Elise Stefanik Replaces Ivanka as Trump's Daughter

[Rhiannon12866]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Consolidating her position as America’s foremost Trump loyalist, Representative Elise Stefanik stunned political insiders on Wednesday by replacing Ivanka Trump as one of the former President’s daughters.

According to those familiar with the shakeup, Donald Trump made the move after Stefanik spent months convincing him that she was substantially more loyal than his now former daughter.

In an official statement from Mar-a-Lago, Trump wished Ivanka well, adding, “She had a good run.”

Stefanik, who is running to replace Representative Liz Cheney as chair of the House Republican Conference, put to rest any doubt that she could handle that job while fulfilling her responsibilities as Trump’s daughter.

“They’re basically the same job,” she said. “I just have to say ‘Yes, Daddy.’ ”


Short article, no more at link: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/elise-stefanik-replaces-ivanka-as-trumps-daughter

[getagrip_already]

1. she would need to dye her hair blonde first.....

Then it would be "ivanka who? I think she shared a room in our apartment for a while, but I didn't speak to her."

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

2. Knew it had to be Borowitz

[dalton99a]

3. Not his type - "Look at that face!"

[magicarpet]

4. Does that give trDUMP - his hands in her,...

... panties privileges as he has long maintained with his precious daughter ?

[Buns_of_Fire]

5. Yeah, but can she do a lap dance?

You know, the kind Daddy REALLY likes?

[Simeon Salus]

6. Ewwww!

That's just too icky to ponder.

[underpants]

7. LOL

[Ka-Dinh Oy]

8. She does not have blond hair or is so skinny that she looks pale.

Her cheeks don't have that sucked in look.

I just don't think donny would want to be her daddy.

[tonedevil]

9. She may replace Tiffany /nt

[UTUSN]

10. HAH!1 Got it in a bplink!1

[Rhiannon12866]

11. LOL!

I guess this one was obvious - though highly appropriate!

[UTUSN]

12. I appreciate BOROWITZ's headlines, but find your posts *most* entertaining!

[Rhiannon12866]

13. Awww, thanks!

I make it a point to include the photo, since Borowitz does, to provide the full effect.