More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Worshiping the Golden Calf Edition

[Fritz67]

Yeah, I know, sometimes you just can't make this stuff up.

Another month where things have been getting better under the leadership of a competant President who actually won his election, supporting measures that are actually popular...or as Republicans call it, a massive failure of Joe Biden's first one hundred days. Even though it hasn't been a hundred days yet...but then again, we know Republicans aren't good at math, what with them telling us for four years that 62,984,828 is a larger number than 65,853,514, and more recently that 74,216,747 is more than 81,268,867.

(No. 48 in an occasional series)

Reposts and Updates:

On the list more often than not...
* Degenerate Perverts Unfit For Public Life: Joe Biden, Cal Cunningham, John Conyers, Andrew Cuomo, John Edwards, Al Franken, Katie Hill, Elliot Spitzer, Anthony Wiener; Great Americans Who Believe In Family Values And Deserve A "Mulligan" or Two Or Three: Joe Barton, Jayson Boebert (NEW!), Herman Cain, Tucker Carlson, Madison Cawthorn (NEW!),Larry Craig, Steve DesJarlais, Bobby Dyer, Joe Fain, Jerry Falwell Jr, Mark Foley, Will Gardner, Ben Gibson, Newt Gingrich, Marjorie Taylor Greene (NEW!!!), Eric Greitens, Rudy Guiliani, Sean Hannity, Curtis Hill, Duncan Hunter, Jim Jordan, Brett Kavanaugh, Nathan Larson, Rush Limbaugh, Vance McAllister, Roy Moore, Bill O'Reilly, Bill Sanderson, Mark Sanford, David Stringer, Clarence Thomas, Donald Trump, David Vitter, and Steve Wynn (#32, Feb. 2018)

* You oppose COVID relief spending of $1.9 trillion because of the debt. In 2017 voted for tax cuts for the rich that add $1.5 trillion to the debt. (#32, Feb. 2018)

* Impeachable offense: getting a blow job from an intern, and lying about it. Not impeachable offenses: conspiring with or blackmailing foreign countries to help you steal elections; inciting armed insurrection against the United States Capitol and trying to assassinate your own Vice President. (#29, July 2017)

* It's okay to threaten secession from the federal government, then come begging for federal disaster aid when your state gets buried in snow. (#4, Apr 2011)

* You scream for federal disaster aid when your state catches fire, drowns in a hurricane, or deep freezes but when it happens somewhere else in the country you vote against federal disaster aid. (#19)

* Spending three decades lying to your audience and poisoning political discourse with divisiveness and hate is an act worthy of a Medal of Freedom. (#42, Feb 2020)

* Mark Foley, Tom Delay,Dennis Hastert, and Greg Abbott are Democrats. (#19, July 2015)

All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* Donald Trump was all in on "Blue Lives Matter" and always supporting the police.

* Decrying gun violence against children is like being Hitler.

* You condemn Liz Cheney for voting to impeach Donald Trump, but not Marjorie Taylor Greene for saying a space laser caused the 2018 wildfires in California, the Parkland and Sandy Hook massacres were fake, and 9/11 was an inside job.

* Transgression deserving death: trying to save people's lives from a pandemic.

* Barack Obama was President on September 11, 2001, despite it being over seven years before he was elected in 2008.

* Donald Trump was too tolerant of homosexuals.

* Sending an armed mob of cultists to try and overturn an election result they didn't like is "losing gracefully".

* Blue Lives Matter, but not when they're murdered by pro-Trump terrorists.

* Private companies having too much power is "communism", and totally not the same thing as Free Market Capitalism.

* "MacDonalds" sells "McFish" sandwiches.
Me, personally I prefer the Filet-O-Fish from McDonalds.

* You show how patriotic you are and how much you love America by trying to leave it.

* "Poor and downtrodden": a woman convicted of "money laundering, bank and wire fraud and other financial crimes"; a guy convicted of stealing $43 million from victims of a telemarketing scam; and a Republican operative who pleaded guilty to wire fraud and money laundering after scamming dozens of people out of $5.3 million.

* Being a member of the "Law and Order" Party means letting someone who tried to whip up a mob to murder you and overthrow our government go free.

* Deregulation and the Free Market are the answers to energy shortages.

* Low Priority: Winterizing the power grid. High Priority: Ensuring the national anthem is played at sporting events.

* You didn't scream about "bipartisanship" and "unity" when massive, unpopular tax cuts for the rich passed with only Republican votes in 2017, but are desperately concerned about "bipartisanship" and "unity" now that a popular Coronavirus relief package will probably pass with only Democratic votes.

* Deregulation makes energy bills go down.

* The best time to turn off power plants is during blackouts.

* Ted Cruz is a brilliant comedian.

* 2016: "You lost, even though you got more votes, get over it!!!" 2020: "WE'RE NEVER GOING TO GET OVER LOSING!!!"

* You mock the New York Congresswoman who helps Texas while supporting the Texas Senator who ran off to Cancun while his constituents froze.

* It's Joe Biden's fault that the company the publishes Dr. Seuss's books is pulling some books with outdated depictions even though the decision was made when Trump was still pretending to be president.