using their tax cuts for stock buy-backs????

Here's a good article from Newsweek about that from December 2020:

[link:https://www.newsweek.com/republican-kevin-brady-criticized-saying-2k-stimulus-checks-wont-help-local-economy-1557652|

Some excerpts:

Republican Kevin Brady Criticized for Saying $2K Stimulus Checks Won't Help Local Economy

"Regrettably, the $2k 'stimulus' checks will do nothing to: help save Main Street biz, get 8 million jobless back to work, stimulate the local economy," Brady tweeted on Monday.

"Kevin Brady says he opposes $2,000 checks because it would go toward people paying down credit card debt or making 'new purchases online at Wal-Mart, Best Buy or Amazon,'" Huffington Post reporter Matt Fuller tweeted, inspiring a flurry of further responses. "Funny, how people spent money didn't seem to be a huge concern when Republicans passed their tax cut bill."

And from the same article:

"How outraged was Kevin Brady when large corporations used the corporate tax cuts to buy back stocks? Not much," tweeted Faiz Shakir, campaign manager for Sen. Bernie Sanders' 2020 Democratic presidential bid.

[CTyankee]

63. "Impoverished people just spend that stimulus right away and don't save it!"

I've heard that for longer than I'd like to admit.

They've overlooked one thing: it's called a stimulus because they DO spend it right away! That's the whole point, dumbass!

My mother used to say: "money is round."

[LaMouffette]

64. Exactly. What do they expect someone working at MacDonald's or Home Depot or you name it

to do with their $1,400? Expand their investment portfolio? Deposit it in an overseas tax shelter? Do corporate stock buy backs?!

Give me a break. The little people, a group I am most definitely a part of, do not have these luxurious options. We're too busy paying our rent or mortgage, our electric bill, our gas bill, our phone bill, our garbage bill, our HEALTH INSURANCE, our medical bills not covered by health insurance, our car payment, our credit card debt, our student loan bill, our clothing, our groceries, etc.

The rich are so stupefyingly out of touch with the struggles that we 99 percenters experience just trying to survive day to day. They all need to read Nickel and Dimed, by Barbara Ehrenreich. Better yet, do what she did: Go out and get a minimum wage job and try to live on it for a year.

[CTyankee]

68. My other gripe is these know it alls don't "approve" of the poor spending money at McDonald's.

Or other fast food places. Do they think every poor person has a big enough kitchen to store/cook up lots of food? Working two jobs is hard enough but being expected to be some kind of Julia Child is just stupid.

[LAS14]

41. Please put a sarcasm sign in your post or highlight that it's from NewYorker.com humor.

[My Pet Orangutan]

51. I think the first line "WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)" says enough.

[LAS14]

55. Apparently not. Scan the replies. nt

[My Pet Orangutan]

57. Indeed. There are people who skim a headline

and think they know enough to post a comment. No sympathy from me.

[mzmolly]

42. LOL

[Beartracks]

43. I know this is satire, but: Dems, Republicans WANT you to water down the stimulus...

... so that later they can claim, "See? Democrats' liberal policies don't work!"

========

[coti]

44. Always look for "Borowitz" at the beginning or "Onion" at the end, folks.... nt

Last edited Mon Feb 8, 2021, 09:10 AM - Edit history (1)

[Buns_of_Fire]

46. In the spirit of bipartisanship and unity, I would volunteer to Take One for the Team.

All any such person need do is endorse their check, send it to me, and I will make sure it's properly disposed of.

But to make absolutely sure there's no fraud involved, I'll also need to know their Social Security and bank account numbers. A major credit card number (with security code), will speed up the process.

It's rough, but as a Patriot, I feel somebody has to do it.

[Dagstead Bumwood]

49. Reading the responses of people here not recognizing it as satire

is better than the article itself. Keep'em coming I mean

[srose58089]

50. My Pillow Credit

I thought I read somewhere when I was sleeping blindfolded that 90% of republicans would prefer a $1,400 My Pillow credit instead of a direct stimulus check. Q told them it would be a better deal.

[treestar]

53. I was watching someone just saying that

Americans won't care about the parliamentary procedure when it comes to getting help they need. It might have been Klobuchar.

[Dem4Life1102]

54. Can Borowitz and Onion posts be labeled in the header

So people will know they are just satire before clicking on them.

[My Pet Orangutan]

56. It takes 5 seconds to get to the first line

"WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)"

[Dem4Life1102]

58. About the same time to type into the header

It's just a simple courtesy.

[colsohlibgal]

59. Hilarious

Joe gave them a chance but that party has largely gone evil/insane.

The truth is that for millions of people $1,400 is not going to totally remedy their financial issues.

[Barbara2423]

65. Yeah, send that check my way.

No satire intended.

[N_E_1 for Tennis]

66. Had a WAIT! WUT? second there...

Thanks for posting, hilarious!

[dajoki]

67. I don't believe that for one second n/t