'Hey The Guardian, I rewrote this article on 'violence against women' for you'

[CousinIT]

https://agnesotzelberger.medium.com/hey-the-guardian-i-rewrote-this-article-on-violence-against-women-for-you-4c480e12188b

Dear Guardian,

Let’s start with a guy’s words — those tend to carry more weight than those of a woman, right? — : Jackson Katz says the term ‘violence against women’ is ‘a passive construction, there’s no active agent in the sentence…nobody is doing it to them. It just happens to them, men aren’t even a part of it.’ Surely, I thought, after #metoo and Sarah Everard, the conversation might have changed? But no.

When I spotted this recent article among your news headlines, I counted for you.

The number of times you mention ‘women’, ‘girls’, or ‘female’? Twenty-nine. Thirty-four if you include the mention of the names of the women abducted, raped and killed as well as the stock photo at the top, which also features a woman.

The number of times you talk about ‘men’, ‘boys’ or ‘male’: Zero.

Not a single mention of the demographic we really need to be talking about and supporting to end this epidemic: The demographic who reportedly committed, for example, 98% of reported cases of rape and assault by penetration in 2019/20, or constituted the majority (92%) of defendants in domestic abuse-related prosecutions in 2018/19 in the UK. Or the men who killed the victims named in this piece.

Violence against women is not a ‘women’s issue’. It is, by and large, a men’s issue. And publishing a 580-word article about this epidemic of violence without mentioning the demographic behind this violence in a single word is a (not so) subtle but effective form of victim blaming. . . .

MUCH more at the link. It's ALL worth a read! https://agnesotzelberger.medium.com/hey-the-guardian-i-rewrote-this-article-on-violence-against-women-for-you-4c480e12188b

[malaise]

1. Profound

Rec

[enough]

2. Yes it is. NT

[CrispyQ]

3. It's worth the click to read her edits. They are powerful!

Thanks for posting!

Kick.

[niyad]

4. Absolutely spot on!

[flying_wahini]

5. Very good points! Thanks

[sinkingfeeling]

6. Excellent.

[riversedge]

7. k and R

[appalachiablue]

8. You got it. K/R

[Solly Mack]

9. K&R

[PatSeg]

10. Wow, I hadn't thought of it that way

Reminds me how any discussions about unwanted pregnancies, abortions, and birth control rarely mention men, as if they have absolutely nothing to do with the issues.

[LittleGirl]

12. Exactly! It's always our problem!

Not his problem.

[PatSeg]

17. Women take most of the blame and pay most of the price

Meanwhile, men tend to make all the rules that affect women the most.

[LittleGirl]

18. I'm getting really tired of the headlines

Woman raped and the court slaps his wrist .
We have an epidemic of violent men, some with guns, that are walking free.
Where is this going to end?

[PatSeg]

19. It starts when they are young

We need to raise better men. I did my part, but so many parents raise self-centered jerks who think the world revolves around them and their wants and needs. I was determined that my son would not be that way.

[KS Toronado]

22. "self-centered jerks who think the world revolves around them and their wants and needs"

Pretty well describes Qrump and the entire reQublican party doesn't it?

[PatSeg]

28. Then they wonder why their wife leaves them

and no one will date them. "Put another log on the fire and come tell me why you're leaving me" - should be their theme song.

[calimary]

29. I did my part too. Raising a good son.

SO proud of his character, kindness, intellect, humor, wisdom, compassionate problem-solving, and consideration of others. He’s a gift to the world.

[PatSeg]

30. Hey, that sounds like MY son you're talking about! :)

You know, it would have been really easy for him to turn out to be a total jerk. For some reason, boys tend to expect more from their mothers and I've watched many mothers give into the demands. I was visiting a friend when her son came home, walked right past the refrigerator, went into the living room to watch TV, and then yelled to his mom to get him a coke! And she did!

I've been around so many mothers like that and if they also have daughters, it is a completely different story. The girls had to be home by a certain time and were expected to help with dishes and laundry, whereas the boys could do pretty much whatever they wanted and get waited on as well. If they can get anyone to marry them, they often end up surprised that their wife doesn't act like their mother did. Then they can go to the bar and commiserate with their buddies or maybe plan an insurrection, cuz "poor me".

[calimary]

46. We're just lucky, I guess!

Good Grief but I love that kid!

I love my other kid, too, but the stars were always aligned so much more smoothly for her. In fact, I still clearly remember when I took my first look at her the night she was born, and they laid her in my arms for the first time, I just instantly got this strong intense feeling of "I'm not gonna have to worry about you." And that's exactly how it went! Our son, on the other hand, was a different story. But he got through the rough parts and is a huge point of pride for all of us! I swear, sometimes it felt like whatever his big sister never had to deal with - he did have to deal with, and all of it in double helpings.

No wonder my hair started turning white in my 40s!

[PatSeg]

51. My daughter was pretty easy when she was young

though we went through a few difficult teenage years. My son was a constant challenge for many years. It didn't help that I had to raise him on my own and he had a natural rebellious streak and an explosive temper. I began to appreciate what "Rebel Without a Cause" meant. After many years of struggle, he turned out to be the most even tempered, easy-going person you could hope to meet. A devoted, loyal husband and a hands-on loving father, he has far exceeded everyone's expectations.

It did take a lot out of me over the years, but it definitely was worth it. Learning to become a compassionate, civilized human being was a tough road for him, but his reward was twin boys of his own. He is being the father he never had, plus the boys are unlikely to get away with anything, because he's already walked that path. Of course as a mother, the irony of it all does not escape me.

[dianaredwing]

41. Interestingly

I was thinking about this very topic during my cat's normal 3 AM wake up call when she wants out but she cannot go out.

While trying to get back to sleep after she finally gave up yowing in my ear I thought about my siblings, 2 sisters and 2 brothers, all younger than me by 5-10 years.

My father left when I was 8 or so. We still saw him, but he lived across the state line. In any case, he was not a father who contributed to our welfare and my mother had to do it on her own with the help of the state and family.

For the most part, my two brothers and youngest sister grew up without a father. And, my mother died when they were still in school. And yet, neither of my brothers has ever abused a woman and neither speaks disparagingly of women. They are both in long term marriages. My sister has two sons, neither of which is anti-female. I know that my mother did not specifically teach them anything about male/female relationships as she didn't with me. We had a large extended family, most of whom were married and with chlldren, but our family group was relatively insular. Where did my brothers learn their feminist ways?

My mother had a vary hands-off rearing style and I know that none of my siblings were beaten. We lived in a small, relatively conservative town and most were still Eisenhower republicans even after Kennedy.

However, I do know that none of us ever expected a free ride. We were expected to work and to take care of ourselves. Perhaps that lends itself to a more egalitarian view of people in general, regarless of gender, race, or ethnicity?

[Ellen Forradalom]

32. Rules of misogyny

1. Women are responsible for what men do.

The original nine were formulated by TheBewilderness, but the list has been expanded. Relevant here is “10. The worst thing about male violence is that it makes men look bad.”

[PatSeg]

33. Wow, that cut to the bone

because it is so true.

[wnylib]

45. Reminds me of something I read

about Gold Meir, when she was Prime Minister of Israel. There was a rash of rape attacks in Tel Aviv. Someone suggested imposing a curfew on women to protect them. Meir said it should be a curfew on men since women were not the ones committing the crime.

[PatSeg]

49. Apparently, it took a woman's perspective

[chia]

48. Wow... What woman hasn't experienced this.. and yet it still hits so hard

I'm gonna have to look for that list

[Ellen Forradalom]

54. Here you go

https://4w.pub/the-rules-of-misogyny/

https://mobile.twitter.com/MichaelGLFlood/status/1215481118914306048/photo/1

[chia]

55. Thanks. Second link from Twitter - good lord.. the tweets following re: why patriarchy is good and

why bikinis are for whores... mind-boggling and depressing.

[malaise]

44. I was speaking with a sibling about an old family story about a

Cousin who promised. His best friend he’d keep an eye on his fiancé when he went off ton college. Then he slep with his best friend’s fiancé. My sibling blamed the woman. I was so angry.

[PatSeg]

50. Like she cast some evil female spell on him

Of course, women are not always blameless, but in our society, men so often are not held accountable, sometimes not even considered part of the equation. I think one reason that men especially don't hold other men accountable, is because on some level they know that they might do the same thing. It is like they are preemptively excusing their own behavior.

[malaise]

52. I don't care how women are

If you promise your best friend, you keep that promise. People -even women- love to blame women.

[PatSeg]

53. Yes, it shows a lack of integrity and character

I agree that even women love to blame women, like we are all evil temptresses, seducing men against their will.

[LittleGirl]

11. I have been screaming this for a decade!

I’m glad someone was willing to put it in words for me!
Thank you for sharing this.

This is a must read!

[Sympthsical]

13. #MeToo was a fool's errand

It mattered for like a day. Actors wore ribbons. It was super important! Didn't you see them at award shows signaling to you how much they cared?!

And then it all stopped. They lasted an awards show season. What more could you possibly ask?

I am fortunate to work with strong women. My corporate boss is a woman. The people under me are women. They catch a lot of this shit. I would, too. But as soon as I start composing the email, no, I already have three emails. They got it.

I'm just tired of virtue signalling. Oh, you all got it? It's all ok now? I didn't know! Thank god Twitter fixed this.

As an HR manager, so frustrated about all of it.

But we do what we can.

[Borchkins]

14. Hell yes!

[malthaussen]

15. The Guardian is a good paper. That does not make it a perfect paper.

Some of their editorials can be real teeth-clenchers.

-- Mal

[smirkymonkey]

16. K&R

[PoliWrangler]

20. What a difference words make, excellent article

K&R, more eyes need to see that link.

[seta1950]

21. Fantastic

I love it

[Warpy]

23. WaPo last week had a similar article about a "woman's issue"

that was so badly researched and written and tiptoed abound the tender feelings of males that a quarter of the way into it, I though it had to be written by a man. Sure enough, Ian something or other. I can't tell you what the article was, I blocked it out of my memory, it was that worthless.

Editors need to stop assigning men to report on women unless it's a puff piece about a beauty contest. "Not all men" takes over and they tend to gloss over the root of the problem, a culture of visceral misogyny with its origins in adolescence and which many of them never seem to shake off once they grow up.

The rewrite was great. I'd have lasted as long reading the original article as I did with the WaPo article. Men hate to admit their fathers, sons, brothers, and buddies are the problem. But they are.

That rewrite was great. It didn't blame all men, it just identified the problem as one men need to deal with. Women are only the punching bags, they don't punch themselves.

[Whatthe_Firetruck]

40. "Why are you...

...punching yourself?" *punch* "Why are you punching yourself?" *punch* "Why are you punching yourself?" *punch* "Why are you..."

[sarchasm]

24. Hell to the YES!

excellent article. love the thoughtful and incisive writing on Medium.

[ancianita]

25. A great example of a rewrite exercise I had my students do in order to understand "agency."

[cate94]

26. Wow

It is a really powerful edit.

[Wild blueberry]

27. Absolutely excellent!

Thank you.

[leftstreet]

31. DURec

[chowder66]

34. K&R!

[Duppers]

35. Great point! Btw, we moms of boys...

...need to teach our sons to love and respect our gender and not allow this misogyny to continue.

[TexasBushwhacker]

37. Fathers too

Children learn by example. No one should perpetrate abuse and no one should accept it.

[Warpy]

42. Moms have taught that for thousands of years

When the kid hits puberty, his buddies take over. If we're lucky, he starts to grow up ten years later and reject that culture, but some of them never do, like TFG.

[BadgerMom]

36. K & R

[if..fish..had..wings]

38. Excellent

Read the full article.

[Percy]

39. Case and point!

Her edits say it all. The Guardian journalist should reprint the article with the changes she made - in solidarity with her!

[dlk]

43. Misogyny runs deep

Even in purportedly “enlightened” cultures.

[Blue Owl]

47. K&R