General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsI was asked this.
Sadly I have done nothing I guess, not enough politically, yet...
I am one of two 24/7 caregivers for my aging mom. She will be 95 in less than two weeks. I moved here a year after losing my job due to age and never able to seek part time work with mom as my soul job. She hasn't stepped out of the house in two years. I have had 5 full days off in 3 plus years. We take turns with the baby monitor at night, that is the night you get no sleep. I get her up, make the bed and empty the commode. Cook breakfast before I have a sip of coffee and her nap and lunch Then nap and shower then nap.
She is cognitively aware and politically correct but attached to a 25 foot oxygen tank and very unsteady on her feet. I have learned to hook up the spare tanks when the power goes out because frankly she will die without it. I think I have accomplished a lot and we have kept her safe during a pandemic.
Politically? I have made sure my Democratic mother had her mail in ballots. I hand delivered them all. She use to work the during the elections at her precinct as a volunteer.
So no, I really haven't done that much other than making her vote count.
Enter stage left
(3,395 posts)sheshe2
(83,708 posts)If ain't easy.
Atticus
(15,124 posts)I admire you and wish you and your Mom the best.
sheshe2
(83,708 posts)I have said before that your name is one of my favorites. He had a heart and soul for the ages.
ProfessorGAC
(64,955 posts)I would ignore such a question were it directed at me.
I think you have even more reason to ignore it.
brer cat
(24,544 posts)It's a very hard job, physically and mentally, and you have kept yourself going for years. You get nothing but praise from me.
MyOwnPeace
(16,923 posts)not only for those that need the care, but for those giving the care - and all of those that know either........
hamsterjill
(15,220 posts)It is that you (yourself) are the only person to answer that question. Listen to your answer. Be damn proud of your answer and dont let yourself compare your situation to some Willy Nilly who isnt facing anything near what you are dealing with.
Your mom needs you. She can count on you. That is plenty doing something.
sheshe2
(83,708 posts)TY
All day.
lapucelle
(18,229 posts)...the world would be a better place.
LakeArenal
(28,809 posts)Best karmic vibes to your mom and you.
FM123
(10,053 posts)Sadly the insurance companies make it hard for us. Today Hospice left us today. She is not dying fast enough for BCBS. So we are on our own again.
Scrivener7
(50,934 posts)Scrivener7
(50,934 posts)sheshe2
(83,708 posts)cally
(21,593 posts)thank you for all your care and attention to your family. I took care of my Mom (not as extensive as your Moms needs) but I know how hard it is and how others seem to belittle all of our efforts. You are doing incredible, important work and showing grace and love. What is more important?
JustAnotherGen
(31,798 posts)But you are a wonderful daughter.
sheshe2
(83,708 posts)We yell. Then we get over it.
I have lived on my own for a very long time. I am not use to being around people 24/7. It is hard.
TY Gen.
skylucy
(3,737 posts)peggysue2
(10,826 posts)It's a 24/7 job unless you're lucky enough to have respites from other family members. It is physically difficult and emotionally draining. You're never certain you're doing the right thing, the right way although your try your damnedest. Some days you just want to sit down and cry. Some days that's exactly what you do. Then you dry the tears and do it all over again.
Anyone downplaying the importance of such a labor of love and exhausting responsibility is: Not. Worth. Talking. To.
I'm sending hugs from Tennessee, sheshe.
You're accomplishing more than most. Believe it! You've earned high-fives for life.
sheshe2
(83,708 posts)Or know someone that has.
Your insights are 100% spot on.
Everything you said. Thanks
niyad
(113,207 posts)you are doing knows this. And your presence here on DU is so incredibly valuable. YOU are so incredibly valuable.
If someone is challenging you to prove yourself, send the nitwit to me. My claws need sharpening about now.
I just saw what you said about hospice. Sending vibes for healing and strength and endurance.
calimary
(81,179 posts)Cause YES youve done plenty!
PsakiPswirli
(71 posts)I love reading your posts.
nightwing1240
(1,996 posts)I do so for my mother who is soon to be 88 and still doing very well. She gave me the gift of life, I know no other way to repay that other than loving and helping her
Kudos to you and others that do the same!
summer_in_TX
(2,727 posts)with people who love her and she loves.
She gets to be with you two instead of strangers who would care for her without the love with which you care for her.
AND you helped her do something important to her and to the nation, to vote to kick that bum out of the People's House.
Caregiving is such a tough job and not everyone has the spiritual and physical resources and the LOVE to do what you are doing!
Laura PourMeADrink
(42,770 posts)Dad died of covid. ( Saved your quotes so don't deny)
I chose to believe you that life is very rough for you. So sorry.
sheshe2
(83,708 posts)I have no clue what you are talking about. You saved them, then post them. I said you lied about your dad dying of COVID? I want to see the direct quotes you saved.
Funny.
A long time ago we had pretty good conversations. I thought your name was about Laura Petrie, and Rob asking for a drink. You explained at the time you meant George. We had a laugh.
Post the saved quotes. Post them or it didn't happen. You are accusing me of being a vicious uncaring person. Post them.
Laura PourMeADrink
(42,770 posts)have taken your words "you said your father died of covid" as "you SAY your father died of covid" like you didn't believe me. I remember it infuriated me. But I see now that I jumped to conclusions. I apologize. All I can say is that I think I must have been in shock and still have so much anger built up over trump not warning us early on. Including the government of CT for not regulating nursing homes well enough to enforce separation when contagion abounds.
Again, sorry.
https://democraticunderground.com/100213694864
sheshe2
(83,708 posts)However I accept that.
I am saddened that you held a 'perceived' something that I never said and held a grudge against me for an entire year. It explains a lot about your comments on my threads that followed and a group we served on together. You never acknowledged that I gave you heartfelt condolences to you on your fathers death in that thread.
Thank you. You hurt me, however I appreciate your apology.
https://democraticunderground.com/100213694864
LetMyPeopleVote
(145,046 posts)3Hotdogs
(12,358 posts)Each county has a V.A. office.
if not,
Have you contacted the local social worker, if one exists.
I don't know what state you live in.
sheshe2
(83,708 posts)WWII, officer on a minesweeper stationed in the Pacific right before Pearl Harbor. They were awaiting orders to sweep the Sea of Japan...I think that was what it was called. No, never knew benefits were available...he died more than six years ago.
TY
3Hotdogs
(12,358 posts)They can also assist in processing applications.
There is supposed to be a VA office in every county. Try the county clerks office.
sheshe2
(83,708 posts)My parents divorced eons ago. Just my sister and I.
3Hotdogs
(12,358 posts)will check it out.
mcar
(42,287 posts)I'd also contact another hospice. The one I worked for went overboard to make sure vets and their families got all the benefits accorded them.
sheshe2
(83,708 posts)It is Blue Cross calling the shots. They are pissed that mom is costing them to much. Hospice has been a gem.
mcar
(42,287 posts)Hospice tends to be cheaper. What a bunch of heartless slugs.
sheshe2
(83,708 posts)She weighs 90 pounds now.
mcar
(42,287 posts)My mother died at 62 of ovarian cancer. Seeing her waste away was just awful.
I am so sorry.
AllaN01Bear
(18,101 posts)the elder generation is gone , bue my dear sheshe2 you are doing good work for her.. i hope someone is around for me . i do have someone who drives me to drs apts. shopping. etc. two times a week( this gentleman is paied by an outside source ..). ive wrestled with 02 for my gmaand i wished we had the potable units like we do now . where i live , pg and e will give you a very expensive battery that has an inverter to power medical devices . my worker has one for his pap machine . hem , he uses it to run the refrigerator whilst generator runs lights and pap machine . battery is free from what i understand . bless u dear sheshe2 .
monkeyman1
(5,109 posts)been there ,done that ! in 81' quit my job & took care of my dad. bad heart ,oxygen & doctor appointments. if i had it to do again , i do it all over again! no question! after he passed on , my company rehired me & no time an grade lost. my job was travel all over the world ! so, feel proud ! i always have !
monkey man 1 !
Chili
(1,725 posts)I had been laid off when our help desk was outsourced to Canada. I looked for a job for 4 months until I gave up... my Mom had caregivers come in twice a day while I was working, but no positions paid enough for me to afford that any more. So it was just me taking care of her 24/7. It is so difficult not to ever get a break. No matter how good a job I did taking care of her, it was emotionally taxing and exhausting. When she caught pneumonia, which eventually took her life, it took years for me to forgive myself... what did I do, or didn't do, to cause that to happen? Nothing, but it still didn't leave my head for a very long time. And the guilt of feeling tired and needing a break... There is no question that I went through PTSD for months. I decided to learn how to write a screenplay, and finished it dedicating every moment to her... the only thing that kept me sane during those months. I finally found a job 3 months after losing her, and I've thought... she helped me find that job. It didn't pay enough - household income had dropped from $85,000 (me working, Mom's pension) to $24,000 - with a mortgage. But I got through it and met two people who are still dear friends, even though we've all moved on from that job. It's been many years, now, but I still feel that guilt when I'm stressed out, and I think of her and talk to her every day for solace. But what you're going through... bless you and may you stay strong; you are doing what your heart needs to, for your love for her, and it is the most important thing right now. What have you done? Not even a question. You are an angel of strength.
sheshe2
(83,708 posts)You alone, I can't or perhaps can imagine what you went through.
This is our retirement years. I am late 60's and my sister just turned 70.
None of that was your fault. Never your fault, you did all you could have done to protect her. No one can completely understand the emotional responsibility and the endless exhaustion. We worry that we may eff up and she falls and we were not able to catch her, that she may die on my watch because I nodded off for a time.
That we did this during COVID and had to let all the hospice caretakers go was to say the least difficult. Mom only got vaxed a few months ago. Not a priority as she is housebound.
You did good for your mom.
Love and hugs to you and yours, Chili.
Chili
(1,725 posts)... I needed to read that today in the worst way.
Oh and yes, how difficult with the pandemic going on. Great admiration for you both. You keep hanging tough, and so glad that the two of you can share the caregiving tasks. Best thing is, if you have a rough day, you have someone to talk to and you can help each other out!
Chili
(1,725 posts)CrackityJones75
(2,403 posts)That question was asked in the thread demanding that we FFS! Wake Up.
https://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=15583054
personally I never questioned what you have done because I know from reading these forums for a long time how involved you are. But I think a lot of people took that as an insult to them personally (whether you intended it that way or not) and the question was asked what are you doing in return. That seemed rational to me. My question was Ok now what? What else should I be doing? I am already doing, giving, and trying to change as many minds as I possibly can while raising two kids, and assisting teo older parents. The other reason that I asked that question is because there seems to be a lot more posts here hinting at violence. No I do not believe that your post was calling for that. But the number of posts that keep ratcheting up the sense of emergency and mixed with the nee calls for violence I have seen is creating an aura that feels
. Not quite right.
We have to trust the people we elected to get the job done. They need our help in thoughtful manner that comes with a resolve and clear thinking. I look at a leader like Stacey Abrams and think about her calm resolve to bring about change. She talks strongly but clearly and not in a hair on fire manner but with a message of strength and yes also of urgency.
I dont know but the message that accuses others of not being aware of the situation or of not doing enough doesnt seem the right tone to me on a forum where we all are supposed to be here to support democrats and the platform.
But then again I know that your post wasnt to insult anyone either. I know that. Like you I am scared for our future. But right now is the time for clear thinking and calculated measures to have the greatest effect in combatting what is happening. I think chaos is our worst enemy right now.
sheshe2
(83,708 posts)I have not seen one DUer "hinting" at violence and I most certainly never called for any. I call for people to get off their collective ass and vote. Black people do at a higher rate that white people.
2014 midterm election turnout lowest in 70 years
https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/2014-midterm-election-turnout-lowest-in-70-years
My post was not the right tone to you? I support Democrats every day and vote in each and every election.
Then why didn't they vote? I did.
Lowest turn out in 70 years.
Lowest turn out in 70 years.
Lowest turn out in 70 years.
Lowest turn out in 70 years.
Lowest turn out in 70 years.
Lowest turn out in 70 years.
Lowest turn out in 70 years.
Lowest turn out in 70 years.
KY_EnviroGuy
(14,489 posts)you are very fortunate to be spending time with one of your parents in her later days, something I missed out on almost completely due to my work travels.
My parents and aunts and uncles all went through the Great Depression the hard way and I'm now regretting not spending lots of time with them just learning more about life and the rich history of my family on both sides. Perhaps you can spend some time documenting some of your family history.
You are a hero and wonderful humanist in my book...... ....... .......
Hekate
(90,616 posts)keithbvadu2
(36,724 posts)"So no, I really haven't done that much"... You're shortchanging yourself.
Joinfortmill
(14,408 posts)Maru Kitteh
(28,333 posts)KentuckyWoman
(6,679 posts)Your sacrifices are huge for you and your Mom. They don't need to be big on the world stage to matter. You have done a hero's job. Don't shortchange your contribution. I don't even mean about the voting.
mcar
(42,287 posts)Caring for an aged family member is truly at 24/7 job. You are a wonderful daughter!
lunatica
(53,410 posts)was your soul job. Thats a really sweet thing to say. I took care of my mom, who had Dementia, for five years but I also worked. My day started very early because of changing her bed, making sure she was clean and dry and warm for the coming day. My son fed her lunch. When I got home I started the same ritual as in the morning. I got pretty obsessive about making sure her position in bed was changed every couple of hours by calling my son to make sure he helped her and by checking on her through the night to move her to make sure she didnt get bed sores. She didnt, even after five years of being bed-bound.
We did dementia for dad when I was working.
Mom, I am retired.
You and your family did good for your mom. Thank you for all you did.
lunatica
(53,410 posts)I still have her ashes. I have my sons as well. Maybe Ill just get cremated too and mix the ashes and have one grave. I dont know. I dont like thinking about my own mortality.
sheshe2
(83,708 posts)Moms and Dads should not outlive their children. I am so sorry.
Mom lost her son, my brother 14 years ago.
lunatica
(53,410 posts)Thanks!
Shellback Squid
(8,914 posts)MerryBlooms
(11,761 posts)I have worked throughout this plague mess. Honestly, being on the frontline with and for my clients, and my elderly sis who lives with me... I too am exhausted and at times just want to hide in a cave for a week. My sister is declining, so my best friend now lives with us to care for her while I'm at work. I work 19.5 hours a week outside our home. Then, all the grocery, pharmacy, doc appointments, medication management... My friend helps me with the gardens, house work and then just being with my sister and keeping her company while I'm away. Plus, with the fire last year that took 2/3 of our mobile home park, there's No way I can leave my sister alone. Our fire danger is just as high this year, and the fire chief said we're no better prepared or manned this year. My sister no longer drives, and has her days/nights mixed up. So, it's critical with me on an early schedule, I have someone who can be a night owl here with my sister.
Like you, I'm exhausted. I am thinking it's time to give up my outside clients, but I desperately need the money, because I had to drain my savings to buy our place. I am an unhappy camper, but I smile and laugh with my sister and clients. Plus, the amount of pain I'm in every day from the strain on my already damaged body is really bad. I go in again in August to make sure all my back hardware is still in place and hopefully find out why my tremors in my legs and left arm are getting worse. The doc mentioned neurological issues, and I'm hoping he can throw a few more pills at me to get me through for a few more years!
Good luck to us both!
sheshe2
(83,708 posts)I just went through two days of hell with mom....
Like you, I am exhausted yet I just wanted to give you a hug.
Love you for all you do Merry Blooms.
MerryBlooms
(11,761 posts)in one piece.
My body is betraying me these days, and it has me down. I am fused from my L2 into my pelvis and then all the rods and plates associated with the L2... I am hoping none of my hardware has shifted, or maybe hoping my hardware has shifted... My horrific legs cramps in my upper thighs and groin, and now my left arm, the nervous legs at night, tremors and stuttering. The physical strain of one client- he's a huge man and it involves transfers... I just don't know how much longer I can do my job. He and his family know I'm having problems health wise, and want me to stay, however, I think he needs a caregiver who is much bigger and stronger than me. They want to keep me, no matter what, even if it's only to cook, but that's not fair to my co-caregiver. Sometimes I come home after my shifts and the right side of my body is a combination of numbness and then the tremors. It's hard work.
You and your mom are still in my prayers. I pray for peace of mind and body for you both. My sister has good and bad days, but like with your mom, it's full time. Without my bestie here, I don't know what I'd do. The a/c guy had to come today, and my sis wasn't capable to deal with him, and I had to be at work. My friend was here and texted me updates while I was at work. It's getting more difficult, but you and I will get through this challenge.
Take care, sweetie.
No. It is time for you to take care of yourself. Step back and think of yourself and your sis, no one else. I don't know what else to say. Some of it has to be about you or you will not be able to help them. You need to look after you.
I get it and it is hard, you are doing far more than I am. This is my only job.
lagomorph777
(30,613 posts)I've been a caregiver for 35 years to a crazy and very ill person.
I feel you!
DU is my lifeline.
sheshe2
(83,708 posts)Yes, DU has become my lifeline.