My heritage is Scottish and Irish. Nobody asks me where I come from.

[MineralMan]

I have never, not even once, been asked about that. My last name and first name, as well, are classic Scots names. Still, nobody ever asks me about that, unless I'm in some other country and can't speak the local language well.

That's my norm. So, why are people constantly asking AAPI people "Where do you come from?" Sometimes even before they ask for a name. It makes no sense. The answer might be "Anaheim" or "Fresno" or "Minneapolis." What does that question even mean?

Why do we think we need to know about someone's family history? Of what use is that information from a stranger? Why would we even be curious about that?

"Hi! I'm Fred or Susan or Bill or Yui. What's your name?" Now, that's a question that makes sense. "Where are you from?" doesn't, at least not as an opening question to someone you don't know.

[Budi]

1. Nor have I ever been asked, (speaking slowly) "Where. Are. You're. People. From?"

I have never ever been asked that by any culture including my own.
NEVER.

Honestly, the ignorance is stunning.

[GusBob]

2. I have an unusual European last name and am asked that ALL the time

I meet alot of people one-on-one for my profession. I am asked constantly the nationality of my name. Everyone in our family, same

[RobinA]

18. I Have An Obviously

German but not particularly common last name and I get asked frequently if I'm German. My ancestors came here pre-Revolution, but I answer in the spirit they intend it. They are just trying to check their understanding or they may be German too. I think in most cases people ask this question in order to get a better idea of who you might be or they are just curious.

[CincyDem]

3. What part of Scotland is your heritage?

We’re from Lewis in the Outer Hebrides. Nothing like a visit to the Highlands to recharge the batteries.

And, like you, nobody asks where I come from.

[MineralMan]

8. I have no idea, to tell you the truth.

Scotland is all I know, and my last name is one of the most common Scottish names, so?

[Klaralven]

16. You obviously need the assistance of Henry Louis Gates, Jr.

Finding Your Roots with Henry Louis Gates, Jr. - PBS

[CincyDem]

19. That's the way we are on the Irish side.

Irish side is 4 generations removed and we've lost the sense of locational connection other than "Ireland". Scotland is only one generation away so it's easier to know...visiting the actual house my grandmother lived in so we can't draw roots back to the actual farmhouse.

[MineralMan]

25. Well, I haven't been to Scotland.

There's a castle there, I believe, from the clan my name refers to. I probably won't go to Scotland. They speak English there, after a fashion. I'm more interested in visiting places where English isn't the primary language. I learn more in those places.

I'm also four generations from my Scottish and Irish ancestors. I don't even know the names of those who immigrated to the US.

I have no interest in kilts nor bagpipes, to tell the truth, and I'm not a fan of Haggis.

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

39. My people (4 generations ago)

lived in the Lochgilphead area, outside of Oban..........

[CincyDem]

42. Wonder if they were drinking as well then as we are now.

Oban is a great little town and the distillery folks are a lot of fun. Not too flat and not too peaty. Spent too much time and money there. Lol

[jimfields33]

4. I like to ask because I've been to over 60 countries so I get to

discuss the neat things I saw, what I ate, ect. I am in Florida so I ask everyone where there from because 9 times out of 10, it’s not Florida. I think people like to be able to have a nice discussion with people. I hardly think it’s anything negative. Oh and as for a last name that might be Italian or irish, I may ask if they’ve been to Italy or what part of Italy is the family originated from. I love the discussion and the people I talk with do as well.

[LakeArenal]

14. This thread is about Where are you from as the first thing said to a person.

Not hello there. Not what is your name.
Not May I ask you a personal question

It is about seeing someone and pretty much demanding where you are from.

[MineralMan]

26. Yes, exactly.

[LakeArenal]

34. I'm Irish and Danish. I usually tell people before they would ask.

Blue eyed blonde and all.

[RussBLib]

5. Because you are white?

As am I. I have NEVER been asked to get out of my car by a cop, although I have been pulled over maybe 10 times in my 60+ years.

We have so much white privilege we don't even know it.

I feel so badly about people of color being so constantly harassed, and killed by police.

[MineralMan]

9. Yes, of course. That is my point.

[rickyhall]

6. I go out of state and people tell me where I'm from, "You're from Texas, right?"

I ask people because accents fascinate me. When I lived in Colorado you could tell which side of the mountains people lived; east side sounded like Kansas, westside, like California. I grew up in Ft. Worth, where you could tell what part of town they lived in by their accent. My maternal grandparents were southsiders and sounded different from my paternal grandparents who were northsiders.

[Wednesdays]

7. Short Circuit

Newton Crosby : Where are you from, anyway?
Ben Jabituya : Bakersfield, originally.
Newton Crosby : No, I mean your ancestors.
Ben Jabituya : Oh, them. Pittsburgh.

[MineralMan]

10. Perfect responses.

That's what I'd say if I wasn't just another white guy from somewhere.

[NQAS]

11. I used to live overseas

My accent identified me as not being from where I lived. But whenever someone asked where I lived or where I was from, I would give them my neighborhood and city in the country I lived in. Funny enough, that was okay for most people.

[DenaliDemocrat]

12. It's all people who don't look Lilly white

I cannot tell you how many people say, “You’re Hispanic, right?” To which I reply, “My mother immigrated from Calabria Italy, why do you ask?”

[MineralMan]

20. Well, once you get to know someone, even a little, then

such things are interesting to learn. But, to begin with such a question to someone you don't know is sort of xenophobic, really.

If the first thing you ask is, "Are you Chinese?" you're going to look like some dumbass with an anti-Asian prejudice. Instead, just introduce yourself by name. That will get that person's name in response, in most cases. If you're familiar with name origins, you will learn something about the person in that simple exchange. You won't be asking a stupid question based solely on appearance.

Recently, I wrote about my experience at my local Wells Fargo branch. I was opening a new account to receive assets from my late parents' estate. The banker I talked to had an accent and was Black. He introduced himself to me and handed me his card. His first name was Qani.

So, we took care of the business at hand and got the account opened. It was more complicated than I expected, but I had brought the materials I thought I'd need with me. The process took about an hour. Once we were done, he walked with me back to the bank entrance. As we walked, I said, "I'm curious about the origin of your name." So he told me that origin, along with some other personal history, like his time at the University of Minnesota after coming to the US as a Somali refugee when he was a child.

By the time I asked about his name, we had already established a relationship around a banking transaction, so my question was not taken as some sort of prying. It was just a question, which he was happy to answer.

[DenaliDemocrat]

21. Why would you think you have the right to ask anyone

Where they came from? It’s none of your business. I could see saying, “I love your accent” and see if they volunteer the information, but asking someone where they are from when they are obviously a native speaker is rude as hell

[RobinA]

13. I Continue To Not Understand

the problem with asking someone where they are from. When I'm in Europe I expect to be asked where I'm from because I have an accent and don't speak most European languages. Anyone who has a characteristic that suggests they are not from the "here" is going to get asked this. If you had a Scottish accent, they would ask you. We have a family friend from Germany, she has a very obvious accent, and she gets asked where she is from all the time. If I see someone who is Asian, I would like to ask where her/his family is from because most Asians I have known don't like to be considered a different ethnicity than they are. I don't ask, however, because I don't want to get into trouble. People want to know about the people around them. When I was in college many moons ago everyone asked everyone else where they were from, because people were from all over the state. That was before wondering where someone was from became a thought crime.

[moonscape]

37. My parents had accents and were asked first thing

and it didn’t bother them at all. A good friend is from NZ and experiences the same but =hates= it. Annoys her no end. I’m so used to it and find it’s just a conversation starter, to learn about another person, find commonality, whatever.

[bigtree]

15. if you had an accent

...it may or may not be important to you or someone else, but there are cultural differences between Irish and Scots, like between Asians, or between Spanish-speaking individuals, or between South Americans or Africans, or Pacific Islanders, or Canadians...

It's just interest, and perhaps respect for their individual cultures which compels me to ask (sometimes). It's not hard to offend getting their origins wrong, or risk offending supposing without knowing. It doesn't regulary occur that its of importance enough to ask, but sometimes it does.

I've been rebuffed before, asking about a country of origin. I still think it's more of an attempt at a courtesy than an affront, in most cases, however annoying or untoward it may seem.

[MineralMan]

22. See my #20 above.

I do have an accent - a California/Midwestern accent.

It's not that the question implies bigotry. It's whether it is an appropriate question when you ask it. Asking someone's origins as the first thing makes no sense at all. Later, after some conversation and establishment of some sort of relationship, even a fleeting one, it can be an appropriate question to ask. However, if you blurt it out immediately, it will likely be misinterpreted.

When I travel outside of the United States, I make an attempt before I go somewhere to learn at least the greeting and other polite phrases in the language in the place I am going. Actually, I learn more than that, so I can communicate to some degree in the local language.

Here, I make a point of introducing myself by name. That almost always results in the other person saying his or her name in return. From that, I can often identify at least the person's national origin if they have an accent. However, here in the US, I often meet people who have a typical American accent of some kind. If so, I assume that they are from the USA. In that case, their national heritage is not an issue that needs to be addressed at all at that time.

My point here is that nobody in this country ever asks me such a question. I'm just an average white guy. So, why would I ask someone such a question until I know them at least a little? Too many people just jump right in and ask people they don't know about their ethnic or national origins, as if that is important for some reason. People jump the gun with such a question, revealing more than they might thing about themselves. It's the wrong start in most cases.

[bigtree]

23. as with most things

...circumstance and context is everything.

[MineralMan]

24. Yes, of course.

I still maintain that such a question should not be one of the first things you say to someone. That's rude.

[bigtree]

27. If your accent was pronounced, I'd be interested to ask

...maybe not immediately. I think I got that from my dad, or from our travel in and out of America. We were regularly asked, ourselves, in other countries.

I'm often asked by other dark-skinned folks at the beginning of conversations, perhaps seeking affinity (due to my own dark skin) with their ethnicity, or someone speaking the same language. I don't think it's useful to be defensive about it, unless, of course, you're being obviously trolled.

[MineralMan]

28. Well, I've been to many countries.

Typically, people recognize me as a US citizen from my clothing and my feeble attempts to be polite in the local language.

I once got terribly lost in Strasbourg. I had gone walking and wandering, and realized that the time for the performance the orchestra I was traveling with was getting uncomfortably close. I knew the name of the place where we were to perform. So, I stopped another person, who looked to be a local, and asked, in French and very politely, for directions to that place. She said, in very good English, "Ah, you are an American. Continue down this street to Rue whatever-it-was, and go to the right. You will find that church in a few hundred meters."

I thanked her politely in French. She smiled and responded with "De rien," and I got to the performance venue in time to get into my tux on the tour bus and take my seat with the rest of the orchestra.

It's often easy to identify the nationality of tourists. That's not really what I'm talking about, though.

[Cartoonist]

17. I like ancestry

I don't get why people are ashamed of it. I have an unusual last name and get asked its origin quite frequently. I have never been to my grandparent's country, but I know it's part of who I am.

Every four years, when the World Cup comes around, people have no hesitancy in identifying where their roots are.

[Caliman73]

29. Yeah, it can suck.

I was born and raised here. Parts of my family have been in California since it belonged to Mexico. I get asked that too, and when I answer California I have gotten the, "No...where are you from originally?" as if my answer would change. I have also gotten the, "You speak English so well" thing.

I think that there are some people who are genuinely curious about where a person is from, but I understand that you are saying that people of color, get asked those questions with the desire to see if they are "other". I see it a lot with people of Asian and Latino heritage.

There is a funny video on You Tube where an obviously White man meets an Asian woman on a running trail and asks, "Where are you from?" to which she responds, Orange County, well originally San Diego (places in California)... the situation continues where he makes stereotypical Asian gestures, then she flips it on him and makes stereotypical English gestures, as he says his ancestors were from England, he leaves befuddled saying that the woman is "strange".

As I said, when it is done with genuine curiosity to find out cultural influences, I think it can be a good thing. Unfortunately, a lot of the time, it is about trying to pigeon hole a person into an "other" role.

[ananda]

30. Knowing your history is a white privilege.

I know a lot about my history. That's a white privilege,
I know.

I hate oppression. Everybody should be able to know
and learn from their history.

[edhopper]

31. The Irish!

[EX500rider]

32. I ask most Latinos where they are from (in Spanish)

As I grew up in Costa Rica and have lived in Panama also and been to all the countries from the US border to Colombia.

[Treefrog]

33. I travel quite a bit, often to Europe. I'm ALWAYS asked where I'm from and whether I'm American,

Aussie, or English. I’ve never taken offense, even when occasionally advised to stop trying to speak their language.

[LakeArenal]

35. I guess I might answer:

My mother is from Texas. My father is from Canada. I was born in Massachusetts.

Edit: This moment if I came to visit you, I would be “from” Costa Rica.

[demigoddess]

36. I used to say I was born in (U.S. state), but I never lived there.

They usually went HUH?

[LakeArenal]

40. 😉

[msongs]

38. where are you from is like asking what's your tribe thousands of yrs back nt

[IcyPeas]

41. who remembers Michelle Kwan, 2-time American Olympic Medal winner

and 5 time World champion.

Back then there were people saying she's not American so she should'nt have won.

She was born in California.

I realized back then the ridiculousness of that question based on what a person looks like. I don't think I realized it before this "controversy". I learned.