Dear Mr. Trump: It's me again.

As always, I am trying to think of something I can do to help you prove that you won that election by a landslide. We must "Stop the Steal" and return you to your rightful place in the White House. I've already bought all of your caps and flags an commemorative coins and I have sent you my mortgage money for months now, but "Sleepy Joe" is still pretending to be POTUS. I was at wits end about what else I could do---until I woke up this morning!

Mr. Trump, it took several tubes of that KY stuff, but when you wisely suggested that we put UV lights "inside", I did it. It was very uncomfortable and made me sit sort of funny for a while, but I eventually adapted to it very well and can now turn it on and off at will, SO---

---now that you need UV light to detect all the millions of phony ballots in Arizona---well, I'm available. I can squat over each ballot and---"click"---illuminate them and sterilize them at the same time!

No thanks necessary! I will be honored to be of service and play a part in Making America Great Again!

When should I report to the Ninja guy?

Your patriotic pal, Zelmo Thudpucker.