DeSantis Locks Down Florida After Spread Of Covid Vaccination Gets Out Of Hand

[Zorro]

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Urging residents to stay in their homes and away from medical facilities, Governor Ron DeSantis locked down Florida Friday after the spread of Covid vaccinations got out of hand.

“With inoculation numbers skyrocketing across the Sunshine State, I have been forced the take the extreme measure of locking Florida down to combat the vaccine spread,” said DeSantis, explaining that until CDC data shows a sustained drop in the vaccination rate, all pharmacies and clinics would be mandated to close.

“I cannot stress enough the importance of wearing bicep coverings to protect yourself from Covid vaccines. Because if gone unchecked, the Moderna and Pfizer vaccine variants could end up saving the lives of thousands of Floridians. So, please be on your guard.”

At press time, DeSantis was encouraged by new evidence confirming that Florida’s life expectancy was steadily dropping.

https://www.theonion.com/desantis-locks-down-florida-after-spread-of-covid-vacci-1847572019

It's the Onion, folks...

[hlthe2b]

1. The onion knows how to strike a nerve, that's for sure....

[mucifer]

2. This is what my friend believes. She believes the vaccines caused the variant. To me this isn't

humor.

[Mad_Machine76]

8. Where did THAT idea come from?!

[Grokenstein]

12. Vladimir shakes head. "Is mystery," he sighs.

[Deuxcents]

3. Not funny

Weekly Covid update on my iPhone.. “ 151,760 new cases and 1727 more deaths. . SW Florida numbers” just this week. Just here in SW part of the state. This is just beyond madness.

[leftieNanner]

4. 1,727 deaths in one week??

And that's not the whole state?

OMG. Terrible.

We're struggling here in Southern Oregon too. Six new deaths yesterday. And that's a lot for our county.

Stay well, Deuxcents.

[Deuxcents]

13. No...

It was 151,000 new Covid cases.. not deaths. OMG.. I’m sorry if I’ve been misunderstood. Things are bad enough w/o this misinformation

[Sanity Claws]

5. Bicep coverings --The Onion wins again.

[ProfessorGAC]

6. While Funny, It's Not...

...grounded in real numbers.
There's no real change in slope of the line for vaxxes in Florida.
In the last 30 days, 1.3 million shots have been given, with 800,000 of those being 2nd doses, so adding to the fully vaxxed.
Over the first 8 or so months, the smoothed out average was around 1.52 million per month.
In the height of this massive outbreak, those still unvaxxed aren't exactly overwhelming supply.

[stillcool]

7. I knew immediately

sad.

[Shermann]

9. So a reasonable headline is the new absurdity

What a sad state of affairs.

[IronLionZion]

10. Florida needs to build a wall

until conservatives learn that a mask is kind of like a wall for your face to keep out those who want to kill you.

[cstanleytech]

11. DeSantis would first have to care about the people of Florida more than his career in politics

and we all know that is not going to actually ever happen.

[LetMyPeopleVote]

14. I love good satire

[krispos42]

15. This is satire... at the moment.

Which is scary...

[uponit7771]

16. LOL !!! this would happen too