Trump Claims Arizona Audit Uncovered Widespread Math

[Rhiannon12866]

PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—Hinting darkly that “there’s something going on,” Donald J. Trump claimed that the election audit in Arizona had turned up “widespread math.”

“There were people counting votes who used math to do it,” he said. “This should never have been allowed to happen in our country.”

Explaining how math was used to count votes, Trump said, “If you take one number and add another number to it, you get a totally different number. It’s unfair and, quite frankly, a disgrace.”

Trump blamed Arizona election officials for “allowing math to be used in the first place,” but also pointed the finger at his former Education Secretary, Betsy DeVos.

“Betsy promised me she would totally get rid of math in this country,” he said. “She didn’t get it done.”

Short article, no more at link: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-claims-arizona-audit-uncovered-widespread-math

[FoxNewsSucks]

1. Widespread meth is more like it

among republiqons. Even if it weren't satire

[peppertree]

2. "The only math I like is the kind Allen Weiselberg liked to use."

"He could do things with numbers that no one's ever seen, folks - believe me!"

[Rhiannon12866]

3. Thanks! Great parody - and spot on!

That last line in the article was my favorite...

[peppertree]

11. Why, thank you.

It is what it is.

[calimary]

5. I always found it perplexing how this pathological liar could keep saying "believe me!"!

[peppertree]

12. Yeah. Trump always seemed theatrical to me, like an actor - or a con man.

It's a shame he wasted his talent on being the latter - but such is egomania.

[Stuart G]

4. Outstanding Post about Trump..Let's hear it for newyorker & ..Original Post by: Rhiannon 12866

[Rhiannon12866]

7. Awww, thanks! I love these!

Borowitz is brilliant - and funny! And anyone who can bring us humor during these perilous times deserves to be supported - and shared!

[aggiesal]

6. And they used arabic numbers too! ...

Love The Borowitz Report

[duforsure]

8. Then put him before a judge under oath,

To say what he has proof of, or put a cork in it. When he talks they should suggest a special prosecutor appointed to expose his lies by forcing him under oath to back up his accusations with testimony.

[Rhiannon12866]

9. Agreed, it is long past time - he's avoided it for long enough, no more excuses...

[malaise]

10. ROFL