from Clint Watts, a request on this World Autism Awareness Day

[bigtree]

Clint Watts - April 2, 2021:

I came close to talking with Pepper once. I could point to a sheep or the cow on her rug and she would gut out a stuttered “Baahhhh” or whisper “Mooo.” That was for a month or so, more than a decade ago. One other time, I thought she said the word “chip”—her favorite food. Pepper spoke the word clearly, as if she’d spoken it thousands of times, but alas, like before, the word “chip” hasn’t been uttered again.

Pepper is vocal, and I’m very thankful for that (most of the time), as her noises remind me she is a person who I imagine yearns to speak but cannot. Best of all, Pepper giggles, and on those rare occasions when she has a laughing attack her throaty gasps of jubilation echo the notorious laugh of Horshack; for those of you old enough to remember the 1970s show Welcome Back Carter.

Despite spending thousands of hours with Pepper, I constantly feel I don’t know much about her. I’m pretty sure her favorite color is yellow as she’ll almost always pick something that color out of a lineup. Like for many kids her age, the Disney movies Frozen, Tangled, and Finding Dory are clear favorites, though she doesn’t like Brave (I don’t either). I assess with high confidence she loves Tostitos chips—during the pandemic year, we’ve both consumed too many.

Beyond the simple things, I often have no idea what Pepper is thinking or how she is doing. So many times in recent years I’ve pondered, “I wonder if Pepper is having a good day?” I always imagine parents of mainstream kids contemplate things about their kids’ days all the time: Will their kid ace the test? Did they make the sports team? Did the mean kid at school leave them alone? I, on the other hand, have no idea; I don’t know what her day is like. Does she have dreams, hopes? Sometimes I think she’s anxious, but then maybe she’s just hungry or angry about something?

read more: https://clintwatts.substack.com/p/ive-not-spoken-with-my-daughter-in

Link to tweet