Of all the times to fully retire, I choose now.
I am finding that I am not really ready emotionally for this. I had it forced on me when the grant program I was on ended but I find that having a year working from home was not nearly as bad as not working and being stuck at home. I can't volunteer like I had planned, I can't visit family like I had planned. I am reading a lot, and going for long walks with the dog, but today it is really cold and freezing rain so it just hit me.
Husband is younger and still working, it is almost depressing to see him off to work in the morning. Sorry just needed to vent, I am blessed and I know it, I have a roof over my head and food in the pantry. I have a husband who loves me. I just need to stop this pity party. 
Thanks for letting me vent....
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and change during a pandemic.....harder, still.
I'm not retired; I'm sure others will weigh in about the future (and creating future goals/plans).
But you'll find your way, in time 
The identity piece and and the value of the work we did--oh, I could go on. It took me months to figure out that it was more difficult for me, who was driven by the mission and meaning of my work, to adapt than it did my husband. He had a job that was really just a job to him. He was relaxed and ecstatic while I was just disoriented. There was nothing wrong, but nothing felt right.
I raise a toast to you as you go through this process. As the saying goes, "It's a journey!" It takes time.
I am starting to get lonely for pure social interactions. My friend group interactions have really chilled out and off for now!
Anyone else experiencing this?
In fact, it's part of why I come here - social interaction with like-minded folks!
Maybe in the Spring, and when more of us are vaccinated, in-person interactions will ramp back up where I am.
Vent away. Get the emotions out.
Can you readjust your plans? You can't volunteer and do other things that you planned but can you take up a new hobby like painting or learn a new language or maybe get into better physical condition?
I am hoping that helps me get through all of this. I get my second moderna vaccination on Wednesday, that will make me feel safer for sure. I am walking quite a bit, as much as my back issues will allow. I have had one fusion and am staring down a second one.
Great ideas though, thanks for that!
I feel so grateful for all of it, even the crazy parts .
My husband and I retired in 2019 and we love it. This year, due to the pandemic, I've been learning to "knit" (I put that in quotes because I'm learning, I'm not that good at it!), I've been cross stitching more, I'm practicing my Spanish, and I'm going to learn to crochet (might go better than the "knitting."
Make no apologies. Give yourself time to grieve. It's no small thing.
I had to retire years ago because of a health problem. It's still depressing that I don't pull in a salary anymore, and Social Security is just a drop in the bucket. Still, it has been a great opportunity to keep my hobbies going. And my fur babies couldn't be more spoiled. I'm available all day, every day, as long as they don't mind "helping" with the chores.
Acknowledging your feelings via venting isn't a bad thing at all in my book.
I retired at 72, bought a home on 2 acres and settled in for retirement. 6 months later I applied for part time work (3 days a week including some weekends) working 20 t0 30 hours a week and still had time to garden, and other things. Doing this during a pandemic would have definitely limited my options, as it does yours. Maybe work on hobbies, or develop new hobbies, some of which could also provide additional income? Reading is good, and walks with your dog are awesome. Congratulate yourself on what you are doing right.
You’ll have more time to work on saving your country! Doing what you do HERE, for one thing. Coming up with ideas to share and promote and extend Biden’s American Rescue Plan!
Maybe look into a local Democratic group and join them on Zoom and they’ll probably have ideas, too! You now have more time to add muscle to their efforts! I’d be delighted to add the strength and motivation someone like you could bring to a group like that! The groups I discovered since we moved have certainly done that for me! I bet there’s many an outlet that would benefit from your participation and energy!
You are needed! And I bet they’d be delighted to have you join in!
Virtual 
... so I can't blame it on the pandemic. It's just my age, and my smallish company was worried about down-sizing, so I decided to do it.
Financially it has been chancy but not impossible. Socially is a different story: retirement has really changed my life and my outlook. Now with the pandemic, I'm majorly housebound like I had never anticipated when I was still working.
My solution was to get a dog, or actually one was given to me by my son and daughter-in-law. Having a dog is so rewarding with his affection and playfulness. My doggy keeps me constantly entertained and gives me a reason to get up every morning. You might want to consider getting a pet, just for the fun of it.
I can understand being leery of retirement if you have/had a job you like, I did for over 15 years and most days I actually looked forward to getting to work in the morning. That all ended 5 years ago after the company was bought out by a large foreign corporation who decided the best way to increase their profits was to lay off people.
After that I wound up at a manufacturing plant and hated it. They'd been cutting corners on maintenance for many many years, so equipment was repeatedly breaking down. I was constantly getting called in on nights and weekends, even when the maintenance people could perfectly well handle problems without my help. I'd been looking for another job, but didn't realistically expect to find anything because nobody hires engineers in their late 50s or 60s.
A year ago I was laid off just prior to the plant being closed (and jobs shipped to Mexico). I was apprehensive at first, afraid that my 401K wouldn't hold up. My wife was frantic. Since then I've learned a few things. It's possible to be frugal and still live nicely after eliminating a lot of unnecessary expenses.
I've gotten my 401K rearranged and balanced and am now fairly confident that it (in combination with social security) will support us through retirement (I suppose in that regard I'm quite fortunate compared to far too many others).
And, I'm one of those people with several hobbies and activities that keep me occupied and I'm absolutely loving it. In addition to my 'stuff', the grandkids have figured out that they can bring things to me that are in need of repair and I'll take care of it. (I also have plenty of time now to call my right wing Congress Critters and let them know what idiots they are 
)
And you clearly know what you have to be grateful for, at least intellectually, so there's that. The emotional part will come, and a lessening of COVID worries will be a big part of that recovery. For everyone.
And, hey...if you can't "vent" here (and it seemed more...I don't know "mellow"? than that) where can you? No one is going to think less of you, and the vast majority will be very supportive. This is a fabulous community, after all.
Vent on, lady! 
upthread as well!
Will you let us know if you find something? As I say, I've not been able to!
I even replied to AOC when she posted something about it .. even though she's on the other side of the country!
feeling gratitude. But I hear your frustration with being stuck at home. I absolutely love telework - I am an economist, and often present, now virtually, to a many different groups. It is a miracle to me that I can address a statewide conference from the comfort of my own home office - Here's my gratitude coming through - I am disabled so travel is very hard for, and on, me. I don't travel well at all. This working from home has literally given me a new lease on life!
This community is very good, too. I like DU a lot, and there are quite a few people on here who have influence at the policy level, some nationally, and we do have some media people on here, I think. Plus we have those valentines we can give people
I don't know what I can really say to make you feel better except that all of us are here, and I have enjoyed a number of your posts. I suspect you have quite a number of online friends here.
I’m almost 50, and haven’t worked for more than two years. I had always worked in corporate communications, and my anxiety finally got the best of me. I lost my job (felt like I was isolated and bullied), and then tried freelancing.
The freelancing was good for two years when I landed a full-time client. But in reality, I was an employee without benefits. I was so grateful, and continue to be thankful, for the ACA.
When my gig ended, I had a hard time finding another one because it created crippling anxiety to market myself as “the product.” I had the realization that gig working would be akin to job-hunting over and over again. Then the emotional breakdown happened.
I took a year after that for therapy and a break. Maybe three years ago? It was hard on my husband and is still hard on our finances. He has a debilitating physical disability and collects social security.
I decided to try to get another corporate more than a year ago. It was overwhelming to read job descriptions and everything that employers expect of you, but I still applied, reached out to my network, etc. I wasn’t getting anywhere.
Then COVID hit, and my husband and I decided to hunker down as much as we could, so I put the job search on hold.
Since the breakdown, small things can send me down a spiral of anxiety and depression. Today it’s thinking about our gutters and trees that need addressing, and how expensive that will be. Then I’ll start thinking of all of the bad decisions I have made and how badly I bungled a good career. I worked on this impulse in therapy, and have techniques to deal with it, but it doesn’t stop the feelings from coming on. Writing down thoughts and online pity parties help.
I tell myself I’ll hit the ground hard to look for a job after vaccination. And I will.
Like you, I feel fortunate to have a roof over my head and a husband who loves me. I feel guilty about it, too, since people have it a lot worse than me. Guilt about it is so useless, though. It doesn’t help me or anyone else. I hate anxiety and depression.
The stimulus is a big deal for us. We can use it to take care of some of the deferred maintenance on the house.
Thank you for throwing the pity party.
