How the Founders decided D.C. would need a car dealership to be a state

[Nevilledog]

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Stan Veuger
@stanveuger
Opinion | How the Founders decided D.C. would need a car dealership to be a state - The Washington Post

Opinion | How the Founders decided you needed a car dealership to be a state
We, the Founders, feel adamant about having these things.
washingtonpost.com
11:19 AM · Mar 24, 2021

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/03/24/founders-constitution-dc-statehood-car-dealership/

“D.C. would be the only state — the only state — without an airport, without a car dealership, without a capital city, without a landfill, without even a name on its own, and we could go on and on and on.”

The Founders were excited to start a new country called the United States, but there was one big problem: There were no states! There was Large Virginia and Long Connecticut and Doublewide Georgia and the Five-Headed Non-Contiguous Mass of Massachusetts, but none of them were states. This news was devastating to the Founders, and they sat down to try to figure out what to do.

“You are sure that none of these are states?” Robert Morris said, for the third time.

“Yes,” James Madison said sadly.

“So we can’t be the United States."

“No,” James Madison said, even more sadly. "Everyone knows that states contain certain immutable characteristics: an airport, a landfill, industrial manufacturing and a car dealership.”

“Oh, my God!” Patrick Henry screamed. “James Madison is possessed by a demon and is making incomprehensible sounds!”

“Please,” Benjamin Franklin said, “we know that demons are not real. I am sure that he has simply been overcome by galvanism!"

*snip*

[Ocelot II]

1. Does DC have a Wal-Mart? It can't be a state without a Wal-Mart.

[mahatmakanejeeves]

3. Yes. I've been to all three.

There's one on H Street NW, just a block off North Capitol St. There's one on Georgia Avenue, getting close to Silver Spring. Finally, there's one way on Riggs Road NE, a few blocks from the Ft. Totten Metro station. The one on H Street is the only one that sells beer.

[Ocelot II]

4. Well, then. Assuming they also have strip joints and a Denny's, they're all set.

[Treefrog]

8. Ha! I've bought beer there! They had a surprisingly good price on Stella.

[Tommy Carcetti]

2. Petri is money. nt

[4Q2u2]

5. Plenty of States

With no Fucking Brains. Never stopped them.

[dutch777]

6. I am pretty sure there are at least several used car salesmen in Congress.

And if you need a snake oil stand too, darned sure there are some of those salesmen too. Can put those draped colored banners from tree to tree on the Mall and park a couple of vintage 4 wheeled beauties with "Just Reduced" or "Low Miles" signs in their windows and DC is good to go.

[crickets]

7. I had to follow one of the links to relive the #RevolutionaryWarAirportStories.

It was worth the trip to remember the heady days of the National Airport Terminal C Siege of the Cinnabon.

Ah, mem'ries.

Link to non-paywall article re DC statehood:

https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/washington-dc-statehood-heritage-foundation-1145321/

The effort to rationalize their opposition may have reached its nadir on Monday, when Zack Smith of the Heritage Foundation tried to claim during the aforementioned hearing held by the House Oversight and Reform Committee that D.C. residents already have “undue influence over the federal government.” How? Well, they can put signs in their yards that lawmakers might see when they’re driving around town.

[jmowreader]

9. I checked. There's a Tesla dealer in Washington, DC