Man Calling Libraries And Masturbating To A Supreme Court Opinion

[Nevilledog]

Link to tweet

https://abovethelaw.com/2021/07/man-calling-libraries-and-masturbating-to-a-supreme-court-opinion/

You saw that headline and thought: “This can’t possibly be real.” Alas, it is very much a real thing that’s really happening in America in 2021. The asteroid cannot come swiftly enough.

For weeks, an unknown man has called libraries around the country asking for a specific Supreme Court opinion to be read to him. As the librarians comply, it becomes clear that he’s pleasuring himself to the words of the Court.



“Oh yeah, give it to me. Give me that exculpatory evidence. Spank those prosecutors!”

But here’s the thing… it’s always Brady v. Maryland. There are actual Supreme Court opinions with pornography discussed in the facts! If this guy was asking about Lochner, we could at least narrow it down to the Federalist Society. Instead, we’ve got a guy a crim pro fetishist who gets off on defendants… getting off? I guess there is some logic there.

*snip*

[FalloutShelter]

1. That's it. G-night folks!

[Srkdqltr]

2. Is there an earthly reason this has to be published? I would bet it's a made up story.

Someone who wants to use sexual innuendo in a tweet. Stupid.

[Nevilledog]

3. It's a humorous article.

What did you think it was going to be about after reading the title?

[Cobalt Violet]

4. surprised the Brady vs Maryland wiki page isn't updated yet.

Yes, I did check.

[Nevilledog]

5. Ha!

[634-5789]

6. Bring my car around, I'm done.

[Ms. Toad]

7. Does library girl ring a bell for any former MIRT members?

Not identical - but the coopting of libraries for personal pleasure/trolling seems oddly familiar.

[multigraincracker]

8. What age and critical stage of development

tickle this pathology?

sorry, psych major.

[mahatmakanejeeves]

9. Above the Law is getting to be mighty freaky these days.

Lawsuit Accuses New York State Judge Of Demanding Forced Fellatio From Secretary

Link to tweet

[Nevilledog]

10. Let me fix that headline: Judge sexually assaults staff member

[muriel_volestrangler]

11. They should get Gilbert Gottfried to record it, so any library can use his voice to the guy

https://slate.com/culture/2018/12/last-week-tonight-gilbert-gottfried-brexit-bigfoot-erotica.html