Florida Attempts To Increase Vaccinations By Leaving Loose Syringes Around Beaches

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

TALLAHASSEE, FL—In an effort to overcome vaccine hesitancy and reduce spread of the coronavirus, Florida announced a new program Monday that aims to increase immunizations by scattering hundreds of thousands of loose hypodermic needles on beaches throughout the state. “In order to reach Floridians who have refused inoculation, we will be hiding syringes filled with the Covid vaccine across Miami Beach, Cocoa Beach, Henderson Beach State Park, Key West, and other highly trafficked spots along our shoreline,” said Gov. Ron DeSantis, who noted that state health officials had worked around the clock to implement the plan before spring break, burying the needles beneath thin layers of sand or positioning them so they poke out between the planks of a boardwalk. “We hope a lot of people will get pricked accidentally while socializing at their favorite party beach, stopping to pick up a pretty seashell, or sitting back to relax with a drink in their hand and their toes in the sand. But please keep in mind that while these mass vaccination beaches will be open 24/7, it is first stabbed, first served.” DeSantis added that if Sunshine Staters wished to cover the small puncture wound left by their accidental injection, they should be able to find plenty of loose Band-Aids washing ashore nearby.

https://www.theonion.com/florida-attempts-to-increase-vaccinations-by-leaving-lo-1846467263

[lagomorph777]

1. Now, that's a Florida Man with a plan.

[louis-t]

2. Had me for a second. He's that stupid.

Giggety.

[abqtommy]

3. I'm glad to see that this is from The Onion!

[Dagstead Bumwood]

4. "...First stabbed, first served."

Well done.

With a thread like this, you need to let it simmer for about six hours. Then, come back and enjoy all the posts of people who took the article seriously.