Top 10 Conservative Idiots #10-12: Teenage Mutant Cyber Ninja Turtles Edition

[Top 10 Idiots]

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #10-12: Teenage Mutant Cyber Ninja Turtles Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! How’s everybody doing? Yeah it’s getting tough to hang in there, I know. Everyone is getting restless and tired. So how do you like our new set? We’re finally out of the blank void in the back room of a Burbank comedy club because comedy clubs are finally opening up! So while we search for a new permanent home, we’re shacking up at a currently closed music venue – the Observatory OC in Santa Ana, which we are using to promote the “Save Our Stages” campaign! And it’s our first in over a year with a live audience! Say hi everybody! So do we have time for the thing? Of course we do! So here’s a bizarre story out of Italy. I’m totally fascinated with this story and rightfully so. Say you are an employee and you skip work. Now rinse and repeat for 15 years. That’s right – I said 15… years! And this is a seriously crazy story when you start looking at the details. The man’s name is Salvatore Scumace and he’s been under investigation for some very serious crimes including forgery and extortion. Even his superiors at the hospital are under indictment. But you know at this point some of the blame has to fall on the hospital because how do you keep fooling them for 15 years? Even the irony of this story is that he was only one year from retirement. And he would have got away with it too if it weren’t for those meddling police! OK I had to Scooby Doo that one. That’s enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first Bill Maher is back and he talks about how old Joe is really not so old and he’s accomplishing more in 100 days than Trump did in 4 years:

So where do we begin this week? In the number one slot this week is Derek Chauvin (1). So he was found… GUILTY! On all 3 counts, and conservatives are naturally not happy about the verdict, nor are they not happy about Minneapolis erupting into riots. But grab some popcorn and enjoy some conservative tears because this is going to be fun! In the second slot this week is our favorite Q Anon Congress Critter Marjorie Taylor Green (2). So she’s attempting to look intelligent by actually reading the proposed Green New Deal and challenging Alexandria Ocasio Cortez to a debate on the subject and is not surprisingly – already failing out of the gate! Taking the #3 slot this week – we’ve got the latest news coming from the Capitol Riot (3) and as I said last week, this is the gift that keeps on giving because it’s weirder and stranger! In the #4 slot this week is Cyber Ninja (4). You might not have heard of them, but they’re the firm that Arizona republicans hired to conduct yet *ANOTHER* election audit to prove it was stolen, and they’re already getting their asses handed to them! In the #5 slot this week is our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates (5) – how did a Z-grade Hollywood “actor” manage to trick hundreds of actors into a ponzi scheme that netted him hundreds of millions? It’s an insane story and we can’t wait for the movie! In the #6 slot this week is our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” and this week we’re examining the new “Center For American Values” promoted by supporters of Former Guy and starring his crazy spiritual advisor Paula White, but what is it, exactly? Taking the #7 slot this week we have a new Beating A Dead Horse – so Disneyland and Disney World in Orlando are becoming “Woke” and that is angering some people, so has it ruined the experience? No, you’re just threatened by change. In the number 8 slot this week is our brand new sports segment – The Wide World Of Sports (8) and this week we’re taking a look at the failed FISA Super League in Europe and it is a clusterfuck of mismanagement that went very south very quickly! In the number 9 (NEIN!!) slot this week we have a new People Are Dumb, because of course they are! Finally this week it’s time for Stupidest State 2021 (10)! This week it’s Round 2 Week 2 which means that it’s the Family Values Conference championships! #1 Indiana is set to take on #4 Arkansas! Which state has the stronger holy water to advance to the Final Four? There’s only one way to find out! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Derek Chauvin
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The murder of George Floyd last year at the hands of police officer Derek Chauvin was one of those life-changing events. Everyone will remember where they were and it will cement itself in history. You may notice that we here at the Top 10 have largely been avoiding covering the trial of Officer Chauvin because it’s one of those situations that you just can’t make fun of. But now that the verdict has been reached – Chauvin is guilty as hell, the whole world is rejoicing because justice has finally been served and a message has been sent to crooked and out of control cops everywhere. And when I say the whole world is rejoicing – that is *EXCEPT* for conservatives. Everyone on the right side of things was as you can imagine, not happy about this one. Take Lindsay Graham for instance. Cue up the world’s tiniest violin playing just for murderous police.

Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) said Sunday that the U.S. was not a racist country but faced racism in the form of "bad actors" following the guilty verdict in the trial of Derek Chauvin, the former Minneapolis police officer convicted of murdering George Floyd.

During an interview with Chris Wallace on "Fox News Sunday," Graham explained that in his view, the U.S. was not a racist country and did not have racist "systems," but did face continuing challenges from some Americans who hold racist beliefs.

"No, in my opinion...our systems are not racist," America is not a racist country," Graham told Wallace.

"This attack on police and policing...reform the police yes, call them all racists no," he continued.

The South Carolina senator said a bipartisan compromise on the issue of policing reform could be reached in Congress if Democrats could agree to modify their call to end qualified immunity, which protects police officers and departments from most lawsuits in cases of police violence. Graham said he would support suing a department instead of individuals.
https://thehill.com/homenews/sunday-talk-shows/550150-graham-after-chauvin-verdict-america-is-not-a-racist-country

So for this instead of showing you all the news about Chauvin being guilty – because you probably knew that – we’re instead showing you the conservatives’ reaction to the verdict and how their idea of militaristic policing has come to a crashing halt. If you thought that Lindsay Graham was unapologetic, just wait until you see Tucker Carlson’s reaction to this. No… no… turn off the Tucker reaction camera, we don’t need that for this piece!

On a near-nightly basis, Fox News primetime host Tucker Carlson conducts master classes in white supremacy and hate for his millions of viewers, nearly all of them white conservatives. His latest lesson involves the paranoid fiction that nonwhite people are coming to America to "replace" the majority white population, and that by implication the existence of the "white race" is imperiled both in the United States and around the world.

In his white supremacy tutelage, Carlson also routinely rages at the enemies of the MAGAverse and "real America," especially Black and brown people (and their white allies) in the pro-human rights and democracy movement known as Black Lives Matter. Their crime, for Carlson and his viewers? Demanding that the human and civil rights of Black people, and others marginalized in American society, be respected and protected.

Carlson is highly effective: White supremacists have repeatedly praised him for helping to mainstream their vile ideology among the millions of people who watch Fox News. In fact, the "Daily Show" has created a video montage of Tucker Carlson channeling the same language and ideas as white supremacist mass shooters.

Carlson also condones if not outright encourages fascism and other attacks on America's multiracial democracy. His staff of writers has included at least one overt white supremacist.

White supremacy and racial authoritarianism, like other forms of fascism and more generally, involve an emptiness of the heart and mind. As a high priest in America's church of white supremacy and racism, Carlson does his best to fill that emptiness for his viewers and followers. ...............(more)

https://www.salon.com/2021/04/27/tucker-carlson-the-chauvin-verdict-and-the-burden-of-white-civilization/

OK yeah… no, sorry, Tucker – the right people won and justice prevailed. You don’t get to whitewash your way out of this one. Though this is the most alarming statistic about this whole thing – it’s split the GOP right down the middle. That’s right – 46% think the Chauvin verdict was wrong. So let’s get this straight – they support the police one minute, then beat them to death with their own flag the next. This means that your conservative neighbor with a giant Blue Lives Matter flag flying from the back of his F-150 that’s the size of his house probably is one of the 46%! Think about it!

The jury’s assessment—which found Chauvin guilty of second degree murder, third degree murder and second degree manslaughter—was broadly rated as the “right verdict” by the over 2,500 Americans surveyed for the poll.

Three-quarters of respondents said they agreed with the outcome, with just 25% diverging—a group composed of more men than women and that is disproportionately white and mostly conservative.

Political affiliation emerged as the most divisive dictator of opinions on the trial’s outcome, with 90% of Democrats saying jurors reached the right verdict, while a slim majority (54%) of Republicans said the same.

Nearly half (46%) of the Republicans surveyed felt the jury had come to the wrong decision in convicting Chauvin of murder versus just 10% of Democrats and 25% of Independents who thought the verdict was wrong.

Though less overtly than their Democratic counterparts, many Republican lawmakers praised the trial’s outcome after it was announced last Wednesday. “There is no doubt in my mind that jury reached the right verdict,” Sen. Tim Scott (R-S.C.) said in a statement, while Ohio Sen. Rob Portman tweeted he was “grateful” that “justice appears to be served.” Some GOP lawmakers and pundits have suggested the trial was corrupted by intense public pressure, with Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis (R) implying during an appearance on Fox News that jurors found Chauvin guilty because they were “scared of what a mob may do.”
https://www.forbes.com/sites/jemimamcevoy/2021/04/25/nearly-half-of-republicans-think-derek-chauvin-verdict-was-wrong-poll-shows/?sh=4f8b4e2266e8

And by the way, Fox News wanted this. Riots were actually part of their plan. They saw how the shit really hit the fan last year and it was great for their ratings. They were actually anticipating more of this when the verdict was read. Honestly it could have gone either way. Cities were embracing for this. But when the actual verdict was finally read, we got the exact opposite of that! Thank god we can finally put this ugly chapter of American history behind us! At least for now!

As cities prepare for possible protests following a verdict in the murder trial of Derek Chauvin, police departments say they are implementing new tactics after being criticized by agency watchdogs for their handling of last summer’s demonstrations.

New York City police officials said they are in the process of implementing less aggressive crowd control tactics, while Los Angeles has started new training and the Chicago Police Department has ordered its officers to be respectful of protesters. Some cities like Philadelphia banned or limited the use of tear gas, rubber bullets and pepper spray on demonstrators after facing criticism from local elected leaders and civil-rights groups for deploying them on crowds over the summer.

Municipal oversight agencies and outside consultants hired by cities have found departments were unprepared, disorganized and used excessive force during the protests that swept the country following the death of George Floyd in police custody.

With a Minneapolis jury now deliberating whether to convict Mr. Chauvin for killing Mr. Floyd, some departments also said they have reached out to organizers and community leaders in advance of expected protests, in the hopes of creating less tense confrontations with demonstrators.
https://www.wsj.com/articles/awaiting-derek-chauvin-verdict-police-prepare-new-approach-to-protests-11618930271

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[font size="8"]Marjorie Taylor Greene
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Just like the Capitol Riot, Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q – Batshit) is also the gift that keeps on giving. The latest thing concerns Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s controversial Green New Deal. And the only reason why the Green New Deal is controversial is because republicans haven’t read and/or analyzed it and are floating wild conspiracy theories about. Which is par for the course with these kooks. So gym owner Marjorie is attempting to look intelligent by actually announcing that she’s going to read the Green New Deal and challenge AOC to a debate on it. And she made a big splash on Twitter announcing that… she’s going to read something. And that is something that in the 5 years we’ve been doing this, something I never thought I would hear any conservative say! What? Conservatives let Fox News and AM radio do all their thinking for them!

Georgia Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene—the QAnon-loving bigot who ranks as possibly the furthest-right member of Congress—is a very slow reader, apparently.

Earlier this year, Greene was stripped of her committee assignments, which she characterized as actually fitting her very clever plan to spend most of her time in DC pulling publicity stunts and generally going around making a jackass of herself. Since then, Greene has busied herself with things like harassing another representative with a trans child, meeting with Donald Trump at his sad parallel court in Mar-a-Lago, trying (and failing) to found a white nationalist caucus, and throwing rallies where police are forced to provide extra security in case her supporters riot. She’s also repeatedly challenged New York Rep. Alexandria Ocasio Cortez to a debate on the Green New Deal, AOC’s sweeping package of proposed environmental reforms—a debate that AOC has expressed no intention whatsoever to engage in.

Greene has continued to pretend such a debate is forthcoming, and per the Daily Dot, claimed AOC had agreed to one. The only problem, of course, is that while touting the supposed victory, Greene admitted she hadn’t bothered to read the resolution and referred to its 14-page length as a protracted slog it would take her some time to catch up on.
https://earther.gizmodo.com/marjorie-taylor-greene-brags-she-read-all-14-pages-of-t-1846752490

And if you like that, Marjorie, there's plenty of books available at your local library! Which as you know is one of those socialist programs that you rail against! Seriously when I saw this story last week I could not stop laughing. Yes, Marjorie – we’re laughing at you, not with you! Just in case you were wondering what kind of debate opponent Greene is, she’s the kind of opponent who talks trash at the weigh-in and then proceeds to throw a massive pre-party destroying the hotel room, and then spends no time actually preparing for the event itself!

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga.) remains very determined to debate Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.).

On Saturday, while speaking at the America First Rally at the Indian River County Fairgrounds in Florida, Greene recounted an apparent conversation the congresswomen had when Greene approached Ocasio-Cortez in the House chamber about going head-to-head on national television over the contents of the Green New Deal, which Greene believes will destroy the U.S. economy.

While telling her version of the story, Greene mockingly impersonated Ocasio-Cortez, who she claims has "no clue" what she's talking about because she hasn't owned a business. The crowd certainly seemed to enjoy the narrative, but Greene's critics did not, comparing it to something a middle schooler would tell, rather than a sitting congresswoman.

The Bulwark's Jim Swift thinks Greene has just had too much time on her hands of late. "When you don't have any committee assignments, this is how you spend your taxpayer funded time," he tweeted Saturday, referring to the fact that Greene was removed from her two assignments because of comments she made spreading violent and hateful conspiracy theories before she was elected.
https://news.yahoo.com/marjorie-taylor-greene-mockingly-impersonates-162600839.html

Society stripped her off committees for being a wife, Christian, business owner… now Marjorie Greene is out for… REVENGE!!!! By attempting to look intelligent. OK enough of that. But in case you’re wondering why we even need a Green New Deal in the first place, just look at what’s happening in my home state of California, where a drought is threatening to bring on a serious environmental disaster. And there’s no vaccine that can bring us out of this one! This is going to be a fun fire season. Not!

As yet another season of drought returns to California, the mood has grown increasingly grim across the vast and fertile San Joaquin Valley.

Renowned for its bounty of dairies, row crops, grapes, almonds, pistachios and fruit trees, this agricultural heartland is still reeling from the effects of the last punishing drought, which left the region geologically depressed and mentally traumatized.

Now, as the valley braces for another dry spell of undetermined duration, some are openly questioning the future of farming here, even as legislative representatives call on Gov. Gavin Newsom to declare a drought emergency. Many small, predominantly Latino communities also face the risk of having their wells run dry.

Drought is nothing new to California or the West, and generations of San Joaquin Valley farmers have endured many dry years over the last century. Often, they have done so by drilling more wells.
https://news.yahoo.com/wells-dry-crops-imperiled-workers-130039116.html

That’s a good question and I don’t want to be here to find out! But that said, we definitely need a new environmental program and we need one now. Did I say we need a new environmental program? We need *AN* environmental program. Because they previous guy had a freaking revolving door in the Agricultural and EPA departments that left us with no plan! So it’s going to take a lot to actually have any sort of defense against the things Mother Nature is going to be throwing at us for ignoring climate change all these years. The pandemic was just the beginning!

To everyone’s surprise (it wasn’t on the advance list of topics), Chris Wallace asked a question about climate change. As is to be expected from a conservative, he framed it as a trade-off between the environment and the economy.

In the ensuing shouting, Trump accused Biden of supporting “the radical Green New Deal,” which he alleged would cost “$100 trillion.” (For those who are wondering, that number is from a ludicrous “study” of the GND by the right-wing American Action Forum.)

Biden responded, “The Green New Deal is not my plan.”

Then, just a few minutes later, he said, “The Green New Deal will pay for itself as we move forward.”

Then, minutes later, “No, I don’t support the Green New Deal.” He supports “the Biden plan, which is different than what [Trump] calls the radical Green New Deal.”

Minutes later, sleuths on the right turned up language on Biden’s website calling the Green New Deal a “crucial framework for meeting the climate challenges we face.”
https://www.vox.com/energy-and-environment/21498236/joe-biden-green-new-deal-debate

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[font size="8"]Capitol Riots
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I’ve been saying the last few editions that while the events of January 6th were utterly horrifying beyond words, for us, it’s the gift that keeps on giving. In fact there’s so much batshit crazy that it’s almost impossible to keep up with. But this might be one of my favorite stories that I’ve seen lately – it appears that white nationalist Nicholas Fuentes is on the No Fly List! I am loving this one so much. The guy is such a risk that he’s been banned from just about every major social media platform and now he’s been banned from airplanes! Here’s the thing, Nick – if you want to play stupid games like enter the Capitol for an insurrection to protect a failed president who lost legally to a guy much better than he ever will be – you can expect to win stupid prizes! So yeah… cue up the world’s tiniest violin!

White nationalist Nick Fuentes says he can’t attend a South Florida press conference opposing big tech because he’s on a “no-fly” list.

This morning, the self-described “groyper” tweeted that he isn’t allowed to fly, which he called “overt political persecution.”

“America is not a free country,” he added.

From his verified Twitter account, he also complained that he has “been banned from nearly all social media and tech services,” which he had planned to discuss at the press conference alongside Laura Loomer and other far-right figures.

His extremist compatriots hastened to express outrage over Fuentes’ allegations. InfoWars contributor Paul Joseph Watson called it a “draconian thought crime system” even more severe than China’s social credit score.
https://www.dailydot.com/debug/nick-fuentes-no-fly-list/

Excuse me a minute… And then I love this story. OK look if you’re going to complain about the COVID vaccine containing a tracking device, how about this – don’t post on social media! Because if you do then the government can track your every move. Spoiler alert! But in this story – a couple went to the Capitol, bragged about it, then deleted their posts from Facebook after getting caught. Do I really need to explain? You trusted the last guy, you deserve what happens to you! Oh and did I mention that Florida Man was involved in this too? Shocker!

A family member turned in an Ocala man who went to Washington D.C. “knowing full well they were going to break in” to the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6, according to the U.S. Justice Department.

Kenneth Kelly, 58, also sent text messages saying he entered the Capitol by breaking windows, an affidavit said. He turned himself in Friday at the Middle District of Florida U.S. Attorney’s Office in Ocala. He’s facing charges including disorderly and disruptive conduct in a restricted building or grounds and disorderly conduct on Capitol grounds.

Pictures from surveillance video and text messages provided to the FBI show Kelly inside the Capitol, which he kept referring to as the White House, the affidavit said.

“Inside the White house via breaking in windows,” a text message said. “Tree of liberty was watered today.”

https://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/breaking-news/os-ne--20210424-7mmtlfn5rrcqjioccfrqyvbnra-story.html

Dude… did he use the Tree Of Liberty as a toilet? Oh dear god… what is wrong with these people? I mean seriously! They can do all they want to us, at least we’re housebroken! And you know here’s another thing – why are there so many hardcore right wingers involved in Crossfit? Is Crossfit an exercise program or is it a GOP mind control outlet? But we may save that for another edition, but the more you dig into this thing the weirder, creepier, and stupider it gets!

A federal judge said he was "inclined" to order that a Jan. 6 Capitol riot suspect remain in detention on Monday after prosecutors presented video footage of the man dragging a police officer down the steps of the Capitol and into a mob and physically assaulting officers.

Jack Wade Whitton, a 30-year-old CrossFit instructor from Georgia, was identified by the government as the man in new officer-worn body camera footage also kicking officers and saying, "You're going to die tonight."

Assistant U.S. Attorney Colleen Kukowski argued on behalf of the government that Whitton, who remains in custody in Georgia, should not be released pending trial because he remains a threat to the public.

Prosecutors previously disclosed text messages Whitton allegedly sent to a confidential informant in which he boasted about the assault afterward.

Read more: https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/youre-going-to-die-tonight-body-cam-video-shows-capitol-riot-suspect-accused-of-dragging-officer/ar-BB1fA6Bg?li=BBnb7Kz

Now here’s the thing – you might be asking how did this become such a clusterfuck? Well there’s many theories. Yeah you could say that the Capitol Rioters had help from someone inside Congress – which they very well could have. Or it could be the Capitol Police were in on it, another likely scenario. But what we’re finding is that this is the 9/11 scenario all over again. Hey people if there’s intelligence warnings that something big is coming on the horizon, maybe I don’t know, don’t ignore them the next time? It’s a tale as old as time!

A new report by the Capitol Police’s internal watchdog found that department leaders overlooked key intelligence in the run-up to the riot on Jan. 6, including a warning that “Congress itself is the target,” and barred the force’s riot response unit from using its most powerful crowd-control measures.

The 104-page document, entitled “Review of the Events Surrounding the Jan. 6, 2021, Takeover of the U.S. Capitol,” is the most searing portrait yet of the lapses and miscalculations around the most violent attack on the Capitol in two centuries. It adds significant new detail not unearthed in congressional hearings and is likely to inform a coming overhaul of the agency promised by lawmakers.

Michael A. Bolton, the Capitol Police’s inspector general, classified the report as “law enforcement sensitive” and has not released it to the public. But The New York Times reviewed a copy before his testimony to the House Administration Committee, scheduled for Thursday.

Here are the highlights.

Capitol Police leaders ignored or overlooked intelligence reports warning of attacks on lawmakers.

The department’s own intelligence unit, which monitors potential threats, warned three days before the riot that supporters of President Donald J. Trump, motivated by his false election fraud claims, were targeting Congress and could become violent.
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/13/us/politics/capitol-riot-police-report.html

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[font size="8"]Cyber Ninja

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OK look…. Look… it’s been 3 months since Joseph R. Biden was inaugurated as the 46th president of the United States. Donald Trump is history. Let it go. But there’s some people who just won’t let it go no matter how much they hold their ears and go “LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!!!”. But what’s happening in Arizona right now is what one might call a “clusterfuck”. So how did a firm that nobody ever hear of manage to slime its’ way into yet another 2020 election recount? Well for one thing look at where it’s taking place – Maricopa County, which was once ruled by Sheriff Joe Arpaio, a guy who’s name is synonymous with crooked and corrupt cops everywhere. But what would you expect when your firm is called “Cyber Ninjas”? I mean come on, I would expect that as the name of a villainous corporation in a 10 year old’s poorly drawn comic, not in a corporation that’s trying to overthrow democracy!

A successful ninja is unseen, unheard, stealthy.

By that standard, the firm Cyber Ninjas — which Arizona Republicans chose to audit the ballots cast in 2020 in the Phoenix area — fits the bill: Almost no one involved in election or politics in Florida, the state where the company is headquartered, seems to have heard of it or knows anything about it.

Nor do they know anything about Cyber Ninjas’ founder, Doug Logan, who registered his firm in the southwest Florida city of Sarasota in 2014, state records show.

“Doug Logan? Cyber Ninjas? No. I don’t know these guys. Never heard of them,” said Christian Ziegler, vice chair of the Republican Party of Florida and a resident of Sarasota, echoing a dozen top Florida Republicans and elections professionals interviewed by POLITICO.

The firm’s relative anonymity is a curious anomaly in Florida, one of the nation’s biggest battlegrounds, where top political players are typically familiar with companies that provide election services and technology.
https://www.politico.com/news/2021/04/26/republicans-arizona-vote-audit-florida-484737

Except when they try to overthrow the democratically elected 46th president of the United States, who’s already been certified and inaugurated! But really you got to do something about that name. Cyber Ninjas? Are we 10 years old? Is this Teenage Mutant Cyber Ninja Turtles? Heroes on the half shell… turtle power!! And yes the firm does have deep roots in the Q Anon movement as well as the Stop The Steal movement – both of which are run by crackpots.

The Great Arizona Search for Election Fraud kicks off today as the Arizona Senate announced it has hired four – count ‘em four – firms to audit Maricopa County’s election.

The $150,000 audit will be led by Cyber Ninjas, a small Florida cyber security company founded by a Trump supporter who promoted conspiracy theories as part of the Stop the Steal movement.

"I’m tired of hearing people say there was no fraud. It happened, it’s real, and people better get wise fast," said one post he retweeted in late December.

No, seriously. This is who Senate President Karen Fann has hired to lead its "independent" audit of the election. But hey, the company has an awesome motto:

“Do you have a ninja on your side?”

Well, now the Senate does, though alas, this particular Trump ninja appears to have no actual experience auditing elections, a point that matters not a whit to senators in search of the “truth.”
https://www.azcentral.com/story/opinion/op-ed/laurieroberts/2021/03/31/arizona-senate-hired-cyber-ninjas-conduct-its-election-audit/4828177001/

And Florida isn’t the only state these kooks are targeting. There’s also Michigan. But my big question is why does the media refer to these guys as “experts”? I can’t imagine there’s any actual certified professional auditors involved in this transaction. One thing we do expect is that this will get very messy despite that there’s absolutely no basis in reality. But here’s the thing – if you trust a ninja, expect that they will operate in the shadows. Much like Bane.

A Michigan judge on Monday said he’ll allow a dozen tech and election experts, including the Florida firm Cyber Ninjas and others who alleged election fraud following the November presidential election, to refute a secretary of state election report that determined mistakes in Michigan voting results were caused by human error and didn’t signal vulnerability or tampering with election machines.

Cyber Ninjas is the name of a Florida-based consulting firm owned by Doug Logan, who’s expressed support for election fraud “Stop the Steal” conspiracy theories on social media. The company was recently hired by the Republican-majority Arizona Legislature to conduct an audit of election results in Maricopa County. That audit began last week.

Now the Cyber Ninjas, as well as other experts put forth by the plaintiff in an ongoing election fraud lawsuit, are likely going to weigh in on challenges to results in Michigan’s Antrim County.

Many of the experts have been involved in other election challenges across the nation, sometimes espousing debunked data in support of their election fraud claims.
https://www.mlive.com/public-interest/2021/04/cyber-ninjas-to-refute-michigan-report-on-election-errors-in-lingering-lawsuit.html

Now here’s where it gets weird, and you knew that it was going to. This is marking a major shift in American politics. The far right has gone into the gutter and won’t be coming out anytime soon. And the reason is because Trump rules both the moderate and extreme sides of the party with his unquestionable loyalty. So he may be gone from the political scene for now. But the damage has been done – Trump was pretty much the proverbial bull in the china shop.

Even if the former president*’s coronary arteries finally turn to cement tomorrow, it will not matter. He will live on in the forces he unleashed. One of the more promising developments I’ve noticed in the elite political press is that it is increasingly referring to “Trumpism” rather than to the person after whom it is named. (If it were to take the next step, which is to change Trumpism to “Republicanism,” that would be an admirable concession to political reality, but I don’t expect miracles.)

Referring to “Trumpism” is, at least, an acknowledgement of the fact that the past four years have embedded a dangerous strain of permanent insanity in our politics, and that it may take decades to dig it out, even if its enablers are willing to try, which I don’t think they are. Right at the moment, we have some clear indications that Trumpism, and the lethal authoritarian delusions made flesh that are its clearest manifestations, are waiting for another politician to give them meaning and focus. Call it the Deep Crazy.

For example, there is this absurd exercise in Arizona, where the state senate has contracted with a pro-Trump firm called “Cyber Ninjas” to “audit” the vote count in Maricopa County, Arizona. Most recently, a local court expressed some curiosity about how the Cyber Ninjas are doing their business. The Cyber Ninjas ducked behind their lawyers. From the Arizona Republic:
https://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/a36231426/republican-party-deep-crazy/

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates
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It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines! This is Top 10 Investigates!

Hollywood has been duped by a lot of scammers and schemers lately and it’s getting harder and harder to keep them all together. And nobody wants to be on the receiving end of a ponzi scheme, especially if you’re starting out in the world of acting. Seeing as how actors typically have no money when they start out in this profession. But there’s one scheme who managed to dupe hundreds to the tune of $690 million dollars. That’s right - $690 million. And like all ponzi schemes, he got caught. That’s the thing with get rich quick schemes – somebody is going to get hurt, and somebody is going to get caught. They may seem like a good idea at the time, but in the end, everybody gets screwed. Here’s how this whole thing went down.

American actor Zach Avery was arrested by FBI agents in Los Angeles on Tuesday for allegedly masterminding a Ponzi scheme that defrauded investors of hundreds of millions of dollars, US authorities said.

Avery, whose real name is Zachary Horwitz, told investors his company 1inMM Capital would buy film distribution rights and license them to Netflix and HBO but in fact had "no business relationship with either company", according to the Securities and Exchange Commission.

Instead, the 34-year-old operated the company as a Ponzi scheme, using money from new investors to pay older ones, the US Attorney's Office for the Central District of California said in a statement.

The SEC said his scheme had raised more than $690 million. The Department of Justice said it began in 2015 and that $227 million put in by victims was yet to be repaid.
https://www.ndtv.com/entertainment/actor-zach-avery-arrested-in-multi-million-dollar-ponzi-scheme-2408188

Yeah so he raised a whopping $690 million with $227 of it unaccounted for. Which is why you have to be careful out there. So how did this guy dupe so many and pocket so much money? Well he faked a capitol investment firm that bankrolled Hollywood productions and was enticing actors to donate to his “movie projects” on the cusp that they would be given parts in these movies. But in reality – the man had absolutely no licensing deals with any major properties. None.

In a sworn statement filed in Los Angeles federal court, FBI agent John Verrastro laid out a brazen scheme by Horwitz to persuade investors to pour huge sums of money into his film distribution company, 1inMM Capital LLC.

Horwitz sent investors bottles of Johnnie Walker Blue Label Scotch with the company's 2015 annual report that highlighted a "library" of 52 films his company was supposedly distributing in Africa, Australia, New Zealand and South America, according to Verrastro. The roster of films included the 2012 horror movie "The Lords of Salem" and the 1989 action film "Kickboxer" with martial arts action star Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Horwitz told investors falsely that he had "strategic partnerships" with HBO, Netflix and other platforms to license the foreign distribution rights. The investors were promised returns as high as 40% within a year.

In reality, the FBI said, Horwitz had no licensing deals and diverted much of the money for personal benefit. He used some of the money for the 2018 purchase of his Beverlywood home, now listed for sale for $6.5 million. The six-bedroom home features a pool, wine cellar and gym.
https://news.yahoo.com/hollywood-actor-arrested-alleged-227-230903207.html

Now you might be wondering how did a D-list Hollywood actor turn into an A-list movie agent like an Ari Gold for instance? Well he got caught attempting to impersonate some of the biggest names in the business including HBO and Netflix. And when you impersonate some major players in the game, the game will soon play you. What’s even scarier? The scheme went on for 6 years before he was finally caught.

The SEC said his scheme had raised more than US$690mil (RM2.9bil). The Department of Justice said it began in 2015 and that US$227mil (RM939mil) put in by victims was yet to be repaid.

Horwitz, described by the Los Angeles Times as "a small-time actor", failed to find success as an actor. He starred in the critically panned 2020 film Last Moment Of Clarity.

He allegedly used money from the scheme to fund a lavish lifestyle, which authorities said included trips to Las Vegas, buying a house worth US$6mil (RM25mil), and paying a celebrity interior designer.

Authorities said the scheme had started in 2015, and that Horwitz and 1inMM promised victims returns of more than 35%.

To establish his legitimacy,"Horwitz provided investors with fake license agreements, as well as fake distribution agreements with Netflix and HBO, all of which contained forged or fictional signatures," the US Attorney's Office said.
https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/entertainment/2021/04/13/hollywood-d-list-actor-arrested-for-alleged-ponzi-scheme

Except that they do, and Blockbuster only has one location left in the entire world. So how did 1inMM Capitol manage to dupe so many people? Well Horwitz had help – and even went as far as to dupe his college buddies into investing in his scheme. But every ponzi scheme has backers, and they also have enablers. But in doing so he may have made some very powerful enemies who could be used against him in the forthcoming trial.

Back in Hollywood, Horwitz had founded 1inMM and had a proposal that was a sure thing. He told his Indiana University buddies he would purchase regional distribution rights to films and license them for more than he paid to online platforms like HBO and Netflix for distribution outside the U.S. DeAlteris invested in one of these deals as early as 2014 and made money.

In the summer of 2015, Horwitz sent Wunderlin, deAlteris and Schweinzger an annual report touting 1inMM had acquired and distributed 49 films “without incurring a single loss in the process.” He said HBO and Netflix were hungry for content. For a personal touch, Horwitz also sent his college buddies a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue Label scotch with the annual report.

Wunderlin, deAltris and Schwinzger founded JJMT Capital in an 1,100 square-foot Chicago apartment and started raising money for the deals. They were joined by Tyler Crookston, who had graduated from Indiana University in 2007. JJMT stood for the first initials of the founders, Jake, Joe, Matthew and Tyler. Wunderlin and deAltris quit their days jobs, but the other two did not and Crookston left the group within two years.

The JJMT crew went out and found dozens of investors for Horwitz’s promissory notes. They sold the notes to their family, friends and professional contacts. The notes carried maturities of between 6 and 12 months and each was tied to a specific movie like “Blood Quantum” and “La Melodie.” In total, JJMT alone raised about $216 million, securities filings show, and entered into 500 promissory notes. They would take a cut of the 30% to 40% interest rates that Horwitz promised to pay.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/nathanvardi/2021/04/08/how-indiana-university-bros-fueled-a-hollywood-actors-690-million-ponzi-scheme/?sh=487b2b605789

That’s it this week for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the virtual pew and pass the VENMO collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:



My fair congregation! It’s so nice to be able to see you in person again! But while last week we ventured into ridiculous territory talking about the insanity that goes on in the Jim Bakker Show, this week we need to venture into more serious territory. Because it’s not all fun and games here at the Holy Church Of The Top 10! We do need to broach serious subjects. And this week I do have to unfortunately bring up Former Guy. Yes, he is a man so disgusting, foul, and depraved that his name dare not be spoken in my church, or I will cast thee out! Now this week supporters of his are coming up with new strategies to get back in the game. And what better way to go than going full on racist with an extremely batshit crazy leader at that? Yes the religious right is going full America First, and you never, ever, under any circumstances go full America First!

American voters rejected former President Donald Trump at the ballot box in 2020, but he and his team are not going away quietly—or at all. As Axios reported Tuesday, a group of Trump administration officials and advisers is launching the America First Policy Institute, which its president Brooke Rollins says in a launch video is “working to save the soul of this country” and “continue the transformative changes that happened over the last four years.”

The Center for American Values is being led by Trump spiritual adviser and former White House aide Paula White, whose One Voice Prayer Movement served as a platform for Christian nationalism and an unofficial public relations and campaign arm of the Trump campaign. White regularly denounced Trump’s political opponents as demonic. At the Jan. 6 rally from which Trump sent his followers to the U.S. Capitol, White prayed from the stage that God would give rallygoers a “holy boldness” and that “every adversary” would “be overturned right now in the name of Jesus.” She said of Trump, “I secure his purpose. I secure his destiny.”

Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner are reportedly advising the AFPI, which hopes to double its initial $20 million budget by 2022. The Hill reported that the group plans to move its headquarters from the Virginia suburbs to Capitol Hill, where AFPI would be neighbors with other right-wing groups, including the massive Heritage Foundation, which helped vet Trump’s judicial nominees and supported his administration’s policies.

Separately notorious Trump adviser Stephen Miller has created his own group with the “America First” branding: America First Legal, which hopes to tie up Biden administration initiatives in the courts—something that will be easier to do thanks to the ideologues that Trump and Republican senators filled federal courts with over the past four years.
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/team-trump-launches-america-first-policy-institute-with-paula-white-leading-center-for-american-values/

Yes they’re going full racist and that’s never a good thing! Because I know for a fact that’s not what the good LAWRD JAYSUS would want now is it? Well it most definitely isn’t! And now guess what? There’s nothing good that is going to come out of this and more innocent people will get duped out of their money when they least expect it! Of course when you give money to the unholy Dark One at this point, you should expect that they’re going to pocket most of it!

Malcolm X, Mark Twain, Malcolm Gladwell. Lewis Carroll, Steve Jobs. Douglas Adams, Mohandas Gandhi, Rocky Balboa – all seem unlikely sources of inspiration for a definition of Trumpism.

Yet these are among the prominent figures quoted by members of a new thinktank dedicated to resurrecting former US president Donald Trump’s populist-nationalist agenda.

The America First Policy Institute (AFPI) describes itself as both “non-profit” and “non-partisan”. Critics, however, regard it as a cash cow for alumni of the Trump administration whose stained reputations make it hard to find gainful employment.

Despite Trump’s campaign promise to “drain the swamp”, the AFPI reportedly has a first-year budget of $20m, which it hopes to double to $40m next year, and plans to expand beyond its current headquarters in Arlington, Virginia, to locations that include a spacious office on Washington’s Capitol Hill.
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/apr/17/trump-thinktank-america-first-policy-institute

But I mean come on, do we really need more of this? Because the unholy Dark One’s policies have worked out so well haven’t they? I mean even Lynchburg, Tennessee – the holier than thou center of the Dark One and his “isms” have been trying to distance themselves from the toxic culture that he has brought on this country! So this entire think tank that they’ve come up with is both bogus and ridiculous at the same time!

Liberty University’s Standing for Freedom Center—until recently known as the Falkirk Center—announced its new class of fellows Thursday, making it clear that the organization may have a new name but it has not abandoned its purpose of promoting the religious right’s “biblical worldview” in culture and public policy. The new fellows are former Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, former Arkansas Governor and failed presidential candidate Mike Huckabee, anti-abortion rights activist Abby Johnson, and brother anti-LGBTQ culture warrior duo David and Jason Benham.

Earlier this year, the university ditched the Falkirk name, presumably to distance the center from its disgraced co-founder and former president, Jerry Falwell, Jr. It has also said goodbye to its earlier crop of fellows, which included Falkirk Center co-founder Charlie Kirk, president of right-wing youth organization Turning Point USA; Jenna Ellis, a Trump attorney who now hosts her own TV show, unironically called “Just the Truth”; pundit, conspiracy theorist, and so-called Stop the Steal activist Eric Metaxas; and Steve Bannon acolyte and former White House aide Sebastian Gorka.

Executive Director Ryan Helfenbein remains in place. As Right Wing Watch noted in December, when the center celebrated its first anniversary, Helfenbein touted the organization’s aggressive posture, saying, “We don’t just want to be an organization that barks; we want to be an organization that bites.” The center bragged that it had “consistently encouraged churches and pastors to defy” pandemic-related “lockdown orders.” Among the center’s first-year accomplishments was “Get Louder,” a “faith summit” held last September, which included Christian Reconstructionist Gary DeMar on a panel moderated by Metaxas.
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/liberty-university-ditches-falkirk-center-name-announces-new-class-of-culture-war-fellows/

Ah but see? We are! So even the holier-than-thou Liberty University is attempting to distance themselves from the unholy Dark One, though their resistance is futile! Yes they will fall back in line with the GOP just as soon as their masters tell them to! And by the way, if you want to know where this is going, all you have to do is look deep within their SOULS to find that their hearts are black with EVIL because they support someone so foul and horrible!

QAnon conspiracy theorist and supposed “prophet” Johnny Enlow appeared on the Elijah Streams YouTube channel Monday where he claimed that former President Donald Trump is working with angels, specifically the archangels Gabriel and Michael, to take down Bill Gates, George Soros, and other powerful figures who supposedly control the world.

Enlow, who is among the various self-proclaimed “prophets” who guaranteed that Trump would win the 2020 election and now refuse to accept that their prophecies were wrong even though President Joe Biden has been in the White House for three months, insisted that Trump is still the legitimate president but was removed from office by God so that he could work behind the scenes to take down members of the evil cabal that secretly controls world events, such as the Rothchild and the Rockefeller familes.

“While people are looking at who’s in Biden’s seat, the traditional presidential seat, [People say], ‘Well, how can you say Trump’s doing something when he’s not there?'” Enlow said. “Believe me, that is not the power position, particularly the way it is right now in the nation.”

“President Trump is on assignment and he’s anointed by God and the archangels are working with him,” Enlow continued. “Michael is working with—it’s not that he’s serving Trump, it’s the other way around—and Zerachiel and Gabriel; but what they are going after and what is being contended for—and it’s just about done—is the seats that we’re talking about, like the Soros and the Gates and the Rothchilds, those seats that really control and effect world dynamics. Those things are being taken care of behind the scenes, and it would have been harder for President Trump to do so staying seated in the other seat.”
https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/johnny-enlow-claims-trump-is-on-assignment-from-god-to-take-down-george-soros-bill-gates-and-others/

So beware my fair congregation! This new think tank supporting him most foul is not going to be a good thing, it’s going to be a very bad thing because it will promote the craziest and worst of us! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:




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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Woke Disneyland
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I think this question needs to be asked. Is Disneyland getting more “Woke”, or are you getting more racist? Here’s the thing – we all know that Disneyland is becoming more socially relevant. Or as the kids and your creepy conservative uncle refer to it as “being woke”. But if you even broach the subject of Disneyland finally making light of past dealings as “being woke” then it’s not them, it’s you! And if you’re even going so far to complain that it’s ruining the experience, then guess what? You’re a racist! That’s what one Disney fan is claiming in Orlando. But the one thing is that this guy got what was coming to him. And all it really takes is a quick Google search to realize that people who are doing the complaining about Disneyland being “Woke” are part of the problem. But again if you have to ask, it’s not us, it’s you, and we’re laughing at you.

Jonathan VanBoskerck is not exactly a household name, but on Friday he very quickly, became the most famous Disney Adult in America after a bizarre opinion piece decrying “woke” culture was published in an Orlando newspaper.

The photo, with the man in a Hawaiian-adjacent Disney shirt with Disney trinkets in the background, was enough to grab the attention of plenty of people online. But the column was much more bizarre: the Las Vegas native described his family’s yearly trips to the Florida theme park were being ruined by a “woke scalpel” that was removing parts of his favorite rides and ruining the experience because of cancel culture.

It’s reminiscent of the man who recently went viral for getting arrested at Disney for not adhering to the park’s safety standards amid the still-ongoing coronavirus pandemic. But that reminder of the real world is not the issue for Van Boskerck, it’s that sometimes people who dress up as anthropomorphic dogs and Disney princesses have tattoos and haircuts that were not animated in the 1960s:

That may seem like a silly thing to get upset about, but it’s really the “woke scalpel” that Disney has taken to its rides and attractions in recent years that’s made him most upset. Essentially, VanBoskerck is really missing all the horny and racist stuff. He complains that Disney is updating its Jungle Cruise ride to take out harmful stereotypes of indigenous people, and lamented the missing scenes, like a guy being boiled alive, from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride they’ve removed over the years:
https://uproxx.com/viral/disney-adult-wokeness/

No shit! Pirates Of The Caribbean getting less rapey? The Log Jammin’ ride removing references to Song Of The South? Yeah those are good things! Let me point something out for you keyboard warriors who are complaining about “woke” culture: things are changing and you’re getting left out! If you don’t want to live in the real world where actions have consequences? Stay at home and watch Fox News in the dark, that’s your only option left!

Like many of the world’s theme parks, Disney World does not look like it did when it first launched; it’s been renovated and brought in new elements to older rides (such as the addition of Frozen to Epcot’s World Showcase). But some of the more recent additions and rule changes—which are at the center of a widely derided op-ed—are being ripped a new one online.

On Friday, the Orlando Sentinel published an op-ed titled “I Love Disney World, but wokeness is ruining the experience.” It’s by Jonathan VanBoskerck, a man from North Las Vegas who describes himself as “a Christian and a conservative Republican.” He’s been a lifelong Disney fan—he takes his family to the park every year—but he’s now reconsidering making the pilgrimage because he feels that Disney is abandoning the immersive and magical experience that comes with a trip to Disney World.

“Disney World is going to lose us as customers if it continues down this path,” VanBoskerck wrote. “I do not want to have Disney World taken away from us because Disney cares more about politics than happy guests.”

VanBoskerck’s argument is flawed, includes racist language while arguing that a racist depiction in a ride is in fact not racist, and perhaps most noticeably, ignores the fact that wanting to pretend something isn’t political is, in fact, a political argument. It doesn’t relay what changes were made to the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, which includes both sensitivity changes (it no longer has pirates chasing after women) and more cultural ones (the ride now includes Pirates of the Caribbean’s Jack Sparrow).
https://www.dailydot.com/unclick/disney-world-wokeness-op-ed/

So less racist people going to Disneyland? That’s a good thing. Look, Disneyland is a 15 mile drive from my house but I will never understand the annual pass people. However, one thing I do understand is racists, at least I like to think I do! And less of them at Disneyland? That means that demand will decrease which means ticket prices will decrease! Yay, economics 101! And I love that Trump fans think that they have any sort of impact on the market. I will tell you as someone who has been monitoring boycotts the last 5 years: you don’t.

A “Christian and conservative Republican” Disney fan says changes to Splash Mountain, Jungle Cruise and Pirates of the Caribbean rides make him feel “excluded”

A self-described “Christian and conservative Republican” Disney fan was roasted on social media for arguing in a Friday op-ed for the Orlando Sentinel that changes to Disney World’s Splash Mountain, Jungle Cruise and Pirates of the Caribbean rides were ruining his experience at the theme park for the sake of “political correctness.”

In his piece, Jonathan VanBoskerck said Disney was taking the “woke scalpel” to Jungle Cruise by removing Trader Sam, an animatronic salesman who appears at the end of the ride to exchange human heads and plays into racist stereotypes of Indigenous peoples. But VanBoskerck said Trader Sam was a “funny and silly caricature” and “no more based in racism than every Disney caricature of an out-of-touch white American dad.”

“The next time I ride Jungle Cruise I will not be thinking about the gloriously entertaining puns of the skippers, I will be thinking about Disney’s political agenda,” VanBoskerck wrote. “That’s a mood killer.”
https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/orlando-sentinel-op-ed-roasted-202512602.html

Yeah of course it’s a mood killer! Look dude, here’s the thing – and we cannot say this enough on this program – if you have to ask it’s probably racist. But what we also cannot stress enough – if someone is considered to be “woke” as you guys put it, that means that they are simply fighting back against the bullshit! It’s about time things start changing for the better, especially after how volatile the events of last year were! If you’re complaining that “wokeness” is “ruining your mood” then guess what? You’re part of the problem! But at least Walt Disney would have the right idea if he were alive today.

Walt Disney once said, “Progress is impossible without change,” and as the mastermind behind perhaps one of the most successful corporations in the world, The Walt Disney Co., Walt was onto something.

Relevance and value are almost always based in the relatability people have to the work and productivity of an entity. And if an entity is not changing with the times, it becomes a barrier to progress and change.

In a recent op-ed to the Orlando Sentinel (”I love Disney World, but wokeness is ruining the experience,” online April 23), Jonathan VanBoskerck, a self-proclaimed Disney World enthusiast and Christian conservative, asserted that recent changes in Disney policies ruined his experience.

VanBoskerck’s describes changes to employee dress code and certain rides throughout the theme park as wokeness that spoil the immersive and magical Disney experience and drifting from the original values of Walt Disney. I beg to differ.
https://www.orlandosentinel.com/opinion/guest-commentary/os-op-walt-disney-progress-not-wokeness-20210425-zr6vvsacinehhghntpbl3a2xbe-story.html

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[font size="8"]The Top 10 World Of Sports
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You know in all the time we’ve been doing the Top 10 we’ve never had a proper sports segment until now but there’s a first time for everything. Welcome to the Top 10 World Of Sports! This week we’re taking a look at what is being called an absolute disaster in the sports world and I am not talking about the 2020 Olympics, which is proving to be an actual disaster. But this concerns soccer, or football as it’s called in the rest of the world. The Federal International Soccer League (FISA) proposed a new super league consisting of 12 teams. 6 from the British Premier League, 3 teams from Span’s La Liga, and 3 teams from Italy’s Serie A. Now picture this. The league is an utter disaster from the start. Think of it this way. Getting selected for this league is like winning a Mitsubishi Mirage. You get the thrill of winning a new car, but then you quickly realize that you just won a Mitsubishi Mirage, one of the cheapest and most problematic cars ever made! You’ll spend more than the $13K MSRP in maintenance once everything is over. Yeah stay on target! Well here’s what is going on.

The backlash to the announcement on Sunday that 12 of soccer's biggest teams would be forming their own breakaway European Super League has been nothing short of seismic. Pundits, fans, former players and even governments have been near united in their opposition to a proposal that has the potential to revolutionize the world's most-played and watched sport.

The clubs involved in the new project -- three from Italy, three from Spain and six from England -- have been heavily criticized. Each of the teams involved are household names in the U.S. -- with Real Madrid, Barcelona and Manchester United leading the charge. The other clubs to have signed on to the competition are Arsenal, Tottenham, Liverpool, Manchester City, Chelsea, Atletico Madrid, Inter, Milan and Juventus.

Yet the proposal is already be in jeopardy fewer than three days after the new competition was announced, with all six English clubs to have signed up now signalling their intention to withdraw after a major backlash.

In major U.S. sports, franchises and legacy teams have a guaranteed place in elite competitions -- as in the NFL, NBA, MLB, NHL and even the MLS. In soccer, participation at the very top of the sport has been dependent on results on the field.
https://abcnews.go.com/Sports/european-super-league-announcement-sends-shockwaves-global-soccer/story?id=77165916

Yeah so this was a pretty shitty situation to begin with. It seemed like a good idea at the time – put the best teams in all of the EU into one super league. From Serie A – you had Juventus, Inter Milan, and AC Milan. From La Liga, you had Barcelona, Real Madrid, and Atletico Madrid. And from the British Premier League you had Chelsea, Man City, Man United, Arsenal, Liverpool, and Tottenham Hotspur. So why was this league failed to begin with? Well here’s how this complete clusterfuck of an idea totally unraveled at the seams.

A momentary schism it may have been but European club football will not forget the so-called "Dirty Dozen" as quickly as their plan was discarded to the footballing dust heap. They played their hand and failed dismally.

The 12 clubs -- England's big six and trios from Spain and Italy -- catastrophically misread the room, believing that their fans were willing to turn their back on the game for a few bucks more. In doing so they may discover that all the leverage they had accrued in years of negotiations with UEFA over the future of the Champions League has been frittered away.

From the outset it was remarkable how little thought had been given to painting the picture of the Super League as a product that fans should gravitate towards. When news did eventually drop around midnight in Europe supporters of Arsenal, Manchester City and Liverpool were greeted with an announcement that carried no words from senior executives at their club. Instead Joel Glazer, owner of their great rival Manchester United, was laying out his vision. The same was true in Italy and Spain as Super League vice president Andrea Agnelli of Juventus and president Florentino Perez of Real Madrid put their names on boiler plate statements.

That was all they would tell fans. For some, the same was true of the players. It remains remarkable that Arsenal came and went as members of Europe's elite club without ever once having a conversation with Mikel Arteta's squad about what membership would entail.
https://www.cbssports.com/soccer/news/european-super-league-collapse-what-comes-next-for-soccer-after-failure-of-breakaway-clubs/

And the fans understandably were pissed. And again I compare this to the analogy of winning a Mitsubishi Mirage. It’s great that you won a new car but this thing is so dirt cheap, who’s going to pay for the maintenance? It’s you! Yes, the owners are the ones who are benefitting from the Super League, the fans get no say in it. It’s totally understandable. You’re paying for that new Mitsubishi Mirage and you get the feeling like you’re driving a golf cart.

Several hundred Arsenal fans protested outside Emirates Stadium before the team's English Premier League match against Everton on Friday to call for owner Stan Kroenke to sell the club, which even prompted Spotify co-founder and CEO Daniel Ek to express his interest in buying the London side.

They also hung banners over the edge of the concourse, including ones that read, "Arsenal till I die. Kroenke out," and "Our club our home. Sell up Stan."

Arsenal lost the match 1-0 to Everton with a potential penalty for Dani Ceballos overruled by VAR. The loss keeps Arsenal languishing in ninth place in the standings.

Fan anger has been brewing since Arsenal and five other Premier League clubs announced on Sunday that they would join a breakaway Super League. And it hasn't subsided even after Arsenal quit the 12-team project on Tuesday night in the face of a growing public backlash and apologised to fans.
https://www.espn.com/soccer/arsenal/story/4367399/arsenal-fans-protest-super-league-debacleblast-owner-stan-kroenke

Anyway yeah it looks like the entire thing is the same thing that happened to my favorite teams – great product, horrible sales department, and even worse management! But any teams who participated in the Super League – don’t think you will get to walk away from this cleanly! The UEFL is on to you and they are going to make sure you pay for this! Which will both please the fans and piss off the owners and it’s not going to be pretty! Pass the popcorn!

UEFA president Aleksander Ceferin has said all 12 teams will face consequences for initially joining the European Super League but that some teams will face lesser ones for quickly opting out.

The 12 sides -- six from England and three from both Spain and Italy -- announced on April 18 that they would be breaking away to form their own Super League, in a move that immediately attracted the ire of fans.

Following fan protests, all six English teams announced within 24 hours that they had revoked their decision to join the league and they were followed by Atletico Madrid and Inter Milan on April 20.

As things stand, Real Madrid, Barcelona, Juventus and AC Milan have not formally withdrawn from the competition.

"Everyone has to take consequences for what they did and we cannot pretend nothing happened. You cannot do something like that and just say: 'I've been punished because everybody hates me.' They don't have problems because of anyone else but themselves. It's not OK what they did and we will see in next few days what we have to do," Ceferin told the Daily Mail.
https://www.espn.com/soccer/uefa-champions-league/story/4369502/all-teams-will-face-consequences-for-joining-super-league-uefa-president

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Hit it!

Of course you know by now that people are people, and people are dumb. I want to start with this absolutely batshit crazy story out of Kingston, Massachusetts. Look people, enough with the fucking gender reveal parties already! We get that you had a kid and you're excited to share it with the world, but this absolutely has to be said! Gender reveal parties are getting dumber and crazier. Like it’s one thing to cut into a slice of cake to be pink or blue. It’s another thing to set half the state on fire or crash your plane or even kill yourself revealing your baby’s gender. The latest atrocity? This dad to be set off an explosive device that kills people to reveal your baby’s gender. Well he an explosive device – with an illegal element used in explosives – to reveal their baby’s gender in front of a group of guests, and well, as you might imagine this thing went very south very quickly. This is reaching whole new levels of stupid!

One New Hampshire family’s gender reveal party was such a blast that it rattled towns, set off reports of an earthquake, and could be heard from across the state line, police said.

Police in Kingston, a town not far from the Massachusetts border, received reports of a loud explosion Tuesday evening. They responded to Torromeo quarry where they found people who acknowledged holding a gender reveal party with explosives.

The source was Tannerite — 80 pounds (36 kilograms) of it, police said. The family thought the quarry would be the safest spot to blow up the explosive, which is typically sold over the counter as a target for firearms practice, police said.

Nearby residents said the blast rocked their homes. Some reported property damage, NBC 10 Boston reported.

“We heard this god-awful blast,” Sara Taglieri, who lives in a home that abuts the quarry, told the television station. “It knocked pictures off our walls ... I’m all up for silliness and what not, but that was extreme.”
https://apnews.com/article/nh-state-wire-eb279a8493dd54b8857e20434f9a0c9a

Yeah this kind of thing has got to stop, but we suspect people won’t be satisfied until they’ve destroyed their entire state. Next up – we go to the far away country of Poland. Which is more than jokes about them manufacturing screen doors on a submarine or ejector seats on a helicopter. But I love this story because it’s one of those things that is more than meets the eye. Yeah it’s not really a transformer. But it’s a breakfast sandwich or is it…. A MONSTER? AHHHHH!!!!

When animal welfare officers received a report of an unusual animal lurking in a tree in the Polish city of Krakow, they were not sure what to expect.

"People aren't opening their windows because they're afraid it will go into their house," the woman reportedly said.

But a visit to the area showed the creature in question was not a bird, or even a reptile - but a croissant.
...
Writing on Facebook, the organisation said its officers had asked the desperate caller whether the unidentified animal, which had been in the tree for two days, could be a bird of prey.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-56757956

Now that’s a monster! Next up – we have a rare People Are Dumb followup! Remember a few months ago when we reported on the Penis Man from Washington, DC that was spraying “Penis Man” on portable toilet stalls? Well he got caught! And now he’s facing a very long (!) punishment for his dirty, dirty crimes! And yes if someone spray paints “penis man” on a toilet stall, someone else has to clean it up!

"Penis Man" sprang up as an unlikely counterculture hero last year, after a mystery graffiti tagger began spray-painting those two iconic words on prominent local buildings, including Tempe's City Hall.

But now it's time for the Phoenix man behind the virile vandalism to pay the bill.

Dustin Shomer, a 39-year-old student of the Japanese language with some offbeat political ideas, was sentenced this week to three years of supervised probation and ordered to pay $8,000 in restitution for the damage. A deferred, four-month jail sentence will be erased from the sentence if he completes 500 hours of community service, according to the terms of a plea deal he signed in December.

But now it's time for the Phoenix man behind the virile vandalism to pay the bill.

Dustin Shomer, a 39-year-old student of the Japanese language with some offbeat political ideas, was sentenced this week to three years of supervised probation and ordered to pay $8,000 in restitution for the damage. A deferred, four-month jail sentence will be erased from the sentence if he completes 500 hours of community service, according to the terms of a plea deal he signed in December.

Read more: https://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/news/penis-man-grafitti-tagger-sentenced-and-fined-in-tempe-11533751

Next up – we of course go to the state of Florida which never fails to disappoint! And one thing about living in America’s most penis-shaped state is that you have to drive over a lot of bridges. Well this guy in the city of Daytona channels his inner Blues Brothers or Dukes of Hazzard and literally jumps the bridge to the other side. Of course in Florida that sort of thing is actually a felony and this guy is now wanted by the police!

Living in coastal communities means having to frequently navigate travel delays as bridges open to allow large ships to pass through, but one Florida Man who didn’t want to wait took a wild trip that was captured by traffic cameras.

In the video, posted by WVSN-Miami, a silver SUV can be seen speeding across a Daytona Beach drawbridge as it was rising to open. The car crashed through the crossing arm, breaking it, and then “briefly caught a bit of air before landing on the other side and driving off.”

The incident happened on Monday morning, and Daytona Beach Police told WSVN that they believed they had identified the driver, who will “likely face charges.”

The still-unknown driver’s potential criminal troubles aside, the video does appear to show that he luckily made it safely across, and the death-defying stunt went viral on Twitter, garnering lots of amusement and admiration, with numerous comparisons to scenes from films like The Blues Brothers and television shows like The Dukes of Hazzard.
https://www.mediaite.com/weird/watch-florida-man-takes-wild-drive-jumping-drawbridge-as-it-was-opening-hes-now-wanted-by-police/

Finally this week – botox parties. I don’t know who’s the dumb one in this story so we will let you draw your own conclusions! I know these are a thing among women but really if you’re going to host one of these parties, at least know that the guy giving you the shot knows what he’s doing. There’s that new thing called Google out there that you could use for this sort of thing. Also, make sure he’s not showing up to the party drunk off his ass. Even worse – he’s not a real doctor! There’s multiple levels of stupid in this story!

A Florida man is charged with impersonating a doctor and allegedly injecting Botox while drinking last month, according to local authorities.

The Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office said Nelson Turin, 47, hosted a "Botox and Bubbles" event at a local business. Investigators said he described himself as an oral surgeon on social media fliers.

According to FOX 30, Turin was allegedly drinking Four Lokos when he operated on his unsuspecting victims. The news station reported that he charged $350 to inject lips, chins and cheeks and that he allegedly tricked the staff at a local spa into thinking he was a licensed doctor.

The sheriff tweeted that Turin is charged with several crimes, including practicing medicine without a valid medical license and possessing of legend drugs without a prescription. Legend drugs are prescription drugs approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration.

According to local authorities, Turin was released on bond. A new court date has not been assigned.
https://www.fox35orlando.com/news/florida-man-arrested-for-allegedly-impersonating-doctor-injecting-botox-while-drinking

That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Stupidest State 2021 Round 2 Week 2
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16 states will enter and only one state will become the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State!



Welcome back to the Stupidest State tournament 2021! Last week Texas stunned a strong Idaho with a last minute 3 pointer to end the game and take the Gun Nut Conference! Now they are awaiting their opponent in the Family Values Conference! This week we have a perennial favorite – the #1 Indiana Hoosiers against the #4 Arkansas Razorbacks! Could a potential Cinderella story be in the works for Arkansas or will Indiana triumph and move on to the Final Four? Let’s go to the floor in Phoenix for more exciting action, action, action! We only have four more rounds until we decide who the 2021 Stupidest State is going to be and the winner will take home the coveted DeLay Trophy!

[font size="4"]Family Values Conference Championship: #1 Indiana Vs #4 Arkansas [/font]

[font size="2"]Indiana [/font]


There’s two types of family values. There’s the innocent way of banning books because they might contain racist imagery. Which is why the right wing is going absolutely batshit insane over the “canceling” of Dr. Seuss. And then there’s the kind of family values that we associate with here and have since the beginning of the Family Values. And that’s what we define as reckless disregard of human life in favor of some hardcore old timey fire and brimstone religious values for an era that never really existed in the first place. This is more about the latter form of “family values”. Which includes such evil legislation as this!

A bill that would require minors to clear an additional hurdle to get an abortion is on its way to Gov. Eric Holcomb's desk for consideration.

Under House Bill 1577, parents would have to get their signatures notarized after signing permission slips for their minor children to receive abortions. That means finding a notary public, opponents argue, to sign off on what's an intensely personal procedure.

The same legislation also would require abortion providers to share information on a so-called abortion "reversal" drug, something the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists says is not based on science and does not meet clinical standards.

Abortion clinics would have to provide information in writing about Progesterone, a drug some anti-abortion groups say can reverse medically-induced abortions, as long as a mother has only taken one of the two required abortion pills.

It's a controversial measure that could land Indiana in court over abortion legislation once again.
https://www.indystar.com/story/news/politics/2021/04/14/indiana-abortion-laws-clinics-minors-governor-holcomb-legislation/7209587002/

Now this could get really ugly especially if it goes to SCOTUS. Now you might be thinking “HEY! This could overturn Roe V Wade!!!!”. Now I’m going to tell you – that is what we in the “biz” are referring to as a “long shot”. Think of it like a #16 seed in the NCAA tournament making it to the Final Four – no way in hell is this happening! But then we got to talk about Indiana’s controversial “abortion reversal bill” that could really do some damage!

Indiana’s latest anti-abortion measure will likely soon become law after House legislators sent it to the governor Wednesday.

Some physicians say the legislation, HB 1577, would force them to commit malpractice by telling patients about a protocol to reverse a medication-induced abortion. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists and the American Medical Association both oppose such procedures, arguing there’s never been a valid scientific study to support them.

But Rep. Peggy Mayfield (R-Martinsville) said there is evidence to support abortion reversal, including a young Hoosier mother who appeared in committee with her child after reversing her abortion.

“That’s pretty darn good proof that it does work,” Mayfield said.

Rep. Sue Errington (D-Muncie) said there are better ways to reduce abortions.
https://www.wfyi.org/news/articles/house-sends-unethical-abortion-reversal-bill-to-governor

You want to reduce abortions? How about this: PROPER SEX EDUCATION! Of course this is coming from the party that thinks education should only exist for the wealthy. But there’s even a third law coming from the Hoosier State that could, again, really do some damage to the anti-abortion movement! In fact this one concerns minors and whether or not they must get parental consent to have an abortion – this is a stunning level of evil, and we can only imagine how *THAT* conversation is going to go with the parents!

A case challenging an Indiana abortion law that requires “mature minors” to notify their parents before getting an abortion is back before the United States Supreme Court, with the state of Indiana asking the justices to take the case to provide clarity on a legal issue that it says caused the 7th Circuit to “(throw) up its hands in frustration.”

Indiana Attorney General Todd Rokita on Monday filed a petition for writ of certiorari in Kristina Box, Commissioner, Indiana State Department of Health, et al. v. Planned Parenthood of Indiana and Kentucky, Inc. The case involves a challenge to Senate Enrolled Act 404, a 2017 law that, had it taken effect, would have required so-called mature minors to notify their parents before undergoing an abortion procedure, even if a court determined parental consent was not required for the abortion.

“This case presents a simple question, namely, whether States can ensure that parents of unemancipated minor children are notified of their daughters’ court-authorized abortion. But answering that seemingly direct question has plainly roiled the Seventh Circuit’s judges — regardless of how they ultimately voted — owing to the ‘not stable’ and ‘fluid’ constitutional standards application to abortion regulations,” the state’s cert petition reads. “Indeed, at least some, if not most, Seventh Circuit judges have refused to engage the issue at all because only this Court can say what ‘undue burden’ means in any given context. Accordingly, the State urges the Court to grant its petition and clarify abortion-rights doctrine, at least with respect to parental-notice laws.”

The case against SEA 404 has already been to the Supreme Court and back.
https://www.theindianalawyer.com/articles/indiana-asks-scotus-to-review-mature-minors-abortion-law-a-second-time

[font size="2"]Arkansas [/font]


So in Arkansas they are experiencing a family values crisis of their own that has nothing to do with abortion. Instead they are choosing to take on…. Transgender athletes! Yes, trans athletes are somehow a problem. But these laws that are emerging aren’t just unique to the Razorback State. They’re becoming a problem in a lot of conservative run states. Which is funny because this is a problem that affects literally 0.0000001% of the population yet somehow affects 99.9999999% of conservative republicans! We’ll see how this one plays out as these rise up through the courts!

Arkansas Gov. Asa Hutchinson has signed into law a bill that would ban transgender women athletes from participating on girls’ and women’s sports teams, he announced Thursday evening.

Similar bills have been filed in more than 20 states, and Arkansas is the second to sign one into law, following Mississippi.

Proponents of Senate Bill 354 by Sen. Missy Irvin, R-Mountain View, and other efforts say their aim is to create a fair playing field in sports, arguing that athletes assigned the male gender at birth have inherent physiological advantages over cisgender girls and women, though they have acknowledged there are no verified instances of transgender girls or women participating in K-12 or college sports in the Natural State.


Democratic lawmakers and transgender advocates say the bill seeks to solve a nonexistent problem, and discriminates against a segment of youth already subject to bullying and higher suicide rates.

Snip

https://www.arkansasonline.com/news/2021/mar/25/gov-asa-hutchinson-signs-law-banning-transgender-w/

Hmmm… we may have to add Asa Hutchinson to the growing list of People Who Somehow Got Elected in the near future. But this isn’t the only thing that is limiting trans people in Arkansas. And if you are somehow a trans person in Arkansas my advice to you is this: get the hell out now! Things are only going to get worse as crazier and stupider republicans get elected! So yeah shit like this is going to make things that much worse:

Arkansas Gov. Asa Hutchinson has signed into law a bill that would ban transgender women athletes from participating on girls’ and women’s sports teams, he announced Thursday evening.

Similar bills have been filed in more than 20 states, and Arkansas is the second to sign one into law, following Mississippi.

Proponents of Senate Bill 354 by Sen. Missy Irvin, R-Mountain View, and other efforts say their aim is to create a fair playing field in sports, arguing that athletes assigned the male gender at birth have inherent physiological advantages over cisgender girls and women, though they have acknowledged there are no verified instances of transgender girls or women participating in K-12 or college sports in the Natural State.


Democratic lawmakers and transgender advocates say the bill seeks to solve a nonexistent problem, and discriminates against a segment of youth already subject to bullying and higher suicide rates.

Snip

https://www.arkansasonline.com/news/2021/mar/25/gov-asa-hutchinson-signs-law-banning-transgender-w/

Oh and think you’re exempt from hate? Well guess what? You’re not! Because while hate crimes against everybody are on the rise, and Biden denounced hate crimes against Asian Americans, the Arkansas government seems to be ignoring them completely! But instead while they can’t police thoughts – because that would be impossible, they are instead choosing to ban – wait for it – divisive concepts and if you actually read the bill, it is stunningly racist!

Arkansas Republicans killed any hope for a meaningful hate crimes law getting passed this session, arguing that policing thoughts is beyond their purview. But preventing people from talking about racism and oppression is apparently fair game.

Acknowledging and discussing systemic racism and white privilege would be banned within Arkansas state government and for any contractors paid with state funds under a bill filed April 1.

Senate Bill 627 “TO PROHIBIT THE PROPAGATION OF DIVISIVE CONCEPTS” is sponsored by white male Republican senators Trent Garner (El Dorado), Bob Ballinger (Ozark) and Blake Johnson (Corning). SB 627 is a nearly exact replica of a measure that died in a New Hampshire statehouse committee room last month. The Arkansas bill is also comparable to former President Trump’s now-defunct “critical race theory” order that effectively banned diversity and inclusion training in the federal government.

The bill lists a dozen to-be-banned “divisive concepts,” including the notion that racism or sexism is a fundamental component of the nation’s or of Arkansas’s identity.

Read more: https://arktimes.com/arkansas-blog/2021/04/02/the-party-of-we-cant-police-peoples-thoughts-offers-ban-on-divisive-concepts

[font size="2"]And The Winner Is: [/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, we may have a Cinderella story brewing here… right now Arkansas has the ball and they lead by a score of 81 – 78… for 3! YES!!! Just 10 seconds left to go… ladies and gentlemen, the Razorbacks have knocked off the Hoosiers! They are celebrating on the court and they will be going to face Texas for the Layover League championship! Wow, what an upset! The fans are going crazy! Final score: 84 – 78!

[font size="4"]Next Week: [/font]

Now that the Flyover League championship has been set, it’s time for the Layover League! Next week it’s the Batshit Conference Finals - #1 Georgia takes on #4 Michigan! Who will advance and who will go home? Will Michigan stun the favorites and pull off an upset? Only one way to find out!



See you next week!

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