General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsLakeArenal
(28,817 posts)Happy for all. What a great place the US can be.
hlthe2b
(102,276 posts)Perhaps they worked with a surrogate? I hadn't heard, if so.
I can't imagine better parents for these little newbies. Kudos!
TexasBushwhacker
(20,190 posts)samnsara
(17,622 posts)Budi
(15,325 posts)You 2 are going to have your hands full!!
(Put Anderson on speed dial)
WOW. What a happy day!
Beautiful pic.
Penny & Joey !!
Such a sweet family.
mopinko
(70,103 posts)Mr.Bill
(24,292 posts)My advice to anyone with twins: Shoot yourself, immediately.
Best of luck to the happy couple.
Retrograde
(10,136 posts)I remember my mother walking around the flat with one baby in each arm. I, of course, was a big help, being all of 3.5 years old.
They were only supposed to be one baby, and they're the only known twins on both sides of my family.
mopinko
(70,103 posts)my mom's only sibling, her brother, had 3 daughters, including the twins. also only twins known. her brother died young, and her folks both died w/in the next few years.
there was a cute pic of them on the mantle growing up. maybe that's what planted that idea, i dont know. they just seemed magic to me.
Pacifist Patriot
(24,653 posts)then I had my son and thanked the universe hourly that there was only one.
mopinko
(70,103 posts)i was pretty sure it was twins, but there was only 1 huge baby.
we suspect it was twins, but one died.
i was relieved when the ultrasound came back just 1, w that many kids already.
but i still get a twinge when i see twins. esp twin babies.
zeusdogmom
(994 posts)I would imagine there are also a few heads exploding in certain circles.
hamsterjill
(15,220 posts)Look at those faces!!! Complete and utter joy. Lucky little ones will be loved, cherished, challenged, nurtured, and adored.
SheltieLover
(57,073 posts)And such a beautiful name for their princess!
cilla4progress
(24,733 posts)being Sec Transportation and parent of newborn twins...
catrose
(5,066 posts)I hope Chasten isnt teaching this year!
femmedem
(8,203 posts)I've read somewhere that Chasten doesn't really care for the D.C. social scene, and I haven't read anywhere that he has gotten a new teaching job. It has got to be hard to uproot for someone else's career while giving up a job that you love. But he sure looks happy now!
elleng
(130,905 posts)interesting to learn their plans; anything's possible, of course.
I had a 'large' 1 bedroom apartment in SW DC, could accommodate infant twins + parents, but prolly wouldn't be satisfying for more than 2 years.
Recall how many grandparents are living?
Treefrog
(4,170 posts)Well, if both are working, I hope one or both get some time off!
msfiddlestix
(7,282 posts)My granddaughters has a gay father who is married. He and his partner had a friend who volunteered to be a surrogate and carry twins, fertilized by each them. Added to this, one of the fathers (who is the bio-father for both of my granddaughters) is American Iranian, and his partner is American Chinese. So their twin girls were not obviously identical twins, and each resemble completely their own bio-father. Their bio-mother is Caucasian. No particular resemblance in their features. As it happens, their girls and my granddaughter are 6 months apart in age. Now the 3 of them are 13.
Both worked in Silicon Valley, when the girls were born, and they hired a live in Nanny, until the girls were about 3 years old, then the one parent decided to be a stay at home dad, while going into Real Estate. So far that's worked out pretty well.
I expect Pete will be hiring a live in Nanny, but who knows. I don't see how he's going to be able to manage without one.
FM123
(10,053 posts)pazzyanne
(6,555 posts)Penelope and Joseph are lucky kiddos, to have two such loving parents. So happy for them!
They're tiny. So sweet.
brer cat
(24,565 posts)Congratulations and best wishes to them.
Bayard
(22,073 posts)Double the joy!
LizBeth
(9,952 posts)MoonRiver
(36,926 posts)calimary
(81,267 posts)Welcome to the world, little sweeties! Your parents are leading the way to change and evolution for the better - for us all.
Indykatie
(3,696 posts)NurseJackie
(42,862 posts)I hope they are braced for the attacks from the ugly anti-adoption brigade who were VERY HOSTILE to my announcement that my son and his husband had adopted. I'm sure DU isn't the only place where assholes like that exist... and with their high-profile, they're likely to have to endure a LOT of hatred.
StarfishSaver
(18,486 posts)Last edited Sat Sep 4, 2021, 06:04 PM - Edit history (1)
Who in the hell is anti-adoption?
OrangeJoe
(337 posts)I must admit your naiveté is kind of sweet, though at the same time I wonder if you have been keeping up with the news. We have a full third of this country that think god hates gays, wants to control women's bodies, thinks our nation is run by baby eating satanists, the election was stolen by a conspiracy of thousands of officials from both parties and Trump is actually still President or is going to be "reinstated" in August (oops too late for that.) Hold you nose and take a gander at the right wing websites. Hatred is their driving force and there is plenty of hate out there for Pete and Chasten.
StarfishSaver
(18,486 posts)She wasn't talking about homophobes on right wing websites. She was talking about anti-adoption types that came at her on DU.
Hassin Bin Sober
(26,328 posts)StevieM
(10,500 posts)Adoption doesn't give children a better life, it gives them a different life.
Sometimes that life may be better than it would have been, and it sometimes it is worse. It varies from person to person.
And I continue to hope that your son and his husband worked to establish an open adoption with a birth mother who clearly loved her child very much.
I don't believe it is hostile to your son to point out that a mother loves her child and that he deserves to have her in his life.
NurseJackie
(42,862 posts)Anyone who answers "no" to any of the above questions can STFU.
StarfishSaver
(18,486 posts)Because they've definitely showed up with bells on.
Jim G.
(14,811 posts)My Granddaughter's mother was adopted. She was able to find & make contact with her birth mother as an adult. She was more hurt discovering that she wasn't loved or wanted than she would have been had she never found her.
NurseJackie
(42,862 posts)... think it's their personal obligation to project their personal issues onto others, and make inappropriate comments and judgemental accusations, and unsolicited advice, along with broad-brushed insinuations based on their own sanctimonious and ignorant biases.
StarfishSaver
(18,486 posts)Only those involved in the adoption can judge - I don't understand all of these "experts" here pontificating about the choices and lives of people they don't know.
radical noodle
(8,000 posts)You're implying that you know more about their situation than they do. YOU.DO.NOT. You are taking a different situation of which you have personal knowledge and flipping it around to make it theirs.
radical noodle
(8,000 posts)It was appalling to see something like that here. How is the grandbaby doing now?
Politicub
(12,165 posts)Upthevibe
(8,051 posts)I'm so happy for the Buttigieg famil- A boy and a girl.
tblue37
(65,357 posts)Response to Mosby (Original post)
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PortTack
(32,767 posts)PortTack
(32,767 posts)cbabe
(3,541 posts)The Buttigiegs adopted them.
Texas is trying to wipe women off the earth.
DU can do better.
Meanwhile congrats to my hometown boys. Cheers!
kcr
(15,317 posts)Nothing wrong with the OP
mountain grammy
(26,621 posts)SunSeeker
(51,557 posts)kcr
(15,317 posts)are the problem in this world.
Response to kcr (Reply #38)
kcr This message was self-deleted by its author.
SunSeeker
(51,557 posts)How much of a "struggle" is it to spell the man's name correctly in the OP title?
kcr
(15,317 posts)SunSeeker
(51,557 posts)(Other than the OP who misspelled their family name)
kcr
(15,317 posts)This doesn't tend to happen nearly as often with other adoptive parents who aren't gay couples, which is why I find the concern over the birth mother a little too convenient.
SunSeeker
(51,557 posts)When I had my son, my husband never said he had the baby. And neither did Pete here. Pete said he and his husband "became parents." The OP should have used Pete's wording.
The wonderful, brave and self-sacrificing women who agree to artificial insemination for gay men to have their own biological children, or the women who give their babies up for adoption to gay couples, should be respected and acknowledged. And Pete did that with the way he worded his announcement. The OP, not so much.
kcr
(15,317 posts)People might now be confused and all, with the picture in the hospital bed
SunSeeker
(51,557 posts)And spelled his name correctly.
Words matter.
Mosby
(16,311 posts)Moebym
(989 posts)The OP accidentally switched two letters in Buttigieg and didn't correct it right away - that's all it is. People unintentionally mispronounce and misspell my first name - all four letters and one syllable of it - all of the time, and if I considered this the height of disrespect I'd be a miserable person indeed. It'd be a different matter if this were about a transwoman or man and the OP knowingly and deliberately used the wrong name and pronouns.
And one more thing - have you ever considered the possibility that the woman who made this sacrifice might not have wanted to be publicly acknowledged?
SunSeeker
(51,557 posts)All anyone is saying is use wording that does not erase the woman.
Pete did that with his wording. The OP should have used the wording in Pete's announcement.
kcr
(15,317 posts)Which you seem to be ignoring.
SunSeeker
(51,557 posts)Which you seem to be ignoring.
Response to SunSeeker (Reply #43)
pinkstarburst This message was self-deleted by its author.
SunSeeker
(51,557 posts)summer_in_TX
(2,738 posts)Unless it is to wonder if they too are dyslexic.
My students were often brilliant, but thought they were stupid because it was so hard to do what came easily for most students. The brightest were often the most frustrated, even angry. Everyone of them had been shamed for their spelling, often by teachers.
SunSeeker
(51,557 posts)summer_in_TX
(2,738 posts)Certainly there's a lot of pointing it out, often publicly and managing to convey disapproval.
As a good speller (but not a perfect one) I probably did at one time myself. Poor spelling is not a sign of inferior intellect. Quite often they're brilliant. Dyslexics just have a weak visual memory for print and difficulty sequencing speech sounds. Weak in 2-dimensional processing, much stronger in 3-D thinking (right side of the brain). So many of them have other gifts.
I never know if a misspelling is a transposition from writing in a hurry, a "smart" phone changing the spelling after the writer has checked it and pressed Send, a homophone mistake (my personal bane), or a spelling mistake because of dyslexia. But any which way it happens, if I have a chance to help in private I will. Otherwise I overlook spelling. I'm always grateful when folks overlook my errors when I've posted something I've dictated to Siri and thought I've checked, only to press Send and then catch a mistake.
Response to summer_in_TX (Reply #106)
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StevieM
(10,500 posts)The woman had twins. The Buttigieg family adopted them.
It seems extremely likely that the mother loves her children very much, but was unable to parent at this time. I hope Pete and Chasten do the right thing and have an open adoption.
kcr
(15,317 posts)Those of you who feel the desperate need to fly into this thread and point out that the happy couple adopted aren't being as subtle as you think you are. Not even a little bit. And you aren't going to put a damper on anyone's happiness no matter how hard you try. Go cry.
StevieM
(10,500 posts)Many of them were in dire circumstances and forced to accept a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
And I can promise you that I would be saying the exact same thing if Pete Buttigieg was a straight man with a wife. If you are implying that I have a problem with gay marriage then you are completely mistaken. I have a problem with the entire system of adoption as it currently exists in the country.
kcr
(15,317 posts)I don't think I'm mistaken, because I'm fully aware of the systemic issues regarding adoption and their relation to poverty, and the pressures on birth mothers. None of that excuses the behavior occurring in this thread.
StevieM
(10,500 posts)You most definitely are mistaken if you think that the sexual orientation of the child's adoptive parents has anything to do with my viewpoint. I have posted on the issue of adoption many times over the years, and I have said similar things on many occasions.
kcr
(15,317 posts)Maybe consider targeting your activism in a broader scope, if you don't want anyone ascribing an agenda you don't actually have. Learn to read a room. Why should I believe you, but not the other DUers attacking this thread?
StarfishSaver
(18,486 posts)StarfishSaver
(18,486 posts)I assume that the Buttigieg's know full well - better than anyone here - the right thing to do by their child and will do it.
SunSeeker
(51,557 posts)StevieM
(10,500 posts)Last edited Sat Sep 4, 2021, 08:49 PM - Edit history (1)
The woman is almost certainly a loving mother who was unable to parent at this time.
I hope it is an open adoption.
ShazzieB
(16,396 posts)Unless you know that woman personally (and very, very well, I might add), there is no way you can possibly know what kind of mother she MIGHT have been if she had made a different choice, or how she feels about the adoption. You (like everyone else here) know absolutely nothing about her, other than that she has a (presumably still) working uterus.
I'm not sloppy sentimental about adoption (or much of anything else, lol), but I know there are many adoptions that work out well for everyone concerned, and that it can be a great choice for some people. It's true that the adoption system in this country is not perfect, but I know too many people it's worked well for to immediately jump to possibly wildly inaccurate conclusions about the birth mother's motivations or how she feels about her choice.
Please go find another parade to rain on and let the rest of us celebrate Pete's and Chasten's happiness in peace.
StevieM
(10,500 posts)I don't believe adoption works out great for too many birth mothers.
The adoption system in this country isn't just imperfect, it is downright disastrous.
You talk about the people you know who it has worked well for, but I actually know birth mothers who had to live with the pain of losing their child.
mdelaguna
(471 posts)A surrogacy isnt the same as adoption. We have two kids from surrogacy. Both times our surrogate chose us, for being a surrogate- something she loved doing. And she became a friend and partner. There is a whole subculture of US surrogates who love doing this. Rules of the arrangement usually stipulate that they are a) financially secure to begin with, and b) already have their own kids. Some women love the experience in its many, complex dimensions.
Ms. Toad
(34,072 posts)Did they adopt them, or are they (or one of them) biological parents?
It is pretty much universally assumed that when a lesbian bears a child it is her biological child (usually, but not always, true), and nearly as universally assumed that when a gay man has a child he bears no biological relationship to it (also usually, but not always true).
FWIW - I'm a lesbian mom, whose daughter knows her (formerly anonymous) biological father. I would also have beeen thrilled to be a surrogate (and would not have expected to be expressly acknowledged in the announcement of the person/people for whom I was a surrogate becoming parents. I'm pretty sure I would have felt the same way had I given a child up for adoption.
Families come in all sizes and shapes - it is fantastic when all of the parties involved in bearing and raising a child can be acknowledged and play whatever role the child/ren want in their lives. My daughter knows her biological father, his wife, her three half-siblings, and a bunch of extended famlly - after making the connection through 23 & me. I'm grateful the technology exists so that she can know them in the present. But we didn't, at the time of her birth, expresssly call out her biological father.
And gay male coples choosing to bring children into their families is still relativley uncommon - and something to be celebrated - probably about the same prevalence as when my wife and I had our daughter 31 years ago (we were on the earlier end of the lesbian baby boom). This event does not necessariy require media giving media attention to the woman who helped them accomplish that goal.
SunSeeker
(51,557 posts)When I had my son, my husband never said he had the baby. And neither did Pete here. Pete said he and his husband "became parents." The OP should have used Pete's wording.
The wonderful, brave and self-sacrificing women who agree to artificial insemination for gay men to have their own biological children should be respected and acknowledged.
Ms. Toad
(34,072 posts)and people used the same phrase (she had a baby) referring to my wife.
(I don't know if there was surrogacy involved - or whether it was an adopton. I have not seen any announcement either way. People seemed to be assuming it was adoption.)
meadowlander
(4,395 posts)A woman gave birth. Fathers "have children" every day of the week. My brother "has" two daughters. Am I supposed to say "My sister-in-law had two daughters and my brother is parenting them because of his biological link to them"?
There's nothing disrespectful about saying that men have children even if they didn't physically go into labor. Couples say "we're pregnant" or "we're trying to get pregnant" all the time, where it's even more obvious that it's the woman who is technically pregnant.
Pete and Chasten are pledging the entire rest of their lives to raise and care for these kids. They had twins.
SunSeeker
(51,557 posts)Pete did not say they "had twins." Pete chooses his words wisely, for a reason.
meadowlander
(4,395 posts)Or are you seriously arguing that I can't say my brother has two daughters because that's disrespectful to his wife who gave birth to them?
SunSeeker
(51,557 posts)You're not announcing your brother "had" (i.e. gave birth to) a baby.
Just like it would not have been disrespectful for the OP to say "the Buttigiegs have twins!" But instead, the OP said the Buttigiegs "had twins!" , rather than how Pete described the birth of the twins, and thus erased the involvement of a woman from the process of the birth of a baby.
With what is going on in Texas, we should be a little more thoughtful about how we use our language with regard to reproduction. Pete certainly is.
riverwalker
(8,694 posts)Theyve been on a waiting list, they almost had a baby in July but birth mother changed her mind during labor. Theyve spoken of being on the waiting list and disappointed at the last minute.
StevieM
(10,500 posts)A pregnant woman is not a birth mother, even if an adoption plan is in the works. She is an expectant mother, and then she is the new mom. She does not become the birth mother until the child is born and the papers are signed.
Music Man
(1,184 posts)FreeState
(10,572 posts)Boomerproud
(7,952 posts)Unbelievable the "sensitivity " of some folks. Time for a break.
FreeState
(10,572 posts)Issue thats been brought up many many times and there is no desire to fix unfortunately by those that could. Bias is harmful always - even if it passes community standards.
I was wondering myself if they had a surrogate or if the children were adopted. Can you post where you read the kids were adopted (as opposed to having a surrogate)?
cbabe
(3,541 posts)My earlier point seems to be misconstrued.
Adoption, surrogate, sex or sexuality of parents, etc. all not my point.
The point is women give birth. And should be acknowledged, not ignored, grammatically or in actuality. Seems to be a hard concept for some reason.
Secondly, I, too, celebrated the adoptions in my previous post. Pete has always been my best hometown guy.
Done for now.
elleng
(130,905 posts)Born and living in DC? I wonder.
ananda
(28,860 posts)Happy smiley
Response to Mosby (Original post)
SunSeeker This message was self-deleted by its author.
Jilly_in_VA
(9,971 posts)Happy for them. They will have their hands full, certainly, but it's a double joy. And the little ones will grow up loved and protected and happy, I'm sure.
Hekate
(90,686 posts)Heartfelt congratulations from this old couple.
Moebym
(989 posts)Congratulations to them both!
GoCubsGo
(32,083 posts)"Truman and Buddy got a sister and a brother!!!" But seriously, congratulations to the entire family!
Treefrog
(4,170 posts)Tiger8
(432 posts)Wow, just the look on their faces, I can tell they're going to be great fathers.
Thanks for posting!!
secondwind
(16,903 posts)tblue37
(65,357 posts)markie
(22,756 posts)Botany
(70,504 posts)Those twins will be bathed in love, snuggles, and
learning. Look for Papa Joe and Mama Jill to make those kids part of their family too.
America despite the rights efforts is becoming a better
place.
ShazzieB
(16,396 posts)I love these guys, and I know they have what it takes to be great fathers. That little boy and girl will have the kind of life all kids deserve: surrounded by love!
Congratulations, Pete and Chasten! God bless these 2 little angels, and thank you, birth mom, for making this possible!
MustLoveBeagles
(11,611 posts)RicROC
(1,204 posts)Is Joseph a family name or named after Joseph Biden?
Love the name Penelope.
For some reason, I don't pronounce August like Aw-gust but Ow-goost´. Just seems to fit a Maltese surname.
ShazzieB
(16,396 posts)I also noticed that his initials spell a word:
J oseph
A ugust
B uttigieg
JAB!
I'm absolutely sure it's a coincidence, but I love that the little guy's initials sound like a reminder to get vaxxed!
Crepuscular
(1,057 posts)Both Pete's Dad and his Grandfather were named Joseph.
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)So happy for them, but they are going to have their hands full! How sweet!
Response to Mosby (Original post)
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