OK retired DUers - how did you handle sexual harassment back in the day

[malaise]

I had a senior colleague who would say suggestive things. It stopped the day I told him that I might have a chat with his wife about his intentions - not once did he ever approach me again.

Years later a politician on the island sent one of his aides to tell me he was very interested - my response was that I was a very bad option because I'd tell the entire island if he couldn't deliver as promised. The word was already out that he could not. I also let the aide know that he was a first rate low life soliciting for others - after that I'd laugh in their faces anytime I ran into them.

My favorite aunt taught me early that there are times when it's best to abandon sweetness and be rude and tough rather than endure disgusting behavior. It always worked and I passed my approach on to all the young women I mentored.

[no_hypocrisy]

1. I called them on it every time.

I worked for two male attorneys in their mid-50s. They talked like cast members of "The Sopranos."

While the language was not directed at me, the message hung in the air. I slapped them down every time.

I eventually quit b/c one of the attorneys screamed at me and then hit me hard on the arm.

Words are one thing. Assault is another.

[malaise]

4. Hit you?

Holy shit - glad you quit

[no_hypocrisy]

31. Yeah, a hard whack on the upper arm without warning.

I would have had him prosecuted, but he was the former prosecutor in the town where I worked. No justice expected.

[DURHAM D]

2. The first time I was 14.

I told my Dad. I was working at a public swimming pool. My Dad went to the Mayor and the Chief of Police as well as others. The old fart lost his job.

[malaise]

47. Good

That's how you root them out

[2Gingersnaps]

91. Hugs to Dad! That's the way you do it!

[Betty88]

95. I guess I have been very lucky

But then I have always gotten along with men in a friendly way (big gay lady here). I do have a story tho. A woman that worked at another office was having a really hard time with this one supervisor. Would not take NO for hint. It went on one to many times and the guys decided to do something about it. They took him out back and lets just say he was a bit out of sorts for a few days after.

This was very many years ago and I worked with a wonderful bunch of guys that really did treat the few women on the job very well. We were like a bunch of brothers and sisters.

[liberal_mama]

3. I got sexually harassed every day at work and school in the 80s and 90s

My mother said, "That's just how men are. Attractive women have to put up with it." So I ignored it and tried to make sure I wasn't alone with these perverts. Of course, eventually I ended up alone with one of them, and he raped me in 1994. I'm still in therapy because of it. I'm glad that women today aren't just ignoring it and putting up with it.

[malaise]

7. Damn that was tough

I hope you're healing. !

[niyad]

11. Words are inadequate. I hope that you are healing. Know that your DU family is here

for you.

[Aristus]

14. ...

Thank you for your courage in telling us…

[Bucky]

84. Thank you for speaking up here

This stuff is still going on and the rest of us men need to know about it so we can press the message everywhere: this is not permissible. These crimes must be stopped and prosecuted, every single time.

I'm sorry that happened to you. May you find strength and healing

[2Gingersnaps]

88. My sister was 13, we were in foster care, our remaining parent, our Dad had died less

Last edited Tue Aug 3, 2021, 08:39 PM - Edit history (1)

than 6 months, she was molested by a 32 year old married relative, and of course, it was all her fault. It was a life sentence, she is 11 months older than me and looks 20 years older. It was a life lesson to me. I would take a beating with a razor strap before I would "show that upstanding member of the community respect." Having said that, passive resistance was my go to, that is what saved me as a kid in foster care. Before I went to nursing school I worked in the yard of a major auto manufacturer, running cars from the door of the factory to the railyard. We drove them out, an open van picked us up and took us back. One man in particular would sit behind women and put both arms over her shoulders and fondle her breasts. So because I was passive and gentle natured, naturally I was a target. I told him to keep his hands off me, I had two men in my life and I didn't need any more. So of course the gossip mongers ears perked up, I laughed and said "my husband and my son thank you very much." So the guy had stalked another woman and she became the problem and eventually quit. Then I became the problem, I was getting followed home and getting hang up phone calls as soon as I got home, he needed to know if I was going strait home. So I told him if he would like to discuss the situation with my husband, a huge football linebacker looking kind of guy (gentle as a teddy bear, but he sure didn't look it). Then I got turned into management and the union on the SAME day. Management said if I couldn't get along with my crew I could look for another job. My Union Steward said to play nice with the bastard because we all knew what he was and we didn't want him to lose his job, he would end up stalking playgrounds. We ended up losing our jobs because the company thought our contract company was a back door attempt at unionization for the larger factory. So I got another part time job and went to nursing school because I thought educated professional people would have more couth. LOL, yeah, I was that naïve at 32. I was also a tilter of windmills and was highly politically active because we were going to change the world. I cornered a very well known Senator and lectured him on the horrors of foster care and aging out to sink or swim. He listened, bless his heart, but his eyes glazed over. That was 20 years ago, he recently introduced legislation concerning duty to report abuse in Ohio, we had 2000 kids die in this state last year of abuse. It hasn't changed since I was a kid. Wish I could tell you I slayed the dragon. Dear God I tried.

[Duppers]

102. You did try!

Respect!


Here's my too-long story: hubby bought me a small 25 Beretta handgun because he thought I could be in danger working in a field construction trailer. He was right! One evening after everyone had left & I was gathering my things, one roughneck employee knocked & told me his time chart wasn't correct. My error was that I had not yet locked the door. Smelling alcohol & suspecting something was up, I sat behind my desk & put my hand inside my purse. As he too quickly made his intentions obvious, I put the gun in his face, holding it with both hands. Never been so scared in my life! The guy immediately left & I immediately called the cops. He was picked up & charged with drunk driving & spent the weekend in jail. His wife, I was told, refused his bail. He was fired. (So yes, I carried & was glad I did.) Why do some men think they can do these things?!

[lindysalsagal]

107. I'm very, very sorry.

Take care of yourself.

[DURHAM D]

5. I also had a co-worker that came up behind me

while I was seated at my desk and shoved his junk into my shoulder. The first time I didn't say anything. The next time I told him to stop it in a loud voice. Everyone in the area wanted to know what happened. I told them during break. Junk pusher never did that to me again.

Later he harassed a new employee but more directly for sexual favors. This was a political office btw. I told the right person and pusher lost his job.

[malaise]

9. Good

you were pro active

[2Gingersnaps]

92. Thank God there was a "right person!"

[Midnight Writer]

8. As a young man, I worked in an office with some ladies that thought grabbing my ass was funny.

I would jump out of my skin every time.

I was 21, needed the job, and am naturally a shy introvert.

Finally, one day I turned on this lady and yelled, cussed, told her to cut the crap, really made a scene.

That was the end of the ass grabbing, but I still got a lot of improper comments and propositions, which I pretty much just put up with.

I think part of it was they felt that a man would like that kind of attention.

[malaise]

10. We don't discuss that other sexual harassment

enough - women in power can be just as disgusting.

[GulfCoast66]

35. I think it might be because young men often like the attention and don't feel physically at risk.

I worked in a genetics lab in college. One of my supervisor was in maybe her late 30s.

She several times made comments/invites about me coming over and swimming in her pool with her.

I always laughed it off. But she really did not have any power over me as it was just a college job and I was not intending to go to grad school or anything.

My friends thought I was crazy for not going but even in my youth was not really down with casual hookups. I was still kind of religious at the time although hardly a virgin. But even now that I’m not religious even if unmarried I would not be into casual hookups. Not my style. Believe it or not some men think there should be emotional attachment accompanying sex.

[malaise]

48. You're one of the good guys

[GulfCoast66]

51. One does ones best. Been with the wife for 34 years!

Ironically she was my boss when we met and we may have started getting involved before I was no longer working for her. But there was no coercion or anything. We worked to together for 7 months. About 2/3rds thru we really were clicking. Or as her grandmother used to say ‘sparking’.

But it was the 80’s. Many of the male managers were married to former employees.

We are both still at the same company and have moved up. Her more than me as she is executive level. We have a zero tolerance policy for any misconduct at our company.

[2Gingersnaps]

93. Thank you, we know you guys are out there and some of us deeply appreciate it.

It is important that you guys speak out too. Because sexual assault absolutely happens to males too. Also, because I grew up in a religious environment, I really did have the world's greatest Sunday school teacher, he lived his faith, I lost my faith too because of this. The difference between the teaching of Jesus, and the way "good Christians" actually behave.

[GulfCoast66]

94. It's nothing my church did that made me a freethinker.

I’m a science major then I was fortunate enough to travel the world to way more secular countries and some that were never Christian.

I remember back in church as a kid in the 70’s and 80’s how much fun they made of Mormons. Golden tablets, ancestors salvation and all that Jazz. Before we knew about the Magic underwear. They thought it crazy. Even then I remember thinking virgin birth with god as the sperm donor and rising from the dead. Did not seem any more rational than what the Mormons believed.

Looking back I think that’s when I really stopped believing. But it took a few more decades to admit it to myself. Cultural compulsion is strong.

[ProfessorGAC]

12. I Called Other Men On It

Bikini models as computer screen wallpaper?
"Get rid of that. Don't let me see it again."
Talk about attractive young women working there, beyond "She's really cute" (not in her presence)? "That's not professional talk. This isn't a dating app."
As to me: never came up.
When I had to travel with women coworkers, subordinate, peer or someone else's subordinate, I would, if possible, stay at a different hotel to avoid the slightest appearance of impropriety.
It's not that hard to be respectful & professional.
If one is respectable & professional.

[malaise]

24. Somehow I knew you'd be that guy

I had a brilliant professor who never allowed sexist comments - he'd take them on big time. We became very good friends and I had a wonderful relationship with him, his wife and their kids.

[GulfCoast66]

101. Once I became a manager I've fired men over it.

Fortunately my company has had a zero tolerance policy for several decades.

I never traveled with direct reports. But when I travel with female coworkers I don’t eat dinner with them unless there are other co-workers or clients there.

My wife has told me that when traveling with male coworkers, even if they are totally above board she worries about them if out after the day is over. I decided I did not want to create that stress on a coworker. I like odd food so would you prefer to dine alone anyway!

I’ll eat lunch with them. But once work is done I won’t see her till the next day if it is just the 2 of us. Don’t stay in different hotels. Our company assigns them.

Your right. In a different wording ‘it’s not hard to be a good Dude if you’re are a good dude! Wish I had thought of that.

[Mary in S. Carolina]

13. I duck taped a recorder to my chest

and let my harassers and abusers hang themselves, then I sued them....twice.

[malaise]

25. Wonderful

[lindysalsagal]

109. Awesome!!!!

[bdamomma]

128. hmm....

smart thinking on your part. that's evidence.

[Mary in S. Carolina]

131. In my state, recorders not allowed as evidence

During the depositions, opposing counsel pointed out the fact. My attorney said we are not going to use the tapes in a court of law, we are going to mail the tapes to their wives and church.

[Deuxcents]

15. I worked at a large corporation

And had a great Union. Twice I grieved about sexual assault/harassment. They took care of it as I never saw either one of em again. I worked there over 30 years and I was active in my Union. Thankfully, this issue was addressed a long time ago with management n non management alike. It just wasn’t tolerated.

[Dream Girl]

16. I always looked the other way or laughed it off.

College professors and up to law school (pre Anita Hill). As a young college I was lured by a ad for a summer job in “advertising”. I was so young, I didn’t see the warning signs. I was nearly raped too. So disgusting. I still a bit traumatized by that experience. I felt so weak and stupid.

[malaise]

76. Awful

None of it was your fault

[malaise]

77. Awful

None of it was your fault

[Politicalgolfer]

17. Gave it back to them

I thought it must be okay to just give it back if they could dish it out. Did & it worked. Bunch of pussy cats trying to roar like lions .....

[KarenS]

18. oh goodness,,,, not well,,,,

I was outrageous,,,, smoked brown cigarettes, talked like a truck driver,,,, I worked with mostly older men so I talked about being attracted to those young (actually I said: 23 year old) blond boys (the USA men's gymnastic team of 1984),,,, yikes, I shudder now at my behavior, but felt back then that the best defense was a good offense. Amazing how it all went away when I reached my mid-forties, it was just relief on my part.
I think some industry's are worse than others,,,, I worked in aerospace,,,,
Yikes, I had not thought about this in years,,,,

[malaise]

38. You survived in a tough environment

Good for you

[malaise]

39. You survived in a tough environment

Good for you

[niyad]

19. Many years ago, a friend and I were having a drink after work. One of our coworkers

kept making passes at my friend, who was not interested. He got annoyed at being ignored, and would not leave, even though I, rather pointedly, invited him to. Then he. called her the c-word. Without thinking, I threw my drink at him. Word got around quickly. We had little trouble after that while I was there.

[malaise]

33. That usually works

Good for you

[HipChick]

20. Someone I worked for tried to grab me by the boobs

I kicked him in the goolies...right where it hurts

I'm not a violent person, and don't know what would have happened next.

I cut my eye after him anytime I saw him after that...

He never ever came near to me again after that...

Hipchick don't play that..

Left the company soon after, as I felt so uncomfortable...

After, I left found out he had done the same to at least 4 other women, and he had gotten fired...

[malaise]

34. Same here

My signals were always very clear - don't mess with me

[bdamomma]

129. I was never

harassed but good answer Malaise do not mess with me.

[haele]

21. Racheting Cable cutter...

Looking the prep in the eye as I flipped it open and started racheting it down.

If I didn't have tools on me, I'd look them in the eye and say loudly " is this how you treat your sister (or daughter if I knew he had one)"

When I was younger, I was a lot stronger than I looked, and my dad had taught me some Judo and wrestling. I also didn't care much, if someone put hands on me, they tended to regret it.

Otherwise, I would usually be diplomatically snarky and manipulate the lotharios into thinking it would be better just to leave me alone and let me do my work. Most of them were afraid of smart women, anyway.

Also, for some reason, most of the guys I worked with thought I was a lesbian. Which if you just wanted to do your work back in those days, pretty much made you "one of the guys" to leadership. Had an XO once tell me in passing that some of his best sailors were lesbians.

Haele

[malaise]

28. THIS

Most of them were afraid of smart women, anyway.

[LakeArenal]

22. Sometimes I get pushback:

I was in college in 1970. There were courses on speaking up, women’s rights, the ERA amendment “talks”.
I got tear gassed on my way home from a math class upon hearing police say the wanted to go home “let’s break this up.”

I got drunk at a frat party and fell asleep on my “date”. He got mad and sent his brothers in naked and spraying me with shaving cream....

I had a regular caller who asked if I wanted to nude model for him....

Since then I had a boss that I went to a convention that offered to get two rooms or one big one.

I had an employer take me to lunch at a Howard Johnson and proceeded to show me the penis pump he just had installed (?)

I had a boss come up and pinch me on my ass.

I had a boss once say, Woman hear differently than men, when he tried to deny he called me honey.

A lesbian boss once asked me if I was sure I know what good sex is.

At the frat house I just closed my eyes and did not react in any way to them. Then I went home.

The caller called until a man had to save me and my boyfriend told him that yes he would like to meet him. Otherwise I just hung up.

The penis pump I simply said that I thought he should ask his wife about what she thought. We continued to work
together. I told him later I did tell my husband.

The pincher I turned around and punched in the stomach. He said he was sorry. We continued to work together.

The lesbian and I laughed together when I asked her the same question? I became good friends with her.

The one or two room guy was shocked the next morning when I told him that I told my husband. He thought I gave off signals
Of course I didn’t. He and his wife held Catholic Marriage encounters. I could have really ruined him. I didn’t. We continued to work together. I even got him a job off at the next company I worked for.

The hearing differently guy I just rolled my eyes and said I never “heard” that.

So my point is, since the ‘70’s we’ve been told to speak up. So I have. So it still baffles me when other women don’t.

I’m not condemning them.

The whole patriarchal system is wrong.

I haven’t followed this Cuomo thing but I thought I read somewhere an accuser said something like... “I thought I should have said something right then but I didn’t.”

My dad once said, the thing about losing a job ( and I have ) is:
Three things can happen.
You can find a new job that’s just not as good as that job.
You can find a new job that’s as good as that job.
Or maybe you can find a better job than that job.
You have 2/3’s chance of finding as good as or better job than that job and that’s good odds.

Every job seems to have predators so I decide to work with the predators I know.

[malaise]

29. Girl you covered the field but the penis pump

guy did make me laugh. We worked with some seriously sick people.

[LakeArenal]

50. Exactly.

[Laura PourMeADrink]

130. I think the difference between then and now could be

that we were pretty much in a period of time where a good number of men were unwoke. They were learning how to act appropriately. And the feisty among us set them straight.

Flash Forward, younger women are, as a rule, living among men who do not act inappropriately in the workplace. Awareness has happened. Everyone knows there are avenues to take through human resources or the courts.

So, when it does happen, it's not commonplace in today's female worldview. And it's much more about power and control. The guilty men have power to control the situation and allow them to get away with their misogyny. And hurt their prospects with other employers as well.

[greatauntoftriplets]

23. In my mid-20s, a high-level executive of the company I worked for at the time

got this strange idea that I'd enjoy having him press up and rub against me. He was mistaken, of course. I stiffened my body so the jerk would think he was rubbing against a board.

The guy was a creep. Not long after that incident, he was diagnosed with MS.

[malaise]

30. Damn - that's creepy

a senior administrator starting rubbing by arm one day and I told him to move his damn hand - he told me he'd better I wouldn't tell my then boyfriend. I responded with look at him and look at you. He never approached me again.

A married colleague - we became good friends - had this old professor hit on her at a Christmas party. She responded that he reminded her of a disgusting great uncle in her family. After that he blocked every promotion she deserved - she eventually resigned and got a job with an international agency.

[greatauntoftriplets]

32. This asshole got his revenge on me too.

When I came back from a vacation, there were papers all over my desk and boxes of printed materials stored in the office. Even though I hadn't been in the office in the two weeks when it happened, I got blamed for it. I ended up getting fired.

Ended up getting hired at another company where the boss had previously worked for the old company and had deliberately broken the plate glass door on his way out. He understood. I worked at that place for 19 years.

[malaise]

36. Good grief

I actually knew a woman who committed suicide because she could not take one more day of harassment. Sadly she was anti-union because the union would have got him fired

[greatauntoftriplets]

40. That poor woman. She should have been pro union.

I was happy to get out of that place. It was awful.

A couple of years later, I won an industry award for work I had done at the new company. There was a big luncheon to give out the awards. When I went up to get my award, I'm told that he had a priceless look on his face. I didn't see it because there was no way that I would give him that satisfaction, but it was talked about in my company for a very long time. That was my revenge, served very cold.

[malaise]

41. The last laugh is often the sweetest

You made the correct decision when you left.

[greatauntoftriplets]

42. I was looking around before they fired me.

Put in my resignation, but was persuaded to stay while I did the job hunt. Funny thing was, they gave me more work to do and no time to start the process.

[Skittles]

43. when I found my locker papered with Playboy centerfolds

I asked my gay neighbors for nekked men pics, preferably very hairy, and papered THEIR lockers.....you should have heard the screaming, it was like I had set them on fire.

[malaise]

49. Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

I can see you doing it

[Skittles]

59. AMATEURS

[lindysalsagal]

113. You are brilliant!!!

[Skittles]

121. you know what really bothered me?

that my neighbors never asked me what I needed those pictures for, they just handed them over

[LiberalBrooke]

44. I dumped a beer in his lap

when I was working in a bar and he grabbed me.

[malaise]

89. Good

[malaise]

90. Good

[LiberalBrooke]

45. A flasher opened his coat

and I laughed and said it was not very big. He deflated quickly and went away.

[luvs2sing]

61. My response was..

“Oh, honey..put that silly thing away.”

[Skittles]

64. "it looks like a penis, only smaller!"

yes INDEED

[musette_sf]

87. I used that line on the RR train

as a harassment-hardened 13-year-old who took the subway every day to school and had BTDT many times before.

(He put it away.)

[spanone]

46. K&R

[marble falls]

52. Told them I was straight. Let's face 9 times out 10 if there's a sexual harrassment it was ...

... the actions of a male.

The few times I was 'touched' by a woman coworker or customer, it was usually done to make a boyfriend jealous. Most sexual banter from women was usually joking and obviously so, and not graphic or personal.

[malaise]

55. I was never against consensual banter

but suggestive BS was crossing the line.
And I had no problem - still don't - accepting a compliment about my appearance from a co-worker or even a stranger as long as it didn't cross the line.
More than a few telephone or electricity pole workers were extra security back in the day.

[marble falls]

60. I had no taste for locker room talk, not even in the locker room. Polite and light.

[lindysalsagal]

106. Wow.

Men really are craven. Even with each other.....

[marble falls]

119. Men are craven for the most part. Even with each other.

[treestar]

53. Mostly was successful by ignoring them

Luckily no one in power tried anything.

[kimbutgar]

54. Right out of college I worked for Merrill Lynch

There was this guy who used to say awful sexual salaciousness stuff to me. He would call me on my private line and say he could take me away for the weekend and show me what a real man was like. And he’d make gestures like rubbing his crotch and sticking out his tongue in a sexual manner at me.

This was 1978 and I really wanted to succeed so I kept my mouth shut but finally I told my father and he blew up! He wanted to go to work and confront the guy but my Mother told him no and that I should go to my supervisor and complain. I did but nothing was done. I just dealt with it and eventually left the job. I heard later on he was harassing a bunch of other women and he finally got fired. The thing was he was a black man who was an affirmative action hire and I was a little light skinned black girl and the management didn’t wanted to get involved in”racial” matters. I learned that I had to confront these creeps myself and stand up for myself which I did in later jobs. But it made me a nervous wreck and I used to cry in the bathroom all the time.

I think now it it happened today I would have got a nice sexual harassment lawsuit to sue the crap out of that firm and made some serious money. I used to keep a journal about the stuff this guy did.

[malaise]

57. I am color blind when you're a scumbag

He deserved to be fired.
The sad truth is that many males were socialized to behave like that.

[luvs2sing]

56. I learned how to deal with men..

from my close relationships with my father and grandfather who taught me to be fair, honest, and kind..but to take no shit from anyone. Most of my friends growing up were male. I was and am supremely comfortable around men. Most men I have known in my life have trusted and respected me, though I have scared a few to death.

I moved to the city in 1977, when I was 19, and got an office job. After being the bullied nerd in high school, I was suddenly the hot young chick in the office, and I played it for all it was worth, but I didn’t take any crap. I gave as good as I got. I was good with the banter, but I had no problem with drawing the line. What is surprising is how seldom I had to do so.

I left that job when I was 23. I was sick of being the hot young chick. I was growing up. I went to work at a psychiatric hospital. I worked with a great group of people, both male and female, for ten years. I was no longer the hot young chick. I was the cool big sister to a group of adolescents who were in treatment. During my last year there, a new psychiatrist came on board, and I was immediately uncomfortable with him. He stared at me constantly. By then I had been married and divorced and seriously took no shit. But everyone loved this guy and raved about him, and I felt creepier and creepier around him. My office was in kind of an isolated spot in the back of the building. You had to go through two other offices to get to it. One day this guy came in and started rubbing my shoulders. I shrugged him off pretty violently, and he left. As he was leaving, the two guys who worked on my unit came in and immediately knew something was wrong. I was very close to one of the guys and his wife, so I felt comfortable telling them what was going on. They said they had noticed him staring at me in team meetings and said they would make sure it stopped. From then on, they sat on either side of me in team meetings and would make sure he couldn’t stare at me. If he was in the building, one or both of them would be in my office with me. They gave me security during those last few months I was there, and I’m forever grateful.

The last situation was in the early 90s. I worked for a small company where the CEO gave promotions and raises to women who wore short skirts and very high heels and danced with him at social events. I was grossed out and pissed. For the four years I worked there, I wore either long skirts or slacks and flat heeled shoes. He hated me, but he couldn’t fire me because I had revolutionized record keeping in the office and no one knew how I did it until I left.

Oh yeah..I met Hubster at that job, too. And his supervisor said something very inappropriate to me before a meeting one day. Hubster and our boss had not arrived yet, but the other three guys in the department were there. I made it through the meeting, but went straight to our boss after the meeting and told him what happened. While we were talking, the other three guys who had been in the room came in to back me up. Jerk guy had to apologize, though I know he didn’t mean it. I didn’t care. He never messed with me again, and I was professional with him and continued doing excellent work on his projects. Within six months, he came to me and genuinely apologized, and we worked well together after that.

[malaise]

62. Wow - that was fascinating

[twin_ghost]

58. My mom used to laugh at the man and say, "Not a chance in the world!"

[malaise]

63. SHe must know my favorite aunt

[Raftergirl]

65. That is what I did.

Only happened once first job out of college.

[TNNurse]

66. As a new hospital RN (I was 28), I had a doctor put his hand on my knee

under the desk while we were both charting. It was the old days charting on paper. There were other people there. I said in a voice loud enough for others to hear. "Get your hand off my knee and if you ever do that again your wife and everyone here will know about it". It did not happen again.
Another time an LPN came to tell me that a doctor who had no patients on our floor had begun to follow her around as she passed medicines from her cart. She was married, as was he. I went up to him the next time I saw him and asked if he needed help since I did not realize we had any of his patients. He knew I knew and it did not happen again.

[malaise]

69. That is the best way to deal with them - up front

[TNNurse]

78. If I had been 21 not sure I could have.

and the LPN came to me as someone of a little more authority. She was pretty scared and did not know what to say to him. I enjoyed confronting that one...a well known jerk.

[Blue_true]

67. Doesn't have to be retired.

Anyone older than 55 years old likely faced or witnessed sexual harassment in the office or school (middle school, high school or college).

[TygrBright]

68. A little help from a friend.

Late 1970s. I was totin' booze in the days before I mixed 'em. One - just one - of the male bartenders at the joint where I worked decided I "needed a good time" and was constantly promising to show me "how good it could be" etc. when we were on the same shift.

At the time I had a gay friend who was REALLY butch and totally hot-stud in looks. Also, 6'3' and broad in the shoulders.

So one night when I knew Mister Do-You-A-Favor would be on shift with me, I had Jerry come in and sit at the bar next to the service hatch, and order a scotch rocks, and when I came up to the service hatch to give an order, Jerry smiled, and put his arm around me and said "Hi, Bright." Then he looked at Mr. DYAF.

Looked him up and down.

Turned to me, and said, plenty loud enough to be overheard, "Is THAT him? REALLY?"

And we both laughed, and I picked up my tray and went to deliver the drinks.

Mr. DYAF was very, very polite to me after that.

Right after I quit I went there with Jerry and his lover for drinks on the way to the opera and they were both totally camping it up, and Mr. DYAF was on duty.

I'm not actually all that happy about having handled it that way in retrospect, but at the time it was a case of "get over the heavy ground as light as you can." We had each others' backs, Jerry and me. Sometimes when he needed to "look straight" I would be his arm candyish thing.

reminiscently,
Bright

[malaise]

70. Whatever works

and Jerry sure did

[Bear Creek]

72. Live with it

If you went to HR or Employee Concerns the culprit was told who said what. The company and by the way EEOC defended the culprit and the company. You were then retaliated against and denied raises and promotions. Then they would promote the women that went along with it, many of which said " I'll do whatever it takes to move up." And put them as supervisor to do the retaliation because that way it was no longer sexual harassment. I forgot also they would use qualifications to meet Their ends like having to have a degree in engineering or science but okay for them to have a fashion degree. Me having to be registered and they couldn't get because they couldn't pass the test. So as a woman with morals it's by both the men and the women who go along with it. Sorry no me too for them they knew what they were doing and why. Try calling EEOC and getting an appointment before the 3 months are up. This whole thing needs fixed. The EEOC needs to be for the victims not company defense.

[TFRD]

73. Brute Force!

I don't mean physical force; I mean brute force. Just think about that a moment.

[hurple]

74. So here's a funny one

One night my wife and I went to a nightclub in Nashville. Now, my wife is out of my league, 5'9", 120lbs, blonde, with legs that go up to her neck... so the guys pounced the second we entered the place... even with me right there next to her.

One guy, in particular, would not stop. He hounded her and hounded her. Finally, she said, "I am here with my husband, get lost."

"But, babydoll, look at me and look at him... what's a woman like you doing with someone like him?"

"Well, y'know, it is obviously one of two reasons... and he's not rich." And she accentuated what she was saying with the "fish story" hand gesture, if that makes sense.

Ha!

That finally made the guy slink off to find a different target.

[malaise]

82. Some folks can be such scumbags

rude and disrespectful - damn!

[hurple]

96. I have to admit...

By then, I was used to that crap around my wife. I was also used to just letting her handle it.

She is awesome at putting people in their place, which is hilarious fun when it's someone else. Not so much when it's me. HA!

[malaise]

97. LOL

[Tree Lady]

75. As a single mom no child support

My boss, I was in late 30's, used to look over my shoulder down my shirt, call me honey and babe, touch me around the shoulders.

I would just try to keep away I needed the bookkeeping job and thankfully we weren't alone that much. I heard he had all kinds of affairs on his wife.

[malaise]

83. Just another scumbag

preying on women

[femmedem]

79. I quit one summer job.

I was still in college and took a summer job working at a daycare center. On the third day, the owner grabbed me in the laundry room. That was it; I was done. But it wasn't a career, just a low-paying job. It's a harder decision when it's a job you need or really want.

Another time I was a server at a strip club. I had a tray full of draft beers, and I was delivering them up on some bleacher-type seating while a feature performer was onstage. As I was climbing up the steps, I felt some guy pinch my butt. My hands were full, so I kicked him and kept walking. Afterwards, I realized it was a regular customer who was normally nice, just drunk. I apologized for kicking him, and he said no, I was right to kick him, and that he hadn't pinched me. He'd bitten me.

In jobs that I cared about, I'm lucky to have never been sexually harassed.

[malaise]

85. It is much harder when you really need the job and have kids to feed

and it was worst back then - which is not to say it has gone away

[sinkingfeeling]

80. I put up with it from the late 60s until the corporation decided to

teach employees about it around 1990. I worked in a corporate division where the guys outnumbered the women by 50 to 1.

[malaise]

86. 50- 1

Damn!

[MLAA]

81. I was fortunate to work for a global 100 company

that had documented HR policies about any kind of harassment. When there was a complaint it was immediately investigated and very shortly if it was verified the person would disappear whether entry level or executive. There one day and gone the next. There was annual mandatory sexual harassment training. It was taken 100% seriously. My only encounter with the process was in my first year back in 1982 is someone must have overheard my office mate say something to me they thought was inappropriate. HR called me and asked me about it and explained there was no issue.

And of course the same was true of discrimination of any kind, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation. I believe my company was the first or one of the first to have an LGBT officer within HR to ensure fairness and respect for everyone. So I was totally sheltered.

[hunter]

98. My crazy grandma was a shipyard welder during World War II.

She didn't take crap from anyone.

OMG could she say some horrible things. She could castrate a bad man with her words. If that wasn't enough she had her knives. She'd castrated cattle. Men no problem.

My crazy grandma's mom was even more intense.

All my great grandmas were fierce women of the Wild West. They owned the property, rode the horses, made all the financial decisions, and did the hunting and fishing. They were experts with guns and knives. I used to watch them in the kitchen cutting up animals I'd seen alive, fascinated that I couldn't follow the movements of their hands as they made dinner.

Their husbands were useless dreamers. Telegraphs, telephones, radios, airplanes, rockets, and art.

One of my grandpas made bits of metal that landed men on the moon. Totally useless.

My mom is always sweet until she isn't. My dad's mom and her sister were the same. The three of them learned to defend themselves working in Hollywood, where sadly, fighting off rotten men is a survival skill.

My wife and I are both children of fiercely matriarchal families.

It's quite possible I'm just another useless dreamer husband.

[malaise]

104. They were clearly way ahead of their time

on both sides of your families

[KentuckyWoman]

99. One of the few benefits of being ugly.

I am 80. No one has harassed me. My looks are missing. It meant people had to deal with me based on something other than image.

I feel bad for people who suffer unwanted attention of this sort.

[canetoad]

100. If they touched me

Twist their knackers till their eyes water.

[Wicked Blue]

103. In 1970 I would quit

I actually quit two jobs that summer because of harassment. I was 18.

There was some justice regarding the second job, when a co-worker stuck up for me and told the owner. He fired the manager and hired me back.

[malaise]

110. Glad the second scumbag was fired

[Wicked Blue]

125. The first one was a veterinarian

I worked as a vet assistant for two weeks.

[MineralMan]

105. My ex-wife (17 years together) worked for a few months

as a cocktail waitress in a higher-end restaurant near where we lived. She came home one time and told me that one of the regulars in that bar grabbed her ass as she walked by. She chewed him out for it and told the bar manager, who just laughed it off. So, I went with her a few times and sat in the bar while she worked. She pointed out the guy, so I kept an eye on him. Sure enough, she walked past him and he reached out and grabbed her ass again.

Not smart. So, I got up, walked over to the guy, leaned down, and said, "Look, asshole. You just grabbed my wife's ass. I suggest you find some other place to drink from now on, because I plan to be in here often, and won't tell you ever again." He started to come back at me, but stopped abruptly when he saw the cold look on my face. He got up and left the bar.

Then, I had a chat with the bar manager about his failure to do anything when it happened before. I explained that I was unamused by him and hoped nothing like that ever happened again.

Sometimes, it takes a little fear of consequences for some men to get the point.

[malaise]

111. At least you did get tot he point

[malaise]

112. At least you did get tot he point

[malaise]

114. Your daddy was correct

Sexual predators are always terrified of public scenes

[Ohio Joe]

115. Twice I had to deal with it...

I heard many, many stories through the years but twice it fell to me to deal with it.

1 - Back in the late 90's, I was a manager for a Y2K company. I often traveled to Columbus Ohio with others from my company and we stayed at the Crown Plaza. One afternoon I came back to the hotel and the manager was waiting for me (I'd been staying there for a few years and knew him). He explained that one of the maids was groped by one of my employees that morning. He took me to the office and she told me what happened. I told her if she wanted to press charges, the company would cooperate and help in any way we could. She said she just did not want to be groped. I asked the manager if he could get some security/employee of some sort to get his stuff from his room and bring it down. When the guy got to the hotel, I stopped him at the entrance and told him what he had done was a crime and he was lucky he was not being arrested and just fired instead. I pointed at his stuff and told him he no longer had a place to stay either... I probably should have told him his return flight ticket had been cancelled... I probably also should have mentioned that I had HR notify the govt about his new employment status in regards to his H1B but... Meh. Never heard what happened to him, nor did I care.

2 - About a year after that incident, another happened. A woman who worked for me came to my office, closed the door behind her and said she needed to talk to me. I told her to take a seat and go ahead. She described to me that a new guy that had been hired as a lead was sending her some emails that were scaring her and she handed me about 20 pages of emails. I read through them and it was pretty horrifying. They started out saying that she was so pretty that she had to marry him... They got worse as they went on... Threats of assault, cutting off fingers, kidnapping... Seriously nasty shit. I told her I was going to have the guy arrested but she just wanted it to stop. I assured her it would not happen again. I immediately called the guy into my office, sat him down, handed the emails to him and asked if he wrote them. He said yes he did. I said wow... That makes this super easy, you're fired. I'll never forget the look of confusion on his face as he said... "Are you not happy with my work?" I was pretty angry, got up and yelled "To your desk now, get your shit and get out. You ever come back or ever try to contact "X" I'll have you arrested. Again, I had HR notify the proper people regarding his new employment status in regards to his H1B. Never heard or cared what happened to that POS either.

Infuriating both times.

[malaise]

118. If we had more folks at the top like you

there would be a lot less harassment.

[lindysalsagal]

116. A big ugly guy at work took something expensive of mine. I told him to give it back. He threatened t

to hit me. I put my face right up to his fist and said, "then, do it."

He didn't, and I turned and walked right into the boss's office. It was taken up the chain of command. I don't know if it cost him anything, but, we both knew he wouldn't threaten me or take my stuff anymore.

He was a known bully, so, it probably wasn't the only thing in his file....

[Nittersing]

117. I thought this thread might trigger some forgotten memories

because I worked in a number of male oriented fields.

First job, worked in the service dept of a Toyota dealership as a gopher.
Nanny
pet store
building roof trusses
waitress/bartender
maintenance at a shopping mall
hvac tech for a school district (20 yrs - retired)

At the school district, the glazier's shop was where folks could smoke and the general hang out spot for a lot of us. It was also home to the glazier's collection of pinup girls. Didn't really bother me. When I started there, I told people the only thing I had a problem with was the "c" word. Never heard it.

Honestly, I thought something would pop up in my mind. But I don't recall a single groping... or even a suggestion of it.

So thank you to all the guys I worked with. (There were a fair number of jerks... just not that kind)

[malaise]

122. You were lucky

Truthfully so was I - I know women who hated work because it was so bad.

[Meowmee]

120. Mostly I ignored it

What made me quit one job where there was also some form of “ s harassment” was antisemitism.

I would like to tell another story here. I was a victim of false accusations, nothing to do with sexual or any harassment. It caused me great stress and harm. I was able to prove that the accusations were false and that the person involved was a sociopath tg. I and my family were also victims of false sh charges of a family member. That was also disproven. The lawyer for the accuser apologized afterwards to the family member. Where are the reparations for people( and their family members) who are falsely accused in these circumstances. There is none. It causes lifelong damage and the false accusers have no price to pay.

Not retired here yet.

[meadowlander]

123. I shut down, sometimes for days at at time, and eventually quit my job if it doesn't stop.

Being on the autistic spectrum makes me essentially defenseless in the face of these kinds of situations.

It's not my job to shut that kind of behaviour down with a snappy comeback or clever prank. It's the men I work with's job to be grown-ass adults in the office place and to respect the other people they work with even if they are female.

Full fucking stop.

[Phentex]

124. I grew up without a father and my mother was fairly tough BUT I still wasn't prepared...

for the different times and ways I would end up harassed in my life. Sometimes, I could be tough and fend for myself and other times I was just so truly shocked that all I could do was retreat.

I don't know why some women never get harassed. I do know it's not always about looks or attitude or a vibe you give off. I think sometimes it's just about who you happen to cross paths with at the time. Or whom. You know what I mean.

[malaise]

127. Few of us are prepared

and it's true that some women never get harassed.

[Silver Swan]

126. I was 22

He was much older. He made frequent remarks about the clothes he wanted to see me in. I finally told him, in my mother's words, to "pick on somebody his own size." Thankfully that was enough to get him to stop.