News eports a strange rash of fires broke out
when Jack A. Phatphuck, a Spindale Republican, forgot he had 12 hefty trash bags full of gasoline in the trunk of his car and lit a cigarette. "They said it was a temporary fuels distribution glitch, and not to top off or hoard gas. Well, I'm not falling for any crazy conspiracy theory," PhatPhuck told our intrepid RealtyTV correspondent. "I know the diff'ernce tween a delay and a shortage. I been to Sams Club and Costco. I been to local truck stop. Hell, I been to a Radio Shack and an AutoClub. I done my research."
I called my inshorance compny, and they said their policy didn't cover transporting no flammable liquids. They cancelled my policy!! Can you believe that? 'I alway carry 'shine. It's flammable' I says to the insurance. It's not my fault I set my car and the harris teeter and a Jimmy John's on fire. They act like missed premiums is a big deal, I carry moonshine, and never denied my claim from that wreck. Next time, I'm hoarding gas in the heavy duty trash bags instead of those flimsy kitchen ones. Thanks, Biden."
NB: totally fake news. I made it up.