Trump's Lawyers Stun Senate by Claiming Jared Made Him Do It

[Rhiannon12866]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump’s defense lawyers stunned the United States Senate on Tuesday by acknowledging that their client had incited the Capitol riot, but only because his son-in-law, Jared Kushner, made him do it.

The Senate listened in astonished silence as Trump’s lawyers coldly and methodically hurled Kushner under the bus.

Bruce Castor, one of Trump’s lead attorneys, claimed that the ex-President had been reluctant to speak to the angry mob of supporters on January 6th, and did so only after Kushner assured him, “What could possibly go wrong?”

“It’s gonna be awesome!” Castor quoted Kushner exclaiming.

According to Davis Logsdon, a law professor at the University of Minnesota, the lawyers’ new argument could be persuasive “because it fits into a larger pattern of everything Jared Kushner doing or saying turning into crap.”

“Although it remains unlikely that there are enough Republican votes to convict, this new claim gives G.O.P. senators another option: voting to remove Jared Kushner as Trump’s son-in-law,” he said.


Short article, no more at link: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trumps-lawyers-stun-senate-by-claiming-jared-made-him-do-it



Photograph by Saul Loeb / AFP / Getty

[Karadeniz]

1. He's always good for a laugh!

[Hermit-The-Prog]

2. Hey, if Jared can bring peace to the middle east and single-handedly stop a pandemic, then sure!

[Rhiannon12866]

3. We're still waiting for Infrastructure Week!

[Hermit-The-Prog]

4. I think that's due 2 weeks after TrumpCare.

[Rhiannon12866]

6. I thought that Melania's speech was scheduled in two weeks...

[Hermit-The-Prog]

11. When I worked in construction, the standard answer for everything was 2 weeks.

Any time a customer asked when some part would be completed, they were always told, "In about 2 weeks".

Cheetolini picked up nails on construction sites for Old Man trump. I bet he got that "2 weeks" from there.

[Rhiannon12866]

12. You've got to be right!

I have Mary Trump's book and she told how her grandfather insisted on picking up the nails - and a lot more! And in Trump's case, we're still waiting...

[ProfessorGAC]

24. They Used That Bit In "The Money Pit"

The GC answered every question with "Two weeks!"

[Hermit-The-Prog]

26. It's a defacto national standard. There might be an ISO for it, too.

[Guy Whitey Corngood]

5. And there it is again!! Is there any photo of this creature, where he's NOT looking at another

person, like he's waiting for the poison to kick in??!

[Rhiannon12866]

7. You're right! That's exactly what he looks like!

[SunSeeker]

14. LOL

[UTUSN]

8. Got it in a wink!1

[Rhiannon12866]

10. Hey, considering what his lawyers are saddled with, they'd probably try anything!

[Gothmog]

9. I love good satire

[SergeStorms]

13. This time...

I knew it was Borowitz just from reading the header. He's starting to telegraph these now. What's he going to do once DJT is totally, irrevocably gone? Joe Biden doesn't give Borowitz anywhere near the material DJT does.

[Rhiannon12866]

15. I agree that it's going to be tougher for the political comedians

But we've never run short of political scandals even in the best of times. Maybe Joe Biden will commit the terrible faux pas of wearing a tan suit!

[SergeStorms]

21. NOT ANOTHER TAN SUIT!

The horror.......the horror. Yes, republicans keep sinking lower and lower when it comes to perceived "scandals" committed by Democrats. Republicans can do anything, anything at all, with absolutely no repercussions whatsoever. But tan suits..... have Democrats no shame?

[Rhiannon12866]

22. Especially when they're hypocrites!

[nam78_two]

16. I fell for it

Up to para three at any rate.

Far too plausible!

[Rhiannon12866]

17. That's the thing about Trump - any and everything seems plausible!

Because he has done any and everything that was unimaginable before!

[nam78_two]

18. He has blurred the line

Between satirical headlines and the real ones a tabloid friendly presidency created. I have become so used to headlines that should not exist that I read that pretty uncritically.

Hard to get used to normalcy, but I think we can all come around to it . I must echo others in saying that it is very relaxing to see Biden in office. I no longer feel trapped inside a virtual loony bin .

[Rhiannon12866]

19. The only thing is, Trump has incited and encouraged the crazy fringe

So until he becomes forgotten history, the fear is going to be there. And it has been so off-the-charts, it's going to take a long time to feel that things are actually "normal" again.

[nam78_two]

20. Very true

.

[malaise]

23. LOL

[MichaelSoE]

25. Got me! I was thinking ... I didn't hear him say that

Then I saw the source