My 94 year old mom was vaccinated today.

[sheshe2]

Finally.

She was not a priority, understandable as she is housebound. She was suppose to have one weeks ago from the town and they pulled J&J. Again we waited.

I made mention in a thread a while back that I finally snagged an appointment for myself, took weeks. I got a snarky response from someone here, why didn't I snag one for her. She can barely make it to bathroom and bed without being breathless. Fact is mom has been totally housebound for two years and on hospice care. She has been on oxygen 24/7 for those years. For three years, two of us have been her primary care givers 24/7.

I am thrilled she has some protection now that we have let the nurse and a caregiver for two showers a weeks come back in. We let them go during COVID.

Sigh. Some relief.

Get the shot. It matters.

[SheltieLover]

1. Yaaaaaay!

Glad to hear mom got her jab, She!

[sheshe2]

3. Me too!

No signs of any side effects last I checked!

[Hortensis]

2. I'm so glad to hear that and that your mom's nurse and caregiver will be able

to return and give you a break. If only the additional federal assistance to caregivers the Biden administration plans actually happened in time and in some way to make more difference to your lives. I sure hope so.

[sheshe2]

7. Hospice has been great, good people.

They have tried to back away a couple of times, she isn't dying fast enough. Yet her oxygen levels are critical and for now they stay.

Thanks.

[Hortensis]

11. You're taking good care of a tough old lady. Glad that,

aside from the reason, you have that resource available.

[MerryHolidays]

4. So happy to hear this!

[onecaliberal]

5. So glad for the both of you.

[Ms. Toad]

6. I'm glad she is now vaccinated.

But asking a question is not snark.

Nothing in the post to which I responded suggested to me she was unable to leave her house, even for medical care. You mentioned being her primary caregiver - but having a primary or live-in caregive does not inherently mean housebound. My 95+ year old grandmother had a primary,live-in caregiver for at least a decade before she moved to a nursing home in her late 90s. Until she went to the nursing home, she still left her house for medical care and other necessities.

Had you mentioned the detail you provide here, I wouldn't have asked the question.

[sheshe2]

15. Pretty sure I covered that.

I have no clue where the thread is so I can't link it.

[Ms. Toad]

17. You did in an angry rant **in response** to my question,

But not in the post to which I responded.

Your disproportionatly angry response is why I immediately recognized the conversation to which you were referring. Otherwise I likely would not even have recognized the comment I made, or that you were referring to me.

[sheshe2]

18. My "disproportionately angry response"

Lol~

[Ms. Toad]

25. Here's the post I responded to:

I am not gloating or denying anyone's stress over the vaccine roll out and the difficulty getting a shot.

Yes I got one, finally as of today. It was hell trying to get one. Sure, I got it for me, MA dropped the age requirement to 65+ and those younger with two or more health conditions. I also was panicked to get one as I am one of two that are sole caregivers to my 94 year old mom. Point, my mom is on a WAITING LIST to be vaccinated. A waiting list! I have spent three years trying to keep mom safe, the last one during COVID. The last during COVID has been the most difficult. We go out only for necessity. Fact is we bring it home, mom dies.

I have appreciated all the OPs here on DU. It has given me ideas on how to navigate the system. I have shared my own success with CVS. They actually texted me after I got an appointment to say that 100s of shots were available.

It has given me hope to hear so many have been vaccinated. Why? It is one less person that may spread this disease that has killed more than 500K. I know everyone is scared and as anxious as I was and still am.

Fact. None of us can let our guard down. We are, or should be wearing a mask for a long time to come. I know I will. It is the right thing to do.

Wash your hands. Social distance. WEAR A MASK!

Peace

Nothing in the post says your mother is housebound, or that the waiting list she is on is for someone to bring a vaccination to her home.

Your explanation (after the fact) made perfect sense - it just wasn't the explanation that came to my mind. So, yes - disproportionately angry response to an innocent question.

[sheshe2]

28. Umm.

Your response:

Does your mom live in a different state?

If not - why didn't you grab an appointment for her when you grabbed your own?

https://upload.democraticunderground.com/100215166759#post20

My response:

My mother lives with us.

She is 94 years old and hasn't been able to leave the house in over a year. She is in hospice care and 24/7 oxygen. She gets winded just making the trip to the bathroom. I can't just carry her to the car and into an appointment.

Wow. Your tone...implies I grabbed an appointment for myself and not my mother. You don't know me and yet here you are judging me? WTF! My mother is on a waiting list because she is in home care for the past three years and not a priority for those in long care facilities.

Your post to me is insulting and accusatory on a subject that you know nothing about.

https://upload.democraticunderground.com/100215166759#post24

snip

49. You assumed, without basis, that I was making an accusation

rather than that my question was the simple question it was. You said:

Point, my mom is on a WAITING LIST to be vaccinated. A waiting list!


That implies she wants and is capable of being vaccinated. Your post said nothing about why you weren't able to move her off the waiting list to having an appointment.

Especially since you are one of two sole caregivers to your mother, being a sole caregiver doesn't inherently mean you live with your mother, or even live in the same state with your mother. You could easily live just down the street from your mother - close enough to split care for your mother with another caregiver, but still living in a different state. Different states have different rules and processes for getting vaccinations. You're right that I don't know - which is why I asked.

I assume, from your angry response, that she is on a waiting list for someone to come to her home to give it to her - or something of that nature. But you didn't say that.

https://upload.democraticunderground.com/100215166759#post49


I am not going to post the rest of my responses as I am way to tired. You can read them at the thread. The fact that I said:

sheshe2 (71,533 posts)

24. My mother lives with us.

You read the rest of the thread for context, yes? Oh wait you did and still weren't clear that I lived with my mom after responding to me a half dozen times.

Nite.

[Ms. Toad]

43. Look at the posts in chronological order.

You responded to me that she lives with you. It wasn't in the OP.

I'm not a mind reader. I can't predict what you are going to say before you say it.

And the rest of what you have copied and pasted is your angry response (the first snippet), and my attempt to explain that it was an honest question.

You're not a mind reader, either, and I didn't (at the time) share why my mindset was on different states.

You likely weren't aware that my particular struggles with vaccination that week had to do with the fact that I was (then) sleeping in the living room, and double masking 24/7, because my spouse repeatedly engaged in risky behavior (a consequence of her mild cognitive impairment). Or that I was, then, healing from surgery to treat my second cancer - this one a very aggressive one (5-year survival rate of 50%). Or that I had actively been working on getting vaccinated in another state that takes cancer into account - because the predicted wait time in my state was 6-10 weeks until I was eligible based on age. Or that I hadn't been able to make an appointment because, while the adjacent state does not require residency, the electronic systems will not allow you to set up an appointment for someone with an out-of-state address.

So when you (a younger person) got an appointment and your mother (an older person) had been, and remained, on a waiting list, what came to my mind was the issue I was wrestling with: the discrepancy in state-specific rules that leave vulnerable people in one state unable to access vaccinations because they don't live in the right state. It didn't even occur to me when you said (in your OP) that she was on a wait list you meant she was on a wait list for a home vaccination, since some states use wait lists for regular appointments.

I get it that most of us don't have much extra bandwidth these days, and that you were particularly fragile at the time of that thread - having had three tough years of caring for your mother. I get that it was particularly hard that she was eligble but had not yet been able to get vaccinated because no one thought to make it possible for housebound people to get vaccinated (despite the fact that anyone housebound is vulnerable to the comings and goings of people who care for them).

On the flip side, I was pretty fragile at that time, too, and was wrestling with the need to get vaccinated so that the combination of my spouse's diminished mental capacity, my cancer, and COVID didn't kill me. My focus was on the vaccine that would be instantly available in a different state. So you were feeling the elephant's ear and I had hold of its tail and neither of us was able to stop describing the part of the elephant we had hold of long enough to acknowledge they were just different parts of the whole.

And this evening I opened up a thread to offer congratulatons to someone else who got vaccinated, since I've been makng a habit of helping to make sure those who are later to the vaccination party still get at least a little bit of fanfare. I opened the thread without looking to see who authored it, so I was taken aback by the repeat of a 2.5 month old insult. I should have let it slide off of me, but I'm heading in for scans tomorrow to determine whether the aggressive cancer has already returned - and I just didn't have the spare bandwith to avoid reacting.

[questionseverything]

47. I hope you get a good report

[Ms. Toad]

51. I did!

The new lump appears to be a herniated muscle rather than a regrowth of the tumor.

(Thanks!)

[questionseverything]

52. Thank goodness!

Hopefully things get better and better 😎

[catrose]

26. In all the systems I saw (and I registered everywhere I could drive to in 2 hours)

there was no way to transfer your slot. Your choice was take it or leave it. I wanted to give mine to my son with cancer or my diabetic husband, but the only thing I could do was show them how I got mine.

[George II]

35. I registered both of us on three or four sites, hoping one would pop up for us. Six weeks ago....

...I got a call saying they had an appointment in 2 days for my wife. I told them she couldn't make it, asked if I could take her appointment. They said sure, and two days later I got my first Moderna shot (in and out in 8 minutes plus the 15 minute observation period).

Two weeks later we got a call for the J&J shot for my wife in again, two days. We grabbed it.

A week later I got my second Moderna shot.

We're both fully covered, at least for now.

[Ms. Toad]

44. I wasn't suggesting she transfer her slot.

In many states people can make appointments for others.

She indicated her mother was on a waiting list, but that she'd managed to get an appointment for herself.

At the time I was wrestling with the inequity of rules in different adjacent states - which leave vulnerable people in one state unable to get an appointment because they live in the wong state. So what came to my mind was that her mother might live in a different state (perhaps one that works on a waiting list system). So I asked.

What she meant (but had not said) was that her mother could not leave the house and the waiting list she was on was for a home vaccination. Makes perfect sense, but it wasn't where my head was at.

She believed (apparently still does) that I was intentionally insulting her and lit into me.

For whatever reason, she decided to revive the insult in her OP today. I've got an aggressive cancer I was dealing with then (the reason I was chasing a vaccination in an adjacent state - since there was a predicted 6-10 week wait in my state), and I have scans tomorrow because it may already be back. So it was just bad timing and I reacted, rather than just letting it slide.

[blm]

8. ((she))

The feeling of relief is everything.

[sheshe2]

41. Back at you.

[brer cat]

9. Great news, sheshe.

I know that is a huge relief for you.

[sheshe2]

12. Yup, thanks brer.

We didn't know it was today.

I got out of the shower and looked out the window. Saw a service vehicle that on it's side read: CO Emergency 911. I thought something happened and the CO had something to do with her Oxygen levels that were increased the day before.

[babylonsister]

10. Very happy for Mom and you caregivers!!

One less thing to worry about; also good you're getting some relief back.

[sheshe2]

13. Thanks Bsis.

Relief!

[AllaN01Bear]

14. please help me get this monster down to 0.

yay. congrats . this 63 yo didnt waste his doses .

[Hekate]

16. So glad for you

[malaise]

19. Great news

[sprinkleeninow]

20. Peace be to you and mom. A good quality of life also!

💛 ☦ 🙏

[niyad]

21. Oh, she, that is great news! And that you have some relief in her care. Continuing to send loving,

healing vibes.

[BobTheSubgenius]

22. I got the shot.

I feel lighter.

Get it.

[Niagara]

23. Oh Happy Day, Sheshe!

I'm only 9 days ahead of your mother and I remember feeling like a ton of bricks lifting off my chest once I received the 1st jab. It will feel even better once I get my 2nd jab, so once your mom gets her 2nd jab, it really will be a relief for the both of you.


Even though I live in New York, trying to find the vaccine that I wanted wasn't easy and some of the online questions were confusing because of the way that they were stated. They also made it sound like that I needed to bring all types of paperwork with me to prove where I lived and who I am. Come to find out, one only needs an I.D card and appointment confirmation printout.



You don't have to justify yourself to anyone else. I believe the majority of DUers enjoy interacting with you since your always pleasant and delightful. Try not to sweat the small stuff, Sheshe.



Hugs to you and your mom!!

[sheshe2]

42. Such a kind post from you, Niagara.

Not surprising, you are always kind.

The questions, yup. Confusing. Had to ask my nurse sister.

Congrats! You got yours and yes it is a relief. Every shot makes us all safer. One more step. Then another and another takes us closer.

[DURHAM D]

24. What a relief for all of you.

I have a 97 year old aunt who has made it through. When this started over a year ago her children did not think she would make it. She is in an assisted living facility so only her children are allowed to visit now and they always visit outside. The visits started back up in mid-April.

btw- This retirement community required all residents get the shot when they first became available. Walgreens went to the facility and did all occupants and all the staff.

Take a deep breath.

[sheshe2]

29. So glad she is safe.

I would have been terrified if my mom was in assisted living in these times.

We have come a long way, progress thanks to Joe.

Hugs to you and yours Durham.

[lunatica]

27. Getting vaccinating is always good news!

Hugs to you and your mom.

After my second shot I felt really good. Downright patriotic, even if it did kick my ass for a day or so. It’s been two weeks since I got it and they say you are immunized after two weeks. Still wearing my mask though, and will continue to do so.

I’m pretty much alone and housebound too, so actually going to get my shots was an adventure in itself. I remembered how to drive and park and stay in my lane. I feel so proud!

[sheshe2]

31. With you, lunatica.

The mask stays for a long time.

Kudos to MA. I have never, not once seen anyone without a mask here since last March. We wear them and have not let our guard down.

[lunatica]

33. I'm completely comfortable with a mask. It makes me feel secure

I live in a condo which is in a building with codes needed to enter the front door and to gain access the the parking spaces. It has a room with mailboxes for everyone in the building so we run into each other but the HOA has made it a rule to always wear a mask when not at home. People have been compliant and friendly about it which makes for good neighbors!

[sheshe2]

34. People being good caring people.

This is good.

[IcyPeas]

30. My 92 year old mom got both of her shots too (Astrazeneca)

She had zero side effects too. Her doctor said people her age often had no side effects for some unknown reason. We were so worried she would have side effects. As if anyone in their 90s needs that along with their daily aches and pains!

It is a relief.

[sheshe2]

32. I put her to bed and asked again....

no pain, no aches, nada!

[Skittles]

38. immune system not as robust in older folk

doesn't mount as big a defense as it can in younger folk, or something like that

[George II]

36. Good news. Was that her second or is another due in 4 weeks. Or the J&J? Always a relief....

....when you know you don't have to stew about when one will become available.

[sheshe2]

39. J&J.

One shot.

They had to re figure the logistics after J&J was pulled. This is a town run operation. I live in a small town. Volunteer EMS did the work. He was a sweetheart and very kind to mom asking about her time in nursing.

Thank you George. You are a very kind and considerate poster on DU.

[George II]

49. I'm sure that now is a BIG relief! It was for us, after stewing about making arrangements....

....for a few months, wondering when it would happen.

She was a nurse? Reminder her that this is National Nurses Week (and today is National Nurses Day)!!!!!

[sheshe2]

50. I will let her know over dinner.

We have lots of nurses in the family.

Thank you, yes, it is a relief.

[Skittles]

37. good job

[sheshe2]

40. Thank you, Skittles.

[LetMyPeopleVote]

45. Congratulations

It must feel good to get your mother vaccinated

[Rhiannon12866]

46. Great news! You must be so relieved!

And that you have caregivers again must also be a relief! Hoping that things are looking up for you and you're less stressed...

I know it doesn't compare, but I'm also relieved that I persuaded my stubborn brother to get his first shot last week! He's not anti vax, he's agoraphobic, hates to leave the house, so he kept thinking he'd be okay. But the state facility which is just down the road (in the old Sears store at the local mall) started taking walk-ins last Thursday, so I stopped by when I was out with my dog on Friday and convinced him to go - he was probably just sick of me nagging, LOL. So he got shot Pfizer shot #1 (and I was impressed with the turnout there, one of the workers there told me that they've managed to vaccinate thousands!) and he has an appointment for #2 in 3 weeks!

[sheshe2]

48. That's great 😃 news!

You persisted, Rhi. Good job.

And I thank you.