Abbott Considering Other Measures to Prevent People from Ever Setting Foot in Texas

[Rhiannon12866]

AUSTIN (The Borowitz Report)—Texas Governor Greg Abbott said that he was “actively considering” additional measures to prevent people from wanting to ever set foot in the state.

Although he acknowledged that new laws banning most abortions, restricting voting, and allowing citizens to carry a gun without a permit or training would dissuade many from visiting Texas, Abbott said that “there’s more we can do.”

“Maybe we pass a law that says when you have to go to bed every night, or when you’re allowed to use a hair dryer,” he said. “We need to put our thinking caps on.”

“Just spitballing here, but what if we mandated that every visitor to Texas got bitten by a dog or poked with a stick of some kind?” he said. “I’ll be damned if that wouldn’t do the trick.”

Even as he works overtime thinking up with new ideas to alienate potential visitors to Texas, he admitted he was surprised that anyone still wanted to come. “Honestly, I thought me being Governor would be enough to keep people out,” he said.


Short article, no more at link: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/abbott-considering-other-measures-to-prevent-people-from-ever-setting-foot-in-texas



Photograph by Jabin Botsford / The Washington Post / Getty

[SheltieLover]

1. One place I've never wanted to visit.

Borowitz should have included or do business with companies in that hellhole state.

[Rhiannon12866]

2. I think this is already happening, I've seen lists of companies for planned boycotts

And I'd have to include Florida on my list, considering the Covid rate there now. But there are those in my neck-of-the-woods who are still planning to head there as soon as the weather turns cold, on Sunday I talked with a very nice woman who is still planning to head back there next month.

[SheltieLover]

15. Wow!

Does she know?



Glad boycots are starting!

Really should be all these hellhole red states.

[Rhiannon12866]

19. She must know, my friend who works in the ER and was the first I knew to get the vaccine told me

And I haven't seen her elderly Dad at any meeting since. I have no idea what's up with him, I just hope he's not ill.

[SheltieLover]

26. Boggles my mind!

Glad you have the sense to stay away!

[Diamond_Dog]

7. I second that!

I’ve never had any desire to visit Texas, either.

[SheltieLover]

17. ...

[Rebl2]

14. Another would be

FL, MO, KS, IA, MT, and on and on. Unfortunately I live in one of them.

[SheltieLover]

20. Sorry to hear

Me, too. TN.

[Glorfindel]

3. I had to change planes in Houston once

I made sure not to eat or drink anything or touch any dirt, so I don't consider I have ever been in T***s at all. It will certainly never be a destination for me.

[2naSalit]

9. I've been to Texas many times over many years...

My main objective upon arrival was to get the hell out, every time.

[SheltieLover]

23. I can only imagine!

[2naSalit]

28. And that's all I have to say about that.

[SheltieLover]

30. ...

[SheltieLover]

22. Lol

Sounds like something I would do.

[LakeArenal]

4. Yeee Haw. My ma frum TexArkAnna. 2nd youngest of 15.

All racists to the core. I hated visiting Texas.

(All the women died from complications from Alzheimer’s. I think it’s been a Texas plot.)

[NotASurfer]

5. You know how states have those "Welcome to..." signs at the border?

Abbot's motto would probably be "Welcome it Texas - We don't like your kind in our state, so GIT!"

[Rhiannon12866]

8. That would do it!

You should mail in the suggestion!

[nocoincidences]

11. I lived in Texas for 20 years.

I saw bumper stickers that said: Welcome to Texas! Now go home.

Another one said: We are guarding the wrong river.

[UTUSN]

6. K&R for, coals to Newcastle!

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

10. The only time I've been in Texas is changing planes in DFW

Assholes like Abbott are a disincentive to want to ever go there.

[niyad]

12. It is a sad commentary when one actually has to check to see if it is Borowitz

or The Onion first.

[SheltieLover]

24. Or true!

[niyad]

13. Lived there twice. Once was not my fault. .military. second was a bad choice. Been

invited back a number of times. HELLLLL NO !!!!

[Moebym]

16. I've never set foot in Texas

Not even on a layover.

With these new laws in place, chances are I never will.

[AverageOldGuy]

18. Memo to Abutt:

Just secede, will you. Let anyone who wishes to leave. Then secede. We will remove all military installations, all US Post Offices, all Medicare, Medicaid, Obamacare, anything associated with the US Government. Just go away.

[ffr]

21. I got half way through that before thinking, wait a minute.

[AZLD4Candidate]

25. I knoq it'a Borowitz, but after their secession fantasies, I believe the TX GOP would do anything

[Rebl2]

29. At this point I

wish they would secede. Then don’t allow the citizens the money they have paid in to social security and no Medicare of course. Don’t be asking us to help after a hurricane destroys your “new country” or you have another big freeze like last winter. Nope. Don’t be asking for any help from the USA.

[dchill]

31. We should sell Texas to Donald Trump...

...or give it back to Mexico.

[gab13by13]

27. Had to work in Waco several times,

way too hot. Went to a Baylor baseball game and almost got tossed for claiming the mascot was a cow and not a bear. It turns out it was a cow, Chick-fil-a was a sponsor. The rest of the time I ate some gator tail and drank a lot of Guiness at Buzzard Billy's.

[Bo Zarts]

32. "The Worst Person in the World" (channelling Keith Olberman)

I am the DUer who used to be DemoTex, and I say that the best things to come out of Texas are I-10 and I-20.

[Rhiannon12866]

35. Oh, I remember both you and KO!

I've never been to Texas, myself - the closest I came was a plane change in Atlanta, when I was flying from here in New York to see my grandmother in North Carolina!

[MurrayDelph]

33. Three years ago,

we drove cross-country and back (along different routes). On the way back, when we were going to go from New Orleans to Colorado, we drove an extra 200 miles out of way to avoid going through Texas.

[Ilsa]

34. I wish he'd wake up one morning to find that

the wheels on his wheelchair were square. You know, something to make his life a tad more difficult.

[dickthegrouch]

36. Problem is, it's getting difficult to go anywhere without hitting a red state

Can't fly through
DFW, or HOU because Texas
MIA because FL
SLC because mormons
DEN because antigay
There's only PHX and MSP remaining.

If I want to go to South America I'll have to go through LAX and Panama

And yes my Kayak account is coded not to route me through all the above (except LAX).

[Wounded Bear]

37. Been to Texas once or twice. Basically changed planes in DFW airport. That was enough...nt