'Rise Up, Patriots!' Rand Paul Calls To Intubated Patients Lying Unconscious In Hospital ICU

[Zorro]

WASHINGTON—Rallying patients lying unconscious in the intensive care unit of George Washington University Hospital, Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) called on those intubated due to Covid-19 to rise up from their hospital beds and choose freedom, sources confirmed Tuesday.

“To all you brave patriots who have been imprisoned in this ICU, I say join me and your fellow countrymen in rebelling against this despotic medical system!” shouted Paul, a non-board-certified ophthalmologist who represents a state in which more than 1,000 people are hospitalized with Covid, before going on to urge every patient with acute respiratory failure to join arm-in-arm and cast off the tyrannical yoke of fear and propaganda.

“Don’t you see? Those ventilators aren’t there to save you, they’re meant to enslave you. They may look like innocent, artificial breathing devices intended to provide you with you a steady supply of oxygen, but they are the shackles of your oppressor. Rip out your breathing tube and join the resistance!”

At press time, dozens of Covid patients had reportedly died after Paul attempted to reenact the Boston Tea Party by dumping their discolored, hypoxic bodies into the Potomac.

https://www.theonion.com/rise-up-patriots-rand-paul-calls-to-intubated-patie-1847451937

[tanyev]

1. I was hoping it was going to be The Onion,

but I’ve got to say I wasn’t sure.

[msfiddlestix]

2. I actually thought it was real, but then even I couldn't believe he's that crackers

saw the onion link.

This is an exceptionally good one to fire up his base!

[rpannier]

9. I thought it might be real

I could tell the pic was photoshopped
But still... I did think it could be real

[rambler_american]

29. Satire is dead. Died from exhaustion trying to get ahead of reality.

"No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up."

~ Lily Tomlin

[msfiddlestix]

30. Because that's how deranged he actually is, or playing one on tv

hell of an actor if that's the case.

[LanternWaste]

12. Seems the Pauls, Trumps, and Tom DeLays have kinda killed satire over the past generation...

by proudly being the very punchlines satire relies on.

[Chainfire]

17. And I was hoping that it wasn't the Onion. ;)

[LiberatedUSA]

3. It is so hard to detect satire anymore. N/t

[PXR-5]

4. First thought it was real , lol

These righties are so looney, I was believing this 😆

Gotta love The Onion.

[SheltieLover]

21. Welcome to DU!

[stillcool]

5. so sad

can't believe this is thinkable. There's no end to, no break from crazy-land.

[Champp]

6. Don't give crackpot Republican "leaders" any ideas

They will muster an army of COVID zombies to help them and their Russian comrades in their darkside war against truth, America, American democracy, and basic human decency.

[dalton99a]

7. Kick

[Ohioboy]

8. That's funny, and like all good satire it's with an element of truth

[Farmer-Rick]

10. Well, after his last crazy rant about Covid, I could easily believe it.

Very funny or prescient?

[Aussie105]

11. It says a lot about Paul Rand

that at first glance, it would appear to be a true story.

'Onion' gives it away, after a second or two.

Now the same 'joke' wouldn't work with Biden or Obama in the picture, now would it?

Paul Rand: Humanity votes him to be of negative value to the human race.

[The Wizard]

13. Cheesy, second hand Repubic performance artist

possibly insane from Covid brain.

[burrowowl]

15. Love the Onion!

[orangecrush]

16. Satire is dead

It's impossible to tell the difference anymore.

[mcar]

18. Not far from the truth

[lees1975]

19. That's really not very funny because

it doesn't take very much imagination to see him doing this. He is really that stupid.

OK, I'll admit, it's hilarious.

[LetMyPeopleVote]

20. I love good satire but this is also funny

The truth can been funny also

Link to tweet

[AllaN01Bear]

22. first , in my local hospital hed be told to wear a mask, no exceptions .

second , if he put up a fuss , all the staff would do is call code grey and that would send every available able bodied male in the place to tackle him then security would escort him off the property.
so , he is a quack? hem

[zentrum]

23. The Onion get me this time.

It's so in character for Rand.

[Dopers_Greed]

24. The Rug Doctor is enough of a crackpot to actually do this

[Ilsa]

25. The Onion was my first thought, but then I realized

since it is Rand Paul, it could be true.

What a strange time we live in.

[Midnight Writer]

26. Just saw Rand on the FOX today, saying Covid is less dangerous than the flu and masks don't work

In fact, masks are dangerous because it makes people believe they are safe and they then engage in risky behavior, making them more likely to get sick.

Seems contradictory to me, but then I'm not a Board Certified Lunatic.

[niyad]

27. Had to actually look at the link, after his most recent insane rant.

[Smackdown2019]

28. Poor taste with photo shop!