"A lot of people may be confused about Texas and why the women don't just use birth control..."
Last edited Sun Sep 5, 2021, 07:48 PM - Edit history (1)
Link to tweet
A lot of people may be confused about Texas and why the women don’t just use birth control, so I’d like to talk about my personal experience in this state to give some insight; first of all, Texas teaches abstinence only sex education. Purity culture reigns supreme.
long thread, continued here: https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1434557502272724995.html
Rest of thread:
The idea is that if you have sex as a female you are unclean and lose your worth in the eyes of male suitors, and god. Your dad may even take you to purity balls where you promise him, in a room full of other dads, not to have sex with any man until you’re married.
You may be thinking that this sounds like a period piece, some movie set in the 1500’s depicting how women should behave, until they are sold into marriage by their father. Honestly, this is very much a holdover from that era. Our religious indoctrination will also enforce this.
The high school/ middle school Bible study classes will be divided by sex, this is the first time our classes aren’t coed. The female classes are heavily reliant on the ideals of being sexually chaste. How birth control is basically for dirty women. Good girls don’t have sex.
Our middle school will have actors come on stage during assembly meetings to rap (yes literally rap) about not having sex and waiting for marriage because of god. The girls who have sex are depicted as worthless.
From almost every angle, our sexuality is demonized, our education, our religion, and our parents… the only people not demonizing our sexuality is boys, and older male creeps. They pressure us relentlessly. They aren’t educated on birth control, and they aren’t ashamed.
The coercion, begging, pressure, and eventual sexual assault are part of a purity culture female’s right of passage. TW: rape. My first boyfriend begged to just be able to touch it, and after days of begging and fighting him off of me I finally allowed him to.
He escalated the situation, soon he inside me with me crying, begging him to stop, until he completed inside of me, and apologized. I ran to the bathroom, and punched myself in the stomach, scared I was pregnant, and everyone would know I was unclean. I was 13.
I knew it was all my fault, I tempted him, I allowed him to touch me, I should have left, I should have fought harder, I should have dressed more conservatively. Based on my education, I internalized my own sexual assault. I clung to him after that. You’d think I’d leave, but no.
See I was taught that because I had sex, no other man would want me. David had to be my husband, David had to stay with me no matter what. Even after he raped me, repeatedly. Even after he cheated on me. Even after he got addicted to drugs.
Even after I found stories about grooming and raping minors on his computer. I thought I could fix him, I thought I could save him. I told his parents expecting them to help me save him, but they denied he had ever done anything wrong, and accused me of corrupting him.
Eventually, I ended up attempting suicide. In the hospital one of my friends visited me and showed me David’s online journal, where he chronicled everything he had done to me, and more importantly how funny it was to him.
The last line was “I don’t know why I can’t just let her go, it’s not because I love her, I guess it’s just because she’s so stupid she always comes back.”
I finally left him after that. I decided I’d rather be alone forever than stay with him.
I was released from the hospital and the next day sold his game systems to game stop, where I met a nice guy, who was interested in me. I finally realized I had been lied to, and that men will find you attractive, even if you have had sex.
It wasn’t until I was in my 20’s that I realized how much trauma purity culture had put me through. I put all of the blame on David, and myself, for years. The truth is that the system was never designed to stop girls from having sex…
It was to shame them and punish them when they did. The goal wasn’t to stop teenage pregnancy, the goal was to control, subjugate, and demonize us. The goal was to make us internalize misogyny and loathe ourselves.
How many school classes teach boys not to rape, not to beg, not to cause damage? None. How many classes taught us how to use birth control, and gave it away for free? None. How many parents helped us to accept safe sex and an alternative? None.
All of the pressure is on young, impressionable female children. They are brainwashed. They are submerged in a culture that breaks them down. And now, they will be forced to carry shame pregnancies to term. They will be forced to raise babies when they are babies themselves.
Innocence lost forever…
eta: for what it's worth, I invited Jessica to join us in the discussion.
= new reply since forum marked as read
I think designer's is probably as correct as designers (as it would be possessive in this context), but really it should be designer clothes 
Sorry, just couldn't help myself. I'm on a roll tonight!
Glad you got help. I am a man and I was sexually abused when I was 3 to 5 years old by a close male relative. I suppressed the memories and almost ruined my whole life.
It took me 40 years of living in a self loathing depressive hell, abusing drugs and alcohol, drifting aimlessly, not fulfilling my real potential, being homophobic, using females, and hating myself before I was able to really remember what happened. I was very lucky that 30 years ago I found a caring loving partner who has given me the ability to admit it was not my fault, deal with it and heal.
I'll never regain the lost years, but I am healing - it will take the rest of my life and I will never fully recover - anxiety and severe depression never really go away - thanks to her love.
On edit - also so glad I ditched the Catholic Church , Christianity and all organized religion when I was 17. I am now a proud spiritual agnostic. In my world and experience at least, Jesus didn't heal, he made it worse.
It's tough but we are survivors. In a weird way the pain and trauma has made me a more compassionate person for those that deserve it.
Conservatives are not welcome in my world either, since Rush and the Religious Right militarized political debate in the early 1990's.
This Texas overreach is a prime example why. But they are going to pay for it in the long run. Big time. I think this is a game changer for 2022 and beyond - like SS, a Woman's right to choose is a third rail in politics that polarize a lot of otherwise laid back people. And unlike the 1990's I believe the majority of today's women (and men) are really fired up and pissed off about it, and will show up at the polls.
Take care and look forward to seeing you around.
Guilt, fear, retribution. Oh, they say it's about love and forgiveness, but it's always about control. They don't want you to ask questions. Just believe what they say and everything will be fine. 
It's no wonder all religions are patriarchal in nature. After all, when the bigger, stronger men are in charge, those weak, frail women will be protected. They're man's property, and men will always protect their property, right?
Unless they're tired of that property. If it's become old, worn and it's usefulness as an affectation of his virility isn't quite what it used to be......well, they might jettison that bit of property in favor of some newer, shinier piece of.....property.
I'm a man, and it took many years of observation and self-realization to come to this conclusion. I certainly wasn't the first to realize this. Other men had written about it, defined it, but until you feel it as being true, until you actually see it in yourself, you don't really believe it.
Men are taught to act this way. Certainly not all men, but the vast majority are, from birth. Just like the woman who penned this article was taught what her place in society should be. And it's wrong. It's all wrong.
Some parents are teaching their children differently now, and that's a must if we're to change the way men and women perceive each other. Too many parents are totally neglecting this. That's why we have incels, proud boys, and so many other misguided young people in the world.
The first thing that should be done is to revise or totally ignore religion, because that's where it starts for many young people. Adults must make the changes in themselves to begin with, then it can be taught to future generations.
If things don't change, I'm afraid I don't see a very bright future for people on this planet.
it was job/money related for her and the husband
they had a little girl.
i never understood what the fucking attraction was--they certainly could have landed equally good jobs elsewhere.
and to think they went from the chicago area mindset to possibly living around something like that?
we weren't close. haven't talked in decades
I taught high school Health and PE. Kids tend to open up to us, because we're in more personal contact with them, so I dealt with this stuff both in and out of class. I used to tell them in Health class when I introduced our Sex Ed curriculum that they should be happy we weren't in Texas, because they basically have a few days of a teacher saying, "DON'T HAVE SEX!!!!!" A lot of them didn't believe me. I also NEVER took a day off while I was teaching this, because I was damned if I was going to let a sub I didn't know come in and fuck with their minds or demean them. I had to have parental permission for them to be in the class, but NEVER had an issue with that. People don't want to talk to their kids about sex.
Now, here in Nevada, Sex Ed IS abstinence based and I had no problem telling them that if their goal was to not get pregnant, or contract an STI, then abstinence was the only way to insure that. Everything else had a failure rate. BUT, they also got the most current information on reliable birth control, where to obtain it, how to use it, what the efficacy was, etc. I also used to tell them what to "watch out" for, and that it usually started with "Don't worry, baby...". "I'll pull out in time." No, he can't. "I'll only put it in a little." No, he won't. (Yeah, they're still using those lines
) For the guys..."I'm on the pill" or "I'm on the patch". How do you know?" Are you there when she takes that pill? When did she change that patch last? I also started the program with a review on just how to make GOOD decisions
I've noticed a HUGE difference in the kids' attitudes towards this in the last few years. More and more of them are opting to delay sex, but not for any "religious" or "moral" teaching. They have goals. They want to do something with their lives, and they know nothing will get in the way of their goals faster that an unwanted pregnancy. Of course, that can also because I told them that, oh, about every day. They've also seen their moms, sisters, aunts, etc. get pregnant and abandoned and they don't want that for themselves.
I've never been able to understand why people think the way to solve any problem is ignorance. When I had a parent who expressed any concerns, I went over the curriculum with them, assured them it was abstinence based, BUT, we both know how tough it is to teach your kid how to drive, right? So, seriously...who would you rather teach your kid to drive? One of their 16 year old friends, or a qualified instructor?
Just for grins, I used to use this video in class. I think this guy taught in Louisiana, or someplace where Sex Ed consisted of "Don't have sex!" They loved it.
