17-Year-Old Asks Friend What It Means When Guy You Like Wants Blanket Pardon

[muriel_volestrangler]

PENSACOLA, FL—Wondering if this was a sign that their relationship was “official,” local 17-year-old high school student Sophie Garrett was overheard Wednesday asking her friend what it means when the guy you like wants a blanket pardon. “Has a guy ever mentioned something called a ‘blanket pardon,’” said the senior class treasurer to a reportedly more experienced friend, explaining that she didn’t want to look up the unfamiliar term on a school computer and risk getting detention. “He hasn’t directly asked me yet, but I peeked at some of his texts and it was mentioned several times—like, he was almost bragging about it. Not to sound like a prude, but is it normal hand stuff, or am I supposed to do more things, like, under the blanket? I don’t want to feel pressured into it, like when he asked to check if I was wearing a wire, but I don’t want him to break up with me either. Ugh, this is what I get for liking bad boys.” At press time, a note recovered at the scene confirmed that everybody at the school had already heard that Garrett did blanket pardons.

https://www.theonion.com/17-year-old-asks-friend-what-it-means-when-guy-you-like-1846635815

[mezame]

1. I should write for the Onion...

...my 'tucker carlson is a crossdresser' rumor would've been better received. Live 'n learn.

[Tiger8]

2. It's okay to be a cross dresser...

...but Tucker Carlson is never okay.

[Layzeebeaver]

4. however, if tucker is a crossdresser...

It is still absolutely acceptable to be a crossdresser...

But would not be OK for him to be Tucker no matter how he is adorned.

[mezame]

5. true that

[ornotna]

3. Now I'm confused

Last edited Fri Apr 9, 2021, 08:04 AM - Edit history (1)

So, who was giving and who was getting the blanket pardons at Merde Lago?